I feel what I want to see
But the gift to create is no longer in me
Passionate flames engulf my heart
They want out, for all to see, as art
I know what others need to feel
But my heart has formed an unbreakable seal
My head pounds with the words I need to share
But When I reach for them they are not there

Lately I've been homesick
For the girl I used to be
Im in the same place with the same people
But the loneliness lays in me
I'm a hopeless romantic who's found love
Yet my heart has been ripped from my sleeve
Deep down, all the things I used to cherish have been shoved
The crazy, tea-drinking, book-reading girl is who I grieve
I'm a mere skeleton of the free spirit I was
I've been chasing a warm cozy feeling but it was never retrieved
For the home I've been feeling for is inside of me
My life may be onto better things but still I reminisce
For the girl who would so simply find bliss
My problems have been solved
So why does it hurt?
Maybe it's time
I put my heart back out onto my shirt

I am sick of being silenced
These chains wrapped around my voice won't break
By the time courage has woven around them
The words are lost and I have slipped into an anesthetic languor
I crave the feeling of the fire
But when I want it the flame is extinguished
And when it burns for me the chains snake around my brain and the words become jumbled
I have the fire in my heart and hands
But I no longer have the power to use them

Is this a feeling? Or is it a phase? Feelings are temporary but I've been isolated in this pain for so long I don't know how to live without it. I breathe fresh air and its foreign to my lungs for I've been drinking up this toxic tragedy too long

Sometimes a mess isn't a mess, but is just unorganized beauty

Maybe dying isn't so bad
I'm already living like I'm dead
I'm perpetually sad
The black slug of depression is weighing me
down like lead
I'm not who I want to be
I feel as though I'll never get there
If I could run from my problems I'd flee
& feel my problems become as light as air
But that's not reality
And deep down that's not me
So every night to God I pray
And keep fighting knowing in my future in joy I will lay