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192 · Jan 2020
imperfection
Ayn Jan 2020
Imperfection is everything.
Nothing is immaculate,
nothing is fail-safe,
some fool is always dumber
than you are smart,
so nothing is fool-proof.

In some cases,
you are finding the drop of mud
on the silvery crystalline ocean.
That is good enough,
don't hurt yourself
by yearning for more.
this poem is telling myself to stop my tomfuckery with trying to be perfect, and I hope it gets the message to anyone else who has the same troubles with this stuff as I do.
189 · Mar 2020
Unforgotten
Ayn Mar 2020
The fruit is to the earth
As is the fruit to the forbidden
I came alive from the tree,
The grace was but to flee.
The truly unforgivable one

Is me.

I became what I ate
And I am now forbidden
And forsaken.
Adamy type story I guess. ‘Bout falling for dudes. Bible says **** gays so I say “**** bible” (yes there are passages that say things against gays.) believe in what you will, I won’t judge, but I chose the option that would accept me even just slightly better.
189 · Jan 2020
Ate
Ayn Jan 2020
Ate
Slowly slipping as of late.
Im falling into a pit of hate,
My mind’s becoming irate.
I reluctantly anticipate
That I’m soon to suffocate,
Under the water that’ll inflate
And call an end to my fate.
An idea that wasn’t that great...
I guess I fell for rhyming’s bait...
(The poem has a nice trait.
The poem ends in ate,
While the desc ends in eat or ait
(Ate but it it’s an alternate))
189 · Feb 2021
Untitled
Ayn Feb 2021
False whispers
Sounding alarms,
Poisoning the will;
Drowning the ill.

Pulling you down
Just to push you up,
And burrow inside you,
To be a viciously vicarious
Vile remnant
Of whats long gone.
188 · Jan 2020
Unfiltered Sun
Ayn Jan 2020
A dulling gold plain
split into many pieces
by the high tide water.
The water flows steadily,
a rather small motion
that breaks the illusion
of stagnant salty ice.

the concrete bridge
stands like a gravestone;
marking the time of old,
and barely intact
to see the present hour.

The unfiltered sun
shines ever so brightly,
as if a golden amber blanket
is lain caringly upon
this dead winter marsh,

giving it light,
giving it life.
that bridge is kinda old... I honestly hope it doesn't collapse soon I think it says 1919 on it. I never noticed how beautiful this marsh was until today.
188 · Jun 2020
Between life
Ayn Jun 2020
Life flows on
Even if we are stagnant.
Through all it will travel,
Harboring our emotions
And our experiences.

Nothing lasts forever,
But anything good
Is worth trying to keep close.
I’m sorry.
187 · Mar 2022
I know it’s hard to do
Ayn Mar 2022
Close your eyes
You’ll come here soon.
Run away from this dream,
Fall into our tune.

It’s all a dream to me,
This horrid melody.
I call when you can see;
Setting the lifeline free.
Thanks for all the fish.
187 · Dec 2019
Rugged
Ayn Dec 2019
Dec.29.2019

Up and down and up again,
my stable position changes at the drop of a pen.
I have not an idea of where I am going,
and I am quickly forgetting where I've been.
My bike keeps ruggedly flowing
over stumps and bumps
and branches and roots.

Up hills far to steep to ride,
down some that could make me scream,
sacrificing my little pride.

reaching escape velocity,
I shoot out of my comfort zone,
like a shuttle breaks into orbit,
I am the opposite of smooth...

Bumping over rocks and branches,
fast enough to immobilize me.
But I ride, petrified but not rigid,
over these rugged trails.

My knuckles wrap around my handlebars,
turning a ghoulish pearly white,
but it was a hidden by my ebony gloves.

I might as well be twisted,
but I wholly believe
that the fun part
was my stone cold fear.
To be perfectly honest, Cape Cod is not exactly that rugged, but behind a lot of those beautiful beaches are woods, and in the woods near where I live are some steep trails that are very twisty and turny, and I found out they are fun and scary to bike down. I decided since I was stupid, to try some new trails that I have never walked... I almost flew off my bike from hitting fallen logs a couple of times. But it is fun, if anyone is somewhat fit, they should try biking on trails.
186 · Dec 2019
Fireflies
Ayn Dec 2019
Springing out of the fire with an unrivaled exuberance,
They spiral and change direction,
As if they are following their own
Delightfully deviating initiative.

They help the flaming torrent in its calming rapid beauty.
The emanating orange dots twists around the pillar.
The sparks die off, but new ones rise up in bursts.
It is a curiously renewing spectacle.

When one log falls,
Numerous fireflies fling out of the flames,
Spiraling up into the sky with an orange afterglow.
Sadly, it dies off as quickly as it was brought to life.

The sparks are a firefly;
Rather quick to die,
But beautiful to attract our gaze,
Even though the deepest haze.
One I wrote a while ago, watching a fire go at a Christmas party reminded me of it.
186 · Sep 2021
Untitled
Ayn Sep 2021
Like a solitary tree in a silent plain
Awaiting the blight; the everlasting rain.
Life has come and gone;
The span of a second
With the grace of a swan
Like a shrouded mosaic
The mist reveals piece by piece;
A picture is formed
Of a concrete world,
Built on the fragile sands of time.
186 · Mar 2022
Untitled
Ayn Mar 2022
Daunting voices call my name;
Each breath full of manic mirth.

The sunlight falls
Like distant snowflakes,
Dusting a golden plain
With an auburn hue.

As the sky grows dark,
I see less and less,
But hear more and more.

A crescent guillotine hangs in the sky
As I absentmindedly envision
These fruitful moments to be my last.

The mirthful voices once more,
And engulf me in their mania.
My head hits the floor
While my consciousness washes away;
As if it were an eternal shore.
185 · Mar 2021
Untitled
Ayn Mar 2021
Don’t go
You’re leaving me
To the endless flow.
You preach destruction,
But the sands of time still stand,
a subtly worse construction.
184 · Feb 2020
Futility
Ayn Feb 2020
Silently bearing its teeth,
My emotions pounce onto me.
Nothing’s to happen,
But the morrow is unnerving.
My mind sprouts fantasies
Like the spring grows dandelions.
Soon the flowers change
And I’ll whisp away with the wind.
Soon the bees will come
And sting my body numb.
Ugh, my mind outruns my rational thought every time. I reflect on how she was nice to me today, but she’s just nice, and I thought I didn’t like her like this anymore.
183 · Apr 2020
Roof
Ayn Apr 2020
The morning dawn
Begins to light a darkened sky,
Painting colors onto the black.
Like a how printing press makes stories,
The sky paints it’s morning glories.
A child watches this transformation
As it whisks away his trepidation.
A warm sunny light
Shines through these
Once gnarled trees,
And the child finds it
A fine replacement
To the icy blue moonlight
That pervaded the night.
Standing up after a long night,
The boy gingerly steps off the roof
And through his ajar window.
Within seconds of touching his bed,
He’s entrapped, from toe to head.
Slumber takes its firm hold
As punishment for the stunt he pulled.
If I had a window that could let me get to my roof, I’d be up there a lot. I think we’ve all had a fear of the dark’s unknowns.

I’ve never been great at narrative writing, but I thought I’d try my hand at it once more.
183 · Mar 2021
Untitled
Ayn Mar 2021
A shimmering thunderclap
Shines across a million seas.
I stand landlocked,
Left to count the endless leaves.

The golem’s silent lament
Leaves the lightning to grieve.
The execution of silence
Set to be, without reprieve.
A golem is like a robot but made of dirt or stone, in this case it is representative of the earth. After all, the earth and sky form a precious duality in which we thrive.
182 · Nov 2021
Untitled
Ayn Nov 2021
As the somniferous air sets in
Like an ocean of sea glass;
The flowing tide echoing through my mind.

A dream of newfound waters
Surfacing like a long lost memory,
Calling forth from the autumn breeze.

Like gemstones in the rain,
I’m free to bleed out the colors.
The desire to leave an empty shell
Overpowered by a desire for vitality.
180 · Mar 2022
J
Ayn Mar 2022
J
What would you have thought?
I was fine all day to your knowledge.
All you heard was
“it’s been especially rough today.”

Would you have been shocked?
Sometimes i regret my choices.

Would it have been better for her if I didn’t turn around and step back in?
Would it have been better for you?
179 · Feb 2020
14D of 2M of 2.02kY
Ayn Feb 2020
I am by no means omnipotent,
So the meta-thoughts I have
About the couples on this day
Are quite biased.

I have to wonder
What these people are thinking
When vigorously presenting their love
Without even a shred of conscience
Or shame.
It got repetitive within a heartbeat (ha... ha... ha...). And after being too repetitive, it brought itself into my bitter contempt. Jealousy is powerful...
179 · Jan 2021
Untitled
Ayn Jan 2021
Without constraint,
Without boundaries,
Emotion persists
Through the trials of time.
178 · Nov 2019
Blissfully Blue
Ayn Nov 2019
I’m on fire.
It burns.
Hotter than magma,
Colder than dry ice.

The flames
Blue in nature,
Spread from my arms
To my torso.
My body is further
enveloped
In the liberating burn

Transcending all realms
Of known human sense,
I burn further and further
On.
As the fire spreads,
Farther and farther
Around
my blistering body.

My brain is finally hit
With the blue burning bliss.
A brilliant sight is seen,
A brilliant pain is felt.
I am fully enveloped,
And my room is now alight.

When I once again
come around to sanity,
I will notice my wrists,
Leaking my blue flame.

But it’s really just red water,
Giving me a release from the pain.
I’m out of this now, but this was one of my experiences with self harm. I just lost it one day and imagined the pain flowing around me like i was on fire... I’m ashamed now to say I enjoyed every second of that deluded flaming feeling.
Ayn Dec 2019
I once had a phone...
it was an IPhone 6.
Worthless to many,
but to me,
nothing
could have bought
that bank of emotion.

To part with it was
to part with some of me.
I am in no way a phone addict,
it just was full of precious bytes,
these 64 billion bytes described me.

The vehement texts, sent with wet eyes.
The entertaining games, played frequently.
The photos of friends and places held dear.
The contact of whom I am too shy to speak to.

And most importantly,
yet saddest of all...

the thousands of poems.
The stories of my doubtless fury,
my love for the pocket knife,
the yearn for another ****** line,
the sadness of another failed day,
the crushing expectations,
and the love I still feel.

The stories that pulled me from depression,
the stories that listened when nobody else would,
the stories that only I will ever have seen.

Even though it's fried silicon chip works no more,
I keep it still, not willing to let go.
So many things, lost forever,
all these things only I am to ever know.
Oh yes. classic 16 Y.O. of me to write about my broken phone. I started writing poetry in February, and I would write tens of poems a day.
178 · May 2021
Untitled
Ayn May 2021
Silence calls for dusks final breath
As we say farewell to sight
And lay our bodies to rest.

Our minds, however,
Live nocturnal,
Like our souls—
Living, eternal.
178 · Feb 2021
Untitled
Ayn Feb 2021
Decompression overwhelms
Concrete mentalities,
Shattering them
Like false glass.

Heavy is the head
That dawns the crown;
An anchor of lead,
Pulling us down.
Using greek letters i can make interesting things, take the uppercase lambda for example: ΛIDΛN cool i guess.
177 · Dec 2019
Robbed blind
Ayn Dec 2019
Robbed of my money,
Robbed of my well being,
Robbed of my hatred towards pain,
Robbed of my sight; my moral compass.

They stole it all,
And left me with nothing.
Nothing but black and blue bruises,
As well as a few red cuts littered over my body.

I wanted it all back,
But how could I ever ask?
They are horrible people all around.
Unreasonable and unpredictable are the defining words.

As I moved on, with time,
I found none of it ever healed,
None of it. The may have cuts gone away...
Yet so does the wind, but we know that the air is still there.

And so are all these ******* memories,
That cloud over my friends like viscous tar.

Why couldn’t they have just left me alone?

I still don’t know,
but since then I have grown.
I am ready for these ***** to come once more.
I hardly remember my best friend from those years because of those people. Also the line sloping for the first 4 paragraph thingies (term I’ve forgotten) was intentional.
176 · Feb 2020
Communism
Ayn Feb 2020
A system for the we
Of our diligent society.
But you cannot spell
This dangerous ism
Without the prefix
UNI
Or in the mouth
Of the common man:
MYSELF, I, ONE.
Joseph McCarthy is a wonderful person. He is the sole hero of the amercan society, and the embodiment of the american dream: breaking our government given rights to catch those who are but a far away threat to our rights as a free american.
175 · Dec 2019
5. Don’t You See?
Ayn Dec 2019
Don’t you see,
The ruby red blood?
We love the pain, you and me.
Bother sides of me are mud
So we should just let it out dude
I love that we can finally get on the same page
I love the blood, i love the cuts crude
Now that we bleed, we have left that cage
We are truly free, flying above all
Not listening to anyone’s pleas
No matter how much the beckon or call
To us they are nothing more than fleas
You shouldn’t trust them, ever.
Just trust me, I’m your benevolent endeavor.
All these poems were written on the same day. Oh yeah, if any of you are in the least bit confused, don’t hesitate to drop ur confusion in comments or in the spatial void, I may or may not get it either way, but I’ll try fix the confusion.
173 · Mar 2021
The Fire
Ayn Mar 2021
Stone upon stone,
Laying down the bricks
For a worldwide collapse.

Tear at the membrane,
Nothing can stop you now.
Why limit yourself?
Nobody watches you
When it matters most,
So rise.

Walls are built to be broken,
So let your heart become molten;
The time has come to be awoken.
172 · Jun 2021
Untitled
Ayn Jun 2021
Through smoke, Smog,
And smoldering ashes,
I’ll see this to the end.

Iridescent falls,
An ocean of flying fish.
Behind the charred walls,
Lies life’s perfect dish.
172 · Jan 2020
reflections
Ayn Jan 2020
The moon reflects
the sun's simmering shine
onto our planet's nightly shade,
just as the sun
reflects her circulating radiance
onto my darkening world.
Written in math class again. It's been a wild week for me with workload so that's why I haven't been posting as much. I haven't had time to do what I love, which *****, but school is important.
171 · Mar 2021
House
Ayn Mar 2021
Place the bets
Run the cards
Jack of hearts?
No,
You’re just the joker.

Face card?
No,
It’s all a facade.

living freely,
Yet chained to the game,
Life’s got my soul; my flame.
I’ve long since lost my name.
Playful thoughts of cards and chance.
171 · Dec 2021
Welcome Home
Ayn Dec 2021
As the life in your eyes began to fade
I saw you wings decay,
Like a autumn marsh
Turning from amber to beige.

Everything you had was lost,
Yet you fight remains;
An inferno among the flames.

You rose, an empress among the monarchs,
And finished, a champion among winners.

You’re a falcon in the wind,
A ruler of your world.
You never lost home, and now you’re here.

Welcome home.
171 · Apr 2021
The Muted
Ayn Apr 2021
Shimmering silence
Blooms over the desolate horizon,
Beckoning my fragile soul.

As the sun begins to fade,
Letting the darkness inch closer,
I’m still standing still;
Lost...

However, now I’m worlds away
With nobody around.
170 · Mar 2021
Intent:
Ayn Mar 2021
Hidden to all.
What was going on?
It’s anyone’s call.
Think of it this way, if someone gets into a car accident, and dies, you may think it was a horrible accident. What if they did it on purpose because they wanted to die. Nobody would be the wiser.
169 · Jan 2021
Untitled
Ayn Jan 2021
I’m the whisper
Among the piercing scream;
The subtle vertigo
Of an early morning dream.

I’m the darkest burning star;
Your wandering mind
When you’ve gone too far.

I’m the voice you could not hear;
The voice you should not fear.
Advice that most abhor,
Given with an air of valor.

Don’t follow my whispered suggestions,
All it becomes is bad recollections.
168 · Apr 2020
Bridges and Walls
Ayn Apr 2020
It is always the walls
that come crashing down
to suspend a new dawn.

Built to illuminate power
and show integrity,
but where does integrity lie
in a structure soon to die?

Yet it is the bridges
that hold a higher power
than mere stone walls can shower.

Bridges are never blown
for a new empire to be grown,
but bridges are commonly built
to support an empire's tang and hilt.
Have you ever noticed that? bridges tend to never be destroyed by humans in offense, but they have been in defense, for example, the British destroyed bridges in Belgium during WWI to stop the German advance. It was also a sole Belgian fort that was captured by the Germans and was used to destroy many of the other forts around it (there was a big gun). In case you are unfamiliar with the symbolism, bridges represent connections and relations. Walls represent isolation and integrity on one's own (in my mind).
168 · Feb 2021
Untitled
Ayn Feb 2021
The darkness holds me tightly,
Wrapping me within
Its—mine—our sin.

I see it shifting in the corner,
The forlorn spectral shade
Slipping through the thin fabric
Of my weak perception.

Embracing my body,
Living in my soul;
The shadow lies dormant,
With it I feel whole.
It’s not just the good parts that make us up, it’s the bad parts too. I started watching people stream videogames. It’s actually pretty chill.
167 · Feb 2020
Generalization
Ayn Feb 2020
The first seven words
Of seven thousand;

Will
Love
Life
Mind
Time
Pain
Blood

Give one a small generalization
Of what this boy writes.
When there’s a will, There’s a way. I really want to keep the word love off of the top of the list though. I am in belief that I will do it.
167 · Jul 2020
Untitled
Ayn Jul 2020
As the creeping doubt
Draws shadows of trees
Onto my mind’s canvas,
I silently look away,
Wishing the water’s reflection
Could distract me.

Rippling across the surface;
Distorting what I see.
The inkwell’s matte mirror
Changing what I’m to be.
I’m tired. And a bit sad. But who cares? At least I’m writing it out.
167 · Dec 2019
The Wake of Change
Ayn Dec 2019
We will change,
Make things greater,
Make them better,
Fix it all up.

Not with petty bicycle patches,
But with entire tubes and rims.
Not with concrete filling,
But with fortresses of stone.

I promise it will work out,
But I cannot do anything by myself,
So I want your hands to help.

We will rise like the flowing tide,
Creating a motion side by side,
And reach for the ever falling sky.
Originally written to be a poem about how friends can make the world a better place. Turned into trying to make a relationship work...
Written on Dec.31.2019
166 · Feb 2021
Untitled
Ayn Feb 2021
A violent struggle for air,
Lasts like a star’s radiant flare.
As the void turns to ashes,
Breath resumes control;
A frozen silencer thawed dry.
165 · Jan 2021
Isles
Ayn Jan 2021
As I look beyond the ocean,
The horizon’s phantasmic light
Reflects a midnight’s oasis
Of never ending stars;
A planetary pastel painting
This distantly endless expanse,
Bringing color to my eyes,
And life to the world.

It’s this lightly salted bliss
Which I’ll come to miss.
No matter how much I move forward,
I’ll wish “once more” to see this.
I really do feel this way. I doubt I’ll be on the ocean much when I set off on my own. Even in the far off chance that I become rich (but hopefully not famous), I’ll live in an ok house that’s not on the ocean. I’m not into all this “big house, expensive stuff, nice car” *******. I just need what I can make-do with.
163 · Jun 2020
Paper Madness
Ayn Jun 2020
As ink is left to fall,
Another paper
Is left to stain.

As my veins
Decide the path
Of my blood,
The ink in my pen
Decides the stain
Upon this paper.
Sometimes the stains
Are legible words.
Sometimes the stains
Are my blood.
163 · Dec 2019
Him
Ayn Dec 2019
Him
I’ve written poem after poem about her,
But I’ve never written one about him.
Is it because that ended before I
Started to write poetry once more?

I have no idea,
For I loved him just as dear,
As I love her.

Even though we may just be friends now,
I feel that he is still, by league after dissipating league,
The coolest person I have ever, and will ever meet.
I sent this poem directly to him after writing it, before I posted it here, just to mess with him ;).
162 · Jan 2020
Abstraction
Ayn Jan 2020
Sifting through the simmering desert of time,
The golden sand reflects the open sun,
Making this a bright, golden hellscape.
The sun scalds my damp body,
Donating my pale skin a rosy sheen.
I don’t know where I’ve come from, or where I’ve been,
But I know that all I can do is sift further,
And grimace with each step on the scalding sand,
Hoping to leave this golden hell,
And traverse to a green heaven.
A green heaven would be a forest in this case. This is a bit ironic because in the older puritanical belief, the forest was the home of the devil.
162 · Jan 2021
Untitled
Ayn Jan 2021
The thunder of gods
Hitting like a stone,
Yet fragmenting
Like hollow glass;
An insufferable impact
Followed by a spectral radiance
Of the refractive prisms
Which now litter
Our wandering minds.
Inspired by “Thunderstruck” by AC/DC (the first line is my mishearing of the song, and all the inspiration) the second line inspired by “IMN” by Mudvayne. The rest is original to me.
161 · Mar 2020
Firebugs
Ayn Mar 2020
Little firebugs
Rise like dandelions,
And float like feathers
Into this nightly silence.
A poem can be short or long. As we learned from Hemingway, stories can even be as short as 6 words. All that matters is that you get your point across.
161 · Mar 2020
Sheets
Ayn Mar 2020
Betwixt these sheets,
I lie, ablaze.
In this blanket maze,
I run, deathless.
Hidden in vulnerable darkness,
I protect, ardently.
On my stomach, lying low,
I regret, somberly so.
Written in my notebook. March.3.2020 (0303.2020, almost like a mirror!)
160 · Jan 2021
Vicarious
Ayn Jan 2021
Through the open door;
Tapped open by the playful prairie breeze,
Comes a man.
This man has a story, as does everyone else.
However, for this striding figure,
Standing tall and slightly large,
There was neither need nor reason
To share a time long past.

His clothes were out of season,
And poorly fitting for the time of day.
A collared purple shirt,
Decorated with tropical floral
Wore him like a flirt.
Velvet pants, shimmering with each step,
Electrified his egotistical stride.
With wrinkles like a rocky outcrop,
And colors most abhorrent today,
The sluggish outfit was complete.

Jaunting up the the well-loved counter—
Tended to by well-hated men—
And slowing by a slight amount
For those unlucky enough to cross his path,
He rested an older, pudgy hand
On the exposed splinter board.
All it took was a small glance
From this month’s wretched clerk
To set this man in motion;
“A pack o’ Marlboros and a coke...
Make sure it’s cold.”

An inaudible sigh—
I doubt anyone else heard the forsaken utterance—
echoed silently from the clerk’s unmoving lips.
Full of despair, this uniformed creature stepped back,
Turning his mind towards the cigarettes,
One of the many things he longed
But could never have.

Opening the case, and picking a carton,
He placed the weathered box upon the stressed counter.
The worst of the bunch... that’s why this one is hated.
After a couple of seconds,
The world, as if once trapped in stasis,
Was shattered back into movement.

The offending hand, wrinkled and haired,
Belonged to the confident customer.
“And the coke?”
He questioned, the corrosion leaking from his words.
“Oh... sure.”
The clerk mumbled in reluctant submission.
The cowardly one dropped to a kneel,
Pulling the coke out of an old icebox—
It was probably his—
And placed it lightly on the counter,
Not daring to shake the time bomb.
After the amount was rung through,
And a grimy $6.76 was paid in full,
Two hands—well known by now—
Seized the chemicals like it was his right...
And it was, because he bought that death.

Strutting out of the store,
his slimy hands slipped into his packet,
Drawing out his heroic match,
Like Excalibur from the stone.
A simple strike along the rusted doorframe,
And a smoldering cigarette later,
We gazed as a lit match was thrown back;
It’s fall like a clock of death,
Slowly ticking towards the man,
Bearing down beyond the corners
Of those sharp yet simple eyes.
I watched this kind of scene unfold as I wrote it. It was fun to write. It sure as hell took a bit. And there are no edits, like usual. I wrote what I wanted, so yeah.
160 · Dec 2020
Whispers of the Past
Ayn Dec 2020
The depths of consciousness,
Pierced by the needle
Of everlasting imagination.

Childish whims
And vehement tranquility
Continually surround
This world of purity.
160 · Jan 2021
Endurance
Ayn Jan 2021
The purest expiration;
The train has left the station
There’s no need to lie it out
There’s no need to contain it
It’s just a small remainder;
What’s left of our container
But shattered resonation?
A silenced inhibition
Led me to emotion.
There’s no thoughts to control,
This mind just isn’t whole.
Idek
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