a broken mirror a bleeding fist
a silver blade against a wrist
tears falling down to lips unkissed
ignore her and she wont exist
she's not hte kind you'll come to miss

**(c.m.h)

Im alive
But i feel dead
Im choking
On my own breath

Im myself
But still someone else
Deciding who to be
Is a living hell

All these things
All this stuff
It ruins me
It fills me up

Im burning down
Im tearing up
Just take it away
Please make it stop

little fragile creature
broken and empty
your crying again
you're so **** silly

little skinny girl
why don't you eat?
you're starving again
food is what you need

little baby me
why are you here
you should have been dead
no one would waste a tear

little girl
your young
your skinny
you could have the world

little me
your shy
your sad
you don't know what you could be

dear myself
you were happy
you were beautifull
you should've never put that smile on the shelf

Silently, "I need to tell you something."
I approach. Falter, walk away.

I need to break this bond I have with silence,
This unhealthy affair I have with solitude.

I haven't even the energy to pull the words up from my stomach.
I heave,
Retching out nothing but bile and air.

I have so many things to say,
Passing fruitlessly through the space between my ears.

Speaking of space, that seams to be where I exist.
It's either that, or this is Purgatory.

Hell.
Too much conscience to be clinically depressed,
Too far gone to be "normal",
Nothingness.

"This is what it feels like to be a ghost."
To no one, again.

i sit alone,
but i have never felt lonely.
The times i feel lonely,
is when i'm in a room full of people.
i always smile,
but haven't felt happy in a while.
the times i actually feel happy,
is when i'm actually all alone.
i've always been skinny
but i never felt so,
i always felt fat and disgusting
the only times i didn't,
was when the scale had dropped.

she held up her knife
she's wanted to die, actually for a while
she has harmed herself recently
but keeps it to herself, she's not happy
but no one can tell
it's sick how much a single smile can hide
how you can hide your hurt
from even
the people who love you most
how you can
harm
starve
ruin
yourself
but no one will notice before you're actually dead
she's too sad to fight anymore
she's tried for too long
her energy is used up
she takes her knife to her skin
*i guess this place just wasn't for her..

Dear legs...
I'm sorry how i've alwYs complained about you not being long or straight enough.
Thank you for still carrying me even though i've hated you with such a passion.

Dear arms
I also wanna tell you sorry, for punching you when i got mad, and also for complain about you being too floppy.
Thank you for still helping me, do everything and for just being there, life would be a lot harder without you.

Dear ****
I'm sorry for all the times i've said you were ugly, you not being round, small or smooth enough.
Thank you for still going along and let me sit on you when i've been tired.

Dear stomach
Sorry for pinching and hitting you whever i was hungr, and sorry for never liking you beacuse you were floppy but i know it's just skin
And that's how you're suppossed to look.
Thank you for telling me when i'm hungry and keeping in all the food i eat, you work like a machine and that must be hard to do!

dear *****
Sorry for always thinking you were too small, i regret everything i've said you've grown nice and round, i'm sorry for complaining so tou had to hurry so much you got stretchmarks
Thank you, for grabbing so much attention, that id sort of funny.

Dear hips
I'm dorry for punching you and complaining avput you being too wide.
Thank you for giving me the hourglassshape every girl long for.

dear skin
I have so much to be sorry for..
I'm sorry for cutting you, and bruising you and burning you, i' so very sorry i have ruined you this much, i'm sorry for letting my emotions out on you, i have made you scarred and i'm sorry about that. Im sorry for also complaining how you were never clean enough
But thank you! For sticking along and holding my body together you're awesome

Dear face
I'm sorry for never liking you and being sad about my eyes not being deep blue or my nose not perfect
Though i thank you for
Letting my friends know who i am

Dear hair
I'm sorry i put you through a lot of heat and dying and all that but hey you're still on my head i bet i would look weird bald so thank you!

Dear body!
Last but not least
I wanna thank you for being so strong and beautifull i wanna thank you for holding on even though i put you through this much

*dear body... I'm sorry.. Thank you