I was a stranger to all and most of all a villain to myself.
It was at fifteen I began my love with the bottle a affair I still hold true as friends resemble highway markers worn still standing yet never do the grasp my road they simply judge my miles.
You all start pure as life fucks us all up in such different and brutal yet perfect ways.
Drugs a experiment for which I have earned a degree cocaine a vice women far more deadly to me neither of which I intend to stop using anytime soon.
The road was my lure and still the deserts thirst shall never be quenched I feel a pirate whom stands amongst strangers I have known for a lifetime and held that much more of regret.
Shards of my past escape fragments of my existence color the nights black and gray a vague thought of a harsh intrusion I'm beyond what most would consider there limits I will be fine.
Now let me tell you yet another well intended lie.
I have buried more friends now I only wish to hear those voices that made me feel the warmth in this cold of success.
Fuck if I can pretend to hold it together the ships sank and I am but a ghost that haunts this frame that stands before you now.
To feel pain is to feel something at least .
I bare no cross for I claim no guilt so place your bullshit on someone else for it will never plague my existence my friend.
I'm here now so don't cast a farewell before the final round my dear,
We all know demons I simply bask in there hell for a wicked charm and a burnt out existence that is I.
I view the image in the mirror and understand who I am.
Can you truly say the same?
Sometimes the ride is all that matters no direction has suited me most my life.
I listen to the music of the night and smelt the ocean as I tasted the salty winds embrace.
I'd come to an understanding of emptiness was far better than the false comfort of another's secrets were better off left buried with only one lost soul serving as the map.
I sat at the bar for a while not speaking to others as I found it far more comforting to be lost within my own lies and illusions insanity makes for good company.
Far better than the bullshit of some ego driven windbag.
We were always happy in the moment but it was alone that let the demons wreak havoc upon our memories, why couldn't I ever just get over bullshit and leave the past a corpse to rot within the ground?
In depths of your own thoughts you will find the truths that are not mired by your own lies.
A man's ego is but a wildfire soon to be out-of-control and so easily snuffed out by another's manipulation.
I couldn't give the answers when asked questions anymore, Fuck if I cared to answer I just struggled to exist let alone fix others.
And my vices were given the excuse they so desired.
Why can't we just be like this she asked?
Because moments my dear are simply that.
And time is a bastard of a friend who exist only to bitter you and where down your soul like the sun does to the old man's skin turning fresh intentions to worn-out leather hide.
Maybe I'm a bastard maybe you're just a bitch maybe were all flawed and I was simply looking for someone more fucked up than ourselves.
Stroke our own ego and say well at least I'm not that fucking bad.
I never care for the destination I simply exist for the trip.
Maybe I'm running from something maybe I'm just happy to escape, maybe I'm just a fool to life but I've seen enough to know the blindness of passion and the deceit of a well intending heart.
We drove from miles happy to exist and content not to speak.
Sometimes the silence says it all my friends.
Do people ever truly lose there mind or were they always fucking bat shit to begin with?
I believe half this earth is run by insane people most of which have way to much power and far to little sense .
The fucking radio is a great example ever listen modern music ?
You know that shit that doesn't require any talent to preform just a record player and some half wit to rap along with so you can have a remix yes country music is vile enough let alone throw in a nerd that would shit if he got his thirty thousand dollar sneakers dirty once are made in some sweatshop for ten cents a pop yeah how fucking fashionable .
And remember when you had to play a fucking instrument to have a record out?
Yeah I'm so old fashioned I mean sure kids wear all the shirts to half the bands I grew up with and have no fucking clue who the bands are but yes the world is stupid and you wonder why I drink.
Just like people who believe the world really gives a fuck there having a bad day # who gives a fuck Twitter is for stupid twats and celebrities who have as much depth as a public toilet but are far less clean.
People always read me and believe I am this nice easy going goofy drunken dipshit who only lives to make them laugh and talk about boobies well who doesn't like boobies there awesome.
Hey Gonz do you like kids ?
No I don't !
Cause they always annoy the shit out of me when I'm trying to sleep off a good bender in the park really whatever happened to letting the TV raise them hey I look at me I didn't turn out so.
Umm well okay so I'm a little fucked up .
Hey do you ever get tired of being funny or find it hard to come up with new things to pick on?
Well just watch the evening news for a second and head down to the local bar or that gate of hell Wal-Mart and look at all those weirdo's who believe they have to buy shit just cause its on sale yeah sure why not buy two hundred rolls of toilet paper cause you never know when the world may end and the zombie apocalypse will begin .
Newsflash when the world does cease to exist you probably will to and when your starving to death or being burned alive I really doubt that wiping your ass is going to be your top priority .
And we already live amongst zombies there called yuppies and those I phone twitter loving instagram cocksuckers are fucking everywhere and driving while doing all this shit so pick your head up and watch out!!!
I recently was on a little road trip and while in Evansville Indiana as me and my head cheerleader were riding around the city late at night we were ran into by a young and brainless little shit who admitted she was texting and driving and as I sat there waiting for officer fat fuck to arrive to give this cyber shit a ticket .
Yes Indiana it's slogan should be hey are you fucking lost?
Yeah I know I'm a real people person .
Anyways as I sat there viewing what looked like babe Ruth in a bullet proof vest hand out a ticket as he sweat out gravy I had to question with fifty lares of flesh for padding was there really a need for the vest?
They say when you go insane it's hard to truly rejoin society .
But honestly after looking at half the strung out loony toon's that are considered normal why the fuck would you ever care to be part of there brain dead shit storm ?
And since when did the news care what was popular on fucking You tube?
Todays top stories the worlds on the verge of self destruction, A man kidnapped a child raped her for several years has five kids with her but later on that right now let's check out this cute cat video.
yes the worlds obsessed with pussy .
And you thought it was just me.
And why do teachers now all fuck there students and where were these horney bitches when I was going to school.
Yeah having to settle for a hand job from the janitor just wasn't the same.
Although he did have a fantastic grip I'm kidding.
And why do people even own TV's duh cause books are to much like work but hey remember to buy mine cause it has plenty of pictures yeah what isn't poetic about porn?
Yes I can imagine what the great writers from the past would think of the new bestsellers.
Who doesn't like books about gay ass wizards and homo vampires that glimmer in the light yeah I didn't read it duh I saw the movie dumb ass
yeah you may laugh but whatever got my sixteen year old girlfriend in the mood was alright by me I'm kidding again she was twenty one at the time least that's what her fake Id said.
Yeah least I'm not as bad as Micheal Jackson cause I'm actually alive that is duh.
Yeah he didn't have issues he just a fucking amusement park in his back yard .
Me I'd prefer a strip club or maybe a mall yeah don't ask.
Common sense nowadays it makes people laugh and the key to humor is always truth people are all fucked up hell just look at me I'm truly insane I own my own bar I get paid to write I do stand up for free drinks but honestly would you really want me doing anything else?
Attention this is your captain speaking umm look I really don't know how to put this but I forgot to gas up before we left so looks like were all going to die as we crash into the earth and burn to death.
Yeah my bad .
But hey I want to thank you all for flying delta and please remember the do not smoking light is on yeah sure your probably going to be busted into a million pieces but heaven forbid the prick next to you catches a whiff of smoke before he dies.
Loosen the fuck up cause your not going to live forever .
People are so uptight afraid to say fuck or disagree with each other cause we all need to think alike like a bunch of fucking lemmings.
I grew up around backwoods rednecks I lived in the city slept in the fucking street okay there's no difference in people except real fucking people aren't scared to piss others off they are who they are and if you like them great and if you don't then fuck off life's to dam short to sweat the bullshit and this high school mentality needs to truly get fucked the worlds messed up so embrace it .
Like me, Hate me at least you never have to guess what I really think .
Stay crazy kids cause the normal fucks of this life are usually total closet freaks who kill hookers on the side and make bombs in grandmas kitchen .
It's a shame cause a good hooker is a terrible a terrible thing to waste.
Well hamsters until next time this has been your bartender for life with your friendly perverted public service announcement we now return you to your regular scheduled program right smack in the middle so you wont know what the fuck happened cause we can nah nah.
And if I somehow offended you please fell free to write to.
Gonzo's complaint department in care of .
105 It's called a fucking joke way .
It's the silence that always gets you.
The laughter is a drug and there is no worse a addict than the comedian
Behind the laughter is the insecure person you never see .
It's the empty rooms the miles between gigs it always comes to that next fix.
Those few seconds when I can be everything I'm not the escape is the best release there has ever been.
And as you leave it behind the ego deflates and the isolation sets in were all children in tattered shells called adults .
So fragile the rock that seldom does embrace the sea .
Were all fucked up in are own separate ways.
Behind the laugh at times is the worst place you may ever realize you want to be.
I guess I'm growing to old for the game .
Neon lights worn lines it all just reads the same.
My hearts upon the sleeve the bottle forever in hand.
The times have changed no longer are my words in demand.
You ask for forgiveness I know it's not within the cards my dear.
Played the scenarios out now it's just another victim of ego I fear.
We ask of other what we can never ask of ourselves.
Broken lies and bullshit common are the half truths.
Collecting dust like books on long forgotten shelves.
Take this in vain and shoot it as you will.
Your misery brings me pleasure together this innocence we will kill.
Maybe we destroy only to rebuild maybe we destroy for the sake of seeing it burn.
All I know is tomorrows a burden when only for what was do you
Poison was the taste so wicked the pleasures shared my dear .
You were the best poison sampled in a nocturnal desire all is dead .
Let the pain bring the pleasures of guilt a tattered memory of my most wicked design.
When flesh is your vice will you not drown in the darkest waters as I have so easily drown within you.?
Her love was a fix.
Her passion reeked of heroin and I fell victim as so many other's before.
Kill me in pains plessure to erase my regrets she begged of me from the confines of a already empty bed.
Nothing to fill the void.
May are darkness be shared my little girl .
Why can't you see the games never revolved around you but merely absorbed you as all the rest.
If only we understood the pains pleasure maybe as strangers we could fuck as we do the ones best kept secret within hates plain sight.
I am the edge of the most evil design.
Poison your kiss and forever it lingers to this fool's thirst.
Have are secrets simply grown into a existence all there own?
Carve are pleasures I see its passion deeply within your eyes
Tonight was a regret tomorrow a forgotten tune left to die as my soul apart.
Do we question are likes or simply take them as fools and allow them to fade?
My demon need's no slumber within my nightmares existence .
Sweetheart did you dig only to find a little fractured side of yourself?
Are lives are toxic I loved the pain you so easily did embrace as of leftover conquests sweat smells of truths we ourselves can no longer embrace .
The door is closed as the belt around your neck.
We together are poisons pleasure how tragic this night with others we did waste.
As misery always seems to embrace only regret.
And You thought I was strange when I was joking .
We had blown through half the booze and the drugs were nowhere to be found in this oasis's of debauchery and bad decisions .
Bone had thrown his usual temper fit and with his spoiled rich boy roots showed his ass in the worst possible way till someone finally shut him the fuck up.
And after the pissed off dude had knocked my sometimes friend most times pain in my ass sidekick out.
Looking to me in half spent rage and bloody knuckles asking now what the fuck are you going to do?
Well I'm going to have another round and play the jukebox now that someone finally shut that bastard up what you having amigo?
You mean your just going to sit there and let me get away with what I did to your friend that way.
Who that guy in the floor I don't know him.
But you came in here together shit you been sitting here drinking for at least five hours and your telling me you don't know him?
Oh that guy sleeping in a pool of blood in the floor?
Yeah stupid .
Nope never met him but he 's alright sometime when he's not shitfaced then he's well less a prick and more just a regular asshole .
What are you fucking with me gringo!?
The burly man asked as pure anger flowed like the Rio grand within his eye's
Some people have to build the rage up like some strange volcano to inflict damage on others and some are just pissed off by design.
I wasn't sure of this man's type I just knew it was to dam hot to hit the highway and the cervasa was cold the music was right and I had no intention of leaving before my buzz kicked in.
What's to stop me from just kicking your ass like I did this fucking jackass gringo you tell me what's to stop me from taking your money and rolling your ass right out of this place?
Mexico still bleeds of the past and it's people still show that passion for a good fight that at it's base is the true nature of man .
Not to be some violent nut but the passion for life at it's sharpest and most dangerous edge .
Well my friend I can think of a few reasons and probably none will be that pleasant.
I'm done with your games fucker .
The man moved forward fists clenched ready for round two I suppose
but his eye's sure were shocked when he found a barrel of a gun placed firmly between his eyes.
Now I told you this wasn't going to be pleasant sure you could have sat your angry ass down on a bar stool had a drink or two but no you had to play the asshole when I was just trying to catch a good buzz I swear some people have no manners .
The room went dead silent like some cheap spaghetti western right before someone was about to get killed minus that weird ass music so I guess it wasn't that silent at all as one old man turned his head then just went back to his drink like I don't give a fuck as long as he doesn't bother me or make me stop drinking.
Oh shit gringo don't pull that fucking trigger the man said his rage had turned more into a look of fear or maybe just a look of he just shit his pants honestly what's the difference well minus the smell.
with a gun in one hand and a beer in another I called the bartender down .
Mix me a mist and coke barkeep please.
No Whiskey just tequila senior .
What ! I replied in a fake sort of shock .
I swear no whiskey No women what kind of bar is this place I swear do I have to shoot somebody to get a bottle of whiskey ?
No no gringo the man at the end of the gun pleaded just get him some fucking whiskey Goddamit he yelled at the bartender.
Really you don't have to be rude oh I'm sorry what's your name I been to busy holding you at gunpoint you must forgive my manners.
My names Gonzo I enjoy killing my liver hookers but only in moderation like a good Christian and ballroom dancing .
The man at the end of the boom stick lost all fear at least for a second.
Really ballroom dancing?
I'm kidding bout that one amigo but I do enjoy watching a good pole dancer high five to that I mean I would give you a high five if I wasn't holding a gun to your head and all .
Um you ever going to tell me your name bud?
I looked at this now downright scared shitless man who seemed to have a real issue with sweating from the strange puddle on the floor.
I swear you pull a fully loaded pistol on someone and point it to there head and everyone just acts so serious people are so strange these days.
Bill the man with a sweating problem replied.
Bill ? Really what Mexican is named Bill ?
I mean I come all the way down here get into some wild west kickass trouble and I find the only Mexican named Bill .
Fuck you Machete you ruined my whole experience of what this was supposed to be like.
Sir. the man tried to speak up behind the bar.
Don't interrupt me barkeep I'm on a dam roll here duh who you thinks writing this story imaginary person I created within my own demented mind.
You see Bill when I come across the border I expect a few simple things kick ass whores cheap drinks and badass people like yourself named Razor or Spider Or El Nino or some sort of shit is that raciest sure put labels on what we have here amigo but I come for a kickass time in Mexico and you really well you just killed it so I hope your happy.
I'm so sorry but please don't kill me Bill Replied .
Sir the barkeep spoke up again.
Okay what bartender being my whole trip has been ruined by Mexican Bill who honestly I feel if not for all this gun and life or death shit we could have a true connection but not like in a gone fishing on that mountain shit were those two cowboys corn hole each other or maybe they just played corn hole once is fine I mean its not like I saw that movie and cried at the end cause duh I would never go see that in some cheap attempt to get laid by my teenage stripper girlfriend yeah don't ask.
Okay barkeep what the hell is it.
Well sir were not in Mexico.
This man was clearly more drunk than I for he didn't know what dam country he was in.
Amigo are you sure you know what your talking about.
Well yeah the barkeep replied your in Busch gardens theme park .
Well that certainly explains the fucking roller coaster and why that woman near it slapped me when I asked how much for a blowjob boy do I feel embarrassed.
I knew I shouldn't have had that acid before leaving the house .
I did think it was strange that Germany was within walking distance.
So after nearly giving Mexican Bill a heart attack who was actually was Canada Bill once made me feel a little better because honestly just for Nickleback and Justin Bieber was grounds enough to pull a gun on him .
We sat enjoyed some drinks as Bone laid passed out in the floor and said I don't want to go to school every time I kicked him cause I'm a true jerk for a friend duh like you hadn't figured that out.
We laughed we rode rides we beat some dude up in France just because he was French .
And in the parking lot as we said are goodbyes.
I stood there and said you know Bill it's been great sorry bout the whole thinking I was in a foreign country and pulling a gun on you and stuff.
It's cool Gonz sorry about all my shitty music we pollute your airwaves with I know it's like being prison fucked by some dude called Harley .
Well I got to go and Bill you stay crazy and by the way go take a fucking bath cause you shit your pants and it smells worse than Taylor swifts crouch okay .
Yeah the city landfill doesn't have shit on her .
We parted are ways drunk and behind the wheel like good Americans .
And if that pisses you off just wait till my next write.
Duh it's just a story dumbass.
Stay crazy hamsters .
Shady Pines Mental Facility.
PO box 3 27950