You play a perfect harmony to the music of my soul
In 4/4 time the last measure is our goal
You conduct me along with the swift movements of your bow
Sweat collects on your prominent brow as you hit the note a little too low
Andante to vivace my heart rushes to tempo
We hold our fermata embracing the moment, slow
The notes sit on the page while my thoughts dance with the rhythm
They leap and they frolic to the sounds of the broken hymn
A little sharp, maybe flat
Our pulses quicken assai, as though Haydn intended that
Like the Baroque Era wrote for us and our meetings in private
Our handshakes that last long and our glances that are silent
But it won’t last and we will face the caesura of our love
It transpires as we ignore the baton waving above
Our duet will end as it started, quickly, like the flight of a dove
Le Carnaval Des Animaux replicates my scrambled mind
No matter how hard I search, the answers I cannot find
In hectic chaos I’m blind to the clearest option staring straight at me
A simple kiss will suffice in helping me see
For to be the maestro I must know every part
Feel each chord progression and triad deep down in my heart
A kiss will answer if these feelings are true
Or if because of my dreams I have sudden interest in you
Whether the moment is a roar of fortissimo glory
Or it is a disappointing sforzando into the diminuendo of our story
Do you feel a crescendo when our eyes meet for a second?
Like we’re calling each other closer and with each blink we’ve beckoned
One another to draw in the coda finale
Together we may join and our notes, they will rally
By the last bar they’re in unison and our cadence is clear
The next movement will begin, there is nothing to fear

As terrible as it sounds, I can’t imagine living a long life
I’m sick of it
My existence is a mere blip of what has been and what could be
I am a drop in the bucket
I wonder somedays if it’s worth getting up
Worth going to work
Worth any of it
I wonder if I cross the street a little too late
A little too slowly
If that transit bus will strike me just hard enough to end it
Because at least that way I’m not hurting my family and friends by killing myself
Not directly at least
I’m kind of tired of it
Life, that is
I mean, what’s the point?
My own mind and I can’t even be cordial
What a waste of space
If my sheer presence in the universe wasn’t such a monumental miracle, I’d give it up
Because sometimes
In these moments
I realize
Living is a fate worse than death

Choke it down though you know you don't want it
Cram the calories into the bottomless pit
With stress and starvation comes restrictive cravings
Ice cream for meals and depleted savings
Feel the pain in your stretched out belly
Scarfing down peanut butter and jelly
You're a pig and you know it
But you can't control it
Your clothes hug you close
As your stomach continues to bloat
Five, six, seven pounds up
When will it be enough
When will you realize you're a product of your own destruction
If you skip each meal tomorrow you can start reconstruction
The thin girls stare and laugh at your look
One more plate of pasta is all that it took
You're disgusting and vile
Put yourself here on trial
Tell yourself to succumb to the voices
Starting tomorrow make better choices
Starve yourself daily
You'll love yourself maybe
Nothing like the feeling of an empty stomach
Your own strung up puppet
Bones through skin is a beautiful thing
It's a reason to get up on the scale and sing
Dropping like boulders with each passing hour
Making up excuses like "I'm allergic to flour"
Whatever the condition
You know your mission
Start the cycle however vicious
Ignore the foods that are delicious
Indulge in water and a baby food diet
If they ask "who wants seconds?" stay quiet
Because soon you'll be pretty and fit your summer attire
You can't wait any longer now it's dire
The flavor will fade and you'll hate yourself more
How about skip the cake and you'll even the score
Till the number's brand new
And your bones pierce right through
Don't stop till you're nothing
Put your shoes on get running
Embrace the disorder
Create your own border

Drip drip drip
The blood paints the floor
Pupils shaking at the sight of the gore
Crimson crater diverging further
Before you know it the news will exclaim "******!"
I guess it kind of is, me killing my former self
By releasing my demons I gain insurmountable wealth
Say what you want, I've heard it all before
From "heartless *****" down to "***** *****"
I know I'm better than those hurtful words you spew
Yet they still hit home and taint my already clouded view
The mirror is a trick and I don't believe it for a second
You taught me not to love myself and with false data you reckoned
The bandage on my wrist is precautionary at best
I don't care who comments on my relapse filled quest
Drip drip drip
The red soaks through and everyone assumes
"Oh she's the attention seeker" fills rooms
Sorry I guess for wanting control
It's never been my place and I never play that role
I'm passive and submissive in every other aspect
I need some grip on my world even if indirect
The scars are tempting and the blood is addicting
I always slice more, never restricting
It stings like crazy but I have to push harder
If the beads don't rise next time I'll be smarter
Technique is key in the process
Like a well thought out game of chess
Drip drip drip
I can't help but sign in relief
Another successful session, however brief
My pure fair skin bears more scars than it should
I want to stop but I don't think I could
Can't say I care at all anymore
Waking up in the morning is in itself a chore
Blissful sleep is my one escape
Only in my dreams can a happy life take shape

I met a friend today
His name was Death
He smiled big with pure white teeth
And minty fresh breath
I asked him what he did for a living
Staring blankly at me, batting his eyelashes
He did the opposite of giving
What did that mean?
But the closer I got to Death
The better I understood his scheme
In his sharp black suit he won me over
I felt an irresistible draw
Like to a diamond in the rough, or a four leaf clover
He convinced me of the beauty in the night
That when the moon was hidden from view
There was nothing better than the lack of light
He led me from my lust for life
Sang to me in my sleep
Whispered sweet nothings and handed me the knife
I tried to pull away from my newly found friend
But his choke hold was so tight
On him I started to depend
The world could see me deteriorate into nothing
He held me harder and closer
With shortness of breath I stood huffing and puffing
Enclosed in the lackluster of our friendship I became numb
The emotions drifted with my vitality
I tried to retrieve them but could only attain 1/5th of my former sum
The more time you spend with a person
The more you become like them
I suppose I couldn't see the situation worsen
Collar around my neck he leashed me like a dog
I cared so deeply for him
My haze filled mind ignored the dense fog
I came to terms with my life long trap
Death circled like a satellite around my position
No matter where I went he found my place on the map
Eventually I succame to this fate
Despite his control
Death, I could not hate
I loved him too dearly to notice the signs
I couldn't think clearly
His presence was odious and it wasn't benign

You hurt me again for the hundredth time
You linger in every song I sing and incessant rhyme
But today it clicked that I don’t deserve this
Swing and a miss three strikes you’re out *****
My life has no room for you
So go find another girl with whom to do what you do
I’m sick of this **** and I’ve had enough
I’m protecting my heart now and I’m more than tough
I’m capable and stable and I don’t need you here
I’ve realized your toxicity after another long year
No man can chain me down any longer
Each time you try to break me I rise up even stronger
The words bounce off of my bulletproof vest
You’re frustrated they have no impact and they don’t pass the test
My ribs are a cage and it’s made of hard steel
Now you’re beginning to realize these threats are quite real
I’ll drop you on your *** like you’ve done to me
Plenty of times now it’s your turn to see
I’m ****** and I’m livid and there’s no going back
My words are my power and with them I attack
Defensive and ignorant you act likes it’s nothing
You can’t seem to see that I’m no longer bluffing
I said goodbye with a wave and “ta-ta”
With a bag on my back and my mouth chewing straw
I’m leaving you now and this is truly the end
After what you did to me I’ll let that friend request pend
I hate to say that I still love your stupid face
But the way you speak to me lacks all poise and grace
You’re kind of like poison running through my veins
And on my heart you left inkblots like indiscernible stains
But I’m better now that you’re off my chest
Like I’m free from my confines and able to rest
I’ll do what I want
And what I’ve got I’ll flaunt
We’re done and it’s over
Yet you make my soul feel hungover
Did I just rhyme a word with itself?
Look what you've done to me you left me to rot on a shelf
Your little statue that you admired like a brand new toy
That you quickly got sick of like an immature boy
I hope you got what you wanted because I sure did
My head ******* on straight and a sense of worth you forbid
Exhausting each ounce of effort in my mind
You have the audacity to complain about how your day’s a grind
Thank God I came to my senses and the coop I flew
I think past your thick skull my words finally got through