I was celebrating as normal I'm not sure why besides oh yeah duh I'm the most awesome writer in the history of this site .
The bar was empty as usual the old crowd had been abducted by aliens and replaced by children whom seemed to believe I truly gave a fuck that there five day relationship had just fallen apart yeah live on your own bust your ass to exist then tell me how fucking hard life is okay kiddies.
It came through the wire a message that read.
Dear Gonzo I just read your recent co write and wow was I impressed
It's so great to see established writers giving new writers like yourself a break.
It appears this juvenile hamster had smoked a little to many bath salts today for they had no clue as who my ego fed arse was how dare they.
Yes kids isn't it a shame when all the kick ass drugs were discovered by your grandparents ?
Look don't reinvent the wheel if it gets you fucked up stick with the shit that hopefully doesn't make you trip balls and lock yourself in a closet with a butcher knife .
That's why I stick with the mild stuff like herion.
I was just about to write this writer wanna be a long and thoughtful response telling them in a mature way to go fuck themselves when yet another message came in .
Hey Gonzo loved your co write I always wanted to co write with a true writer any chance you could ask Helen if she would write one with me ?
Dear lord man these kids were higher than Justin bieber's over inflated ego yeah he's going to put out a new album yeah you been warned .
Another message came in in one after the other it was like I was driving a fucking ice cream truck on a hot summer day every bed wetter and booger picker running down behind me with there snotty little dollars clutched in hand didn't these children know I hate kids .
Well all except for barley legal hot sluts with low self esteem cause I truly love helping misguided whores yeah I know I'm such a thoughtful bastard aren't I?
I couldn't take it I slammed the laptop shut and turned up the jukebox as I poured myself a stiff drink .
At least here at the bar I could escape this insanity .
But the nightmare was far from over .
As I herd the squeal of airbrakes as a school bus came to a stop outside the bar dammit I was being invaded fuck why hadn't I infested in those rabid coyotes Lilly Mae had tried to sell me .
The little shits hit the door like invaders across are unguarded boarders yeah do you know how many millions of those fucking Canadians slip through every day .
Yeah if only we had snipers then we never would had to listen to Nickleback.
They jumped on the pool table laughed played and really started to kill my buzz as they played there modern crap they called music .
It was like being raped by a midget clown and the rest of his fifty buddies that could fit in one car I swear those fuckers can pack a car better than any Mexican I've ever known and for my fellow Latino friends out there I truly meant no disrespect please don't stab me or bounce up and down on my skull with your low rider .
Hey Gonzo the leader of this dwarf cult spoke up we want a co write with you.
Um like hell I will Frodo just take your sawed off ass and return back to the shire okay.
Fuck that stupid lord of the rings joke dork don't you know harry potter is the in thing dumbass.
The little man had said a mouthful there and being he was a Harry Potter fan I could tell he was probably used to having his mouth full of assorted things like his nerd friends magic staff .
Look sparky or dipshit or whatever the hell you name is note to anyone if you don't have boobies I probably wont care what your name is .
I truly hate kids okay and there's nothing in this world that would make me ever write anything with you so just carry your ass cause I'm sure you are missing out on some kickass time to sulk in your room that is more furnished than my entire house and post your bleeding heart sonnet all over your ex girlfriends face book wall alright.
Okay the little hamster replied .
You know Gonzo I'm real sorry you feel that way cause I was going to overlook the fact that you offered me and my friends booze and tried to get my underage sister to flash her boobies .
It's a real shame I hate to see such a talented co writer go to waste sitting in prison but you don't want to co write with us so I fully understand .
I couldn't believe this little shit was going to blackmail me it almost brought a tear to my eye how demented he truly was .
Reminds me of myself at that age when I blackmailed my sitter into showing me her boobies ahh the preciouses memories .
I weighed my options co write masterworks of true demented genius or play basketball with guys who had been in so long that they let me win cause I was a hot bitch .
Hmm I had to ponder that one cause I never was very good at basketball duh I'm white and slightly bad humored with racist jokes that if do offend get over yourself it's called a fucking joke okay.
Okay sparky you got yourself a cowriter but can I ask one thing first?
Sure Gonzo shoot.
Well being that I was going to be falsely accused of seeing your sisters boobies maybe I could actually see them?
I don't have a sister you perve I just said that to trap you into co writing for us and finish this stupid ass write cause it's drinking time and I got places to be people.
Until next time hamsters stay crazy Gonzo.
I took a walk to see.
All the queens down market street turning just for a fix .
The bullshit of the day doesn't matter when you only live for the score.
Greetings from the gutter.
Go wash yourself clean as I embrace it's decay.
Least I know my place art is never a safe bet sweetheart does his touch still make you cringe?
Meet me at the bar and we will get lost together.
Goodnight to the fakes I have little more to give.
Goodnight to you all it's ran it's course shall we just let it die?
To the designer junkies who's prison resembles a palace I prefer the chaos of my own reality keep your distance for your bullshit need not apply.
The cutter scars I prefer to some airbrushed queen your flaws are your perfection were all fucked up so embrace the truths and ignore there lies.
Goodnight my friends my buzz has began to fade .
Life is a bruise beautiful in it's story .
Never hide the flaws for art is the biggest train wreck of them all.
The road behind bares us a backdrop, too many nights find us fractured in our thoughts and the dreamers we once were are far from the two people who stand today.
We're broken, mere splinters of our shipwreck past, driftwood on a shore that drowns every time the ocean breathes.
The path is littered with slaughtered dreams that didn't bleed.
As time and tide wait for no man shall we find it a tragic scene?
simply erased with the sunsets demise?
No one gets away without a scar and mine speak a road map to chaos
and a found hello to you.
Mine own scars are fingertips
gouged into the sand and faded
but salted by tears of the ocean, inerasable by the tide.
A soul washed up upon the shore, a road map etched delicately into fine bones.
You can trace where I'd been before. All roads lead to your hello.
In broken lines and have uttered phrases and one too many empty night.
Backdrop of chaos does paint in the darkest colors you could ever imagine .
How does it gets so flawed by our own creations and vices my dear?
Does it still ring ever so true?
The bell rings true whispering distant voices
Empty nights are just bottles lined up as dead soldiers
We contemplated our own truths and fell victim to our own vices
The backdrop is black, no colour beneath skin.
Honestly? Where does our downfall begin?
Two ships underneath the nightscape past the spark once understood the flame and nothing more .
In empty alleys, like cats to prowl, we find our moments, and then bury our thoughts to lay for no others to see.
half written papers and half heard conversation the keys of the piano haunt the silence as myself shadows that still remain.
Nothing is but a thought and those are like dead flowers laid to waste a reflection of far better times
The night crawls to meet the day as it has so many times before.
The thought of the minds bottle lay empty upon the table.
A fond farewell is but a sugar coated goodbye.
And I seldom have minced my words to mask their sting.
The page forever bleeds.
Pages that lay scattered on a dirty floor
Bleeding ink into cracks
that will forever more
hide the spirit of our souls.
Helen honestly deserves far more credit than myself on this for her lines in this truly are brilliant.
I give her all the credit in the world cause co writing with me I know is far from easy but this write was truly a pleasure and I look forward to this being the first of many writes with her .
It wasn't a good feeling knowing words would result in the chapters close between us .
And no matter my ego I still never enjoyed causing anyone pain let alone you.
Are paths had crossed and taken us in separate directions and only the blindness of concern had kept the ship afloat this long but delusion was a tide that could never bare us to distant shore and losing all wasn't worth the cost so i believe losing you was my penance that surely must be paid.
Life had scared are thoughts and now time had dealt its hand .
The only thing left where the words that would sting worse than the lash.
Sometimes being a bastard was the only option.
This was the best showing of my concern and no matter the sting at first it was best for us both.
The storm was upon the horizon I simply had to ride it out alone .
There is no hell worse than the one bring down upon ourselves
I'm so sorry to tell you goodbye .
She said nothing simply left the scene knowing with a closed door a chapters end was all left between them both .
The haze that had become his existence had destroyed the man and forged a demon no love could ever maintain sometimes the easiest thing is to continue when the end lingers a footnote to the chaos all that remains is a image no longer a the man .
Darkness is a ocean and you can only dive under so many times till you lose the reason for a return.
The fires of passion often are mired by a fix.
The edge is but a marker please do not follow me any longer for this abyss is a vast space with little remorse for the innocent .
In a wreckage you may leave me but tonight I could give a fuck less .
Sink the vein and taste a fire that is replacement for the warmth in this endless winters chill.
Soon the hands will no longer count his hours simply mark the date.
She closed the door but never locked the memory away on nights like these they breathed in regrets of a shattered past.
Lingered as smoke rings in a half empty room.
There is no stopping a train destined from jumping it's tracks .
Simply let it pass howling into the night sparks from the rails a madness with no room for any so keep your distance or taste it's wraith.
Sink the needle and understand the shadows as a fool such as I.
Never Stand in the way of a man and his demons .
For beneath the surface you will find a darkness that can consume you
Never regret closing that door my dear.
for a taste of fire is but a false promise and I was only lost in myself
Please never regret simply sit in the dark and know the emptiness as a fraction of a moments bliss .
That once was you and I.
The night's music speaks so haunting lingers forever even when the flesh has became cold.
And so shall the door remain closed .
I am simply a record no one cares to play in some dark corner collecting dust.
The years haven't been kind so I will simply end it as it began.
No words will bind me so why the hell shall I reply .
Time is a empty feeling and a cold bed fellow indeed.
The fires there's it simply smolders on a night unseen to all.
Maybe it was far overdue maybe it was never what they believed it to be.
I understand it a fade to a sunrise of promise.
A bittersweet after thought as I do find little solace in anything less than shocking .
Flaws we have become addictions are cage rusted remains the lock.
I once viewed it with promise now I see no point in the tides passing.
My words are left buried.
Maybe it just wasn't meant to be
The music flowed as smoke rings littered the barroom ghosts for a second washed clean by the smell of stale beer and worn out lines.
It's here I'm home and here I'm most detached from it all I'm invisible only wanting to view and catch a buzz to chase the nights passing .
I sometimes question this existence wonder why the fuck no direction suits me best .
I used to fight the urge now I simply have grown to tired to care .
And where odes another find themselves sitting next to me?
Maybe I'm to damaged maybe I'm just happy being alone .
I haven't found the answers cause I truly never gave a fuck about the questions to begin with.
There's more reflection in a empty seldom clean bar glass than within my heart darlin and my times all that matters to me now .
I have no options and the past is dead to me as the person who most hold to be the man I no longer can be .
There's always a fire burning I just wash it clean to keep you away.
Maybe when I'm lost home seems the furthest place from my thoughts .
Like some left behind castaway I have simply went insane with time.
Underneath the lights reflection I stand the same fractured and wanting nothing more than a stiff drink and some old song to keep me company into this smoke cast fade .
Maybe home is anywhere I choose it to be .
So try not to question the man who is but a stranger to even me.