I don't effing know what's wrong -
My brain's a mess just like this song;
I sing to the beat and I play this game,
Will I always be the effing same?

I don't like the person I pretend to be,
But **** truth is, I don't even know me,
Changed and shaped by all around
(Without them, I'd be heaven-bound).

Or would I be in hell with Satan?
Cause unless I am mistaken,
My soul is twisted, my heart is cracked.
I just need an effing smack!

These evil thoughts that plague my mind
Take the truth and mix in lies.
I'd take a sponge and scrub them raw,
Remove every thought, but naw,

I'm cursed to live in indecision,
Going on without precision,
Wondering do I have a mission,
Cracking in my heart this fission!

What the eff is wrong with me?
I keep on hoping to believe
That who's saying all this ****
Is only me, and that's it.

I never thought I'd break my heart o'er a man,
But now daddy's death -- well, it can.
No one loved me like my dad did,
No one loved my dad as I did.

Now see, he weren't my real daddy,
But I know this, he ought to be.
It was more than music which born us close.
Whatter was? I don't quite know.

I met him for the love of music,
At that time, only for music.
I'd play and learn, and when not,
I'd put off lessons so I want caught.

But something grew there somehow
My teacher said, "Don't pay no more."
I didn't pay, and I didn't play,
At least not for me, but him.

Dont get me wrong, I loved my banjo,
But more I loved his smile so,
When I played, it were t'make him proud.
He always smiled, even when I failed.

Then one day he said, "I got this disease,
Wrecks my body - it's called CRP.
Can't move my arm no more at all,
Can't play that banjo on the wall.

So dear daughter, I want you to take
My banjo and play it for my sake."
It were't a beautiful banjo from head to neck
And sounded true in every fret.

So I took his picker and he my heart
Though it was his from the start.
I had no dad and him no daughter.
I think we was made for th'otter.

But work came, and college, too.
I saw him fewer, fewer, few.
I didn't write, I didn't call,
I barely played for him at all.

When I came back, he smiled his smile
"Hello, dear daughter, it's been awhile. "
We couldn't hug like old because
His body wasn't what it was.

I played for him, but played all wrong,
I messed up song and song and song,
"I'm sorry dad, I'm really rusty,
Life has kept me way too busy."
Although in my heart I knew,
It weren't completely true.

"I missed you daughter, it's okay,
You'll play better this next Saturday."
He smiled and laughed when it was said.
But it weren't true. Tuesday he was dead.

I met him for the love of music.
Loved music for the love of him.
But now that my dad is gone,
How will I ever play again?

There's this voice inside my head
Spilling thoughts of hate and dread
For all the loving people dead
I do not follow but I am lead

Curling up into a ball
Wishing I could stop it all
Others erected this wall
And I can't seem to make it fall

Unhappy with my curse
I reach and cry and make it worse
Silence gets me nowhere of course
Yet neither does my desp'rate verse

I don't believe in despair
But life just seems so **** unfair
With such my luck, I swear
I can't just say "laissez faire"

But **** this all, I won't lie
All I touch goes awry
So ev'ry day I end by
Hanging my head with a sigh

ive always written in rhyme
if not at least meter
but right now my hearts as broken as my words

just as my friends who disappeared
betrayed my love or blocked me
they ripped out peices of my heart

so too have they ripped away my meter
my puntuation, grammar

i thought id get used to the pain
but i was wrong
these words still hurt your eyes

You say the world is led by fate
For you it's either give or take
You live once and that's the end

There's no proof my God is real
You believe I live on "feel"
Facts and science are your proof

So let me try and play your game
My evidence is just the same
Except I include reason

Something always had to be
To create it all, you see
And set things in motion

It's true that I cannot say
That MY god made things this way
But I'm not a fool to do so

Self-interest helps us survive
But God gives us better lives
And a reason to hope

So even if it's all in vain
At least it eases the pain
And "better safe than sorry!"

My wings once were clipped
My skin once was ripped
Presently on my chest
Only the scars are left.

The lock has been broken
The door has been opened
The chains have decayed
The rope has been frayed.

You’d think I’d fly free
But I can't - you see,
My heart is long aged
So instead I stay caged.

You can't see it
But my face is washed with tears
You can't hear it
But my heart is breaking in two
You can't feel it
But I'm loosing all my strength
You don't know it
But I'm not as strong and happy as I pretend to be.

Those stains on the pillow
Are made by tears
Those drawings in that book
Are inspired by sadness
Those messes on the floor
Are made by stress
And the hate in my heart
Is made by loneliness.

They say when you're down, they only way is up
But what if this pit is bottomless?