Please give me freedom in thought to somehow ballance my prison of existance.
Cast stones over the water in a chance they'll skip across dark waters only to be trapped in another place.
Im a grounded pilot viewing clear skies .
****** at all but seldom  understanding even myself.

As tortured youth's scribble misery with ease still the grace of agony is wasted on jaded old farts like myself.
Im a ageless fool in a counted time .
Hey wanna chat?
Cyber games I can live in the real world for im who you see in the truth of my existance as well.

Empty corners is where I find happiness I just wanna be alone.
Hey want some company?
Yes stupid questions are alive and well spoken by overrated **** stars on the evening news.

Story at eleven  the news anchor blew half the crew to get this job what about her coanchor.
Another school shooting whatever happend to a good old fashioned beating?
Im sick of what i see maybe i'll make a fake version of myself online talk to little girls who hate what they see
make em think i have a answer ive never known myself.

**** being in style cause thoose people are about as real as there plastic surgeons newly made face.
I hate what I see maybe i'll just rip my eyes from there sockets.
Post my pics on twitter and collect dust with the rest of the half wits that could give a **** less.

Pour a tall one i'll buy my happiness along with my new liver stop on the way home and buy that happy ending
from some ****** who's sold herself less than I.
**** this circus cause I choose to say whats real not give you a verbal *******
and send you on your way.

Like this if your to lazy to move a mouse and say what you really think .
**** the crittics there people who cant do what you can.
**** the truth it just gets in the way of a good lie.
**** your ego I need the air to inflate my own.

**** it all!

Cause it's easier to push away than to ever look at yourself.
Its so easy to give up but few can stand there ground.
**** my thoughts cause its getting to the point a zombies march seems easier than a single thoughts remark.


??????


No I dont have answers.

Inner working of my insanity you know well.
green fairy cube of sugar over ice water
its tender journey  few  need to undersand.

So you travle a abstract road and bury your soul
underneath the ice.
Cold in hell beauthy in darkness veils of sanity but
velvet embers of a  strange haunting scene.

It is the curse and i the moth to it's flame.
death of tommorows cast visions of a oceans sound.
I am but a leaf cast over dark waters never struggle just drift.

In history I travle speaking in tones surreal to my ear.
if so shall i slip will insanity be but a moment fractured in dream.
Screams in a far off space so distant from mine.
No pain exists here for im gone in form.

A painting in a stars t moon cast scenes erased by light.
Where i go none should follow for the price is
only for the distant in thought to pay.
Emptyness cascades in the past so for now here i yern only to
stay.

Green in light wormwoods fire sweet in bliss.
No path is ever set.
Tragedy in play i cast no regrets apon my stage.

A ear in respect a razor in hand.
I slice into  a faint glimmer no pain shall I understand
nights cloak the dawn days cast stories unwritten.

In genius we find insanitys child.
Broken glass cuts clear my moments are chipped
as of stone.
Time knows me not for i am but speck in a waters fall.

Nightmares and my destined  fate.
Kissed of vemon.
She in madness hold's open the path  to
my  visions gate.

Between death and dream insanity and a razors gleam.
From the darkest space does my page bleed to write.
Will you **** my thought only glorify the loss of mind.
In the drinks madness my genius I shall never yern to find.

Smoke rings drift into the night with thoughts
seldom  understood and often remebred.
Gin a old friend to newly betray.
Left cold in warm waters,

Over the border trapped  by a tongue with unspoken
thoughts and empty emotions.
Dust apon the flesh seeps into the soul.

A page held close to heart and far from thought.
Sometimes we have to be *******.
Cause when in hell the whiskeys burn
seem's to bring a chill.

Fate is a evil ***** Ive grown to love.
No need to say hello.
When goobyes already a promise.

She's as vacant as the mirage.
repeating a action she
leaves that part of herself behind.

Holding onto the rage masked as passion.
We remain numb to survive.
*** void of love.
Shells lacking soul.

The dust takes to vein.
The pen rewrite's the past.
Why polish the edges to appear
that which you can never be.

Confessions of the hollow.
To reveal the ******* who thrives within me.

The phone rang and as usual I answered with that touch of vocal swagger I'm so greatly
known for.
the voice on the other end was timid and who could blame her it's not often
A writer gets to speak with a semi legend in the making well kind of look I can ******* dream okay.

Is this Gonzo?
The voice asked unsure in a world of pitfalls and scammers she had stumbled upon  the
true voice behind the madness it was like Christmas minus the annoying little ******* and terrible music.

Why yes yes it is.
Hey this is Lily Mae  it's really awesome to finally talk to you.
I understood her happiness it must have been what it was like to first realize
your idols were real  Lily was thrilled with excitement she rattled on a star struck
fan in the glow of the great one.

I'm so used to this by now as you can imagine being as awesome as I.
We spoke for hours on some of my favorite subjects like myself.
Duh what else is there to talk about well besides ******* and what a ******* this site has become.

You know you really are a mystery to most and it really works for you.
Well honestly that's mainly because of the whole outstanding warrants thing I said.
To which she laughed.
Although I don't know why being I was serious.

We chatted for hours on every subject under the sun.
she told me all about her interests like miniature golfing and arguing with  airhead teens
at writers café.

And A bunch of other things I cant recall cause I was far to busy hearing about how awesome I was .
Well you can't argue with the truth folks I know they  don't call me captain kickass for nothing.

So I bet you get a lot of girls writing you huh?
Duh of course I mean it gets so bad cause I mean I hate having to turn them down cause I'm like
yeah I know all you poetic chic's want to get with me but like I got to rest my ding ding sometime.

You wouldn't believe how bad it is I mean there's a lot of really weird people out there on the internet.
Yeah and I think I'm talking to the weirdest.

Seems this hamster was getting a bit jealous I couldn't blame her.
But I was like a wild turkey I  had to run cause I couldn't fly and that and I'm afraid of heights.
But I'm usually cool with getting high not that you should ever do drugs.
Cause look what doing to many drugs can do to your brain.

Hell the effects are clear just look at the people that run this place.

Umm Gonzo I got to go.
Seems being in the presence of greatness  had all the normal side effects
but honestly enough about peoples personal problems.

Hey don't take this the wrong way or anything.
I knew what she was going to say next oh silly fans like I told my last one
of course you can send me **** pics just not if your a dude.
Duh who wants to look at some dudes hairy sack it was just a faze I was going through okay!

Besides I had to have proof Justin Bieber was really a guy .
I'm kidding like he has hair on his *****.
Not that I would know but I mean he is Canadian it's just there culture okay.

Of course Lily just remember I have high standards I'm kidding I'm a total ****.
What she said confused seems she was experiencing a contact high yes I'm just that good.
What the hell are you talking about?

Look I know how it is to be in the presence of Gonzo
trust me even I cant keep my hands off myself.
Big shocker there Gonz  but hey switch it up sometimes and call it a double date.

Lily Mae not only is she a poet She's a pretty good smartarse as  well.

Gonz what I was going to say was .
Is that don't be hurt but your kind of  weird so don't try calling back cause I'm going to block your number.

I heard what she was saying and like most men I didn't let reality get in the way of my own ego fed
*******.

Sure she was saying I was weird and after talking to me she really wanted to take a shower .
But what she was really saying was.
She knew I was a loner a outlaw  and a true freebird minus the really long *** song
and drunken redneck fans with lighters held up.

She knew she couldn't tame the king of crazy so she would simply admire from afar like all the rest
hopefully without  a restraining  order or pepper spray that *******
**** burns much like the clap.
Not that I would know.


Umm Gonz are you there?

Yes little hamster I am and I fully understand be free my friend and stay crazy.
Uhh yeah you to and well I got to go your really creeping me out.
Adios Lily.

And just like that she was gone but I believe she took a great deal from the conversation
like don't talk to people from the internet and sometimes people who play crazy
truly are ******* crazy.

So remember if your ever alone and feel like just talking to someone.
You probably want to avoid me cause it's really not a act.
And I'll probably scare the ***** outta  you or make you take a bath  and if so I'm
just saying that web cam is got to get some use sometime.

Stay crazy hamsters  

Gonzo

It was years ago , A fellow writer who felt it was there duty in life to judge others wrote me.

Dear John

I have read a few of your works and believe someone needs to tell you to save you the embarrassment .

Your antics are not talent your
words are muddled at best .
And your gutter sense of humor is childish and truly a embarrassment to us serious writers.

You should probably seek out a workshop or look to your fellow writers for some tips or maybe just stop writing altogether .

I read the message and laughed .
I have over thirty works in publication and far more on the way .

Opinions are like *******.

And to that writer I shall leave unnamed .

Who's words fall flat on the sidewalk like a **** from a mongrel dogs ***.

Hope your doing well.
I never listened then and I **** sure am not listening now.

When you hand out advice you better make **** sure your standing on solid ground before you cast a opinion

Keep writing is all I can tell you .

Through the rejections and the people that tell you to give up .

You will pass them all by eventually.

******* are not a dying breed.

Cheers

Gonz

Standing upon a empty stage underneath a lone spotlight.

In smoke rings half filled glasses guilty vices filled underneath the darkness don't forget to tip your server.
The devil thrives in the empty hours, it was designed to drive you insane in these thoughts that haunt you for eternity.
I'm alone with you now take it for what it's worth.

Where do you lines separate?
Where do we say here's where it stops, here's the barrier between my life and you.

I have driven myself on pills and other assorted drugs displayed my existence the demented soap opera for your entertainment.

I am the closest you can come to the razor without feeling the blades cold burn.
Read in comfort while exploring the depths I'm worn from the play.
Squeeze the wound only to gain one last bit of soul upon the page.

As the wolves ask all can we quench this thirst, giving  no regards to ourselves?
I exist on the other side of the window pane.
A stark reflection of the tragic flaw no one should understand better than I.

For their are little rewards in others gain.
They hand you new vices to replace all for which they have stolen from you.
For other's see delusion as a dream, they admire you yet offer you lust in place  of depth.

And the flesh is a favorite vice of mine when lights are always turned low.
You may grasp the keys to your own prison, hold the bars in place of friendships.

Was it all an act?

My friend you tell me.

The cameras were set  the madman of Hello after snorting so sinus powder
was hopped up like a fat kid in a cake factory.

So Gonzo any thoughts on the new HP?

Gonzo. Well always new they'd find a way to steal my thoughts and secertly mentally **** me and kidnap Mr pickles!

Ummm

Gonzo Yeah I know thats why im only taking pills from trusted drug dealers like
Mother Terresa, And Capt Grabby Hands

Are you okay?

Gonzo. hmmm  what's it all mean dear lady?
sure you  capture me drag me to your dungeon have your way with me
take some pics update your facebook status like anyone gives A ****  what you eat for dinner or your a lonley cat lady.
but honestly who doest like *****?'

*** your insane and put that away!

Gonzo. What i was just getting my trusty  pocket fisherman
and my invisble anti earth crab spray.

I dont even wanna know.

Gonzo. hey ive learned always bring protection no matter how they look the flying monkeys are everywhere!    

Ummm do you need help?

Gonzo. Ever **** next a man who has no sense of smell  yeah kinda takes all the fun out of it kinda like  some new changes.
do like magic miss?

Ummm well .

Gonzo. check your cooler.

Theres nothing in it.

Gonzo.
MAGIC
Now call your sister i bet she's gonna have a baby.

Wow how did you know that? Magic?

Gonzo. no we've been  having fun after that annoying husban of her's
finally goes to work.

Hey he's coming over and he ses he's gonna.
Hey where'd you go?

The interviewers  cell rings.

Hello?

Gonzo. Magic!

There was nothing like a holiday to make me feel  alone .

I watched her move with the music she seemed anything but alone .

They say honey draws bee's and **** does flies well here tonight in this bar you had a good mix of both.


She moved shook her *** every eye was on her .

From the ones that yearned to know that body to the women who just shook there heads and under there breath whispered what a *****.

How marvelous she was underneath dimmed lights me I just watched and sipped a overpriced drink .

Hank was behind the bar for some reason he always found time to speak with me .

I have no idea why I truly didn't care for people I just was in need of a drink and didn't have anything at home.

Man some looker over there huh buddy?

Yeah she's got a magnificent *** doesn't she ?

Yeah little big though for me Jack .


Never been one invented to big for me .

Hank laughed yeah that's true hell and never one to loose either.

What can I say Hank I'm a man of low standards and easily Impressed therefore I'm seldom disappointed .


Your one crazy ******* you know that ?

Hell I never forget that hank how bout a refill my man and by are entertainment a drink on me .

Hank went to fetch my Jack and coke and give the girl with the nice *** a drink although I doubted she needed one from me seems every guy in this place was buying her drinks and from her looks I understood why .


I looked around the room the usual's were all there and a few new faces I didn't truly care I was to them the odd ball drunken writer what a rare spices that is indeed .

Almost as rare as a fireman who smokes or is bat **** crazy .

When there's no fire to put out the nut would light something on fire just to have something to put out guess we all need a purpose and me I just need another drink.


The jukebox just kept playing the right kind of music and she kept in perfect time with the beat .

Rhythm  is always in the hips it flowed from there and took over it was some perfectly strange and beautiful  voodoo to watch.


The pool players missed shots and the place seemed almost alive.

Eventually a fight would break out now that was some entertainment .

I sipped my other drink hank was a good barkeep and total **** at mixing drinks

he started watering them down bout the third real drunks always notice .


**** Hank why not just give me all coke!

Make it a double always in mine you ******.

Hey Jack sorry must have been distracted.

Well stop staring at Larry's *** hasn't he told you he don't swing that way anymore since college.

Larry who was bent over the table making a shot just laughed .

**** man I never went to college Larry replied.


Yeah your right it must have been prison I knew I recognized you from somewhere .

The room busted up laughing ******* Jack .

Larry said laughing .


The room was alive the ***** was flowing .

Tommy walked up to me man you see that that chick dancing man.

I got two eyes don't I Tommy?

Well I been talking to her man I bet you fifty bucks she going home with me tonight.


Oh yeah Tommy she cant resist you huh?

**** man who could?

Been buying here drinks all night I can tell she wants it you see

the way she was rubbing up against me that last song .


Well you must have done something Tommy in fact seems you really worked her up .

What the hell you talking bout Jack ?

Tommy asked me as that goofy as expression was yet again upon his face.

Tommy was a arrogant *** in every sense he thought he was hot **** and when you took the hot part out of that statement you had his more true essence.


For as Tommy was facing me bragging I had been watching that little brunette the whole time.



Well Tommy I said , it seems that girl you danced with was so worked up she just couldn't wait for your return.

I don't get what you mean Jack.
Look I nodded my head he turned to view what  would in his mind be his latest conquest  making out with another woman .


I herd him say what the **** .

I took another sip of my watered down drink .

So Tommy I asked as I patted him on the shoulder .

Still want to take that bet?


And another night bit the dust .

Stay crazy


Gonz

In his seasons passing words wither and fade with the sunsets reprise.
These images paint portraits with grey backdrops tattered, twisted throwing stones across the pond only to hear them vanish in the dark waters below.

All the pretty flowers fully in bloom untouched by earth and unsoiled in the dirt of corruption of an existence lived in regret.
Bitter pills and torn pages have we not traded are truths to be lies created for are own protective womb of deceit to fulfill our ego.

All the pretty flowers wither just the same.
As standing skeletons left only to haunt the backdrop of our thoughts decay.

Are we not monsters?, Who once stood as men with great views whose vices consumed them turning us into something we can barely recognize ourselves.

Soil once fertile now seems only scorched a barren square of emptiness once were all things did grow.
All the pretty flowers mourn springs passing this concrete idealism for which no direction seems to suit us best.

I stand where here no longer will anything grow.

We cast aside what gathers in are way.
People consuming souls speaking hollow truths to half empty minds .
The best is left for last  and me I'm simply somewhere in between.

Madmen preach as the ignorant run the show .
I can tend the fire but no longer can I sit and hold your hand.
The truths a harsh existence I thrive best in solitude than sharing my comforts in a sea of people just as ****** up as myself.

We cannot stand together when we  all think apart.
The lies have turned are minds inward left are eyes jaded to see the threat that exists .

No virtual environment will plague my existence .
As the road ahead forks and we were long since parted so lets not pretend we care for it was in the cards all along.

A walk through the cemetery  as cold winds approach .
We were never here to begin with and your dreams a illusion of the
downside of a bad trip to begin with.

**** what they will think!
For shackles of any kind are for the weak .
And my wounds will bleed till they heal or simply keep
me company till I die .

I shut the door long before you said another word .
This was are goodbye .

I was half hung the **** over and feeling like total **** left to die.
The ***** was gone and the room looked like someone had set a bomb off in a ******* .

The phone rang out a ******* annoying *** banshee much like a Selena Gomez record sure everyone likes spoiled little ****** just not with the  sound on.
I answered the phone with all my southern charm.

What the **** do you want ! ?

There was a dead silence when finally a voice spoke on the other end.
Um MR Robbins  is this a bad time?
Well considering I haven't had a drink and my head feels like it was
hit by a plane nobody can find yeah sure it's a great ******* time.

Well MR Robbins the man continued on about **** I could care less about going through his whole pitch trying to sell me some over priced life insurance .
Yeah you got to love a paycheck you'll never see newsflash after I kick the bucket  I don't give a **** if you roll me up in a carpet and toss me in a landfill .

Well MR Robbins can we sign you up ?
I paused just to simply to hold up the works and make you the reader say where the **** is he going with this ****.

My friend I get this is your job but the only thing certain in this existence  is death  and I have far better things and strippers to waste my money on than a fund  for  when I kick the bucket .

Sure I could put money aside for a time I wont enjoy it, yeah and I could settle down get married become a regular dude who works his *** off till I retire to sit in a recliner **** myself and watch commercials about pills that'll give you a stiff **** and so many ******* side effects you'll do everything but glow in the ******* dark.

There is no ******* promise of tomorrow kids so live your **** off today and **** the future we can only know the present.

I slammed the phone down and poured what was left of a dead solider in a pint glass .
It was bitter and almost warm and as I chased it with a good cigarette
and thought to myself  as the jukebox came to life .

Dam I sure hope that was a beer if not someone probably needs to go to the free clinic .

Stay crazy hamsters .

Gonzo

Well lookin back it seems i think little  somethin
always beat's a whole lotta nothin.
The road at night is a mystery  yerning to remain unsolved.

No direction sometimes  seems better than the reallity of
a dead in street.
Burnt out  from pills and *****.
A head that pounds with a steady rythym of
of past failures and false starts.

As in bottles we seek answers to the unasked questions
of the dammed soul and promising lie.
Four walls  a asylum  or a hotel of your choosing.

Last times regret cant match tonights need.
Burnt emotions frozen feelings.
A great  lie love is dellusion  a drug for the
junkies soul.

Cold even on a mid summers night.
I paint in colors of a doomed nature.
Void yet alluring to the naked eye.

Like a records unclear sound the flaws are what
make it true.
This writers  fire has all but faded.
I ask does that glass appear  half empty to you?

I am empty as the page that sits befor the flustrated poet.
Pain trapped in heart without words to put to pen.
Shaking cold knowing full well my time has passed as swiftly
as train through a midnight so very clear.

The road behind me I can longer recall.
Faces and places shallow as a drying river bed.
Life has taught me to put up wall.

Stolen moments from a welcome barstool.
One of many jesters in this fools
kingdom I do rule.

The clock of my life grows closer
to closing time.

When walk out that door it's left to others to recall.
reflect in the thoose smokey dark corners.
How many of you ever did know me at all.

Thinking of times never had.
Missing friendships that never were.
To fail means at least you did try.
The road never ends so why must I?

So if noting beats a fail better than a try.
My forever linger 's twisted as spanish moss hanging from some hidden tree
Long forgotten to a red sunsets southern sky.

I as animal violently fighting the clutches of it's steel trap.
In hour's of endless try and a stalled loss sometimes the reflection
seldom matches a well intended delusion and a has been heat.

I saw the road ahead yet still followed the path.
Tommorow maybe you hold more than failed embrace.

Old page and of chapter's past have you dealt me my final hand.
Like some broken horse put to pasture never knowing it's prime.
I saw the signs I just simply chose not to care.

Mocking friends and often ignored replies .
Tomorrow hope is a dream.
Seen to all but I.

Hey Kids ever wonder why people are such a pain in the ****?
Well thats usally cause they have to work for a living and unless
your in **** that really ***** well I guess in that field you get paid to ****.
But enough about what certain people I cant mention do in there free time
im just saying.

And ever wonder kids why your parents are so ******* uptight?
Duh its cause befor you  mom and pop used to be total freaks.
Now Pop is lucky if he gets at least once a month from moms sister.
Yeah thats why they invented hookers I know what a ******* .

But enough about global warming cause really I just live here on the planet.
Why should I care about it?
Some people often ask me.
Gonzo dont you think you should put the bottle down and give up the drugs and *****
strippers?

Hmm yeah probaly when hell freezes over and hopefully it does cause I have never
looked forward to moving to a warmer climate.
Yeah sure I could stop being a party animal and ****** with a heart of gold.
But **** that duh then what would I write about?
Being misreble like everyone else really doesnt sound all that fun.

Hey ever wonder if im really insane as you belive.
Well just send me a key to your house and find out.

One time when  was but a young little Gonzo.
I stole Grandmas credit card and tried to hire a ******
for *** ed  class I always was a more hands on student myself .
Yeah it would have worked  if that old *****  hadnt noticed it gone

Thanks Granny you totally ruined a kickass party.
Its okay she talks to the wall in the old folks home now.
Im kidding  like id waste that sweet social security check on a home.

She's doing just fine in the shed out back ****** that reminds me i gotta
feed her and take her to the park for a good run yeah I know im all
heart except fro the rest of me.

You know I think it's unfair hookers never give discounts.
Hey look every other company does even ******* subway.
Yeah the footlong isnt really a footlong  some people really
dont know what to do with a tape messure.

Hey remember its not the size that matters yeah news flash
if she ses its a good size then locks herself in the bathroom
for a hour and you hear a motor going off as the lights dim
on the whole dam block .
Well women lie  just like men except way better.

Sometimes I like to get really ****** up
I know your shocked.

Ever wonder why weirdos love to hunt ufo's and bigfoot?
Duh you cant live off star treck reruns alone.

Some people think im a pervert and a drunk and a womanizer.
And a drug addict well and a sick ******* as well.
Words they really hurt well at least to people who give a *****.
Sure they said alot of good things about me but they also left out a charming
mispelling half wit duh what *******.

You know sometimes I think.
Hey it could happen.

Just remember kids whatever you think of me.
If you dont have a sense of humor you'll ******* hurt yourself.
That and Gonzo loves you all and especially if your hot.
And if you have any pics send em to www.learntotakeafuckingjoke.com

Untill next time hampsters.
Remember that little bump on some chicks face aint a beauthy
mark its probaly ******.

Dam you Cindy Crawford well at least i'll never forget you.
Im kidding she a good girl it was just the clap.

Stay crazy Gonzo

Forgotten fights lost conversations and past conquests loom heavy in this scene of good times and past regrets .

Can you take me to that place we know   exists and all to often ignore sweetheart I'm not looking to change just be in the moment.

Dim lights and what never was the fire is a passion that never dies just is passed to another group for more of the same .

One last line and maybe take another home the emptiness suits some as time will bury us all.

Tonight is all that matters .
As we taste the wine that yesterday will never recall.

I'm the poet in the chaos and the writer in the moment That need be
Just a pawn of The words sweetheart I will be gone tommorow just the same.

Its all in a good time and a chapters end .

I will miss it one day.
Question is will they ever miss me.

Adios

Gonz

As a cool wind from the cemetary im found dead in thought
Yet alive in jaded soul.
Breaking towards reflection of the place i never belonged at all.

Amoung the corpse of a past regret so many thoughts.
In endless hours of worry  it seems so easy to forget.
In this place rest is never final.

As I recall her scars the candle hid her intentions in shadow.
Wine as life flows untill the bitter end.
Notes to a suicide  poems of  angst known only to it's
misery laced author.

We cast clouds in sun lit skies.
Some pains bring happiness to thoose who cant see
past the self absorbed  dellusion we call memory.

The oceans  rythm a bottle kisses the thought.
It's alone my thoughts understand my ****** up reason.
Adictions of fear junkies of need.
Ive found my place in a empty corner by the fires light.
You cant lose your grip  when you never had hold.

Frayed are the edges of this worn book.
Devils in thought always know ladies who yern to
taste the wicked  madness without regret.

That tortured soul the depth that isnt there.
Blind from the excess even old vices seem more like
tired acts for others amusment.

It's in these hours i see the damge and beautiful flaws
of age.
Contact is hollow when the vessel is empty as I.
The monster ive become  clings to the reflection of thought.


As the rose dies for the memory of a bitter past.
Gone are the reasons.
A final drink to the lights that to often fade.

I existed in night chasing those hours until the dawn.
Embraced in the depths of insanity the plague breaths a harsh
taste left bitter in the wind .

Tortured by days we follow what asks nothing.
She moved a haunting scene in the chaos .
How often we desire what will destroy us so very easily.

Frost to the rose a death in the spite of life
Often we consume with no care to the aftermath .
Do the ignorant see more only to turn a blind eye than those who yearn?

And you can trace my steps but never walk the same path.
As I simply never desired to know another's it will only be a moment but the scars remain.


Its never a test for the game was ******* to begin with .
They will never grasp the life beyond the sunset can we simply part
and pretend.

Understanding is sympathy I do not need.
This ride alone is beyond its view and something far more toxic
then I ever care to share .

The dawn is almost here so I bid you farewell.
This is my existence a shipwreck somewhere invisible  from the shores view .

You cannot play with the page for it cares for none and asks all .
A ***** for the thoughts it leaves just the same .

Perfectly vacant was the sunsets view .

Hey kids wanna hang out at the real pub where theres a chat actual music and videos pic's

well heres a link  I created this site for everyone to come hangout and have fun its a private invite only site but all who are interested are welcome

drinks always on the house heres the lnk hope to see you there soon.

  
http://poetrypub.ning.com/?xgi=3bEAxx9k3lLvi0

If I rewrote  the story and  somehow  are paths
did not cross.
In temptations fire.
We would only know the cold of others.

Freezing in the silent agony unable
to speak.
The statue remains its meaning  erased.

As into others we will seek.
The emotions we no longer share.
Alone I am now inthe isolation of many blank
stares.

The jokes are but a wall built to conceal.
All that I am.
That I could never reveal.

Use the substances  to keep you numb.
And let the voices  take you to another place.

Beyond the madness there lies
beauthy in pain.
And always truth.
Destruction breeds art.

I light up in a room of vacant stares
and empty lives.
To blind in addiction to know the other does exist.

In this den like some scene  from a ***** parlor from the west.
Ashes hit the floor  along with my pride.

This battle im losing with devilish glee.
All but nothing is left.
so in the shadows I confide.

**** its a slow night !
Mike said from across the table nursing his coffee inbtween passing the flask between us under the table.

Jack you pick up many fares tonight?
Bout the usual drunks bud but no its not been the best night .

Honestly I was happy bout the down time I was nursing hangover and truly didnt feel like dealing with peoples **** .

Listening to Mikey was bad enough he loved to ramble on about old stories and hookers he had nailed in his cab .

I swear I think sometimes he lived in that *******.
He certanly dressed like he did .Wearing the same clothes from last week .

You guys ever actually eat or do you just exist off ***** stories cigarettes and coffee.

Hey Susan you know I only come here to be in your presence .
Yeah right Jack hey you got anything in that flask you passing back and forth?

Sure do sweetheart I said as she leaned over the table she took a hit from the flask **** near emptying it.

Id care but I was to busy looking at her cleavage.
Hey leave something for us ***** Mike piped up.

Yeah well thats the cost of your buddy here looking down my shirt .
And what wonderful view it is sugar I said as she refilled my coffee totally ignoring Mike as usual .

What the hell man you wanna piece of *** I can tell you.where to look but dont let that ***** take all are ***** Jack.

Funny thing is its never are ***** when I buy it Mickey.
******* man you know I would share if I had a bottle .
Yeah I really cant say bud never seen you ever have one you *****.

Yeah ******* man.

Mike never could handle being picked on.
Alot of loud mouths couldn't .
Mike was one of many but he was a good laugh on a ocassion and kinda grew on you after awhile course so does a tumor so he wasnt exactly my favorite person in the world.

Course I never did like people .
I saw all there worst sides driving them the drunks least were semi honest .

The yuppies never paid you any mind you were there ride nothing more.

**** Jack I ever tell you bout that couple a few weeks ago I picked up?
I knew mikes silence wouldnt last long.

No you didnt .

Hell man so I do a pick up at the Raven you know that dive off Atlantic?

Yep been there many a time .

Well anyways I pick up this couple let me tell you from they were making out on the sidewalk I knew I was in for a show .

The chicks got this hot as **** little black cocktail dress on .
******* guy barely can tell me the address cause the chicks all over him.

So I head to the address well no sooner Im heading down the road I look back in the review and this ***** is going down on him I mean she's putting a Linda Lovelace to shame back there.
No **** well I know your demented *** was happy beats a drunk passing out in the backseat ******* himself .

No **** sherlock mike replied .
Anyways Im like ******* enjoying the **** out of this fare .
So much so a figure why the hell not *******.

Are you ******* nuts?
How the hell you going to drive and ******* truly you are one sick **** Mikey.

**** hell man I'm a professional brother unlike you .
Really you got to loosen up and live or this job will drive you nuts .

Yeah like your sane I thought to myself .

Anyways she's back there going to town like she working a ***** scene .
Everything's feeling good but I just kind of lost myself for a moment
Swerved hit the **** curb .

And I hear this guy ******* almost scream.
See when I hit the curb she bout bit his **** off.

******* funny **** the guys yelling get me to the ******* hospital she's keeps telling him she's sorry.

But thats not all of it he's going off cause he cant figure out what he's going to tell his wife .

Aint that some **** and to top it off the ******* didnt even tip me.
I cant imagine after almost giving him *** change why he wouldnt want to tip you Mickey.

Oh like I'm some ******* for getting worked up watching this chick go to town on this guy.
Okay hotshot being your so more noble than me what would you had done so differently .


I sat looked at this fellow cabbie trying not to laugh.
Honestly mike .

I would have pulled over and left the meter running till she finished .

I never was much at multi tasking like yourself .

Fuack you Jack I heard Mike say as I left a tip on the table and was on my way out.

Be careful out there Jack I herd Susan say.
Dont worry sugar I always am .


Stay crazy .

Gonz

It's always in winter im left facing the truth's of my past.
The bar my home the whiskey a old friend  who still
remembers enough to forget.

Alone with thoose faces i care to share nothing with I can just exist none care  or worry the Christmas lights bring a comic tragedy to my blured vision of what never can be.

Often it's found me here but tonight i no longer care.
for how many times can the heart bleed?
Till its but a scar of memory.

Answers are for the dreamers who belive there's right to
change the wrong.
A splendid place of ******* that omly holds truth at the bottom of my glass  last call lingers like a lovers goodbye.

My time long since past im turning to nothing only to except my
failures and curse the road that brought me to such a stage of misery
and who gives a ****.

The fools I pitty yet hope they find it although I know it's end.
Her word's hollow as my soul.
Pouring fire to replace passion.
Every fighter knows when it's gone.

But in dim lit smoke cast rooms I find my home.
And haunt this space asking nothing  just
to fade in thought.

Some need pain to exist other need the challenge to drive.
Every drink poured  burns a constant reminder im still alive.
After ive left into the nights air im cast alone.
wandering in a blurred haze to anywhere will I ever truely belong?

The night always falls a sweet embrace to the citys bitter reallty.
And I it's ever pressent *** a nothing in a sea of so called movers and shakers.
I saw them all rise and in that growth I also saw that which made them special turn to the worst of the mundane .

A  sort of flawed perfection.
Now just a run of the mill joke.
Anyone can be good show me depth and most will just ask how much does that truely cost?

Take my traggic ending make it something in a empty lie to suit your dreams .
I still preffer my nightmares reprise.

Am I not the artist but have I killed the clown to give all till all is what none did ever require?
Please find comfort in a happiness I myself could never grasp.
And ignore bitter tears drown in many rivers yet to embrace the flood
and a pressent future.
I preffer a bloodstained past broken hearts existance.

What is left still ***** with even my own thoughts.

You should have stopped while your ahead my boy **** how I hate advice.
Maybe im a reject of a long gone feeling we no longer share.
Maybe I simply stopped giving a **** altogather.

Heres the punchline Ive lost it friends lets drink to a sunset and a passing tide.

Whats left is a chaos inspired novel and a unending addiction i can no longer control.
Maybe a it's hell but what a night we shared time's a ***** who's dance cards often full.
Laughter covers the uneasy feelings I view in the readers mind.

Watch with fire for certain its burn we know when we have played.

But yet another night closes and im just another lost whisper of a forgotten conversation.
dont darken my grave if you've never stood at my door.

We all saw the truth just some choose to ignore its end.
And others never gave a dam to begin with.

One day we'll all understand the street lights fade and the silence
does erase us all.
Sunrise I care less to greet your return as i truley linger to embrace your fade.

Summers approach a farwell kiss.
Bourban erased the reason and somehow im left with is nothing but this.
We danced the night gave no thought to the day.
Times washed us clean now all has but drifted away.

Trapt emotions a well went dry.
Magic in moments the time mispent.
A well placed thought is but a fermented lie.

You view in but seldom see the truth behind this stage.
Paths crossed now directions needed.
A vintage year and a tender age.

It's burn a thirst to quench ive now lost track.
Ive drown for to long ive no reason to ever look back.

Unlike most the mail thats filled with  annoying **** like bills and DNA results this one  stood out  for some odd reason.
The name seemed familar  the invite was a wedding better known as a stand up funeral  a gathering of  hopeful women  and hung over men.

But what called to my eyes like a driver  parked at a catholic schoolgirl
cross walk  on a windy day was a true statement of sheer  beauty.
Open bar  gonzo  didnt know much but he knew he had a busted toaster   and a bruised liver and purpose a  of which I never  truley do understand.


This gathering was promising many women of which  had no idea  
I was a total ***  were here.
This crowd included many types
large small  young old   cross eyed   lazy eyed and even **** eyed
but no time for foreplay  children.

The bar was calling yet for some reason we had to sit through this
wedding ****  who the hell comes to  this stuff to watch  such sappy ****
the bride  walked down the isle  in white  face covered  dear lord
she couldnt be that ugly  hey wheres the  guy who sells  penuts and beers.

I sat for hours in agony  waitting to meet with my open
bar mistress  like some hot ****  women waiting behind a  
locked door so willing   calling to Gonzo.
come drink me  drink me hard  you drunk ******* im so wet
and refreshing get your minds outta the gutter.

When the man  who seemed to be the cult leader finally shut up the
groom finally pulled back  that veil thingy like a bad episode of ****** doo to reveal   the woman underneath it.
I was shocked to see a familar  face  hey i remember her
Kathy, Susan ,Rebecca,Something  yes when in doubt always shout
out every name you can think.
that way you appear either a total *****  or if your wearing a helmet
*******.

I had left mine at home selfish  ***** of a brother  just had to have it
Gonzo what if I fall down from a seisure ****** man duck tape a pillow to your head.

the ******* aside finally came a true moment of true brillance the bar   the bar where the **** was the bar!
Like a child being told santa wasnt coming this christmas
cause daddy  got busted selling drugs to the same undercover cop again
dad wasnt bright  something inside hurt deep as tears welled up from
my shallow heart.

then she appeared  Sara, Rabeca ,Susan,Eunice what did it matter really?
Gonzo are you hurt?
You know how much I care for you always.
Yeah  not enough to have a open bar Tabitha,Elieen ,Bathsheba,Drew,Elliot ****** woman whatever your name is.

Really you selfish woman  what do you think just   cause it's your wedding its all about you and this oversized bodybuilder   who appears
very unhappy dam you network tv for canceling american  gladiators

Like any true man would do faced  in the same situation.
I kissed the bride for old times sake  kicked the groom in the ***** and ran  for the boreder i'll miss you Susan,Kat,Jessica ****** woman whatever your name is.

As i sit at the pub deep in reflection as jack ask's me  so what will
you miss about her  the most you crazy ******* a chicken tucked under his arm  but I seldom  cared  to meet his new girlfriends.

Yes after deep thought and many wild turkeys.
It finally came to me ya know jack it's probaly  the free ***.
yes i was gonnna miss   Rabecca,Susan,Samantha,Kat, Beth,Baths,
Becky,Tarzan,Eunice,Cheeta, Taylor,Elivis,Ladyy Ga Ga whats here name  cheers to ya darlin.

Love John, Elliot ,Chris,Jack,Gary,My Chemicle Imbalance,Obama,
Bob, JD,Drew ,Goldie,whatever the hell my name is.    

Stay Crazy Gonzo

Unlike most the mail thats filled with  annoying **** like bills and DNA results this one  stood out  for some odd reason.
The name seemed familar  the invite was a wedding better known as a stand up funeral  a gathering of  hopeful women  and hung over men.

But what called to my eyes like a driver  parked at a catholic schoolgirl
cross walk  on a windy day was a true statement of sheer  beauty.
Open bar  gonzo  didnt know much but he knew he had a busted toaster   and a bruised liver and purpose a  of which I never  truley do understand.


This gathering was promising many women of which  had no idea  
I was a total ***  were here.
This crowd included many types
large small  young old   cross eyed   lazy eyed and even **** eyed
but no time for foreplay  children.

The bar was calling yet for some reason we had to sit through this
wedding ****  who the hell comes to  this stuff to watch  such sappy ****
the bride  walked down the isle  in white  face covered  dear lord
she couldnt be that ugly  hey wheres the  guy who sells  penuts and beers.

I sat for hours in agony  waitting to meet with my open
bar mistress  like some hot ****  women waiting behind a  
locked door so willing   calling to Gonzo.
come drink me  drink me hard  you drunk ******* im so wet
and refreshing get your minds outta the gutter.

When the man  who seemed to be the cult leader finally shut up the
groom finally pulled back  that veil thingy like a bad episode of ****** doo to reveal   the woman underneath it.
I was shocked to see a familar  face  hey i remember her
Kathy, Susan ,Rebecca,Something  yes when in doubt always shout
out every name you can think.
that way you appear either a total *****  or if your wearing a helmet
*******.

I had left mine at home selfish  ***** of a brother  just had to have it
Gonzo what if I fall down from a seisure ****** man duck tape a pillow to your head.

the ******* aside finally came a true moment of true brillance the bar   the bar where the **** was the bar!
Like a child being told santa wasnt coming this christmas
cause daddy  got busted selling drugs to the same undercover cop again
dad wasnt bright  something inside hurt deep as tears welled up from
my shallow heart.

then she appeared  Sara, Rabeca ,Susan,Eunice what did it matter really?
Gonzo are you hurt?
You know how much I care for you always.
Yeah  not enough to have a open bar Tabitha,Elieen ,Bathsheba,Drew,Elliot ****** woman whatever your name is.

Really you selfish woman  what do you think just   cause it's your wedding its all about you and this oversized bodybuilder   who appears
very unhappy dam you network tv for canceling american  gladiators

Like any true man would do faced  in the same situation.
I kissed the bride for old times sake  kicked the groom in the ***** and ran  for the boreder i'll miss you Susan,Kat,Jessica ****** woman whatever your name is.

As i sit at the pub deep in reflection as jack ask's me  so what will
you miss about her  the most you crazy ******* a chicken tucked under his arm  but I seldom  cared  to meet his new girlfriends.

Yes after deep thought and many wild turkeys.
It finally came to me ya know jack it's probaly  the free ***.
yes i was gonnna miss   Rabecca,Susan,Samantha,Kat, Beth,Baths,
Becky,Tarzan,Eunice,Cheeta, Taylor,Elivis,Ladyy Ga Ga whats here name  cheers to ya darlin.

Love John, Elliot ,Chris,Jack,Gary,My Chemicle Imbalance,Obama,
Bob, JD,Drew ,Goldie,whatever the hell my name is.    

Stay Crazy Gonzo

I remember the ocean the sound no man could write and only we shared .
Drinks to wash away with the tide .
We spoke of things we knew could never be and the road was destined to curve sooner or later it seems .

My delusions and your body so perfectly laid out  upon the sand and  flawless setting sun  the fire of imaginations and the passions of are drunken desires.

She was everything I needed and nothing to make me stay .
Maybe it's the moments like pictures scattered out across a ***** floor that allows us to linger or maybe I'm just another sentimental drunk like so many before .

I view you in that painting often in my minds gallery now more than ever as time has passed us by .
As wicked pleasures drove us and sounds like dreams simply were carried off into the dunes .

The most bitter wine can seem sweetest  to lips now parched from the long search for the oasis.
And I have worn my miles like shoe leather now clearly on display upon my face .

That picture stands a watermark of happiness I seldom know now .
A postcard of a  place I could never find again.

We all are haunted  in some way my dear.
I wonder ?
Does that picture within your thoughts linger just the same ?

Everyday befor you walk out that doortheres that invisable line you have cross.A side you have to choose.Good or bad  right and wrong.Or if your truthful then you know the lines are often blurred.For often I have been cruel only to reflect apon kindness.The road teaches as well as masks a truthful manssoul.Youth fades  as we either move on or become part of a black hole  known as the past.It consumes even the strongest beliver turns the brightest eyes cold and vacant.And for thoose that see dreams they thirsted for come to a reality they realize what they chased.Was with them all along.Talent isnt captured it's born locked within the tortred soulto blind to understand that it it starts from within.for once at the at the top of one mountian you relizetheres only more of thoose ******* ahead.It's not about trophys and getting your *** kissed byothers who secretly thirst for your fall.Apon  reflection I wonder.Did I even want it at all?

Hey John  dam it's been long so what do ya do these days?
Well I write  do stand up comedy.
Wow like your not even funny and you were always so shy I cant imagine you doing that.

                                                   Another Person.
Hey wow this is a really deep write who would guess the comedian could write so deep.

                                                 Yet Another

Hey you know your jokes really arent family friendly.
Some of them were really offensive and you should really stop talking about so many taboo
subjects maybe stop being so vulger.


                                      A Person I Knew When I Was A Kid

Hey man have you changed remember how you were so shy and didnt fit in
Its so great to see you trying so hard do you work i mean a real job cause that writting stuff and comedy is
okay for fun but you gotta grow up sometime JP is it okay to call you JP.
I mean we herd how you dont like being called that anymore but we always called you that.

                                                A So Called Friend.

                                              Hey you ever hear from John?
  Oh well probaly just off being weird what a loser man he thinks he's funny.
                    **** maybe funny looking what a stupid ******* .
                                                Hey John!
Man i was just talkin about you what you been up to dam it's good to see you.



                                                      A Stranger That I Made Laugh

                                                         Hey wanna drink?
                          You must keep people around you laughing all the time.

                                                     Sometimes Ignorance Is Bliss

I belive it was in a rest stop outside of Nashville when I first discovred just what lost truely

was.

The people moved ants to a hive.

Ghost's to the shell so to speak.



Looking up routes streching worn stiff leg's and existing in personal bubbles.

Affraid a seconds conversation would burst a moments ******* cast

existance.



But I only sat watching happy to be a viewer to many seperate acts in a bound for nowhere

play.



Hey you have the time?

I dont even have a watch.

I replyed to some lost south bound kid more ******* up looking

than myself.

He said nothing more as he simply  faded into the herd.



They were all bound for somewhere  and me I was just killing time.

My home was wherever I could catch a few hours sleep.

And hopefully I'd be outta this state befor long.



I was a nomad most called me a ***.

A traveler of fate and a lazy ******* to caught up in my own personal gains to settle down.



The voices of reason would seem to echo through strangers.

Whenever I'd take time to speak like some twisted record player

they'd always repeat.



So where you heading?

Nowhere and hopefully it has  a bar.



Why you on the road?

Well really I just decided to take a walk one day.



Where from?

North Carolina.

Wow why you in Texas.

It's a long walk.



Man your weird!.

Arent we all in some way?



And with that the conversation would fade into my beloved silence.

And I would view the highway and it's ever changing landscape.



The mountian  sunset's ,the desert  in the moolight ,

A city slum to a rest stop outside of Nashville where you find me now.



I'd seen Americas watercolors and her sharp edges and still charming sleeze.

And from a shared ride to a cold park bench.

I was embracing the forbidden fruit spoken of by

far better  fools and writers than me.



For true freedom was seldom safe.

But I viewed this world a travller a stranger to all including myself.



And from strange looks to even more bizzar remarks from  thoose who couldnt fathom

someone existing with no true purpose.



The question always was asked

from so many forgetable faces.



So where are you going?

Im just taking a long walk home.

She said nothing simply left the scene knowing with a closed door a chapters end was all left between them both .
The haze that had become his existence had destroyed the man and forged a demon no love could ever maintain sometimes the easiest thing is to continue when the end lingers a footnote to the chaos all that remains is a image no longer a the man .

Darkness is a ocean and you can only dive under so many times till you lose the reason for a return.
The fires of passion often are mired by a fix.

The edge is but a marker please do not follow me any longer for this abyss is a vast space with little remorse for the innocent .

In a wreckage you may leave me but tonight I could give a **** less .
Sink the vein and taste a fire that is replacement for the warmth in this endless winters chill.

Soon the hands will no longer count his hours simply mark the date.


She closed the door but never locked the memory away on nights like these they breathed in regrets of a shattered past.
Lingered as smoke rings in a half empty room.

There is no stopping a train destined from jumping it's tracks .

Simply let it pass howling into the night sparks from the rails a madness with no room for any so keep your distance or taste it's wraith.

Sink the needle and understand the shadows as a fool such as I.

Never Stand in the way of a man and his demons .

For beneath the surface you will find a darkness that can consume you
both.

Never regret closing that door my dear.

for a taste of fire is but a false promise and I was only lost in myself

Please never regret simply sit in the dark and know the emptiness as a fraction of a moments bliss .

That once was you and I.

The night's music speaks so haunting lingers forever even when the flesh has became cold.


And so shall the door remain closed .

I watched the television for lack of a hot girl bent over the pool table.
Tonight had been a dead night and I was simply counting the hours till I would
pass the **** out and start it all over again.

I herd one of the overrated windbags on the screen  say.
Tonight were here for the art and to honor the artist.
Yet in the sea of  overdressed teenagers I saw no art just some corporate nimrods  who were selling songs like a ****** sold her *** out on the street.

The glitz the glamour wasn't to honor it was a marketing tool  for record labels to push there new product.
And like any good **** they had brought a slew of there finest ****** on display for the wolves.

It was a true gathering of the young and mindless.
While all your favorite overplayed annoying as **** ****** and ******* were there all
acting as if they were having a blast and lip syncing to all there soon to be forgotten pop
**** hits.

It was like being mind ***** by a ***** wonka .

And the first award goes to some stupid rehab bound **** who's currant record I really want two of.
One to **** on and one to cover it up with.

And just when it can get no worse we have to see washed up boy bands drag there over weight *****  upon the stage to try to get one last fix before they drop dead well we can always hope.

Yes for a channel that calls it's self music television yet plays no actual music why should have I expected any less.

Art isn't cooked up in some factory cranking out radio friendly bubble gum anthems
for little girls to scream to and perverts to have wet dreams to.

True art  doesn't wear a G string .
Just usually hot chicks or some fat chicks but that's not usually a G string it's just there underwear  has crawled up there *** dam optical illusions.

What **** are you watching!?
The old regular asked me as he pulled himself from his semi coma of watered down drinks
and half spent cigarettes.

You know there amigo sometimes even I don't know what to call it myself.

Yeah well if your not to busy looking at ******* give me another.

I flipped the idiot box off and gave the old ******* another round.
So grandpa I asked in my oh so charming  and down right annoying tone.
What do you thinks the problem with music today?

Well for one ******* your supposed to listen to music not watch it!
That and I miss the stuff the kids nowadays never hear.
Yeah there father time what's that my friend.

You know that **** called actual music.

Yes this relic of the past had a great point there was no depth in a child's swimming pool  
and as me and my lone customer counted the hours till this night's chapter of a close
slowly approached  we spoke of the classics  and did what any to fellow adults would do.

Turned the jukebox up and put the TV on mute.
cause art may not wear a G string but some really hot ***** do.
And no matter a mans age even Picasso could admire a fine ***.

Cheers kids.

Gonzo.

Innocence cant never last.
In the presence of hate it's a ****** up web we spin when the only victim stands myself.
Come on it isn't so bad the repulsive stain never can we erase.
We are flawed and I just a scar left to bleed do we not understand now after I tell all?

Goodbye sweetheart hello institution at thirteen .
The reality would not be pleasant may I interest you in some lies to soften the truth?
What did I do?
A mother questions and fails to see.

We blind are selves to the answers keep it locked away.
Busted knuckles and a failed suicide attempt.
Were we not the victims of age cast in cells of misunderstanding my dear child
please never do as me.  

The ***** masked it well but your image only further inspired my hate.
Give it all till they see the truths.
Paper cuts are pleasant to the **** I've endured.

It haunts me a relict of a distant nightmare will I ever cease to wake.
I wish only I could say what haunts me .
But you only sent me away.

The past is a real cancer.
So erase it before it destroys you as me.

We played the act for as long as possible but to the naked eye it was so easily clear.
As the radio cry's old memories I realize are thoughts were bleak as this half delusion cast view .

Take my hand as one last time we embrace only to close the chapter .
Nobody can see the man for the character maybe I simply asked to much of you and to little of myself.

It's no longer there sweetheart so to you and the reader I must say this farewell.
Chapters close and pages fade nothing understands the pain but with time soon none will recall.

We know the memories now it's simply time to erase the void .
I hate this choice but tonight is as good as the next.
Shards of broken glass once held fragments of are half truths.
Secrets will seldom remain so try not let them bury you as me.

The nights magic no longer is my spark and this page has far better
company to keep.

Treat her well as she once did treat me.

I told you truths we laughed off as just another one of my moments and to me you knew when even could not say.

Words left apon a page are meaningless without the insperation to support them.

Are troubles many but to this friendship  I owe everything never worry how it sounds just read it and know .

We all get sideways sometimes .
Love you sister.

Remember my words long after the silence tears us apart .

This will always be for you.

The hamster walked alone broken hurt and on the verge of ending it all.
The streets of Hello were empty as the head of the *******  who created it .

He just couldn't take it anymore school was driving him nuts  his family were insane and there had to be more to life than sitting in his room on weekends listening to ****** music writing angst driven poetry and ******* to internet ****.
Anymore viruses and his computer was going to be more infected than Katy Perry's rancid crouch .

All hope was lost when he saw it in the parking lot a van  with the words M.R  Gonzo's  advice and free clinic walk-ins and homeless nymphos welcome  .

It sort of looked like a old bookmobile and smelled like a ******* or something that had died in a ******* .

The young misguided hamster figured what the **** did he have to lose so he knocked on the door .
It swung open as a cloud of smoke poured out the door it looked like a scene from towering inferno or Willie Nelsons tour bus  .

After hacking up half a lung and getting a contact high a face of true poetic brilliance emerged from haze of smoke .
And the young hamster was looking straight at the  one the only the often perverted cult leader of Hello Gonzo.

Hey there amigo **** bud you don't know how glad I am to see you come the **** in .
Saying the that the living legend Of Hello grabbed his school book and vanished into smoky hollow .

The kid sat there awhile not knowing if he should run or follow this nut job .
Well that is until a hand reached through the fog and pulled him in.

What the **** kid your wasting a great buzz you know how long it took me to get this bake going in here have a ******* seat.
The inside of the place looked like some cross between a Pub and a bad seventies ****  minus the  ugly chicks with cracked out faces and Chewbacca between there legs .

Ummm maybe I should leave .
The kid said scared of this scene and the mad hatter of a person sitting with a stiff drink in hand a umm well lets just say a herbal cigar in the other .

Bud you need to relax I tell ya  I got the munchies from hell .
With that said he took a bite out of the text book.
Jesus Christ this **** tastes more and more like cardboard dude I aint paying for this ****** .

Umm I'm not a pizza delivery guy and that's my math book ******* .
Yeah of course I knew that im just ******* with you sparky .
Okay man fifty bucks .

What?
The young hamster was convinced this guy was totally insane .
Fifty buck's for what ?

Duh Fifty for the **** ******* what you really think anyone would come here for ******* life advice from me?
I mean sure I'm ******* awesome as **** I do great drugs I drink more  than a fish and chicks dig me I mean sure you don't see any around that's just cause there on a break man I'm kind of finding myself .
You know just me my drugs and the wilderness .

Okay that explains why this place looks like you live in it there's a stack of **** movies that looks like you raided a wharehouse and your parked in a vacant lot in the city.

Yeah well least Im not some kid selling terrible pizza's that taste like paper oh yeah your late bud so this ones on the house .

I'm not a pizza boy you crazy old ******* !

Taking a long pause the artist formerly known as Gonzo was dead silent .

You have a point pizza boy who am I kidding I live in a kickass converted bookmobile  where I basically sell dope  to little ***** looking to get high and hopefully get to see some ******* in between
and you my wise public servant of terrible tasting pizza are yet living a existence of misery selling **** for us stoners to stuff are wasted faces with.

Dude are you ******* nuts I'm not a pizza delivery boy I'm just a young writer looking for advice .
The  young hamster went into his whole tale woe how nobody liked him and he was being picked on by ******* jocks who seven years from now would working the same dead end job as himself jerking off to old game video's well the ones that didn't make it to the NFL and had super model ****** blowing them while they watched old game videos that is .


He rambled on as the wise slightly ****** and definitely drunk wizard of Gonz pretending to care and listen  much like he did to chicks he was trying to get lucky with.

You know Gonzo your really ******* weird but man I feel better .
I bet you were once just like me a outcast loser wimp who was deeply sensitive  and yearned for the love of another.


He just stayed silent  sitting across from the table a wise man hidden behind dark glasses and  madness .

So what do I owe you man ?
Umm Gonzo  man are you lost in thought or something ?

The young dork had just bared his angst ridden soul and now he thought to himself **** man I think it was to much for him no wonder he's gone insane from listening to my ******* .

It felt like a hour as he kept trying to get the poet known as Gonzo to respond .

He was about to get off his **** and shake him when a noise more fowl than Justin Biebers  voice broke the silence .

It was the biggest and longest  **** he had ever herd and smelled almost as bad as gonzo's demented long winded jokes .

Finally he showed signs of life oh dude I forgot to tip you so sorry **** I had the best  sleep of my life your better than listening to the newest Taylor Swift cd  hell I was like in a coma dam did you **** in here I swear you kids and your silly pranks it's okay kid I swiped your wallet.  
You wont believe the **** I can pull when your asleep.


So you mean this whole time I been spilling my heart out to you thinking we were really becoming friends you were ******* asleep!?

Like a drunken baby after a good binge  in the trailer park amigo .

**** this !!

With that the young miserable moody *** teen hamster was gone and again gonzo was left to his thoughts to reflect on maybe he should have.
Aww **** that **** he said and cracked another fifth of bourbon and turned on some first class **** I'm talking bout the evening news hamsters get your minds out of the gutter.

Sure life can be total **** look at mine it's like a landfill of ******* crap.
But instead of being emotional *****.
I do what any grown man who lives a mobile bar does   .

Drink my liver silly and party my **** off writing ****** misspelled things to make people laugh and get hamsters to show me there ******* duh I'm just like Shakespeare  minus the talent and funny dungeons and dragons voice .

Until next time kids stay crazy.

Gonz

Our words were short as time is but a moment ever fleeting upon this plain of existence.

My memories of you are as cloudy as a puddle's gray sky's reflection of something I rather forget.

But my friend you once told me.

"Our disease does not hide, we simply choose to ignore it until it's far too late."

I didn't want to face the solution, as I spoke to you beyond ****** up.
Lost in a storm of ego and ignorance that I could control a ******* tornado by pretending I was ultimately in control.

"You know you can always call me John, just make sure it's when you are ready to admit it's beyond your control."

My old friend said to me and as I said my goodbyes I played it off.
Mocking his spiel and doing what I do best.

Play the role others believe to be the fractured individual that is someone over time I truly do not understand myself.

I could always called you and like anyone not wanting to face the cancer that is their truth I never did.

And on the day an old friend told me of your passing I was numb fighting withdrawals, my heart pounding like a wounded animal yearning for escape.

I thought of you, a man who had battled a stroke, cancer and the same addiction as I.

It was never that I didn't call because I did not respect you.

It is the exact opposite my friend.
I admired you as many will speak of your words.
But as we are eternally brothers of the page.

It is the compassion you showed me as a friend knowing me no more than a stranger from a website.

You eternally are that bear, as that animal often stands alone in its strength and understanding.

That pillar has been removed only from sight never from heart or the dungeons of a darkened soul such as mine.

Rest well my friend.

Sincerely from the pains of my eternal regrets.

It's a feeling passed down from generation to generation.
That old poetic sense of the sea and the men doomed to fall to her powers.
I see it's signs upon the sky but make no attempt to retreat .

A storm like no other is bound to hit and in it's approach I only pour another and wait for it's wrath.
Doomed souls often laugh at there demise yet I prefer a smirk  and dead silence.
I cant stop it and honestly I've grown to tired to run.

Why avoid the jaws of the tiger when you can embrace the wings of a dragon?
And that vice I have chased far to long.
Collapsed veins and cold showers shock no longer fix the solution so why not
just say **** it all instead?

Your no longer the shark amongst the fish my friend your more the forgotten fool
bound for the depths.
Have I lost it now gone to far that the surface is but a dream I've lost in nightmare's
far to long to recall.

Don't look for warning signs simply look my way and understand.  

There's a limit one can only push so far .
I view the storm upon the horizon  yet I will no longer run.

For one last stand is not in my cards.
But I'm dam sure up for one last round.

You were that illusion *** and madness tied together twisted to perfection and almost as flawed as myself.
In the backseat escapes and the ******* blur still casts the delusion over my thoughts a fog over the mornings water just out of reach and
still with in reach of reasons denial .

How can we feed upon broken promises as I cast stones to lies I
spoke myself I just told mine long enough to believe they were truths. Far better than your own.

Sometimes we purge are chaos to understand are vices or simply
make believe somehow  we will live immortals not fade into wrinkled ******* like all the rest.

We tasted it once and saw the storm pass only to pretend the fire that burnt was a ghost now only to haunt two fools and I truly never was much for regrets but I sure have been one to most.

pleasures shared miles so far behind all roads lead to the  same ****** up ending sweetheart cant you see as I?

Last calls and empty  promises like glasses left to be cleaned by another days light.

It passed a season like any other .

It was just as another summer so we thought .

It's always when the magic hits that blissful ****** up buzz I'm alone in the bar putting up the stools up closing down as usal.

I always have one behind the bar light a cigar just soak in the silence .
It's then when it all comes back in a flood to me .

The faces of those passsed my brothers.
I pour a shot of borbon for them each.
Always making mine a double .

I imagine there laughs the bad jokes and great conversations we no longer share .

William always playing the jukebox that trademark laugh that could light a room.
Bob Warren cracking people up hitting on the women he was a one man sideshow and a old vet.

Bone .
My closest brother the guy who ****** everyone off and always made me laugh .
We'd talk for hours kick back the drinks and torment everyone around us.

Cause if we didnt **** with you.
We truly didnt give a **** about you.
I had burried them all as alone now i stand .

The smoke hung in the air as i saw them all and for a moment i wasnt alone.

It always hit hardest on nights like these .
The women will all leave you .
Love is a fire that burns beyond are control.

But the memories are the tressure bury them deep only to dig them up when you are alone .

I drank each shot as one by one they vanished from sight.
I do not believe I can bury another .

I guess in all truth I hope the next is me..


I closed the door locked it behind me the air outside was frozen.
My breath shown on the walk home.

I was alone .

Sometimes the page is far more simple than reallity of this existence.
I'm glad to have shared one last round with friends .

We can write the ending.
But life always seems to see it a different way.

Cheers

Gonz

Sunset at my horizen and far to much regret apon me.
The story forever the same a jilted lover a midnight kiss.
Often ive tasted the wine to avoid the saltwater tears and a distant shores redemption.

Lights from the carnival tatterd dreams and the Jersey shore.
Far gone my thoughts hollow is the bottle burried in sand.

Why do we embrace the pain to only understand the stage traggic by design.
In eye's often reflected I recall you but never understood myself.
As children we yern for what seems a ghost hunt  in a moments time.
Im still walking but no longer can I sense my return.

Footsteps burried in saltwater washed in a long vanished time.
It only takes a song to go back yet a foolish pride and a storm couldnt make him
turn to her.

Ive known many faces yet never understood one.
Take me to sunsets demise and a night skies birth.
Toast a broken soul and ******* logic for it's all I have to give for now.


The lights from afar seem no more distant than I.
the sunsets my canvas the waves crash my song.

Whispers of what never was pillow talk and tommorows thought.
All intentions often merge with the same long walk.

I understood nothing more clear .
Then when she uttred the words goodbye.

I watched her dance across the empty floor for no reason just her own simple pleasures  and to simply show she was alive .
The music loomed heavy and she flowed with it a lover lost in its power.
Often we find solace in moments others dare not to intrude .

I said nothing just stood a viewer to this scene .
A fly to the wall with a ever fading drink.
She made me forget as she seemed to forget all as well.

I thought of the ocean and my times long since past .
The nights I sat by the seawall and viewed the ships like ghosts silent anchored off shore..

Friends whom no longer breathed life and painted my thoughts with stories .
She made me recall how being alone truly felt .

The music faded she was no longer there.

It was the close of a Saturday night  my dreams had long since died .

Maybe we are all fools for trying when the deck is stacked against us.
Letting the time pass and are bodies go.

But then sometimes when in the moment with that music
you just have to allow yourself to flow.

I never could recall her name the dream never allows you the grace of
understanding.
For once I slept well through the night .
A vision of my desires kept me warm.

As the sunrise and reality soon brought me back.
One day I did hope it would  
just allow me to go.

Gonzo

Is often called a barroom poet slash outlaw .
Who's work has been featured in some mags that clearly do not care about good taste or morals .

When not living as a total recluse drinking his liver silly and watching ****, He often enjoys long drives by himself picking up hookers but enough bout his ex wife.


His short stories usually revolve around some demented ******* much like himself .

He currently resides in hell or as others call it North Carolina .
Where him and his dog share drinks and take turns being the designated drunk driver .


His work will probably give you a contact high or at least the clap.

Enjoy .

And stay crazy .

Gonzo

I've seen it said before so many times yet like words spoken of a handed down nature the pompous always tend to ignore great truths of the past.
I've seen great writers turned absolute **** with the stroking of their own ego.

I'd seen critics forged their own wants in the weakness of others who listen to bull crap wanting simply to be accepted.
Some chase what they believe to be a set path, there is no roadmap to success simply an afterthought to the losers who chase dreams often not their own.

I never chased ****!
I was always me not some watered-down version of another character I thought I could be so that's what you assumed.
Well you can assume your *** right out the door and out of my ******* face!

I live with no purpose I simply exist I thrive in my own madness and care little for the opinions of others.
I never force the write I simply follow it to wherever it leads me a river has only one direction.

Never truly believe your own *******.
Never think you're better simply know who you are.
Don't toil over the works of others admire it for what it is but don't let it **** with your head.

I never became a writer I just always was it wasn't  the cool thing to be it's just ingrained in my DNA.
The drinking, the drugs, the fast life wasn't some stylized afterthought  to seem hip it's just who I am.

You see my friends anyone can write but few can truly connect.
The page knows me better than I know myself it is here I'm vulnerable, it is here I am real for this is my existence.

It is my passion.
It is my life and ultimately it will be my death.
There is no gimmick and I never cater to a critic for one pompous ***** opinion matters less to me than a man who sits beside me and shares a drink.

Honesty is a poison in a society loaded with *******!
Never fear rejection and always embrace defeat without thought of a backup plan.

My work is my soul dark as it may seem never hasn't been considered fake.
But then again what do I truly know?
For to many I'm just a joker the town drunkard who sees more through dark glasses than many see within the light of day.

Never believe your own ******* because the moment you start to is the moment you begin to decay.

No matter what happens just keep playing kid.
I was sixteen when I first started playing music as a DJ in a little redneck bar in Carolina .

Green as a glade of grass that would soon change .
I hung with the barflys the rejects the bikers and the ones that just couldn't leave there past behind.

I wasn't friends with kids my age I found my crowd and tried every vice in between.
You don't know **** at sixteen so don't pretend you do I learned from those who scars were many as the stories they told.

I watched the crowd they were always willing to turn on you
It was sink or ******* swim in a sea of smoke and stale beer .
The women weren't like the girls in high school .

There was no delusion of something more just a fast night and a good time followed by a ****** up hangover .
I had nothing in common with my own age group hell I partied with there parents knew off duty cops thieves and dope dealers .
They were all full of **** in there own way.

I cared little for a classroom I learned everything I needed to survive in those little dive bars .
I was underage six foot four acted and looked older so I just fit in .

There was danger
There was always some **** just waiting to happen .
No wonder I left the awkward world of social climbers and ******* proms behind.

Money was fast and so was everything worth a goodtime.
Who the **** needs someone when you can have the chaos of another night.
It was everything that I missed and never knew existed .

I will always remember that little ugly *** stage .
The faces changed real music still lives .
I gave them happiness they gave me there money.

It was my life's college .
The brain would learn what the pen would write many years later .
If your worried bout the page at sixteen your lost already.
Life will fill in the gaps .

Live first then it will all eventually fit together .

I forget everything now but I never forget those times .
One stage is always like the next .
The only rule no matter what happens when your up there .
Just keep playing kid .

Just keep playing.

Old pictures paint false delusions I wonder why no one has ever captured mine?
Tears are nothing to empty hearts, guess it pays to be a ******* than a dreamers second chance.
I buried my thoughts in a shallow grave.
Only to unearth my soul upon this page.

The lit cigarette and yet another empty bottle of *****.
We fumble in desires bound by shackles formed by a ever present need.
Tonight she lusts for another yet settles for me.

Her empty room is better than a cluttered prison of your own creation.
Her taste of strawberry doesn't damper my burn, contact of the flesh isn't a connection of soul.
Simply a reflex of addiction and mine knows no end.

The furnace burns through the night yet can't kindle this flame.
Some **** is better left dead!
Her poison knows no antidote I simply revel in this decay.

Remorse is for the weak the cigarettes light glows from her presence from the edge of the bed.
She looks at the shadows on the wall casts from the cities night.
As she wonders does he want as she?

There are many forms of emptiness, and far too little definitions of being alone.

She lingers in thought for only a second, and then she is gone.

We knew love together hand in hand.
Memories are still living.
With are walks apon the sand.

Seashells in a old wooden box.
The oceans spray.
A vanishing form down by the old
docks.

A bottle without a message
comes in with the tide.
Try as I must this pain
I cannot hide.

That old lighthouse stands as
strong as should I.
The tide changes yet never does die.

In a little roadhouse off the beaten tracks is where I did find her.

She was riding with the hells angels till they kicked her out for being to ruff.

And yet at seventeen the way she could down a budweiser and burb hello ******.


Was a site to be held and i thought to myself

as she broke a pool cue over a man's head who played a song she didnt

like I knew i had met the woman of my dreams.


Sure she drank like a fish cussed like a sailor and hit like a frieght train.

But aside from all thoose good qualitys I like in a woman she did have her hang up's.

Its kinda bad when your first date involves knocking over a seven eleven and leading on

the cops on a five state chase.


And Im not bitter she didnt slow down to let me off.

Im mean the road rash wasnt that bad and I needed to drop a couple of pounds

of course it gives a whole new meaning to burning off the pounds.


And when I saw her about two months later I could tell there was something

there as she held a knife to my throat and looked into my blood shot eye's

and said.

Im gonna cut out your tongue out if you dont buy me a beer.


Yes this beer drinking spitfire had me at hey what the ******* lookin at ****** ?

What a true lady indeed.

Yes when i finally came outta a coma after that first night togather i knew.


That i probaly shouldnt drink outta open containers.

Or carry cash or major credit cards.

When going out with a five foot three spifire named Skeeter.

It's the silence that always gets you.
The laughter is a drug and there is no worse a addict than the comedian
Behind the laughter is the insecure person you never see .

It's the empty rooms the miles between gigs it  always comes to that next fix.
Those few seconds when I can  be  everything I'm not the escape is the best release there has ever been.

And as you leave it behind the ego deflates and the isolation sets in were all children in tattered shells called adults .
So fragile the rock that seldom does embrace the sea .

Were all ****** up in are own separate ways.
Behind the laugh at times is the worst place you may ever realize you want to be.

Never down this road did I sing within a tune
Never while I wandered
did I ever think of you
Ever as I walked, I ached right down to bone
Never once your name is whispered
Walking too far from home

Break the spirit spill the wine
flood the river before my time
You can't predict the future when you can't see the past
I yearn for the groove and the rest of the **** that will never last

Take me down I simply do not care
We rebound with others in which we simply do compare

The Summer is gone now
its here for you
Spring is my jester
now I'm playing the shrew

I'll keep on walking until the end of day
With no companion
nor fair sense of play
Just walking down this endless path
Not leaving a trace for others to mark

No telling story where I might have laid
No fleeting glory in this trek I've made
I'll not speak outside the lines
as I walk on down
this great divide

Sit you down with a drink to sip
but beware the bottomless of the cup
for degradation that way lays
as noted by walking
these endless days

Tomorrows a birch boy the **** never seems to end
Old friends past
no trace remains
Happiness is a grand disillusion so let's not pretend

In those pines down
in that humid breeze
is where the past does exist
Buired are my thoughts
somewhere unmarked
is the grave underneath the leaves

From Carolina to Brisbane the weather's different
and always the same
Words passed between poems stories are all just different solutions to the exact duplicate game

No one knows where the wind blows
driving needles from the pines into veins that are on fire
But we keep on walking
Bare feet on black tar
Walking on until we tire