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I used to know you
love you
With distance you wavered
and I did with you
Still so much in common
Yet so dissimilar
Pain like grief
When someone you love dies
You died
And I missed your
Pretentious funeral
And I feel sorry
Perhaps I could have saved you
from what you've become
Now I only feel sorry
for seeing you move away
Too far gone
My couch has never been so
Empty
My heart never so
Heavy
Farewell my friend
wherever
You have gone.
You've gone.
When I thought  I loved you
I was bare;
Showing you the battlefields left;
of wars fought on my skin.
I whispered the secret history that forged me in the stars.
A scared heavenly body;
riddled with sacrilege.
I revealed to you the scars both visible and invisible
And you mapped each of them with your fingertips.

When I knew I loved you
We were lying naked, talking,
and your eyes were locked with mine
Inside the beautiful windows to your mind,
I saw you,
churning
With curiosity;
With wonder;
And your gentle gaze held me steadily,
with the absence of lust.
And I knew I'd made the right choice.

When I told you I love you
You first told me.
And I, amazingly, trusted you.
From your tenderness I blossomed,
exposing the most sensitive parts of myself
A soul cut from down,
wrapped in parchment paper antiquated by the centuries;
And a battered heart,
made of porcelain,
held together with the need to love;
And missing,
  so,
    many,
       pieces,
It can't afford to be broken again.
Oh no, don't worry about it I'm fine.
i'm just Killing time and was wondering if you could talk. no, don't worry it was nothing.
i am completely Alright, i've just been having a rough time.
how have You been?

Of course i want you to ask again but I don't want to burden you.
i'll Keep it locked up deep inside, i'all be okay they have their own lives.
they are so far Away, i want to make plans with you but you're so busy now.
I am running out of Yellow paint, my only companion in the loneliness.

i have a feeling i'll be gone soon, but that's OKAY.
If my psychi were a body of its own
My melancholy would be the eyes
running like a broken faucet
a stream of confused
Inconsistancy
My anger would be the heart
beating deep in my chest
harder and harder as if trying to
Escape
My lonliness would be the belly
deep with hunger that seems
Infinite
My ambitions would be the bowels
a canal of waste moving downward
a perpetual flow of filth
I sift through my own feces in hopes of finding something
Tangible
worth keeping
Something worth doing until
The Inevitable punchline
to a bad, *******, joke.
In a similar vein to my previous poem, "Steve Austin" which isn't about the wrestler by the way.  Naming conventions are fun to play around with haha
Passionate Nights turn into naked mornings,
Naked mornings turn into lazy afternoons,
and Lazy afternoon to more passionate nights
and all these moments I want to spend in your arms.

I am cautiously entering a greedy danger zone filled with you,
I want the way you kiss my forehead softly, warmly, in the throws of passion,
I want your fingertips tracing the tattoo on the back of my neck and sliding down my spine while I rest my head on your chest,
I want regretfully leaving your house at 3 am because the time got away from us,
And I want the text at 3:46 asking if I got home okay because you worried.

I'm playing a dangerous game on a thin layer of ice,
and when the game is done I hope I haven't drowned in a cold lake self-made sorrow,  
I hope I am warmly in your arms.
I try to be stronger now.
But I killed my strongest self, several attempts ago
I push it away,
but darkness always returns;
I am reverted to the worst version of myself.


She is 16 and sobbing out her sorrows in her bathtub,
to her favorite razor and a bottle full of pills.
She is self-destructing but, she can't say why.
Someone else's words have cut out her tongue.
Her mouth bleeds out their words against her,
trying to save herself she locks her jaw into a smile, that lies to everyone around her that she's fine.
But, her body fills with their hatred and she learns to loathe herself
Slowly, her heart is smothered and her mind breaks.
She becomes so full that she burst at the wrist, just to get some relief.


I return to the present,
I've made a mistake.
I am too weak again to this world.
I look at myself in the mirror.
I watch the blood on the counter make small pools from my wrists.
And I give into it.
I will never fully be myself again.
I have killed myself too many times,
Sometimes I wish my body wasn't too stubborn to die.
TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE, SELF HARM, DEPRESSION.
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