i can’t even imagine you slept

you’re leaving me all your regrets, the only things you think you have left

you’re calling my bluff, while i’m getting undressed

i’m sick
of everything i do,
of all the pretty words that come from you

you used to be the only one i could trust
you say you cant trust me anymore

i ask for a break in mourning, in morning, in night, for you
i did it for you
you think I’m being selfish, you say you need a break from me too
but i didn’t want to, i did it all for you

Do you think he ever misses me?
Even if it's just a little bit?

And then I realized- painkillers don't do **** for heartache.

You pushed me out
And I probably should have stayed
But it's September again
And these are my vulnerable days
Where I'm left to wonder
Why I can't ever be enough

When I sit late at night
and I'm alone
When the smoke escapes my lips
and I can't think
When the ***** runs through my veins
like blood
All I want to know is
Do you remember the time we almost fell in love?

i am so self absorbed
i am basically a sponge
and you are a sink full of water
i will take all of you without even realizing it,
without even trying to because
that is just what i do

I often wonder the unintended consequences of a good deed.

They told me that my memories of you
Would soften with time
I thought that maybe the storm might
Calm down to a drizzle
Maybe the wildfire might
Die down to a single flame
Maybe the dagger
Would go dull
But my expectations of these memories
Were not the best
Because this storm is now a hurricane
And this wildfire has gone and burned down all of the mountains and the valleys
And this dagger
Is a razor blade at my throat,
I'm gonna choke
On this memory
Of you and me
I'm just a shell of who I used to be
Is time our greatest enemy?
Or was I yours,
And yours me?

Either way it's killing me.

attention seeker
(attention *****)
i haven’t slept in a year
(that’s impossible)
I feel like i haven’t slept in a year
(i feel worse than you)
i know.
- i know
(you know?)
I know.
-you really hurt me by loving someone else before you knew me
(that doesn’t make sense
that’s not fair)
i know.
-sometimes i imagine terrible things to make myself feel better
(that’s weird)
i know- i know
(what things)
going blind and getting sick and dying and losing all my friends and getting cheated on and crying, i imagine myself crying a lot
(why)
i told you
-it makes me feel better
(this isn’t even a real poem)
i know
(you can’t write ****)
i know
(you’re a lazy slob)
i know
(you’re pathetic)
i know.
(….)
i know.
(i didn’t say anything)
i know.
(is that all you can say)
no
(so you agree with me)
yes
(good.)

i didn’t ask where you were back from
it was too painful just to know you were gone

As you lay there
my wings are shorn away
I was your guardian angel
but now you've gone away

My back is broken and bleeding
not too different from your soul
and my mind is aching
I can't take a step

I want to fly
but instead of wings
I have holes
and
a ****** mess

There was a house overgrown with vines,
that dribbled with silence
when the windows were open
and the wind was high.

A girl and a cat lived in this house
and they were
least to say
cozy as a mouse

They were always happy
and they never did cry
they were immortal
and never could die

Outside the ivy house
was a constant wind storm
but inside they stayed
safe, cozy and warm

But the sharks in the clouds circled
and the vines twisted closer to the house
the girl clung to her cat
and the wind howled strong
the rabbits were swimming
and the fish were dancing along
and the wind got louder and louder

The vines confining
the girl trapped inside
was no longer content
she took her cat
and ran though the gap
into the wildly tangled  world

she sat in a tree
and soon came to find
while being cozy is nice
its not best all the time

so she still sits in her tree at night
petting her cat
and holding him tight
while in the day
she dances away with fish
and she swims with the rabbits
and flies with the sharks
feeling lovely in a world
of lights and darks

Words
on a page
talking to you
but are you listening
because words can hold great wisdom
and words can cause great pain
but in the end the words
are all the same

You talk as if I am not there
As if you don't
acknowledge
me
Then I can not hear your words
that sting
These words are knives
And I am bleeding

I want to write about you poetically,
But you don't deserve my time.

high on love
and stable
for the first time
i think that i’m able,
even capable,
of living out a future worth living.

I noticed a slight change in our relationship.
In the old days,
I would apologize for bothering you
and you would say I wasn't.

But now,
If I apologize for bothering you,
you say it's fine.

I guess I am a bother now.
I'm gonna stop bothering you.

You can try, but you'll never replace the meaning behind the places you try to rename.

Face the consequences of what you've done.

sometimes when we fight I just want to hear you say
i love you, please don't walk away

I trusted you with all of my heart,
but you decided to tear me apart.

you leave me breathless and strung out
in the late night, wrapped up but cold
staring at my phone screen waiting for
you to say anything
you tell me to go to sleep
(it's some passive aggressive *******)
i go to sleep anyway

i am a chess piece faking my way through a checkers board
running on an empty tank- go go go
fast!
Quick! here's a myth-
the asthmatic boy meets a girl burning up!
Both survive!
how do you say no thanks? no thanks!
your words are harsh red lines and they stab me and make me bleed.
stop asking me the same question.
i heard you the first time.
i did not want to answer.
the world is painstakingly dizzying and hopelessly loud.
Leave Me Alone

i went to sleep late
woke up hazy and grey
i rolled out of bed
to face a new, ugly day
i said it was over
i wish that thought stayed
but you're still a ******* liar
so nothing has changed

different day
same ****
silent in the passenger seat
someone else’s
music blaring
car speeding
blank staring