I am not but a flower
And he
He is the whole garden

I think of you in every hour
And with every site of gorgeous flower
I try to forget the happiness you brought
But in my saddest moment that is the greatest thought
It brings a smile to my face, what we used to be
How undeserving of you I was and only now can see
I have no words that can express this best
Except, you’re the last thought as I lay my head to rest

I see you in my wildest dreams
I see you when I sleep
Both night and day I want you
I yearn to take the leap

It's hard to do it now
And I'm not saying we would
Just know I love you dearly
One day maybe we could

Please think of me often
I know I will for you
I see your beauty daily
In the sunbeams and morning dew

Lost in space
I find my mind racing
Chasing what parts I can still assemble
It resembles a time a while ago
When my days were in disarray and I searched for a way to find where I needed to go
So I stayed below the radar but some how not low enough and it was tough for me to be the center of attention
Especially when it was so negatively directed at me
My brains still races and retraces the thoughts places and faces that got me where I am
But **** does it hurt some times
They’ve committed no crimes against me or the law but when I think of some of the things said my jaw still falls and the drops from my eyes still stall in empty space
These thoughts reside only in empty space
So why do they hurt so much and cause my exhausted heart to pace

Today I am at peace

I released a few crippling thoughts
and the apologies I finally wanted to give
It brings a smile to my face how each day felt like a race up until this moment
I feel calm and serene
For once I don't want to shout or fall down and scream
And I thank you for being willing to listen

My heart can’t take another moment
The beats are slowing
It has exploded

I’ve contemplated drugs.
Heroine, LSD, *******,
Anything that could maybe numb the pain.

I’ve contemplated leaving.
The state, the country,
But I’m only deceiving.

I’ve thought about the facts.
Rolling over them in my head,
There’s no way to go back.

I lost myself some time ago.
I can impress but not connect...
I have many masks, tomorrow I’ll pick a new row.