How could I be so naïve
As to fail to realise
It's you I love
It always has been.

But could my best friend
Ever become my boy friend?
Somehow i think not
It's highly unlikely.

If I told you
That I loved you
Could you ever love me back
Or would our friendship go off track?

You know,
I once told you
That I would always love you.
That nothing could change that.
But now I'm not so sure.
You changed so much
In what at the time
Seemed like forever
Because you were ignoring me.
Now I realise
In the grand scheme of things
It took more like a nanosecond
For you to become
What you now are.
I however
Appear to have evolved
In order to survive the way you changed.
So I don't know if I love you anymore,
It's not that simple.
But what I do know is;
I will never forgive you
For what you
Have forced me
To become.

When I write
I write in questions
Well now I ask myself; why?
Why do I have so many unanswered questions?
And the only answer
That I could muster
Was this;

I don't know.
I don't know why you left me.
I don't know what it is that's preventing my recovery.
I don't know what I'm so afraid of.
Or why I'm afraid of it.
I don't even know why I write.
And I sure as hell don't know what I'm gonna do.

Think about who you are.
Think about what you are.
Think about what defines you.
Think about how you think.
Think about who you love.
Think about what you love.
Think about why you love it.
Think about who you hate.
Think about what you hate.
Think about why you hate it.
Think about what you do.
Think about how you do it.
Think about why you do it.

But do less in depth thinking.

Most find the crash to be a nuisance
Not me.
I find an unusual serenity in the calamity.
An undeniable calm in the chaos.

As for the flash
Well it adds a little mystery
To the life I live full of misery.

Rain runs down windows
Replicating the tears down my face.
Reminding me I'm not alone
In this desolate place.

Thunderstorms are therapy
Designed to drown out our thoughts
And provide inspiration
For artistic creations

Nothing to say? Nothing to say?
Oh catch yourself on.
Since when have you
Ever had nothing to say?

Liar liar
Or so they say.
But if your words be lies
Then why do you hide it?

Loner loner
That's what I am.
You say it's untrue
Well then why didn't you notice me gone?

7 months, 21 days, 4hours, 30 minutes.
That's how long it's been
Since I last talked to you
Or even heard your voice.
It pains me now to think about it.
But it pains me more to read your words.

There's a box beside my bed
And in it I keep the memories
That I can't bare to have in my head.
Your letters
And songs
Lie among the numerous other silly pages.

Sometimes I think about sending it all back.
Every little word you ever wrote.
Just to be done with you,
But I can't bring myself to do it.
I don't want to admit I lost you.
But I know it's true.

Oh friend
Don't you realise?
Perfection is a haze.
A lie. A blur. A coverup.
For an imperfect world.
It's all a trick of the mind
Or something of that kind.

It was your touch
Your arms wrapped around my waist,  
Our eyes shut  
Imagining life away from here;
That was what I missed the most.
I did not want you back into my life,  
But only your touch.  
I did not know how to fill that empty space  
No matter what,  
It always came back to your touch.

-A.G.