I was never like this before..
an anxious ball of heavy breaths and quivering shoulders.
Tears tracings my lips
And I cannot make the smell of cigarettes escape my fingers despite not smoking in an entire year.
My skin is peeling,
My skin is crawling
And the irk is unbearable.
Like large swarms of tiny gnats pinching me, digging their teeth into my flesh.
I am tired.
I’ve slept all day, but still I am tired.
Even at 12:51am,
It feels as though the sun in my eyes
And I am squinting oh so tightly
Trying not to let the light inside.

I am not the only one
Who when my back is turned,
Envisions monsters
With daggers in their hands
And a pool of blood on the floor
I am not the only one
Who sits in constant fear
That my name is being
Hacked up and spat
out of people's s mouths
I am not the only one
Who is a million pound barbell ****** upon my neighbors shoulders
Breaking them down
Day by day.
I am not the only one
I am not the only one
I am not the only one.

Awkwardly awkward
Awkwardly me

Walking at 4am
Through the treacherous streets
Equipped with mase
In hand and at ease

Awkwardly awkward
Awkwardly me

Lack of sleep
Lack of time
Nothing but madness
Madness of all kinds

Drearily drifting
Lonely, its true
Love that is lost
Dreaming of you

A mind of mine own
Don't worry I'm fine
Gone mad but still sane
A madness sublime

Not another to fathom
So blissfully sweet
Awkwardly awkward
Awkwardly me

All this here
Has torn the curtains Of her mind.
In this,
The glass is broken,  floors warped.
Distorted flashes plague my mind.
And Disfigured illusions play like a movie screen In the inner lids of my eyes.
I key the lock To my inner most thoughts
Only to find my sanity is at stake,
Nearly lost.
I tremble at my being dangling on a single thread
Oh my!
What terror!
Have I truly lost my head?
I am only escaped to tell thee
Archaic words
A literature of trust...

Yet Your reassurance couldn't bring me breath in sleep
Quivering lungs could respond to your electric touch
And adore it.
Though the weight of the world,
Your head on my chest
Heard my heart pour out more poetry
Than eager fingers could achieve.
You felt the spoken beat of my heart,
Which sprouted wrinkles
Onto your majestic face

I try to express you what I've been feeling
But this wretched rush is coming up my throat again
This must be you..
I need you to *******.
******* *****.
Should I swallow the bile In hopes it descends deeply and lies in the depths of my ever aching belly?
Or shall hack you up and spit you out and flush you down the drain
Then wash my hands of you?
My finger tips are stained with the nicotine that has been nursing my anxieties lately. How therapeutic these Cigarettes Have been to me.
Scorching my throat as the air fills my lungs
When my lungs finally do give out on me,
I will be numb.
I probably won't even feel it
I haven't been able to breathe in years.

And at the end of the day
We are all left our own devices
To plot the peaks and highs of our lives
And mend the bridges we have broken along the way
To destroy ourselves once more
Each day at dawn
And resurrect what has already begun to Decay
To follow the clock
On and on
And become mechanized thereupon
To wash off the scars
That have soaked in our skin
And look up to the stars
And pray that we do not wear too thin

But every now and again,
Through the cracks of the asphalt
And cement
A blossom will sprout.
And the clouds will begin to part
So that the forgiven misgivings and
Misfortunes of the past shine through
And when the world stops
And we are suspended in time
We are reminded of what is up above us

We are made to marvel
at the wonders of the Sky

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!

The alarm sounds

Yawn deeply and wipe the crust out of your eyes.

Tell your self today will be ok

That you can make it through the day,
if only this day.

Even if it may be your last day on earth,
In that moment;
between the precipice of wasting away
or facing those demons,
In that moment,
You are ready to take on world.
And you will not allow the sadness to get in the way.

Your kind of like beer
I got used to the taste
But u cause gastrointestinal problems

Undress you with my smile
Uncovering all of your secrets
Giving you more definition than ever
I ease inside your mind
to find the poetry
That you've been longing to pour out
Your mouth is wired shut
At a loss for words
But baby our brains feed together
Electric volts revive one another.

It’s crazy,
Even after all these years I still burn for u.
You left me with scars,
from 3rd degree burns
all over my body.
Not burns by fire,
Burns from your tongue
slipping in and out
of someone else’s mouth.
But I do still burn for u
And I doubt that will ever change.

I had expected the stars to be close
Enough to touch
Hanging like stranded diamonds
Deep within the confines of
The rambling universe

My shadows deceive me
Manipulate and play and taunt me.
When I'm walking alone
At night
My shadows multiply
into twos and threes and fours
Making me think someone is creeping up on me from behind
Untill I am running..
Sprinting
All the way home

They break at the edge of sea
Those secrets beneath the skin
The deep sadness of distance
And the absence of the gentle tug
Of the waves
Retreating

I am dying
To feel you crawl
Deep inside my veins
To pull them taunt
And play me a sweet melody
To smash my bones into powder
And place it under my nose
Inhale the mistakes and misgivings
I've brought upon myself
You,
Being the most important to me
The one that pulls me down
When I get too high
The one that keeps me manic
When I am too sane
The one that sleeps
With a gun
Against my tongue
To keep my words inside

I wish to
Float
Into your bloodstream
For a bit
I'm wondering
If I'll Flow along with it

I've missed you here
I've missed you there
There's really no reason to
But I do.
I could never talk to you
You never really listened
But I miss you
Despite the distance
You were the closest thing to real
The furthest from good
But I miss you
Why? I never understood
But still I miss you and how we used to be
It was the best of times
It was the worst of times
The best type of pain
But I miss you
Despite the cold nights and rain
There's probably someone better that I haven't stumbled upon yet
But I miss you.