Walking on water like a melancholy messiah
I'm on top but I'm not standing I'm sinking and drowning and my constant frowning leaves people asking, "are you okay?"
I'm fine, so I just say
That I'm living the daily dream
While in my head I constantly scream at the top of my Limbic Lobe lungs
Lungs filled with the water I supposedly stand on
A Holy Baptism bubbling inside me
My reverse Rapture to a Heaven upside down
Down down down
Sieze it and bring it down like a crooked crown
A king crucifying his kingdom with his lack of wisdom
Educated but none the wiser
Penny pinching money miser
Minimizing the gravity of the situation
Brushing it off when someone says they need a vacation
I know my station in this dismal world but my lights are dimming and my eyes are skimming the white washed walls for a way to get out but there's no way out and I can't understand what it is about this dreary place that leaves me feeling so in pain
It's insane how no one believes the things you say
Because "that's just the sarcastic way kids talk now-a-days"
Actually no when I say it I mean it and you don't have to dream it to see it come true
I'm talking to you, don't you see that the water filling my chest cavity overflows out of my eyes and I mask it with lies like, "oh I think I have a branch in my eye. Or it's just allergies"
I'm on the edge of my metaphorical ledge
Being nudged closer and closer
I'm the composer of my own sorrowful symphony
I'm more of a poser a bulldozer and situation imposer
An impostor by nature
Growing giant and gaunt green leaves that are speckled with disease
The type that sway in the breeze and are pulled apart by the lightest touch
A touch of pure bliss your poisonous taste on my lips leaves me begging for a cure
Something crystal and pure to clear my tainted pallet
A liquid ballad hydrating my veins slipping down my throat like a garden snake or a cobra because the words that cleanse me are the ones that end me and I choke on the cacophony of your cream filled words and sugar dusted desires
None of which inspires me to do anything except destroy myself
I work to employ myself with time consuming tasks
And no one has to ask me twice to do anything
Because I'm just too nice and I guess that's the price you pay for demonstrating your Holy Christian vice
Let me give you some advice
Don't take anything from anyone
I don't mean things
I mean words and letters that tear you apart and put snags in your favourite sweaters
Each vowel repeating like an owl wondering who who who could be drowning me in my own freeing fountain
I've climbed every mountain to get where I am
I am who I am
Each consinent a consistent reminder of my internal inadequacy
The inadequacy you gave me
The way you made me
The concoction of cosmos you used to create me
But you wanted to add a touch of imperfection and with your clumsy omnipotent hands you dropped the bottle and it all poured into me
And I'm left here with a shattered mirror and a it couldn't be clearer that I'm not what you wanted me to be
"Abide in me and I in you"
But how can I abide in you when you aren't there for me
When you don't answer me
When you let the floods rage within me and you won't part the sea
Don't you see that the flowing water is slowly killing me
But it's you
Your eyes staring into mine but you're not really there
You're no longer part of me like you once were
You don't care
I don't call your name the way I once did
Where were you?
Where are you?
Where am I?
I plead to the sky
The empty barren sky and shriek at its white puffy ashes
The all encompassing vastness of a hollow place
Knock at the gates but no one is home
Did humans create God because they felt so alone?
I can't answer that question
And time in succession to me will struggle just as fondly with the vicious cycle of faith and faithless
To bathe in the endless curiosity
Spinning at a sickening velocity
Wondering where the Lord's generosity suddenly vanished
Like the king who was banished from his own castle
Biting from that forbidden apple
Begging for forgiveness
But nothing except silence rings through the air
Wondering where He could've gone
Only to stare and glare into empty space
I'm scared
Because every living thing dies alone
With nothing to remember them but thick slabs of stone
Nothing but a waste
I've been placed to face the void
Laced with the inability to erase the sins I'm paying for
Salivating for one more taste of that juicy core
Hoping to explore what might lie beyond that gilded door
I'll get back to you one day Lord and I'll even the score
So don't start a war because I'll be armed with my emotional Peace Corps
Leave your arms open and the light house beaming at your shore because I know I will see you again
And although I don't know when, I hope you'll accept me and ask where I've been

I can’t live without you
You are the comfort I thrive for in everything that I do
The low hum in my ears I fall asleep to
Calming me like a constant tick I strive to keep you coursing through each vein of mine
You soothe my skin like a summernight rain
Washing clean the muddy cuts and grass stained pain
Bringing me closer to the moon hanging by a thread
Like a lighthouse illuminating the shore you alleviate my dread
And you bring me back home to my warm little bed
Your chest is the only place I’d want my head to rest
Without it I’d never sleep again, though I’d try my very best
But there will come a day and time when
all of that will be gone
And I will sit alone humming our song
Wishing you were there with me, singing along
Wondering where my peace and comfort went
No matter how many unrequited letters I sent
I suppose you didn’t understand what the words I wrote meant
You were nowhere to be found when I needed you the most
Abandoning me in anguish but then about yourself you’d boast
You left me alone pleading for guidance from the Holy Ghost
And even he ignored me
He wouldn’t give me a sign to see
Was this how it was meant to be?
I pace and pander
Through harsh thoughts I meander
Once your love, now simply a bystander
Yet I still wonder where my comfort went
Like all of a sudden my perfectly placid emotions were bent
Leaving no place for the bubbling steam to vent
There was nothing I could do to retrieve my companion
You dropped me off here to abandon
Scorching my heart like a *** of boiling water to place my hand in
Once on cloud nine
Instead on nails equally as long and precisely more fine
Oh why couldn’t the Holy Ghost give me a sign

Quickly sweetly slipping into slumber
Heavy eyelids heavy legs made of lumber
Dreamy drowsy dripping with dreary views
Blurred bulbs and brilliant blues
Head on the pale plush pillow
Hair hanging over the warping edges like a weeping willow
Twitching tips of toes
Curling over the curbing cliff watching crows
One small step into a soaring sight
A frightening and freeing fancy flight
A dream state of wonder where worry is gone
Ending with a yearning early yawn
Half asleep half awake
Taking turns on a nightly break
Quiet quaint quintessence looming from your peaceful pause
Out of me my melancholy it mindfully and methodically draws
Bringing no more negative non-compliant thoughts
When I gaze into your gaping glorious eyes I'm blinded and see only dots
You embody the sun and emulate all its extraordinary and fleeting evanescence
I pry and pray to be graced with your playful presence
Illuminating my ever dimming once illustrious life
The vivid vision of you sharpens even the dullest knife

With my heart beating out of my breast
I press my fingers firmly into his chest
And I consider the world without him
There are days when we falter and I doubt him
But his everything draws me back in.

My scrambled thoughts are a jumbled mess
All I can do now is simply guess
But when will I know if he wants me?

He has such poise and brilliance
His smile alone is worth millions
I wonder how our story will end.

Will I vow to forever?
Or will I pull the lever
To swing at my emotional execution.

In a way I'm the tyrant
Although I act quite vibrant
Do you think he sees me in a spotlight?

Am I the center of his stage?
Or will I wilt away like a flower with age
Does he replace my water or toss me?

If he saw me the way I see myself
I'd worry more strongly for his mental health
Because to be in this inner asylum is a hell all in itself.

Pennhurst is childsplay compared to my mind
I try to turn my head away from his lies and act blind
But somehow my lenses see through his tricks.

I'm a shell of a person
Despite my aversion
And I know I have to deal with this turmoil eventually.

"Hey, it's okay
We'll get there one day"
He assures me through his brilliant *******.

I lay in bed and ponder
In thought my time I squander
What is best for me?

Burning inside is a fire worth harboring
A flame so high the sky feels it’s heat
No ray of sunlight could match the intensity of the girl radiating fire
In her wake wades destruction and suffering soon ensues

But the girl made of embers with flares of solar light lights up the dimmest days and dispels the darkest nights

So the lady with her bright red heart walked for miles and miles with no one beside her
She feared they had left because of her boiling touch and was worried her personality was a little too much
And the fire encapsulated all that drew near it
The cries of those harmed were inaudible for her to hear it
The crackling of her skin warmed the air and her feet charred the ground
She attempted to tiptoe but each step made volcanic sound

Soon she sat all alone, isolated, lost from home
Her penetrating tears absorbed oxygen as they hit the rubble
She cried and wondered why she was nothing but trouble

But a boy soon approached made of water and ice
Who got too close to the fire girl and by touching her paid the price
He screamed and part of his old self melted into puddles then to vapor
He realized he couldn’t live without her so he did his best to save her
He sacrificed it all
For this risky girl

She tried to push him away but his persistence was strong
She told him time after time that what he is doing was wrong
But this now glistening man grabbed for her hand
And the once dangerous girl breathed a sigh of relief
And her once grand flames became minuscule and brief
He held her as she whimpered and begged to be free
She missed her lonely flames but feared more what she’d be

An obsidian shell encased her from her head to her feet
She ruined the ice man and his life for eternity
She wanted to get close to him but he was scared and ran from her hurriedly

Unsure what to do she stood still quietly
Could a love ever burn for two opposing elements
Or are they always equipped for battle putting on there helmets

He stopped and looked back at the now cooling flame
He noticed her calm nature and thought she was tame

Scared to venture further she pulled back ever so slightly and he knew she was timid
The defenses were dropped and her walls all shattered
Her deep insecurity was left as everything else scattered

Walking to her slowly he extended his arm
Hoping she was unable to do any harm
He trusted her greatly and stood his ground stately

With two rapid blinks she looked in confusion
No one had ever kindled her flame and she wondered if it was all a delusion
Reluctantly she matched his gesture of love
And prayed that she wouldn’t mess this one up

So the two stood hand in hand at the edge of the chaos
They chose to walk the thin line between fantasy and reality
Letting nothing subdue them except the sheer force of gravity
Together these two beings
Although wildly different
Knew something drew them together
So they continued their journey not knowing the path
Not caring about the destination or finding a map
They knew as long as they had each other
That there was nothing they wouldn’t do to be by one another
Her less harmful flame merely simmered his heart
He kept her at bay despite the influence of her day
She always kept him warm and vowed never to let go
No matter if she was the hot summer day or he was the graceful winter snow

She hung by a thread to her sanity
Constantly staring in the mirror she realized her vanity
But if what they call her is "vain"
Then there must be more than one definition to that name
Because her sense of self is "skewed" and "inaccurate"
But to her it's all she knows and she's quite aspirant
Ready for change and to be a new version of herself
Hardly caring about her deteriorating health
Walking into the health club already exhausted
Not understanding how much it has costed
Not with money or credit but with physical wellbeing
Not heeding her body's warnings or in the mirror seeing
Her hair is thin and no longer growing in places
She compares her pale skin to the other people's faces
She puts ******* down her throat in the hope to purge up a candy bar
Convinced her calorie count was taken too far
Her nails chip far too easy
And the thought of eating makes her queezy
Yet the stress encompassing her life pushes her to binge
Hundreds into thousands the floodgates unhinge
Never for sustenance, always for taste
Each and every calorie is a ginormous waste
She collapsed on the Stairmill and in embarrassment and rage
Exited the gym floor as though it were left-center stage
With poise and a smile she laughed as they stared
She grabbed all her gear and left as they glared
When she got to the car she was nothing but angry
Pushing too hard her body sat blankly
Breathing was difficult and by speaking she was pained
Every ounce of her life force felt utterly drained
Her skin can no longer take the lack of nutrition
And her eyes are wavering as she tries to focus her vision
She used to be a student with straight A intent
But all she can think about is the next meal and its scent
Forgetting the most basic things about her day
She forgets how to write and takes a derivative the wrong way
People look puzzled as she waves off their concerns
While in her stomach and throat a deep hunger burns
She stares once again at her monstrous reflection
Grabbing and poking at her bulging midsection
Now huddled on the ground she stares at the ceiling
Entering a loose dreamy feeling
On the brink of unconsciousness she extends her hand skyward
Only then realizing that down to her soul she is tired

Language is a man made construct
Just like time which, I don’t know about you but it always leaves me ******
Yet how is it that a thing created by us
Can decide which words are fine and which are a cuss?
And how is it that this wide intricate system
Can spread hatred across nations but also instill wisdom?
I’m confused at the concept and why it’s misused
Some are enriched by it and others abused
Why do we sling racial slurs at our brothers
And shout things we wouldn’t dare say in front of our mothers
She’d slap you into next month if she heard the words coming from your mouth
I don’t blame her one bit it brings us back to the old south
It’s disgusting and vile
Each awful word should be held up on trial
Let’s rise up together and eliminate the feeling of being low
And let’s please band as a team and silence Jim Crow
Because no one deserves to feel like they’re less than human
No matter if you’re a CEO or a day and night crewman
I don’t get the point of wasting this gift
On the feeble minded idiots who think they’re so swift
But in reality they’re just ignorant and insolent fools
No more useful than broken and rusted garden tools
I’m not saying we should get rid of them
I’m just saying their presence is as about as appealing as phlegm
And I don’t know about you but I think that ****’s nasty
And I think our whole world needs to change beyond vastly
Because by not educating these people who think they’re hot ****
Our society grows more divided slow bit by bit
And before we know it we’re moving back in time
Regressing from our progress and adding more grime
To the already difficult world we live in
The ice that we tread on is getting quite thin
And I’m telling you it’s time for us to make a change
And if no one agrees then fine I’ll seem deranged
But I’m so sick and tired of the anger and violence
I hate the news and these killers who are crazy and tireless
You may think I’m getting political but that’s not my intent
On making a difference is where I’m hell bent
Think what you want and do just the same
But when your family is in danger then who will you blame?
You didn’t act for a cause or voice your opinion
Now you might as well be a follower or one of the mindless minions
Running around like a headless chicken
The moment it affects your life only then will you quicken
And it’s comical to me how the politicians they stammer
Because there lives aren’t in jeopardy yet still outside we clammer
And their doors are made of prejudice and history
Why it’s doomed to repeat itself is clearly no mystery
It’s happening now, don’t you see it taking place?
These high and mighty ******* are trying to save face
But come on we know what’s really going on
They expect us to hold hands and sing a peaceful song
But we won’t and we’re ****** and signs only get us so far
It makes me sad reading about another person plowed down by a car
Or this time was it a van?
What’s next? Will the people ask for a ban?
As I told you before I’m not getting political
It’s actually repulsive yet some think it’s trivial
We blame the things that people use to ****
The guns and the weapons that give them the thrill
But what about the other things that cause more death
Like cars and alcohol or even ******* ****
I’m sorry it doesn’t makes sense
I’m doing my best and hence
This obscure piece of writing was born
About sharing it with the world clearly I was torn
But I decided it would be worth it
And in the current situation might fit
Say what you want and still I’ll stay moderate
But if you use your words for evil
You better be ready to get hit and swallow back wads of your own ****** spit
Because no one is having a plate of what division is serving
Every single person on this earth is unique and deserving
And why we can’t all just love is a thought too beyond me
I hope for a world where our eyes open and see
I can’t even keep it all straight
All the incessant backlash and insurmountable hate
If you don’t use your words then what’s the point of our language
How about we use it for good and get rid of the anguish
I know this was long and thanks for bearing with my message
Now let’s all work together because I’ll be ****** if our generation is just another percentage