Everything is falling like rain around me
And all I can do is muster a smile and a
Hallelujah.

Everything is falling like rain around me
But my feet are stuck to the ground like concrete.

I had a dream,
Not one filled with
The Rainbows of
A small child,
I was overwhelmed
With constant fear
Running.
Running from what,
I do not know,
But I was mortified,
That when I called out
To you,
You did not answer,
So I was blindly
Running into hell.

One Sweet day,
I got the courage
To stand up to
The terror and fear
And saw that I
Was actually running from You.

You have scorched me
With scalding words
And a scorching glare.
The humiliation was like
An inferno had sparked in
My chest and then spread
To consume my body and soul.

I was too scared to move.
It hurt to think.

But like the Phoenix,
I will rise again.

My tongue will be like a sword-
Painfully beautiful,
Swift and sharp.

You will marvel
You will wonder
You will be proven wrong.

Your words are fire,
I am celestial bronze.

Come now,
Purify me.

You're so dreaaaamy baby.
Like really dreamy I wish you could
See me though.
I don't think you can in this huge crowd
But one day that smile on your face
Will be allllll mine.
You heard?

You're so dreaaaamy baby.
You still don't notice me
And it's so funny because you're all I see,
Think or speak about.
I saw you with your friends
Talking and walking.
You voice like silk
And words like spoiled milk
But you're so **** dreaaaamy baby.

You're so dreaaaamy baby.
I figured it out
You like girls with curly hair
Light skin
Voices like the ocean and
And skin so smooth
You wonder if it's a potion.
That's why you don't notice me baby.
I guess zigzag coils are out of style
And dark skin isn't cutting it for you
My voice is rusty and soft, it doesn't flow loudly and smoothly like the sea
And my skin; it's bumpy. But don't we all deal with acne?

You're so dreaaaamy baby
And I want to be your dream girl.
So I straighten my hair and curl it in loose waves, I stay out of the sun even on beach days
I talk louder, with eloquence and confidence
And I do everything possible for clear skin.
And you do notice me this time.
You fall headfirst in love
Yet I can't get out of my mind when you asked
If I was new at school
When I've been there, around you for 3 years
I can only chuckle and say "sort of. But not really."
And that's the real truth.
I sit with you and you friends for months
At lunch like I had been dying to for years.
You don't ask me many questions about myself
Other than "Are going to here or there."
You complement my processed hair
You compliment my silky skin
You compliment my personality 2.0
And it doesn't feel right
Being this
But I've lost who I was a long time ago
And it sorta feels like I'm lacking soul.

You were my dream baby.
But why do I feel like hell?

"You save me from myself."

Every time something goes wrong
I know I have You to count on.
This is more than beautiful words
This more than a beautiful song
This is more than just a day at church
More than speaking in tongues.
This is so much more than any act of
Prophesy
I hope you can see
That.

This more than life.
This is more than logic.
This is more than I can ever hope to
Articulate or explain
For how can I express Your glory
When my lips are not holy enough
And my mind not pure enough
To speak or know Your name?

How can I expect to be
Expect to do all that You have called me to?
How can I expect to be perfect like You?
How can I?
You have made everything anew
But once I get in the way of things
Everything goes askew.

Though I struggle and try
And most days simply succumb
How is it possible that You can
Save me from myself over and over again?
I never understood what a wretched man
That I am
Until I tried to live for You truly.

You knew me from before I was in my mother's
Womb
And you know exactly what day I will be
Laid to rest in a tomb.
Yet I still find it hard to trust You
When You take away certain people or things
Or when You instruct me.
I can't see past the pain or my desire
I can't see past my inherent need for control
For success
Yet
What is success without You?
What is love without You?
What is happiness without You?
What am I without You?

Sometimes I feel like abandoning You
But how can I after all You took me
Through?
How can I?
Two things am I sure of
Your love
And that I will die.
Yet why can't I allow myself to
Accept the love You give?
I just don't deserve it
But I need it.

You are the breath I breathe
How I stand when my knees
Buckle.
You are sunlight
You are bright
You are dazzling
You are my life.

Though I may run from that simple truth
I'll always find my way back to You.

What a paradox is this
An imperfect miss
With a perfect God
Called but uncalled to Him
Afraid to let a love
She craves and needs in.