I can teach you how to be alone, yeah, how to be alone without feeling too lonely.
ya see if you get used to a twin sized bed, it's uncomfortable with more than one person in it.
easy.
and if you wear enough rings on each finger they start to feel like fingers themselves, in between your fingers, those bones.
the kind of bruises you can only receive after a long day of adventuring in the trees behind your neighborhood.
by yourself so when you fall on a pile of branches there's no one to laugh at you.
and if there's no one to laugh at you i'm there's no reason to be embarrassed.
yeah, and you can be quiet.
or you can speak without anyone watching how your mouth moves when you talk to the birds, or the dirt, or those branches.
and back at home there's only room for one more pair of shoes on the tray that catches the mud.
it's perfect.
you don't gotta confuse toothbrushes when there's only one on the sink, and you'll run out of shampoo a lot slower.
spend less money on groceries.
spend more money on you.
every shirt you want, get it.
you don't got no one to go home to.
no one to make breakfast for or sit next to while watching the sunrise.
no, it's just you and the world every day baby.
you and netflix.
you and everything but anyone else.
you, and you, and oh how you would love to focus on anything but you.
anyone but there ain't no one.
and you start to realize blankets make you less warm when you're under them by yourself.
but that's okay because you got hot chocolate, or chai, or coffee but you gotta make it for yourself and sometimes you're just too cold to warm yourself up.
and loneliness is chills.
straight shivers.
right down your neck.
your spine.
she's a bruise you can only get from exploring.
a full bottle of whiskey.
or on occasions one that's completely empty.
but you have a twin sized bed, yeah you don't have the room.
so you go on now and you tell loneliness,
to leave you alone.

Have you ever seen someone in passing,
and thought nothing of it?
Until one day they put a spell on you,
as they stared deep into your soul.
So deep down that your thoughts always go back to that moment,
And how to recreate it so you can feel that moment of ecstasy again.
Because I'm here to tell you it's happened to me,
and I really must warn you,
Don't fall into the darkness,
all it'll ever be is a dream.

I was watching you that night devil boy,
And I think you knew that even though you wouldn't look at me.
You went off script and decided to be a show off,
And the comment you made proved that you knew I was there watching.
You looked so ****** perfect as you softly sang along to your music,
Making me curious if you were listening to some lovesick song in the same tune as mine.
Your hair peeking out from under your hat was razor straight,
and it invited me to reach out and touch it.
The moonlight reflected off the buckles on your jacket as you moved around,
Catching my eye time and time again.
Your skinny jeans hugged you tightly,
Leaving little to my imagination.
You walked around with so much pride in your step that you almost had me fooled.
It wasn't until I looked into your eyes that I realized you weren't a cocky *******,
It was all just part of the act.
Deep down I saw all of your misery and the moment our eyes connected,
I felt all of your pain.
I wondered how something so beautiful could be so tragic,
As my mind begged me to find out more than just your name.
As I sit here in the moonlight thinking of you I realize I finally figured it out,
Your darkness and perfection all make sense,
Because the devil was an angel once too

The first time I saw him in 2 years all I could manage to choke out was "where do you stay" and "I'll pay you as soon as i can"
I dreamt of him that night. I dreamt of dew covering the ground, chlorine, and dead things. Dreams of sugarplum fairies danced around my head.
You know, they say "relit cigarettes never taste the same and that's all I've got to say about rekindling old flames" but I imagine you would taste like the last time I kissed you- salty.
Because as soon as our lips touched I started to cry. Because I knew it would be the last time. Because we were too young. I sometimes wonder what it would be like to be with you again.
I wish I could roll you into a joint and get high off you. I wish you didn't talk like one of the bad guys, like a gangster.
I wish you never learned what it was like to be without me.

Lying against a brick wall
I gaze at the stars above me.
twinkling, singing stars
shimmering about, gaily
dancing in the night sky.
I loudly laugh at my thoughts.
for what sane person
would think about such?

An insane person
I look towards the familiar sound
to see my nightmare in flesh and blood.
A devilish smile of promiscuousness,
his body moving with cat-like grace.
He leans his face inches from my own
commanding me with a single word, forget.
and for a little while, I did

You are that sweet old trouble brewing,
as I sit and watch the fire tonight,
and I wonder...
hey boy what you doin'?

As that failing memory plays..
this is what I hear it say,
as I'm staring out at you & viewing,
and though a relationship with you,
could not be worth pursuing,

Until you call me again,
& come to me
& I'm the one you're wooing,
except I think it's just the ***,
to you I think it's just the *******,

But I don't know how to disagree,
as again my blouse you are undoing,
reality is sure looking pretty fuzzy,
& my everything you're quickly skewing,

I say OK let's do this thing,
as inhibitions are now subduing,
and as we again indulge,
to you again I'm always cuing,

As your sweet sweet lips press,
on my weak weak neck,
you run your hands down,
my waiting body,
hey sweet baby,
I say,
what the heck,

As you
run them down,
across my eager chest,
& over an ever arousing breast,

I know I shoulda stopped at just a peck,
& your past I hear is something,
I should check,

But wait you say,
hold there girl just a cotton pickin' sec,

I play it over and over,
I should have stayed away,
and now...

I'm just a complete & total wreck.

Cherie Nolan © 2016