The already preset disposition of being Asian.
I must've been accidentally mixed in the wrong laundry basket,
because they tell me I'm white-washed.
Born with foreign looks but a native tongue
my birth certificate calls me *****
I would be the blonde-hair-blue-eyes of a country on the other side of the world
but here,
I'm still considered an immigrant
in my own home.

When you are Asian-American,
you are also the stereotypes that trail your title.
You are sushi
You are jackie-chan
You are karate
You are good grades
You are the slant-eyed pignose supporting character
WELCOME TO THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
LAND OF THE FREE, HOME OF THE BRAVE
WHERE UNITED IS TRANSLATED AS DISCRIMINATED!
BUT DON'T GET IT TWISTED, ASIANS ARE PRETTY COOL!

Excuse me straight misogynist white male,
your Godzilla type of Asian,
or my culture?
When have I
as an individual
played a character in these quote on quote American movies?
Hmm oh yeah, that's right!
I was in Fast and Furious!
Didn't I also make an appearance in Harry Potter as the cute innocent
Cho Chang?
If this also applies to you can I please have your autograph
because I'm pretty sure I've seen you star in every movie
I've ever seen.
Or at least your people, right?

Don't try to tone down the damage
I already know I'm categorized in this Asian fetish
that all you'll ever see in me is rice and anime,
nothing more, nothing less.
And if I were to become an author instead of a doctor,
I'd be considered as a social unnorm
a disgrace
but isn't it already disgraceful that in this bleached-colors world
I have lost touch of my heritage,
my roots replaced with a skeleton idea of who I'm supposed to be
I wear a mask.

My friends speak to my mom in their native language.
Sitting there,
disoriented,
lost in pronunciation
I ask my mother why she did not teach me her natural tongue.

She says,
"because you are American."
And I still do not believe her.

...but soul mates
you said, reminding me.
I held that closest to my heart.
Every time you asked me
why do you do this to me?
I smiled gently,
because it was mutual.
We couldn't help but love each other.
I remember it.
Every time I saw you
my heart did jumping jacks.
My arms ached
like blood rushing to them
to have you in them,
my head filled with air,
like a balloon
filled with helium
begging you to put your lips to them
and **** the air out of me,
leaving our voices a funny mess
for each other to decipher.
I remember,
the exact way you held me
and whispered to  me
that
"with me nothing can get you,
                          you're safe."*
and I believed you,
but you never told me that love had gotten me.
dragged me deep within your heart,
locked me in there without a key.
left me there to drown in my tears
and listen to the walls of your heart
echo for another girl.

I find when I'm alone with my thoughts
questions arise
why do we only use roughly 10-14% of our brains potential

what if we could use more?

Say perhaps, most of it

what hidden secrets could we unlock?

could we hold entire conversations without saying a word?

I sit and ponder in my time alone,
are we part of a human collective conciousness that we have yet to rediscover
all our past, present and futures intertwined though at present we are too ignorant to the fact to accept it,

But...

what if we do and we move toward understanding how exactly the unconcious mind works ,
are dreams we have clues to something larger that we simply pass off as "silly dreams"merely because we cannot comprehend what we are being told?

Here we are in the 21st century and still we do not understand where our minds/concious being  goes when we are put under anesthesia,
we simply are not there!

I for one find this a topic of immense wonder

It has been proven that while under the influence of powerful mind altering drugs that certain portions of the brain seem to be "unlocked"
and register off the charts
Anyway just one of the things I like to ponder when I'm alone with my thoughts.

Destructive as earthquake,
Devastating as death;
It is hard to wake,
Trapped and out of breath.

Immediately broken
Like a heart of glass;
Left alone frozen,
Thwarted to pass.

He left her out
And put her heart away.
Baffled with doubt,
She didn’t stay.

She sealed herself
So she can’t be found.
Lost trust itself,
Not even a sound.

Then comes the light
Out of nowhere;
Filled with fright,
She then crept to stare.

ive written about meeting him for a second time and where i thought we would stand and how i thought we would change and where i thought we would be in our lives. ive written about knowing each other only in passing and imagined learning about each other again.
its not like that though is it? i need to stop living in the future. i should have thought we are not together now. point blank. i should not expect nor dream or imagine but live in the present. because now we are us. then you were you and i was i. and before we were we.
i am okay with you being away now. and i was okay with not talking to you at all. but i am happy to be the person making you happy whether its miles or minutes away.
the space between us has changed us both. we went from the same page to very different books. even reading at different speeds, we have found that the spaces between words and lines and before paragraphs are universally the same size and that is where we stand for now.
i will gladly listen to your voice through all the in betweens.

Do you ever realize that
This universe
Can be likened to blood?

Do you ever just sit down and realize,
That the stars in the skies
Are platelets rushing to form a clot
Around an ever expanding cut
Constantly pouring out blood?

The composition of the blood
Diffuses
And becomes that rich oxygenated red
That becomes dilutes with the air
Of our atmosphere
And the ruby red sunlight becomes
Lovely, lovely orange and yellow,
The kind that get you all mellow.

It also splits into the
Cold color of deoxygenated blood
Yes blue.
We watch it ooze
Slowly
Putting the vast expanse of the heavens
On display
After the day
Is done.

Then there is the plasma
Which scientists say is the
Fourth state of matter
But what does that even matter?

Do you ever realize that
This universe
Can be likened to blood?
Produced from an
Ever expanding wound
Like that of Christ whom
Was bruised for our sins.

Do you ever realize that
The universe that surrounds us
Could be
The blood of Christ
There to erase our sins?
That the more we do wrong,
The more blood he bleeds
Thus the more we see
The universe increase?

Do you ever realize that
The universe is constantly expanding
And will never stop?
I mean doesn’t that thought
Ever pop
Into your mind?

'Young lady, why is your poetry so dark?'
I don't know good sir, it's probably because I have my insides at war.