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1.0k · Jun 2017
Initiation
Aishah Jun 2017
The past is where she
once lived.
But she has moved home
since then.

She loves every
moment;
every laugh she
feels now.

I heard she once thought,
‘You fail
to love yourself, dear.
Move home.’

So, she packed her bags.
She did.
But, left them there with
The past.

And went on to build
her dreams.
She believed and she
loved her.

It’s this that saved her
Her life

And she’s saving it

for life.
964 · Apr 2018
Seeds
Aishah Apr 2018
You
the gaze you wear
a gentle stare
kindness and love
All of the above
I'm yours.

You
I waited a while
for a wholesome smile
took days and years
but now you're here
I'm yours.

You
those earnest ears,
our dreams and fears
Started with harmless flirting
now? never more certain
I'm yours.

You
to start I was weary
the Past has been scary
We gave it a chance
and you make my soul dance
I'm yours.

You
two hearts that need feeding
no longer bleeding
now sing a sweet song
where they belong
I'm yours.

You
We're now planting seeds
and that's all we need
On our way
day by day
I'm yours.
932 · May 2017
her, you and she
Aishah May 2017
This summer
You’ll
Graduate and her feet will be here.

This morning
I
Sit and count the hours wasted on tears

in just the last 24 hours.

Last weekend
Mum
Asked her to come home, but nowhere feels like home now.
How does one tell a harsh truth like that to her Mum?

She
Knows.
And unfortunately, she knows it all too well.

It’s awful that she does
But it’s comforting, let’s
her
Know
She will always understand.
She still has her.

Where are you?
Do
You
feel better having obtained that piece of paper?
It is the pursuit of that piece of paper you have made all that more arduous for
her.

It’s in your grip,
though.
Just
like I was.

Congratulations.
It’s all said and
Done.

The price has been paid.
The right party has done very well!
Shame
I can’t say the same for
her.

Yet
Edit free brain blasts are seriously therapeutic and I'm getting a slight  comfort sharing my unrefined words like this.
652 · Apr 2018
Lady of the Lair
Aishah Apr 2018
Miniscule and tender
Not much can offend her,
not much can phase the girl
Will Peace ever try to befriend her?

Melancholic and complacent
Her bygones always adjacent
to the being that she can be.
But you can’t say where her grit went.

Strength and tenacity
Replaced with insanity?
Knows not if “it’s a part of me”
but it’s sure got authority.

Introspective and aware
Forms herself an untouched lair
Carefully crafts and moulds so
she cannot be found in there.

She digs, and she burrows,
No hope for tomorrow,
Just an empty darkness,
An empty dark sorrow.

Tight and confined,
Yet far from blind.
Suffocated and held captive
by the subconscious mind

Nothing left to lose,
a choice to choose,
The rocky road to recovery
Or a bruise, some blues, and *****.
374 · May 2018
Heart
Aishah May 2018
What does it mean to feel anxious?
To feel a feeling,
a simple feeble feeling.
It is bigger than you know and
it's bigger than you,
you know?

What is it like to lose all rationale?
No comprehension,
a simple tiny tension
Dormant, yet always active...
on standby.

You try and take a stand but he
grabs you,
chokes you,
shrinks you,
with nothing but his hands.
Be glad not to understand, if you don't,
for Anxiety is but a cruel old man, and he won't
stop pushing,
stop unpicking,
stop telling you fake news
til you fit right into his shoes

And he says it all with conviction, he does
but he will not convict you, he can't.

So, disembody his truth,
the subordinate and inconsequential statements.

He is but an intangible being,
with no vision of the world that you are seeing,
no reliable perceptions
no means to perceive.
He is not here, not in this world, and not in your heart
and there it is; his real truth, that he attacks your heart
Since he doesn't have his own.
You're not the one with a problem,
Anxiety is.
336 · May 2017
Touch
Aishah May 2017
There is a veil between your touch
and
my body.
You're there.
Here.
Present.
But, so is the veil that now divides
your touch
from
my skin.

It's not genuine.
You think it is but you are blind. 

The veil.
Can you see it?
I think of all of the ways that you tried your hand 
at pulling it down.
but
We're disconnected.
On two different pages and yet you felt we were singing the same song,
         We weren't.

Can you hear me?
The veil,
it's in the way.
Becoming a wall

And you could not hear me even if you listened. 
Numb to your touch
all stops in time.
Can you see this tear?
Is it that unclear?
Perhaps I have misunderstood.

The veil -
No, now
the wall is blocking you out 
You
cannot hear me and I should understand, right?
But the creator of this wall is none other than yourself.
A product of your power and my fear.
Yet
I do not want to upset you.
        You've upset me. 
So, run
away
like a mouse in the dead of night.
        Run,
because I can't.
fun fact: this was written at a Klimt exhibition in Venice
310 · Jun 2017
will
Aishah Jun 2017
Self awareness came.
I smiled

Conscious I’ll be fine
I smile
292 · Apr 2019
Issues
Aishah Apr 2019
I had issues, dear,
I had them too.
I confronted them.
The comfort too.
I felt the issues,
I let them fall.
Calls from the future,
I took the call.

There is the part,
they won’t tell.
The part where I fell,
stood up,
stumbled,
fell.

Calls from the pain yes,
pain does not show.
You feel it right here,
In each ****** bone.

And when it crumbles,
it crumbles hard.
Believe it’s sharp,
A glass, a shard.

When the pain calls
The issues answer.
Where is she?
Who is she
now?
And does she miss me?
Issues may ask

Within those issues
we find new desires.
And let ourselves graft,
help yourself
craft
a desire to breathe,
To live,
to see.
Uncomfortable, yet
as fresh as the sea.

When the pain calls
The issues answer.
Where is she?
Who is she
now?
And does she miss me?
Issues may ask

I’m taking no calls,
that was my last.
No longer docked,
The seas are too vast.
262 · Jun 2017
pursyou
Aishah Jun 2017
Belief
is a prerequisite to triumph
to victory.
And
Time,
to healing.

When you put both together it can all come
Full circle
like some of the greatest astronomical bodies in space;

Big
Beautiful
Brave

like you.

and when you Believe in order to pursue Victory
remember:
The victory is getting Better.
Being
you.
257 · Jun 2017
Smouldering Hostility
Aishah Jun 2017
You had the last say
but I walked away.
You will not see me
not ever again
254 · Jun 2017
5:07am
Aishah Jun 2017
The worst part of being me
is not
being me.
234 · May 2018
No laugh lost
Aishah May 2018
Lose me to laughter,
That’s a life I’m after
211 · Feb 2019
Bounce back
Aishah Feb 2019
Beautiful,
cold.
Woman’s might,
a heart of gold.
Strong grounds
Courage retained
Respect found
Boundaries obtained.
New ball game,
bounce back.
In her name,
a life hack.
179 · May 2017
left
Aishah May 2017
They – you – asked her: what’s got you down?
You asked her. You did. She never said.
The stories that she had retold over and over
never echoed through your ears.
She pulled cotton wool over your eyes
And she was safe this way.

And, see, you
left too.

It’s just you didn’t leave with that part of her.
She gave you everything

but her.

And the truth is she does this with all of them.
Even her
self.

Because it’s easier to be construed as nothing important
than a beautiful beast, broken.

— The End —