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Sep 9 · 42
Holes
Avestani Sep 9
Digging myself, out of this hole
Trying to find, what would name me while
Lost in the past, let it limit my shine
Searching for answers locked in my mind

Worthy of love, I'm sure that I am
But what would it take, to receive my demands
Know I have strength, know that I'm strong
So why when I stand up for myself I feel wrong
I'm here to be loved, by the people who care
So why does the love, that they show me make me scared

Holding myself, to the standards I set
Wanting to grow, as I try and forgot
The voice of the truth, is the one I don't use
Hurting myself, like I've got something to prove
To say what I want, to say what I need
I long for the moment I can finally be free
Only stopping myself, and holding my breath
I'm 'fraid to draw lines, but closed mouths don't get fed

Worthy of love, I'm sure that you are
But what would it take, to make you state your demands
I see inner strength, I know you are strong
I love when you stand up, let me know what is wrong
You may not need love, but I'll show that I care
Ask what is needed, and never know fear

Holding yourself, to the standards I set
Little do you know, I want what's the best
Your voice carries truth, I hear when you talk
I want you to heal, what's you grow and improve
Just say what you want, just say what you need
I'll help if you need it, so you'll find inner peace
You're stopping yourself, just let go and breathe
Have faith, draw your lines, 'till you feel safe with me.

Digging myself, out of this hole
Trying to find, what would name me while
Lost in the past, let it limit my shine
Searching for answers locked in my mind
Sep 9 · 113
Potential
Avestani Sep 9
The potential of disaster or perfect collision
Did we lose sight of the original mission
Are distance and status creating division?
Confidence wavers at the moment of decision
Hesitant to feel, give into the flow of unspoken words that seldom hold the feeling behind verbal contact, lost passion on the wind drifting off from our tongues and our eyes, watch the hands, does the longing drive you mad, sure of the reception knowing you'll be accepted, but both cowards at the apex not willing to indulge ourselves in the most harmless of risks, a moment, a loss, a potential bliss, knowing our worth, knowing each other, exchanging emotions as we find ourselves within each other's range but like magnets the attraction leads to repulsion, fueled by conceptual barriers constructed by the filth of the physical, calamity of humanity a fickle mind and frozen heart so much so that eagerness for light and love is masked by fear of pain and past, like walls that form between our dreams that petrify reality, the game is played until its done, until time has won, and we've never begun, but oh we dreamed of it with clarity, the love we'd have, if we were free, like the animals we are, indulging in carnality and hedonism, reject the will of civilization, concepts formed to dominate, put man above man, we could see the boundaries between us rent apart nothing more than empty words hinging on empty thoughts that mean nothing to the energy between us, a million reasons, a thousand rejections, thought if cards played right could be perfection, to bet some time, a move of faith, we could separate from the conscious of man, the weakness and lies it brings, accept the will of the spirits, immersed in the universe, heeding the call of nature we locked away in our own man made order, heeding spirits with wisdom beyond any man, creature, or beast, and see if our love was something God planned.
Sep 9 · 177
Blackest Night
Avestani Sep 9
Blackest nights and hearts of hearts
As the feeling hits my bones
Vast illusions take their hold
Welcome evil to its throne

Embrace the stars that guide my fate they've often burned when I arrive too late
It seems I'm running in a vector leading myself back to what I hate
I picked the crown from all the roses, chose to drown yet dreamt of floating, spending precious time just hoping, loves a drug so now I'm doping, heart so broken no use coping, all this ink black blood is flowing, spilling from my tongue it stains the ground pollutes the mud

Wasted words, from wasted tongues I think I've fallen out of love and now this freedom cuts me open just to rip out all these pieces, voices, words, and thesis I've been Clinging to this life, God should just hand me the knife, I'll carve myself a new beginning.

Stab myself with a thousand needles to drive it home once more that there is no growth without pain and from me all the hues of red and black come pouring out in a catharsis of the self inflicted damage I've pursued in the twisted notion that accepting this pain will leave me with nothing left to lose and everything left to gain but as it turns out the gods were never so cruel and never so kind as to let me weather the entire storm to prove to myself that I was truly alive.

No.

No.

Take me, break me, shatter my illusions, drive my mind into confusion, take from me everything I hold true and run it through the strainer that's
you, God of wisdom take my hand and drag me through the burning sands, and take from me right as I bleed through every wound you set me free, crush my faith, tear out my eyes, if I don't make it death is fine, gifted wisdom from divine, is worth this anguished mortal life, show me death and show me light, show me plenty show me strife, cast upon I beg of thee, make me listen make me free.
Sep 9 · 27
Stumble
Avestani Sep 9
Do you stumble when you fall or does the weight of this world send you crashing to the ground as the jeers from the crowd snap at your heels like hounds bred for slaughter that never knew light but could only feel hunger and see you as a victim as only a measure of scrap just a snack for the time of the night while you fight do you know why you value your life stuck to work like a cog or a slave just because you get paid wont mean **** the next day as you're stuck in the cycle and do it again and again
Can you feel me, I know you can hear, but can you just feel me, I'm bleeding from my heart of tin, that I've wrapped up, the sound of it beating, its trying to greet me, but I'm far too greedy with my peace of mind, to let what's inside, set me free make me blind, and I've always just known that the truth could not hide, so what did I find while I'm searching for answers, the truth was I'm scared and took flight like a dancer on wind, as I'm screaming "You know I will find you" the signs point behind me but I'm just a coward who wont learn to turn.

I've always been too scared to turn,
Myself
Into what I dream to fill my sea of memories with joy and love if meant to be and yet I put a stop to whimsy find myself in cryptic visions haunting tales of sorrow laced with deep depression, masked with brute aggression, deaf to all suggestion, monster of me I will make of myself, cause the beast with no knowledge is easy to trick, and the games that I play may be all with myself, but I'm too scared of losing so each trap I lay I ensure that I fall on and both my legs break just to stutter my progress before its too late, and light much like darkness is found in all man but I'm too busy drowning in hourglass sand, to take stock of the meaning that both are in balance
Sep 9 · 30
Bluetooth Exorcism
Avestani Sep 9
Falling faster, call the pastor
He's a *******, don't extract her
Sharing dreams, now cross the fracture
Changing fonts to write new chapters

Drowning in laughter
What's the matter
Can't you see the one you're after
Hypocritic, I'm a cynic
Watching you reach for quite a minute
Can you save her, can you savor
All the moments you've enslaved her
Now you're burning, conscious hurting
See yourself as undeserving
What you're learning
Stomach is churning
Freedom means you're by yourself

Inky depth, in the darkness of my mind
Lobotomize my tongue, let me drool it out like wine
A verbal vorpal blade, that seeks to make you mine
You're bleeding out emotions, so we're only wasting time
Tragedy has left you broken into pieces undefined,

Faceless emotions, and flimsy love potions
You can swim across the oceans if you follow in their motions
Late night with the lotion, Spirit bomb explosion
Water makes erosion, I'm burning out my Trojan
Sep 9 · 31
Worm
Avestani Sep 9
Holding on to memories
Living in the past
Wanting to go back in time
The future comes too fast
Replaying the stories in your head while laying in your bed
Regrets are flooding in your thoughts you're only free when you're dead

Silence all the voices
Demons whispers spreading doubt in every action that you take
Are you moving farther from the light with every single forced mistake
Find yourself
In the heart of the void
Telling people stories of the chaos that you've wrought
Only in that moment will you think you know the cost

Closer and closer
To the end
Find yourself at doors that lead to nowhere
Deeper and deeper
Sinking and drowning
Sowing your madness around you and dancing in faith misplaced

The last thing that you'll see is a recognizable face

One who watches
One who creeps
One who makes the virgins weep
Kings of Sorrow
King of Drought
Plague and Agony drooling from his mouth

Down and down.
You pierce the darkness
Through and through
To find yourself
Give to it your hearts desire
Take from it your rightful place

Worm
Watching every minute creep by as you squirm
Worm
Digging in the earth for treasure burying yourself
You ******* Worm
Asking for powers and knowledge divine
The gift of this wisdom is know you are mine
Sep 9 · 82
Sycophant
Avestani Sep 9
The best flattery comes from this affection
I see the way you come alive
You wouldn't believe my lies but love the misdirection the truth is I don't know why
Get enough of me for only just a moment I'll disappear in front of your eyes
I'm a sycophant slowly forgotten when honesty blends with the lies

Can you tell me of all your favorite memories
The moments that we all have left behind

Living in the past.
Holding on to
All the feelings
That we want to
I'm impressed by
Your conviction
Holding on to
Something missing


Tell me truthfully did you ever believe me when I said that I want to see you fly
Tell me honestly did all of the instructions to follow just pass you by
I'm inanimate I've lost the will to conquer for you I'll lose to thousand times
Its a motive and poorly was it hidden I'm bleeding out to make you mine

Can we sunder,
all decisions,
separate them,
from our visions
I've begun to think that slowly we succumb to it the difference in indifference and just saying we are done with it the truth it hides in many lies I can't decide to trust my eyes the voice inside it screams to try but when I speak my words sound weak I lose my footing on the peak I tumble down and hit the ground my confidence cannot be found

I just wonder
From this blunder
Was it made up
Can we make up
I'm not holding
But not giving
I'm not scolding
You're forgiven

Tell me one more time.
What's your favorite lie
I'll sing you to sleep with cherry picked words that sound deep until you see my frown and sugar coated candy crown
Sep 9 · 108
God is a Liar
Avestani Sep 9
I've opened one too many doors inside this labyrinth of my mind
I've seen the birth and death of light in endless dark I will reside
I see the truth as sharpened knives to bleed the eyes from shameless pigs
I see the coffins filled to brims and all the graves we have to dig

I watched the heavens turn to ash and gazed upon the empty throne and as the burning angels fell I realized I felt at home a fitting end to holy tomes a burning city kin to Rome and as through concrete flowers grow the seeds of chaos will be sown

The sea it turns from red to black the sky applauds its thunders clap from whence we came we shall go back into our saviors endless trap

Pursuit of peace no shame be known as wisely told by three blind crones and all the secrets we'd be shown to break the cage we've much outgrown

And now upon the lofty sands we stand together hand in hand and to sing of battles long and gory remembering  our hard fought glory

The venom seeps, the fangs that shred, the warm embrace of those thought dead, the sons of evil took their toll, the sun is dark, the jester folds

And when the end has had its run we flee to halls and fill with *** and give the praise to those we've lost to see this day but at what cost
For now they leave but never gone the tale of Gods will still live on they said our God's have met their end but see they lied they rise again
Sep 9 · 66
Untitled X
Avestani Sep 9
Tell me who you wish for me to be
Ill be silent, waiting patiently
Gave up on my perfect memories
Haunted by the things you did to me
All of these faces they seem just the same
And all of these places I've watched go up in flames
Telling renditions of tragedy and shame
I'm on a mission to make it one more day

All these things
They build up in me
All these sins
They've corrupted me
Trust myself
To never trust again
Call for help
I wish I had a friend.

All of these things, they build up in me
All of these sins, they've corrupt me
Can you see, can you tell,
I am a broken soul destined for hell

Ohhh
Sunbathed, in the mornings light
When the night is gone
And the feeling that I can't contain comes around
The sheets, of my bed
seem to be, where I'll drownnnnnn

Locked inside, the tiny chamber, of my mind, I try to find, a reason to, convince myself,
I will be fine, just in due time,
Torn frommmmm, this reality
I'm still hereee, but it's not where I'm meant to beeee
Press rewind, and take a trip, though empty halls in a fractured glimpse, of passageways to yesterday's, that shaped me to who I am today, and question why, just one more time, you think that this would turn out fine

Conscious but not
Speaking but not heard
I used to flock, a sheep within the herd
Seen what it was,
The Shepard never learns
Stirring the ***
But don't expect the burn
Tearing off all of this  pretense my heart, is shackled and bound in a fence where I keep it I've seen all your crimes and misdeeds turn to secrets so trust me when I say if I loved you, just delete it.
*******.
Each and every scar on my heart seems to lead to a time and place where my trust and my faith was just wrongfully placed and at no ones fault, just seemingly t my own, Id give it all back  to never remember that home.
That home.
That face.
And those lies that we told, that once we're all true, I don't think you know, but that makes it hurt all the more.
Avestani Jan 1
Test director
Follow the vector
My mind is a spectre
It flys through the walls
Here it coming
The sound of it crawling
I juggle addictions
And don't drop the ball
Im misguided
Listened to wisdom
I swear I've been taught this
Then forgot it all
I've decided
To be undecided
Red or the blue pill
I wont make the call


Slowly down this precipice I pray I never fall
Only when there's none to give does heaven start to call
Forced into indifference like I forgot it all


Words strung together like the blessing of the ancient ones who's will was turned to stone and drafted on the cosmic slate of demon bones


Lofty shroud of ignorance that graces round the throne, screaming  that I'm lonely y now when I possess a phone


Exiled from my own mistakes, my past once felt like home, but now feels foreign to the touch as memories dance across my brain I crave the numbness in my veins


I've grown so much but still fear pain, I know there's cost, yet seldom pay, I yearn for freedom as a slave, I feel so lost but know the way


I seek the steps that I should take
But all my worry seems so fake
I beg, I ask for help to plan
But hold the power in my hands
I seldom lack to save my friends
But always lag to save myself
I let my demons win today
But yet I stand here set to slay


You've been directed by the best
And every helping hand you've turned
To live in your own perfect world
You know your sin
You know your tests
You know yourself the very best
You know the secrets that you keep
You know the pain you've buried deep
You know the way to heal yourself
You know the way you fail each test
And choose a path to what you want
Instead of taking what you need
A slave to your heart filled with greed
An eager jump for fantasy
But life's not fair
You've lived so wrong
You trapped yourself and sing your song
You know deep down your will is wrong
But still you walk in circles drawn
When you were on your darkest days
You still fall prey to your old ways
So much given, so much signs
But all you want is to feel fine
The human ways, they never change
You know for fact it cant be the same
But words like these go in and out
You couldn't care to follow suit
You're gifted teachers play with fools
You let yourself be used like tools
You crave a change yet still you use
You think you're e smart, you know the words
But seldom can you make them verbs
Your actions show you wont progress
Follow the spirits, take their tests.

You only know what you know.
You can only change if you hope to grow.
You believe in God.
You know the spirits brutal hand
Live by it. Or die by it.

Stop accepting humanity
Become the forest
Sep 2020 · 57
Of Serpents and Devils
Avestani Sep 2020
You've tasted the blood on the lips of the ******
You've stabbed every back till you've settled your score
Of Serpents and devils you lay in the shallows
Twisting and squirming corrupt all that's hallowed
Strangle the breath from their lungs evermore
You are the scourge that was banished at sea
You are the demon that's hiding in me
Devil I am in the shell of a man
Seeking this vengeance for those who've been ******
Finding no peace in the blood and gore
Mindless this violence I crave something more
Venom it flows from my every word
Poisoning you till you lag from the herd
Your moment of weakness is all you have left
Watching you falter and take your last breath
Beg to the God's that you've weathered your fate
Hungry for freedom but can't get a plate
Selfish you are when you give what you owe
Thinking that kindness is what you bestow
Greedy for pleasure you **** in the filth
Drowning in drink just to numb out the guilt
Bury yourself by the weight of your sins
So lost in the rage you'd turn blade to your kin
Captive you are to the way of the Gods
Chosen your service but yet still do wrong
The heart of a man is too quickly to break
Under the pressure your smile will turn fake


Of Serpents and devils you live in a land drowned in dark and your future is woven by threads torn apart as the Norns seek to guide but you live by your heart not your mind as the wisdom you seek is the wisdom you find but not what you keep as you're searching the deep and the sky comes alive with the lighting and thunder you reach for a knife to sever the life, to sever the line, you think with this freedom your future is fine.


Suffocating the liars with the tongue that's dipped in gold, speaking gentle whispered whimsy from a heart of broken stone,
Tragic fractures
Pain of past
Do you think this love will last?
Cursed for sins by karmas hold, you play games but quickly fold, the hand you're dealt, the hand you stole, does seeking wealth make your soul whole


Driven by profit to substitute power that comes from the knowledge you lack
Seeking the warmth of another like stars in the sky to ignore the endless black
Holding to these words turned violent questions hit like loaded guns
Fail to embrace the spirit resilient God will surely come
And when his words descend upon you life has just begun


Of Serpents and devils you live in a land drowned in dark and your future is woven by threads torn apart as the Norns seek to guide but you live by your heart not your mind as the wisdom you seek is the wisdom you find but not what you keep as you're searching the deep and the sky comes alive with the lighting and thunder you reach for a knife to sever the life, to sever the line, you think with this freedom your future is fine.


Do not seek to beg and pray
The wisdom comes on darkest days
And when you think you've had enough, the Gods will come and call your bluff, then feed you misery 'till you' re stuffed


Karmas hold worth more than gold, can lie to man, can wear a mask, can preach a truth you seldom walk, but God knows all, the night and dawn, he does attack
In little ways
The smallest things
The tiniest cuts are the most painful sting
Aug 2020 · 50
Midnight
Avestani Aug 2020
Constrained to vices that bind us to time
We learn to let go and unwind
Detachment from filth
Freedom of mind
Exposing our souls as we go towards the divine
Calmly we seek
I Steadily we rise
All for the moment of truth in our lives


Burning star in the midnight sky, do you see the way that angels cry, as the light you shine illuminates my eyes
It's burns away the lies
I realize I'm fine
Angel nor demon I'm only man, cursed with free will and a slave to God's plan, buried my sins in the past so they rust, carving my future of glory from dust, tearing away all that I've ever been, watching self hate blow away on the wind,
Seeing that endings are where we begin
Knowing the peace I seeks buried within


Constrained to devices that corrupt our minds
We live to control
Pretend we're divine
Attached to the filth
The mask says we're kind
Pity the blind as they walk towards demise
Calmly they speak
Believe their own lies
All till the moment that Karma arrives


Fall from grace how the angels died, as they realize how the good men lie, as I cross the t's and dot my i's on the contract for my eternal life, and the price was paid on the darkest night, where the demons won and tore away my light,
Will I just be fine
Will I just be fine
Will I just be fine
Over and over I drag myself to the valley where I once met death, with a new respect, on what balance meant.
Jul 2020 · 54
Pillar
Avestani Jul 2020
Trying to overcome the feeling of being numb
Defaulting to indifference has left me acting in defense
Protecting myself from the pain with deflection and novacane min
Has left me with an unbalanced brain, will I ever know love again


I wonder why I seldom cry
Why roses for
Is God alive


Feeling myself run out of time I press rewind and then feel fine but in my mind I'm stressed, depressed, I've tried my best, and now need rest, been killing myself to pass a test, killing myself to press reset, I'm dodging death, with every breath, my heart is frozen, with regrets


My heart is beating like a drum
To feel alive I try to die
This venom enters numbs my tongue
I crave to see through open eyes
To find the truth in ignorance
They blind the youth with negligence
The ancients come and steal my breath
And turn it into excellence
The Golden Light out shines the sun
Catharsis of unspoken words
I feel myself go back in time
And wonder why we have to die
I wonder why the God's are still
As man kills Earth and drinks his fill
Why good men lie why bad men cry
Would all th we answers save my life


I wonder why I seldom cry
Why roses die
Is God alive


Feeling myself run out of time I press rewind and then feel fine but in my mind I'm stressed, depressed, I've tried my best, and now need rest, been killing myself to pass a test, killing myself to press reset, I'm dodging death, with every breath, my heart is frozen, with regrets


Cyclical thinking
Biblical drinking
If I pray to God will I one day feel fine
Or would he neglect a desperation of this kind
As I sink in the waters of my own device
Baptism of the most unfortunate kind
Relentlessly driven to seek the unknown
The words of the truth get stuck in my throat
The world turns to black
Then swiftly to grey
Darkness and light I guess balance is ok
If I had it my way
These lessons would change
I'd hide from the pain
But then in the end there would be nothing to gain


I am a pillar
Ancient and crumbling
Need restoration
Standing for something
Rooted in place
I'm defined by circumference
I am a pillar
I'm standing for something
Falling to nothing
Been bested by time
Clinging to concepts
It's all in my mind

Feeling myself run out of time I press rewind and then feel fine but in my mind I'm stressed, depressed, I've tried my best, and now need rest, been killing myself to pass a test, killing myself to press reset, I'm dodging death, with every breath, my heart is frozen, with regrets, but growth is painful, I accept, and let it go, for peace to set
Jul 2020 · 50
Do You Love What You Do?
Avestani Jul 2020
Torturing myself with memories of the past
I seek to understand what I hid behind my mask
And all my good intentions bore no fruit, they didn't last
I'm hear to learn my lessons from a class I didn't pass


Over and over I'm playing the tape through
To learn all my patterns and see why I hate you,
I hate me
Projecting my failure, my anger, mistrust
Watching my lies turn my future to dust
Pushing myself till I'm over the edge, but I don't touch the ground
I'm falling and screaming but don't make a sound
The depths of my madness is where I will drown
Only in chaos will answers be found
Only through breaking will I be unbound
Only in silence will I hear the sound


I see myself, a product of wasted potential, an addict to the tragic, a pinnacle of pain
These moments I've been through have rewired my brain.
Im happy then sad, forget what feels normal and fearful of knowing true peace with myself
Expecting the worst
Seeking acceptance from others in place of my own
If they knew what I knew, then they'd hate me too.
I'm awesome but ****, worth loving but easy to hate
I'm honest and peaceful but just for today,
I bounce off the walls, can't get out if bed
I'm praying for answers to take me right out of my head


They speak to me.


All the distractions will take you from soul
All of the money will not make you whole
The gifts of the past pave a way for the future and all of the demons we fear live on earth
Poisoning children addicted from birth
Models and beauty corrupt their self worth
Men on a mission to strip all the Earth of her essence
We struggle to live and then burn out like stars on the weekend
Do you love what you do?
Jul 2020 · 59
Blooming From Darkness
Avestani Jul 2020
Oblivious to the yearning, you're frozen in time
Stagnant emotions, settling in your mind
Holding the burden, you're testing your strength
I know you're hurting and holding your breath


I, believe
You're worthy of catharsis
Your destiny is bliss
All the things you've suffered have made you into this
Pain was the water, you've drowned in the rain
Loss was the sunlight, that burnt your smile away


From all the ashes you will rise again
A flower is blooming from seeds in your head
I know that you're shaken, I know that you're scared
Change is always coming. I know that you're prepared


I've watched as you've been growing,
And I've watched you conquer fear,
As you turn all your shame into passionate flames
As you let go of blame, and moved on from the pain, If you saw yourself through the mirrors of my eyes
The beauty, the glory, of your strength, would make you cry


I see potential between all the lies
I see the angels in devils disguise
Don't know the past, I don't know where you're from
Can't promise you a paradise, a garden of eden


I'm not a savior and you're not a nun
You're growth will be painful
If you need I'll come.
Jul 2020 · 59
Potential
Avestani Jul 2020
The potential of disaster or perfect collision
Did we lose sight of the original mission
Are distance and status creating division?
Confidence wavers at the moment of decision
Hesitant to feel, give into the flow of unspoken words that seldom hold the feeling behind verbal contact, lost passion on the wind drifting off from our tongues and our eyes, watch the hands, does the longing drive you mad, sure of the reception knowing you'll be accepted, but both cowards at the apex not willing to indulge ourselves in the most harmless of risks, a moment, a loss, a potential bliss, knowing our worth, knowing each other, exchanging emotions as we find ourselves within each other's range but like magnets the attraction leads to repulsion, fueled by conceptual barriers constructed by the filth of the physical, calamity of humanity a fickle mind and frozen heart so much so that eagerness for light and love is masked by fear of pain and past, like walls that form between our dreams that petrify reality, the game is played until its done, until time has won, and we've never begun, but oh we dreamed of it with clarity, the love we'd have, if we were free, like the animals we are, induldging in carnality and hedonism, reject the will of civilization, concepts formed to dominate, put man above man, we could see the boundaries between us rent apart nothing more than empty words hinging on empty thoughts that mean nothing to the energy between us, a million reasons, a thousand rejections, thought if cards played right could be perfection, to bet some time, a move of faith, we could separate from the conscious of man, the weakness and lies it brings, accept the will of the spirits, immersed in the universe, heeding the call of nature we locked away in our own man made order, heeding spirits with wisdom beyond any man, creature, or beast, and see if our love was something God planned.
Feb 2020 · 125
Untitled by Choice
Avestani Feb 2020
Calling out, I hear her name now
Falling now, I've never even seen the ground
Trust in sound, the truth could never persuade
Hear me now, I'll never seek to replace you

I can see her messy hair in my nightmare
An angels smile and piercing eyes, this fear is not fair
I've given love, I've given lies, I've given blank stares
I've broke inside, and cannot hide, that I don't care
I've been living, breathing constant calamities
Existant on the false notion that we are born free
The leaky faucet always seems to undermine my speech
I'm sideways drifting in a system come and follow me

It's in my mind playing over and over
She's my best card and so I know I gotta hold her
The perfect moment always seems like a fantasy
A slave to my own misconceptions guess I can't be free
Slowly the moon comes in and chokes out the sun
I'm so out of touch with reason that I've lost my love
Making memories of self inflicted verbal warfare
I'm addicted to this substance and I can't care
Empty hallways make me revisit my childhood
And empty feelings all I find when I should feel good
I'm slowly making my way into a revival
I guess I knew that all along
I'd have to die first

I can see her messy hair in my nightmares,
Blackest eyes like soulless voids give me a scalding glare,
Torn asunder is the room that she would meet me
Her every word a hate fueled curse made to defeat me
I'm a lion in the pit of her anotomy
She got this rope around my neck and swears to God I'm free
It's copacetic all the torture that we give ourselves
Recite the mantras, karma sutra, what's your mental health?

I'm down with the dirt but youre trying to bury me
Can't stop this sin-seeking self fullfilled prophecy
Dabbling mystic
I'm channeling spirits
Fueled by the desperate, I give up my last breath, please read all my subtext, forshadowing what's next, we lean on the substance to balance our morals and rewrite our systems to claim holy laurels
I'm testing it,
Invest in it,
I can't wait, to lay to rest in it
Testing it
Invest in it
Testing it
Make it flip Make it flip OUT!
Jun 2019 · 231
Growing Pains
Avestani Jun 2019
Like a festering burrowing worm I took root
Deep in your mind where you reject the truth
Bending and breaking your soul evermore
Demonizing all the saints you adore
Riveting cracks that I lay down your spine
Tingling wisdom you think so divine
Murderous words that you think cannot guide
Youre in your own way and still you are mine
I was the plauge that had ravaged the lands of your mind
This ****** is mine
I'm swallowing time
Consuming what's mine

Holy demonic the darkest of light
Angels of mercy that free you from life
You cannot **** till your demon is known
Facing yourself and now where do you go
The sun and the moon and the planets that move
Puppets on strings as you dance to their tune
Always neglecting the infinite soul
Wishing to listen and do as your told

Tell me to help and I offer my hand
Only grip tight till the moment you stand
Now you are moving your feet on the ground
Follow your path and the truth will be found
Whispering sins that you've long left untold
Now your emerging a sight to behold
Beauty and blessing but you've just begun
The faceless are laughing when you hold your tongue
Who are the voices that refuel your doubt
Where is the evil that brought forth your drought
Carrying on you may search the abyss
There's nothing to find you think somethings amiss

Nothing to gain and nothing to lose
To only one person your faith you must prove
I've given a gift that I've given myself
And tell unto you I did not need this help
Begging and crying you seek me for more
Lessons on trying can be such a bore
Tell me what's wrong
Why don't you tell me?
I already know
Then that sets you free

You wish to become, a much better you
So who do you lean on when you cannot move
I am just not a main part of your strength
Will nor the hammer will leave me unbent
I burdened my sin and I tortured my soul
All in the end just to see I am whole
All of my secrets you think I have told
All of my secrets to me are unknown
Where is the wisdom I've gifted myself
Where is the God you think spared me the belt
Where is the power you seek here on Earth
When you're alone and buried in dirt

I say that you have it
You ask me then where
I say that you have it
You freeze and you stare
I say you beg God's and spirits divine
To come down to earth and give you their time
They gave us all gifts we seal in our minds
I'm certain of yours but you're longing for mine
I say you are broken
I say you are fine
I say you are lonely
Now make up your mind
I say you're not perfect
But surely you've grown
Now prove to yourself that you sit on the throne
Mar 2019 · 89
Clarity
Avestani Mar 2019
Gratitude to the ones who taught me
Many thanks to the powers above
So long I've dabbled with the ones below
So long I've searched for the one who knows me

Physical inventions cause me to not mention the motive the reason the world I believe in
The here and the now
The land left unseen
Bridging the gap to say what I mean
To say what I've seen
To tell you a story that sounds like a dream
Knowing the voices in my head are fiends
Saving myself by silencing screams
Saving myself by killing what's me

Tell no one the things you know
Speak violence and mayhem and slaughter, despair
Burning your heart out and living in fear
Drowning that fear in the anger and lust
You cannot help but search blindly for trust.
Guidance is light but you were born blind
Searching for secrets and seeking divines
Hang from your noose that you've woven from vines
I cannot save you, your life is not mine

Lost in the chaos, I've guided myself
Only when my tongue is bleeding do these words my soul reflect, **** this life give me what's next, **** this life give me what's next
Lost in the chaos I've guided myself
Only when my tongue is bleeding do these words my soul reflect, **** this life give me what's next, **** this life give me what's next

Fill my tender heart with sin and bring my ego swift to death cut me down, relentless beating, strangle me then break my neck, **** my soul raw, fracture my jaw, tell me what I should expect, crack the system, mysticism, fortune favors those who bet

Suffocate my demons, clarify my reasons, say what you belive in, say you love the feeling, These words are revealing, no more double dealing, breaking through my ceiling, lacking human reason, never cared for kneeling, cycles are repeating, suffucate my demons, prove that I don't need em, prove that I don't need em, prove that I don't need em

Stop

Criss crossing the fabric
Stiching my woes
Grabbing at pieces
Now where do I go
You say there's a thesis
A method to insane
I say that I need it
You say I'll explain
Mar 2019 · 63
Good Dreams Die Young
Avestani Mar 2019
To be devoured is to enter the unknown, submerged in pleasure foretold in the stones,
Submission to malice that blots out the truth, when souls both collide and the demon takes root.
Lust is the name and its lost in the ledger, for every soul taken misguided by pleasure, your feathers get plucked by each steady measure, you lie to yourself when you think you know better,
It's easy to hate and its harder to feel, that all of your wants lead to Elysian Fields,
Sure of the path but not sure of the cost, the lesson of life is that pain is the boss, Give and they take no one cares if your cry, burning in hell your cheeks always stay dry,
The moment of truth always comes far too late, you've cooked in your madness and dine from the plate,
Fools who know nothing have faith in their letters, faith in their strength to handle stormy weather but crack from the root when you tug on the vine, they act like their God's but can't hear the divine, Stumbling mind lost in passion and pain, medicate yourself and poison your veins, Pump in the truth that you want to belive, praying to God that he'll save you like Eve, Every, lost, chance, to, forgo the past makes you stricken and blind,
The only, tune, you dance, to, is all of the facts that you force in your mind.
It's never, that, easy, to give up delusion and fall into line,
Hiding, from, the, truth, you'll only see when you open your mind
You look with your eyes to follow your faith, never accepting what may be your fate
You do not, seek to believe, you just seek, to receive
Your greatest sin, is knowing greed, you only want but don't know what you need
Hating the truth when it doesn't agree, "But how do you know?"
Cause You Live In Misery  
Mental athletics your jumping through hoops made of fire and brimstone when fighting the truth and you try to defy all the signs and the proof by saying your feelings have something to prove.
You're lost in your mind and you must hate it there, know that your broken and cling to your fear, believe what you feel cause that's all that you know, thinking you're right tell me how does that go? How much success have you gotten to show, How much regrets have you buried in snow, blossoming doubts in the warming of weather, refusing to listen and think it gets better,
How much more pain till you've added it up, intentions so pure but your soul is corrupt
You know your sin and you wear it with pride, expecting a chance when you fail- not this time.
Avestani Mar 2019
Interlocking masterpiece of retrospective wonders
I feel the tempo of the past, the music pulls me under
I contemplate the small mistakes, the white lies,and the blunders
I hesitate to change my fate if only to disassociate myself if I choose wrong.
I take a chance at inaction and let you set the pace because I realize when dancing with the devil I cannot lead.
I don't think much anymore about anything or anyone but myself.
Selfish yet necessary to avoid the burden of caring about others.
The weight of the feelings and emotions implicating me in their state of being as my words bring their destruction or mirth.
I dislike the human trait of giving credence to logic but falling prey to feelings that only result in illogical behavior
It is the epitome of a creature that allows its own destruction in the pursuit of happiness.
To let no one control your emotions is as easy as keeping them at a distance.
Calculated and premeditated reactions and responses to put them at ease.
To control no one's emotions is a feat much harder than simply not speaking.
Inaction, action, repetition, ever changing patterns.
All that you do and do not will cause a shift in their balance.
Your every move, dancing along the outer edges of their consciousness leading to questions, answers, and emotions that send them off in a plethora of vectors.
They blindly move forward with trust in their reality, one rooted in your kind deception, of acceptance and friendship.
In the attempt to distance and save yourself from the pain, you in turn make yourself a focal point.
Whether infamy or glory, the ones in your orbit will bend and break at your word whether you want them to or not.
Suddenly every decision to please them adds on more and more to a connection that you are not truly committed to.
Every time you scorn them you burn a bridge that in their eyes means much more to them  than it does to you.
There is no balance, just a force forever moving between extremes like a pendulum.
From one extreme to another you dance your way through pleasure and pain  only enjoying a brief moment of equilibrium where you can truly be at peace.
Only when you're alone.
To care is the biggest sin because all the actions and results that follow, good or bad in the guise of caring, are judged by others and yourself.
To pretend to care is the greatest freedom given because the actions will be judged by others but you will always find solace in never judging yourself for the things that you do for others, because it was never for your own gain in anyway.
Peace of mind.
A state of being.
It doesn't truly exist but the closest taste a human could receive is to fake the day to day emotions and proceed to sashay around the people that try to bond with them.
Shaking hands but never removing your gloves.
Always there but only because it is wanted or expected.
Never truly learning what it means to be swept away in a sea of irrational behaviors
Never truly learning that the greatest joy of being human is giving in to those emotions and finding joy.
Always secure.
Always strong.
Always empty.
Always content.
Always supporting.
Always alone.
Mar 2019 · 74
Spit Soup
Avestani Mar 2019
Cream of the crop, won't you take off your top
It's too late to stop, next your ******* should drop
I'm kissing the ground that you tread like it's hot
Know I've been stirring and cooking this ***.

Holy **** I spilled it

Loose leaf messages, my texts send direct
Oh what I would give to taste your neck
Which scene is next, **** I'm the director
Holding the controls, here's my fill in Hector
Gotta specter detector, the phantom is prowling
Who let the cat loose, I love its yowling

Madman symphony, Bethoven isn't **** to me
Frames of time in history, make nothing more than hits to me
Girl please hit on me, much to give but much to need

Dance with the system, fully electronic
7 more drinks and I might be super sonic
Slick black, blonde hair, what's a sayain born to fear
God is just another power level to me

Can you see?
Nice eyes
You're born to believe
In me, and you, I may have a clue,
Credit to my formula, you love how I adore you girl
Pushing pink buttons on your insides, your insides

Could you just be mine for this night

I feel fear, I excite, was my timing right
All to give, none to take, it's a clean mistake
Is it fake, or half baked, please return the plate

Alone at the restraunt I'm afraid to call your name, the seat you chose was perfect I'm afraid to shake the frame, a thousand simple questions know the answers feel mundane, to start and end our romance I will try to win this game, run jump crouch and hide, take myself for a ride, not like if I **** up ill actually die.
Avestani Mar 2019
Turn up the sound effects
Moans keep me going
Love when it's snowing
Cocain should *******

Go grab the crucifix
This ***** don't know me
Let her control me?
Can't even zone me

I've gifted life before, just like a mother
Wear me on your shoulder, and I'll love you like no other
Based upon these instances you've never had a lover
Let me show you something new and take care of each other

I got a big idea, trapped in my head
I don't know, if you wanna see this ***** in bed
**** all the foreplay, and just give me head
Don't change the subject, trust me instead

Blessed as the victim, honestly mislead
Surface my kingdom, all my sins were said
Sold were my phenom, change my gold to lead
You want the distance, run across my head

I've gifted life before, just like a mother
Wear me on your shoulder, and I'll love you like no other
Based upon these instances you've never had a lover
Let me show you something new and take care of each other

Bucking the system, I aim for the head
Changing reality, all my kids are dead
Twisting her *******, she said that they bled
Oh no I'm sorry, she said go ahead

As sloppy rendition, go and break some bread
Sharing your story, yet rarely share your bed
Up in the mountains, training in your head
Down in your valley, guess my tongue is blessed

Turn up the sound effects
Moans keep me going
Love when it's snowing
Cocain should *******

Go grab the crucifix
This ***** don't know me
Let her control me?
Can't even zone me

I've gifted life before, just like a mother
Wear me on your shoulder, I'll love you like no other
Tell me am I interesting because I cook with butter
Margarine is made for fiends, creeping through my gutters

Invisible lover
If she screams, just club her
When she's sad, just rub her
If she swings, recover
I read emotions
But can't see your face
All of her pictures
Show me with blank space

Are you just a fill in for my nightmares or fantasies?
Mar 2019 · 53
The Things You Owed
Avestani Mar 2019
They told me you owed this to the powers that be
I told them when you paid it you deserve to be free
They told me that you owed this to the powers that be
To the powers that be
To the powers that be

Set the stage for the odyssey
A story paved in blood
Raining from the crimson sky
On your path to true love

And I could never be without you
I could never be without your smile
All the things you did
Every breathe you take
I want to see you shining brighter

Let me tell you that it's easy to work this out
And you'll belive me cause you're starting to swim in doubt
I'll dam the ocean just to tell you that we're in a drought
I'll make this easy cause you're too hard to live without

Just another take, of a mansion
I'll make a house filled with golden intentions
Just another take, of a mansion
I'll make a house filled with golden intentions

Dripping from my tongue are the words of good intention but please just don't mention the startling fences appear as your walking you thought you were free but the price that you paid was to be part of me and I'm shattered to pieces but I'll rebuild myself and then you'll find your place among one of my shelfs and all wrapped in blue is the hint of respect cause I dabble in dark things I cannot forget

The things that you owed have you paid your respects and your debts cause I'm watching the rift in your chest derilict your hearts hungry your eating yourself from the inside.
Sep 2018 · 118
Preconception
Avestani Sep 2018
Oh what ways can I amuse you today
Making you fall for me over and over and over again
Dragging myself to the end of the bed to make you feel like we didn't pretend
And no I won't say we were better off friends
Cause that path lacks this passion we can't comprehend
When our ship sinks we find a submarine and keep on swimming  days blow by bedroom dances make us willing to engorge ourselves on little revealing dances of common courtesy gone too far
I feel like I'm jumping through hoops made of language from Mars
Some type of subterranean menace beneath the skin endlessly repeating Ill remember how we somehow started but never made a plan to begin
Hearing you call me a blessing a curse and a fill in for verses of life between our duet for the chorus in bed that we share.
Sep 2018 · 104
Phantom Lover
Avestani Sep 2018
Look through the glass can you see me
Look through the book do you read me
Can't stop my flow it's revealing
Let's both break through our ceilings

Can't stop this symphony
(The opera clock started at 1)
Cant catch the melody
(who told you, that this was gunna be fun)
I want a killing spree
(the story they told was about true love)
Get this away from me
(the last scene is boring let's go do drugs)

With you and me there's something special
Note I didn't say it was good or bad
You and me need to see some professionals
Objectively speaking you drive me mad
Im shining gold, your aura is red and blue
I see you sidestepping my words you crab
Let's take a vacation I'll be right next to you
**** all your feelings, pack seperate bags

Taking tests to see who's the best
I'm lost in an ocean my arms need rest

Fall down and ill pound you in the ground
I'm hopeful today cause you wore a dress

Take two am I acting like you
My friends just all told me I'm playing the fool
Why the **** is the spotlight on me
I'm just in here crawling to try and get free

Kick open the trapdoor on the mainfloor
Phantom is here and he's scaring the crowd
I guess I get real loud when I'm angry
Don't you do the same

I got a million little pieces
Who helped pick a title to your thesis
I know you favorite candy's Reeses
Just tell me, do we even need this
Sep 2018 · 121
Hollow Eye
Avestani Sep 2018
Fractures in my intellect break me down to the worm that I am
Is it so easy
Is it so easy to be ******
Is it so easy
Is it so easy to be ******

Broken ego lain to waste in the land of the ******
Broken kingdoms laying at my feet destroyed by my own hand
Sorrow is on the horizon I got another level to show you that I was not meant to turn into the devil

This is the bridge
This is the bridge
This is the bridge
This is the bridge
This is the bridge

I am a hollow
Hollow human
Subjected to the whims of my own moral complications
I know my soul would benefit from another vacation
Lost in the burial sounds the tears that fall the bell that rings
My body is transcending Astral world where angels sing

I bring you light I bring you dark I bring you hope for the land
I bring you dust I bring you sand and ask to make another demand
There was no hope there was no light I lost my fight
And now I'm begging for a flame that I could reignite

Hollow body hollow mind fill me up with thoughts divine
Open my third eye
Show me the way of love
Broken the cancer
And release the doves
A marriage of spirituality and me
Show me the way of love
Show me the way of love
Sep 2018 · 254
The Things You Owed
Avestani Sep 2018
They told me you owed this to the powers that be
I told them when you paid it you deserve to be free
They told me that you owed this to the powers that be
To the powers that be
To the powers that be

Set the stage for the odyssey
A story paved in blood
Raining from the crimson sky
On your path to true love

And I could never be without you
I could never be without your smile
All the things you did
Every breathe you take
I want to see you shining brighter

Let me tell you that it's easy to work this out
And you'll belive me cause you're starting to swim in doubt
I'll dam the ocean just to tell you that we're in a drought
I'll make this easy cause you're too hard to live without

Just another take, of a mansion
I'll make a house filled with golden intentions
Just another take, of a mansion
I'll make a house filled with golden intentions

Dripping from my tongue are the words of good intention but please just don't mention the startling fences appear as your walking you thought you were free but the price that you paid was to be part of me and I'm shattered to pieces but I'll rebuild myself and then you'll find your place among one of my shelfs and all wrapped in blue is the hint of respect cause I dabble in dark things I cannot forget

The things that you owed have you paid your respects and your debts cause I'm watching the rift in your chest derilict your hearts hungry your eating yourself from the inside.
Sep 2018 · 149
Untitled 18
Avestani Sep 2018
Exactly on target, we shoot words with silence
In each glare of violence, we re-do the stylings
Of mental athletics, brains jumping through hoops made of fire
We tight rope across all of these verbal tripwires
Got your thoughts in a circus the ringmasters nervous
But **** he deserves it Oh god I deserve it

The rambling I'm ambling I'm scrambling to make it back home
Screaming how did this happen
I softened my landing but still fell with passion
I've laid a foundation but misread the pavement
Got ****** up and ****** down, I'm raining these statements
Is this what the pain meant? My minds train in derailment

I love, the moments, that I spend, beside you
But crumple, inside in, the moments, I lie to you
Lost in verbal warfare tounge twister suicide I'm fighting a battle to my death my heart and brain either way it goes I know I'll feel the pain I'm talking lying to myself so convinced I speak the truth, that when you catch me in my lies, just know I think I caught me too

Tripping on the patches of ice built from frozen tears.
Got a semi-conductive, convulsing electrical jukebox, playing some music to die for to die to
I'm slipping on brain juice, I'm hoping it stained you, I'm driving this nail under influential musings, right through my skull
Dulling the pain turning to my drug
Breathing in the ashes of a devastating love

And it's tuned to the doves
The peace of mind in my lungs
All i keep is the love
You take it all and then some
Cause I've been running on E
But life has never been this easy
Avestani Sep 2018
You, you like to take it slow
Effortlessly you follow the flow
Me, I think I'm like the sea
I'll swallow you whole and never set you free

You like the steady pace of things
I plant self- doubt with every sin
You love to tango in the rain
I'm always stressed so I complain
You fell in love with nature's grace
I've never tried to find my faith
I never saw the point in faith  
How could it really be so great?

I dab the poison on my tongue
So when I talk I know they'll run
Primal defense to stall the pain
Each verbal dagger strikes a vein
I've made my peace with losing trust
You think I've hurt myself enough
I think I've fallen out of touch
I guess I never gave a ****

I gotta lead bullet chewed up in my cheek
And one French kiss is bound to leave your knees weak
Characteristically dancing entwined like yin and yang
Your tongue is my muse,
I'll cut it out and pocket your words that I sink in like quicksand
Save them for a rainy day cause **** couldn't get much worse,

A penny's too much for your thoughts
Do you take, payment plans
Cause I got money coming my way
Heart whisperer by day and mind ****** by night
Don't report me to the sheriff cause I've been ******* his wife's brain.
Swallow this ink and drag my tongue across the canvas of your body
Paint a picture of my love I always bury in my lust
I got a bullet for myself I gotta use before it rusts

I don't know how to walk among the others
Got a million ******* faces that you're melting through like butter
You're a table flip exorcist driving me insane
Is the me you're tryna bring out really not the same?
I'm a self taught human I had to fix my brain
Cause I never had a feeling that wasn't preordained
And I want to be a human I want to be the same.
Sep 2018 · 158
Good Dreams Die Young
Avestani Sep 2018
To be devoured is to enter the unknown, submerged in pleasure foretold in the stones,
Submission to malice that blots our the truth, when souls both collide and the demon takes root.
Lust is the name and its lost in the ledger, for every soul taken misguided by pleasure, your feathers get plucked by each steady measure, you lie to yourself when you think you know better,
It's easy to hate and its harder to feel, that all of your wants lead to Elysian Fields,
Sure of the path but not sure of the cost, the lesson of life is that pain is the boss, Give and they take no one cares if your cry, burning in hell your cheeks always stay dry,
The moment of truth always comes far too late, you've cooked in your madness and dine from the plate,
Fools who know nothing have faith in their letters, faith in their strength to handle stormy weather but crack from the root when you tug on the vine, they act like their God's but can't hear the divine, Stumbling mind lost in passion and pain, medicate yourself and poison your veins, Pump in the truth that you want to belive, praying to God that he'll save you like Eve, Every, lost, chance, to, forgo the past makes you stricken and blind,
The only, tune, you dance, to, is all of the facts that you force in your mind.
It's never, that, easy, to give up delusion and fall into line,
Hiding, from, the, truth, you'll only see when you open your mind
You look with your eyes to follow your faith, never accepting what may be your fate
You do not, seek to believe, you just seek, to receive
Your greatest sin, is knowing greed, you only want but don't know what you need
Hating the truth when it doesn't agree, "But how do you know?"
Cause You Live In Misery  
Mental athletics your jumping through hoops made of fire and brimstone when fighting the truth and you try to defy all the signs and the proof by saying your feelings have something to prove.
You're lost in your mind and you must hate it there, know that your broken and cling to your fear, believe what you feel cause that's all that you know, thinking you're right tell me how does that go? How much success have you gotten to show, How much regrets have you buried in snow, blossoming doubts in the warming of weather, refusing to listen and think it gets better,
How much more pain till you've added it up, intentions so pure but your soul is corrupt
You know your sin and you wear it with pride, expecting a chance when you fail- not this time.
Sep 2018 · 108
White Plauge
Avestani Sep 2018
The terror of this illusion of peace is its reality
It leads you to a false solution then drowns you in misery
Theres nothing left to gain,  even when you feel the pain
And the gods will not explain,  why all of us will die in vain
I am sick of the illusion that everything will be OK.
I'm sick of your delusion and I refuse to ******* pray
I'm not looking for answers  to these question that I have
I'm won't support your cancer, I rather death than faith, you're mad.
I'm done with the same old **** that you instill at children's birth
I won't be a slave to it a cog to help your system work
Spare me the theatrics all you do is ******* whine
I won't be your answer I won't support your divines
It's takes man to break to find out how to put together
It takes a soul to shake to make it throughall of the fetters
Illusions so pristine when you get your fill you look back at the scene
Delusions fall apart so slowly by the seams
Left alone in the final act
You know you can't make it back
Chaos it drive you to remake your bed
Lay on roses but forget the thorns around your head
Sep 2018 · 183
The Hangman
Avestani Sep 2018
Bounty the heads of the stoic and strong
Cold to the bone though you know you are wrong
Laughing with the glee at the suff'ring of others
Too bad that's not how you steal others lovers
Pressure so mighty that surely you've cracked
Sanity so broken its not coming back
Building, surmounting, you idle for pleasure
But race for a chance to claim its just good measure
Butcher and glutton a swine is your pride
Taking, not giving, they plead with their eyes
Empty the pockets and open the wine
The blood, when it rains
Does it blind your eyes?
Stolen, unbroken, and reforged to mount
Seldom dispensing the justice you tout
Guilty or not,  they all face the swing
Star-crossed lovers? You'll let them sing
Tender words dance,  at his faithful breath
Knowing a sin he never could commit
Oh how you laughed? Mocked him with glee
Burning and lynching is enjoyed in degrees
Torment inside and you long for the gallows
The home that you've known since your loves been so shallow
Your stricken with glee when the families flee
And maddened with haste when the court files a case
Your only friends are those who shall end
A hangmans brittle heart, formed to a boulder
No regrets in killing no penchant to set free
"It's following orders" now "It's truly me."
Sep 2018 · 93
The Pauper
Avestani Sep 2018
Lovesick whimsy
Pleasures tendrils
Threat-e-ning to choke you up
You dance in merriment
Ignore the words he said
Let your demons eat you up

Curve the wording, midnight slurring
Dance around his every thought
Matchsticks burning, light is purging
Take a chance or call a loss

Tipsy Turning so discerning
What is best is what you want
Ever learning, self concerning
En-slave-ment a price you flaunt

Copacetic, it's heretic
Sell your soul for every jaunt
Do you want her? Then you'll have her!
The paupers woe is she who taunts

Mischief brewing, time consuming
Face the wrath of what you bought
All those misfits, showing midriff
She's the one that knocks you off
Sep 2018 · 99
The Priest
Avestani Sep 2018
Divine doting from an enamored beast of a man
Careful whispers hints so giving yet he failed to meet demands
Oh consuming, faith he's hewing, raving crowds yet he's so mad
Tempered wisdom, pride to give some, burning guilt that won't go out
Fill the cups of all the need, y then tip yours and feel a drought
Expose white lies, compose these ties, bind them all to fall in line
Devise a prize, grand for all eyes, sell them it for just their lives

Looping, breaking, fallout healing
Dropping bombs to spread your faith
Deepen holes to sink your meaning
Fill them up with dreams so great
Thirsty, Hungry, never full you claim to give and yet you break
Tenderness at every turn but soon you fail to fill your plate
Snapping jaws that give no freedom, dance with powers far too great
Overzealous, minions pining, hold your tongue and yet they kneel
Power growing, so foreboding! The priest will now take your appeal

Confess dark arts, ******, remarks
Take them all and give no clout
Burden wary, truth is scary!
When you leave, your demons shout
Sep 2018 · 381
The Adept
Avestani Sep 2018
Take what's on your mind and desecrate the vows you spoke
From behind you plunge your knife through the neck bone and the throat
Hurtful words like daggers glimmer to a petty thief
You hunger for the love so pure yet act on your release
So unnerving, disconcerting, every time you seek to heal
Futures burning, you're not learning, chance at last you've failed to see
Giving up hope, lost, then behold, once again you draw your lines
Hurt so boldly, lash out grossly, learn to leave your pain behind
Practiced preaching, you love teaching, learn your lesson one last time
Love is unsung, hearts are not fun, let them go like sour wine  
You claim to have it, claim to know it, claim a skill you've yet to find
Trust is brewing, you're a mewling, turn of phrase won't make them yours
Lost in dark arts,  forgo each part, break the spell and free your mind
See the evil, see your ego, see the thing that makes God's doubt
Unforgiving, yet so willing, sacrifice the adepts heart
Break his tethers, do his bidding, you will seek your own devout
No consumers, all producers, soon you'll find that hate grows clout
Learn the lesson, take this blessing, give to her freedom from the doubt.
Avestani Sep 2018
Does it get you high, When you see her cry
Do you want to throw away her heart?
Cut her feelings loose, make her want the noose
Are you getting more complete now?
Is that liquor good? Put you in the mood?
You really can't stand her when you're sober.
Ever gave a thought? To your ignorance?
How you're wasting her,
Time
Moves so slowly when we, dance around your room
The secrets that you owed me coming, pouring out your wounds
I'd never stoop so low, but carry on and I'll steal her from you
I'd never stoop so low, but carry on and I'll steal her right from under you

Don't lie to a liar cause chances are he made you do it,
Language has no etiquette you breathe in life to words congruent
Silver tongued devils pale in sickness when compared to Midas speakers
Turning each word to gold, they build a church on addiction

Praying is the selfish act of begging someone else to cure your own afflictions
and a hollow verse will lead you to the passive life decisions
That will never save your home, just make you wait for answers never coming from a tome

And I've never met a creature that I'd put above myself
But I've never met a creature that could ever escape death
I'd appreciate a message that I didn't have to ask for
A little hint of tolerance, I swear you're not an *******?
A simple kind word that requires no self doubt
I can almost hear the slander that you're dripping out your mouth
Was there ever any motive? Do you support your own behavior?
Does carving lies into her heart justify you as her savior?

Hold yourself to my standard, does your brain fail to connect
Or is every time you see you're wrong you default to reject
A notion that we're all alone be it in life or in death
But just because it's not your wish, you come straight at my neck?

Tell her that you love her, cause you know she'll let you in
You never even knew her, you just knew she loved to sin
Cupid notched his arrow but then forgot to aim
Now that she's so broken, will you even take the blame?
Needlessly you stir around your poison in her brain
It's leaking through her faded eyes so jaded from the pain
A simple smile to her feels fake that's proof you've left a stain slowly dripping down her ***** like the roses at a grave
Did you ever want a lover?
Were you looking for a slave?
How could you lead her down a road that you never meant to pave?
Was every word and moment spent just all part of your game?
Why she'd never trust again, would you care to explain?

— The End —