Numbness coats my skin
it coats my eyes
my mouth, my brain, my legs
I can barely move
nor do i want to
dumbbells are on top of each shoulder blades
they hung down on my cheeks
they become the shirts I wear
my shoes...
my eyelids
Tired
I'm waiting to be set free from these chains
these awkward chains
and people stare at me
question why I put my head down in long silence
help me, no don't
I'll be okay
I let the dumbbells drag me to the ground
Let me add on its process
I don't want to be here no more
don't want to see the world around me
don't want to feel the touch of predetermine passions
there is nothing but numbness and weight
But what about the light?
who cares, I rather die
then wait

They only come when I'm exhausted
Existing until I blink
and when I try to bring one out
It makes my stomach sick

The One with the Timberland Boots
Those gigantic feet
Which I peek
Was close to mine
Though I had to sneak

The stench of my odor
Coming from my ***
Was making me
Insecure very fast

But luckily the stalls divide us
Our bowels and touch
And all things that blind us
Except for the smell
Of course that was true
But with our smells combine
There was nothing coming through

Between us…

The love that we made
That came from pain
Has thus began to fade away
Including me who had to go

But I will never forget
The Timberland Boots
Who sat near me in company
Throwing my insecurities off the roof

How can I rid my existence?
Should I blind myself          
so that my brain can rot in darkness
or maybe with a hand knife
silently scraping the nerves on my skin
like  dead potato skins
duck taped
and tears streaming down my dented cheeks

Maybe I should plunge myself into a Coma
and put myself in a dream where I can be in servitude for my transgressions

Should I cut my ***** off
for when I *******
all that comes out is lifeless *****
awaiting for a burial ground?

Maybe I should take my soft soul
into the palms of my hands
crush it with all my might
so that I will never be reincarnated again

The immortal soul reviving existence
by using the existence of others

Why should I let this little soul survive
who doesn't share its own existence with others?

What a terrible waste
a waste indeed

Lost
Where am I in this alley?
Whose dark and rough walls give the sky
A daunting blue?

The maze I’m in
Whose walls are dense
Are not denser than the cement in my head
Constantly pulling me down
Kneeling
Searching through the alleys
Blindly
To find the exit…
A exit
But where?

My hands touching the grainy ground
Made them appear like the talons of a vulture
Use to attack an invisible force I am not able to overcome

The only thing that can resist
Is the multitude tears which gently landed on the floor and splattered

Fast it went and formed one single line
Towards the exit

I collapse trying to grasp the stream of tears

My head streaming in and out of consciousness
I wonder
Who will reach the exist first?

Get the **** out of my face!
you fucken toad
making me have anorexia
so hungry that the only thing my body can digest
is my happiness
but still my love for you is strong
all because I'm so scared to see your face
because I know that if you smile again
our fates will be sealed

Chapped Lips
The cracked skin on my lips
Represents the crack on my heart
About to break in tiny pieces

The more I smile
The more my lips stretch
The more my heart breaks

But dare I let my lips falls part?
Dare I put lip balm on?
To ease the pain
To cease the blood…?

The Lips overflowed with blood
Like a fountain
And with a splash from the wings of a bird
Gallons flown over my chin
Formed  droplets
And stain my shirt

But the smile stays
But not the heart
The heart is shallow
There’s no more blood to keep it pumping
Just a fragile glass
See through it is
   But its crack near the top left is hard to see…