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Oct 2023 · 225
To a Sad thought
Iljano lepelblad Oct 2023
With the chain i sit here
Looking everywhere
Wishing to escape the fate
I have been  
Planted on this Earth but never taken care of

Almost being cut off
By the very root of my pain
I now sit here with two
Sprouting free
Wishing them to be
one day, a better me

The only thing that ever mattered
Was love to start
Wishes to be kept
Hate put aside
And standing free
That was all the life promises
But then crashed on that one day
Being touched

By the negativity
And losing the very soul
Of my existence
Black and faded are now my colors
Like the holloween in me
The nightmare only comes
Once and then is Gone
Just like we SAY
It is what it is

Try being me
Can you sense my pain
Can you read through the lines
Of wasted spaces
#twofriends #Pastpresent #New life
Jun 2023 · 83
Iljano lepelblad Jun 2023
Here i stand once more, wishing and hoping for more, happy with myself and yet missing that one, space, that one place, that's hidden inside.
The flow of life seems slow, seems not there, seems gone...
Again here i stand waiting and walking, moving on with life alone and just at peace, but yet not complete...
Missing is not what it is, wanting is not what it is...
Searching just adapt to the moment and searching in the present and the future...
Only if you understand will i take you , or will i ask you...
If not , searching that is all i can say searching , i hope and pray we meet just that one moment...
Till then searching just not missing...
Self love and hope
Jun 2023 · 86
Iljano lepelblad Jun 2023
The life that one knows, is not as it always seems.
A moment can be done in a second,
an hour,
maybe a day or
just maybe a year, if you feel any sense of being aware,
you know this to be true, that it is just the life that you know,
But again passing you by can be a second, feel as a day, feeling as a month and just maybe flying by like a year, but still just a moment in time.
A moment in your life...
So see the reborn you have in a moment, a day,a year or maybe

Inner thoughts about how life is different for each an everyone of us
Aug 2021 · 172
So again
Iljano lepelblad Aug 2021
So again

So again i sit and wait for life to make some sense, how my feelings have become dull, sitting and staring for life to piece it self together, how emotions seem to flow like water down a stream whilenat the end there is no pond for it to be collected or saved, falling of the edge and into the sunset for one last colorfull scene...
Jul 2020 · 118
Iljano lepelblad Jul 2020
Life is unexpected and life can be cool, depending on your perception don't see it as a fool, unwise or irrational are words we commonly find cruel, of a world which holds no tools,not for the negative, not for the positive and not even for the neutral, depending on the mindset of a body which can be trained or tainted , a soul which is lost or a soul which is found we all stand on hollow ground no matter what the place and no matter what the thought life can be cool or unexpected, as it guides you through the fog which will one day be lifted and the flames of fire which one day will be put out, such is the way to walk no matter your conception or though of life, you will be placed in a grave and one day be lifted as God has said, to which we come back to , life is cool but sometimes really unexpected.
Happy moments in life should not be taken for granted was the inspiration behind this
Jun 2020 · 111
As is
Iljano lepelblad Jun 2020
As is your heart is the starter, your body is the mover, and your soul the motivator.
As is your mind the placer of thought and deed,
so is yourself the chooser.

Knowing ones self is the center of all knowledge
knowing once self brings you the peace which is as is.
As is sun to darkness
As is sadness to happiness
so is the time and space where one can become as one is,
choosing will lead to either destruction or salvation
life notes
Jun 2020 · 156
Why i write
Iljano lepelblad Jun 2020
Why i write

This i write out of my own well being, the moment to share and to stay alive, i have been and always be me in my sense, the world will never understand all of me or try to, that is how it was made to be, the strong survive, the weak die. living in a world where nothing makes sense to you can be a drain and be a bad trip to another life, feelings of ill and feelings of regret, subduing you with ever step forward, ever step back feels like a mile, every thought  becomes a radical illusion, i don't  do poetry because of the fun i get from it or because it is great, its my way of knowing the facts or real emotions being placed in writing, making a world where a viewer can try to understand the real feeling behind it.

Why i write

As day turns clear, when day gets dark, when your mind is open or when it is closed, everything makes sense or no sense at all, words make a time of feeling worth seeing and feeling, take it from the seeds of a tree there are no big impacts when it is planed, but as small as it is the longer is grows the bigger the impact, as is life to us all, take note now or lose yourself,
write now or lose the inspiration or stay silent and never speak again. you decide your fate...

Why i write....
Self healing
Jun 2020 · 84
i wish
Iljano lepelblad Jun 2020
I wish there was a time to escape to a better place,
and how to engrave your name in stone in a heart that spreads stones like along the river bed, cause in all of this pain i can seek, a stream a place to few your name like a memory forever and so i speak with a full heart i'd love to be there again, loved to love again, love to feel that again, but for now i just wish....
love is priceless if you have it keep it safe
Jun 2020 · 126
self conflict
Iljano lepelblad Jun 2020
Self conflicted and disturbed, all thoughts pass through my mind with vengeance and misery, trying to control this hate growing inside and killing all part of emotion like a scythe through the grass and a flame eating away the dryness of this life, never knowing the pain and guild that was inflicted to ones mind and soul.
I am a hate breather, negative eater and just all parts of chaos that make all the more sense in a world which only knows conflict and has no brain, pondering why things are as they are, are not questions to be asked in this world, do so and be branded to unknown one, for now and always... A negative eater and wishful peace of mind is a complexity of the wise and a curse to the unknown one...
controle the anger
May 2020 · 95
Darkness awakens
Iljano lepelblad May 2020
What was asleep is now awake,
What once would hide in the dark is back yet again, i did not want it awake, i wanted it to stay away but the more i tried, the stronger it got

Now wings burn once more, lights dim down and it all starts again,
Darkness awakens when that part of your heart gets hurt or lost in a war of feelings and pain, the suffering starts again.

I wanted it different, i wanted to be whole but seems you where the key to open that door yet again in my life, i could hate you, i could mentaly rip you from my mind,
But darkness has awaken again
When anger takes over
Mar 2020 · 144
When words End
Iljano lepelblad Mar 2020
Knowing and feeling that it will all end, is maby far fetched, but maby there is some truth to it,
All i can say is,
When words end its clear as day and as silent as night.
When words no longer matter, when words have no more mening behind it ,no more emotion, no more weight and no more reason.

It clear as day and silent as night.
That your heart has stopped.
Jan 2020 · 136
Iljano lepelblad Jan 2020
What starts like a seed, can become a ****.
What starts as a conversation, can become an argument.
What starts as love can become hate...
Just like life starts with being born, it ends in death...

The same as taking thee with sugar, thats how all things start, the first step, becomes your last...


Will you start now or keep far away, its everywhere, believe it or dont...
Be the judge of your life, be the blood that pumps through you, become the human you know you are...

Be less afraid and start...

Addict to life...
Comming from a safe place and deep mindset
Jan 2019 · 540
Iljano lepelblad Jan 2019
Anger such a dangerouse thing, one moment of peace can easily slip away from you heart, for just that moment anger comes out.

Ever see that car seat, ever see that door in the hallway, ever see that persons face, you so wanted to hit...
That one moment, that one deccision, that one second, was all it took to make anger your maker, to make your debt to anger even greater.
Shift your mind or shift your actions,
Hate anger self reflection
Nov 2018 · 147
Air thoughts
Iljano lepelblad Nov 2018
As i see my past and future colide and sense a sky light, going through my mind, the sense of belonging is just so great... breathing eating sensing as a delight as my air thoughts cover my night...
Happy notes of having a few followers and people who understand the words i place. So again thanks for reading and please leave some comments id like to hear your thoughts and feed my insparation.
Oct 2018 · 729
To followers
Iljano lepelblad Oct 2018
I don't know you, but i like you.
I don't talk to you but i hear you.
I don't see you but i know you are watching.

I'd like to say thank you for your eyes that meet my words, thank you for the fact that you seem to find yourself able to relate or find some part that fits your life and current mood.

My words don't mean much its just a tale of everyday life tackeling you to the ground and getting back up, but finding comfort in simple placement of words and people that can relate.

So thank you,

To followers....
9 who know who they are thanks for reading and likes.
Oct 2018 · 242
Never have I
Iljano lepelblad Oct 2018
Never have i made this mistake, for which i pay...
Never have i felth like killing, for what i dont feel...
Never have i felth broken in my mind...

They say karma comes for us all, they say she hits with such wrath you never forget...and so now i notice the wrath completed.

Never have i made this mistake, for which i pay...
Never have i felth like killing, for what i dont feel...
Never have i felth broken in my mind...

I feel no pain, i feel only suffering... confusing as it may be, when your mind has entered a place where you see no end and no light, you cant help feel empty and wanting more but end up, wanting nothing... even Death is not a wish.

Never have i made this mistake, for which i pay...
Never have i felth like killing, for what i dont feel...
Never have i felth broken in my mind...
Sep 2018 · 361
Iljano lepelblad Sep 2018
How would you feel, being called brainless.
No feeling behind the thought, no meaning behind every sentence, no heart behind every utter of the words.
Do you have the feeling of lonesomeness, i bet you dont, i know you dont...your an empty shell, and i am the lost soul, foolish enough to stay, the empty soul wishing for more, then just a "wish you the best" and a "you can do it".
Why am i fooling myself.
Hurt, suffer and empty smiles are just a part of everyday life.

Someone tell me, why does a poem belong and why does it seem to fly over your mind and set emotions off?

Brainless and left to suffer and maby grow from an empty soul...
Lonesome hurt reflecting
Aug 2018 · 160
Iljano lepelblad Aug 2018
Its like a cut you place on you own skin,
Wondering why is it pouring?
Why did i?
All questions unanswered.
Reminding yourself you placed it there,
Stil pouring, how you get weak.

Feeling the cuts on your back and side,
Saying "these hurt more".
Burining all over,
Just a second to reflect on one fact...
"I was not the one making them"
Then look back down and see no wounds.
Sadness lonesomeness
Aug 2018 · 622
Iljano lepelblad Aug 2018
How i walked on a paved road so long,
I watched myself fall and stand.
I lost my mind, my focus.
Just to find it once more,
Find hope,
Find myself..
Just to display,
A happier ending,
A reason..

To keep trying, to never give up...

It was the best.
It was the greatest.
Find something to keep you up.
To keep you going.

To just find a note in your heart,
Keep going....
#lostandfound #hope #happienes
Aug 2018 · 216
It has been
Iljano lepelblad Aug 2018
It has been awhile since i wrote a tale,
Of unjust of no peace and so much choas.
It has been awhile since i got my self to a point of peace and focus...
I no longer crave to be perfect, i no longer crave to be right...
This is who and what i am, a small dot on a big world.
Just putting a stop to one sentence.
And writing a new...

It has just been....
Jul 2018 · 165
I am
Iljano lepelblad Jul 2018
I am me as simple as can be,
I am me as sain as can be,
I am me a simple soul,
I am me a simple mind.
Complex to see,
Complex to understand,
I am me a soul lost and diveded,
A body crushed,
A human that is unseen.
I am me,
Simple minded
#focus # self #sadness
Jun 2018 · 475
no one
Iljano lepelblad Jun 2018
i am me, simple and steady,
i am me, not needed.
dead inside, complex in the mind.

no one ever cared, no one ever wondered.
i was always alone, in my mind, in my soul.
my words never reached anyone.

i am me, no one.
just one that was none,
always and forever no one.

in a complex and steady kind of way,
no one until time has its say...

no one are the words that are in display,

NO ONE....
me in every way
Jun 2018 · 271
I wont ask
Iljano lepelblad Jun 2018
I wont ask, to follow.
I wont ask, to stay.
I wont ask, to hold.
I may not ask to breath,
For all that i am.

I am a sinner,
A hater,
A human,
A body of flesh and bone.

For all that i am,
Is incomplete,
A dark hole,
Of nothing but,

I wont ask...

To make me whole,
To see my words,
Read my words,
Of sorrow,

I wont ask...

To see me as i am.

A human.

I wont ask....
Its hard to be understood, its hard to say how and what you are.
Jun 2018 · 745
He gave me
Iljano lepelblad Jun 2018
He gave me strength,
He gave me might,
He gave me freedom,

How i didn't listen,
How i didn't follow,
How i failed,

Still forgiven,
Still saved,
Still living to make amends,
Still breathing to follow,

O how i was so wrong,
O how i was so blind,
The Lord forsake my soul...

A bleeding heart could only,
Mend for all the love that was and still,
Its getting.

He gave me,
Sometimes you take Gods Words for granted and at the end of the day you
see his light.
Jun 2018 · 360
Tears of a sad man
Iljano lepelblad Jun 2018
Tears of a sad man,
How i sit here crying, never ending in my pain.
Always wondering why?
Why am i so different.
Why cant i be normal.
Normal such a strong word,
In the eyes of a simple person,
Such a death sentence in the eyes of an

How i try so hard to be normal.
How hard i try to see past my faulths.

To see pass my inability to change, this wrecked form.

How i cry here wondering, again,

God give me strength to pass this pain,
This broken piece of soul,
Mend it back.

Tears of a sad man is forever lost...

How they fall down this wreched face,
Displaced and never seen.

How my soul bleeds, craving for a want, craving for a need.

When will my soul be free...

Its about me, how i strugle with everyday life
Jun 2018 · 187
Iljano lepelblad Jun 2018
Ever wonder why, when you cry,
Something dies?
Ever wonder why, when you cry,
Something ends in side you.
Ever wonder why, when you cry,
You get numb.

I always wonder, why the stinch off death
Wavers over my heart, when i cry.
And that is why i wonder why it dies, ends and i feel numb.

Knowing very well i am, my own judge
And executoner.
Jun 2018 · 208
dark place
Iljano lepelblad Jun 2018
How i sit here wondering why?
How i sit here wondering when?
Will this all end...
A dark place where you wish, you were dead.
An open hole in your heart,
that is not getting filled up.
Just hurting,
Just bleeding,
Just there with nothing to fill it with.
How i wonder when, my time will come,
How i wonder why it cant come now.
A sad state of mind,
where no wall i climb leads to an exit.
Where no path leads to a success.

Dark place where, your mind is a maze
To which there is no escape...
i was feeling pretty worn out and pretty much lost, i bundled  all my thoughts and just started writing.
Jun 2018 · 249
Guild and sorrow
Iljano lepelblad Jun 2018
My guild is my own, and for that i must atone.
For no man or woman can heal the wounds inflicted on ones own.

I accepted my demise and so prayed to the Lord, as we all would do when faith is the only thing holding us ,through and tbrough, to this crooked world we see as our own.
We could never dispell the sins we have commited, for my self am a sinners who is now commited to guild and sorrow, on my own...

I long for the days to end and bring me a better tomorrow, and now i sit here and cry, wondering why my life felt so empty, it was i myself who dug my own hole, and pushed my self in to the cold, never to get hurt again, not knowing the pain that soon would follow and now i am here in this pit,
Of my own guild and sorrow.....
i was feeling a bit down so i wrote from what my heart was feeling.

— The End —