Shady Pines NC    1977 -    
Hello folks If ya dont know me then what the hells wrong with ya?
Im a madman insane kinda weird legend of Hello.
Better known as Gonzo and yeah I owned the Pub.

Im a baroom poet influenced by Burkowski. And Hunter S Thompson Im a music freak and have been inspired by many songwritters to many of which to name

Im alot of things website owner insane nut.
and a out there writter but hell im fun.

Hey and if ya like my humor and rather hear than read it check out me out
on youtube at
gonzo robbins
Just think Gonzo live yeah I know but hell I need the views and fans or crappy comments hey I'm
a asshole tons of people tell me every day.

Also be on the look out for my first book coming out through Dipp Press.
Entitled A Cold Beer Beats A Warm Heart .

Yeah I know I have a publisher most people are shocked I can even read.
Well folks anything else you need to know just shoot me a message.
Cheers your drinking buddy for life.

Hello folks If ya dont know me then what the hells wrong with ya?
Im a madman insane kinda weird legend of Hello.
Better known as Gonzo and yeah I owned the Pub.

Im a baroom poet influenced by Burkowski. And Hunter S Thompson Im a music freak and have been inspired by many songwritters to many of which to name

Im alot of things website owner insane nut.
and a out there writter but hell im fun.

Hey and if ya like my humor and rather hear than read it check out me out
on youtube at
gonzo robbins
Just think Gonzo live yeah I know but hell I need the views and fans or crappy comments hey I'm
a asshole tons of people tell me every day.

Also be on the look out for my first book coming out through Dipp Press.
Entitled A Cold Beer Beats A Warm Heart .

Yeah I know I have a publisher most people are shocked I can even read.
Well folks anything else you need to know just shoot me a message.
Cheers your drinking buddy for life.


I question nothing to see the end isn't in my cards but I will drink until my sunset and fuck those who never got it to begin with!
Skeletons don't gather in closets for a hide nothing from the page and everything from you my dear.

Are pages filled and now we are left with a paper cut that bleeds  only for the times that have past.
Guess the cards were shit to begin with.
Let us dance one last time to let me know your love that resembles decay.

Strangle the fruit and leave only rot  in destruction we blossom now can we just lay for the time to pass and not say goodbye.
Maybe your embrace of sand was water to dessert and I simply eager to thirst.
Fools often find comfort and old wolves simply die.

Maybe in a reflection when the ripples have past we can view it as it never was right now.
Distance will find us strangers and I'm not the type to just exist to suit another's heart.

We knew the end we just chose to taste the storm for what it was and nothing more .
A forgotten storm raining gently upon this souls tin roof.

I have tasted happiness as of wine and bitter choices .
I do not care to linger anymore .

#poetry   #truth   #life   #loss   #bullshit   #art  

The room was filled with freak weirdo's and other assorted nut jobs and then there were the folks that weren't writers.

It was a poetry reading open mic deal yeah what a wild party this was going to be but being the best of the best from Hello were supposed to be there I figured my invitation must have got lost in the mail.

You know what that is kids.
See before the net you actually had to get off your lazy arse to mail a letter yeah I know how fucked up is that?
It's almost like music where you actually play instruments  to enjoy instead of steal a loop from one of your parents records yeah don't pretend you understand that one if you under the age of thirty .

But enough with the foreplay children .
The room was packed the poets ready and as I took my seat I was shocked to find they wouldn't be serving booze at this snooze fest .
Probably a good idea cause after teen age Timmy read his ode to his two day relationship we would all probably slip into a coma .

No worries much like batman but not as gay.
, I always had my trusty utility belt I'm kidding I just had a flask what kind of freak do you think I am?, Okay don't answer that one hamsters.

So after ordering a coffee and adding a little bullshit tonic  I sat back and waited to listen to the young crop of writers read there poetry eager to take it all in yeah, right I did as always sat back and waited to
heckle the shit out of everyone hit on the waitress and generally be known as the loveable poetic areshole  of the site.

The time flew.
If by that you mean the time dragged on like we were being ear raped by a duet between Justin Bieber    and Selna  Gomez .
It was brutal I tell you but the tide was about to make a turn for the better .

As the MC  for the event announced we have a special guest in the crowd tonight and hopefully with a round of applause we can get him to do a reading for us folks give a warm round of applause for .

I jumped to the stage the truly poetic ego maniac whore eager to save the day or at least give it a good kick in the ass there's only so much
you can listen to of this yuppy vomit before you go insane hamsters .

The woman must have been in shock being in the presence of the greatest co writer in Hello history .
For she looked at me like she had no clue who the hell I was .

Um sir do you mind getting off the stage we are getting ready to ask Joel M Frye  to the stage.
Joel ?

Yeah sure he's a great writer and can spell and his farts smell of cinnamon and pier one or at least I have herd.
But do you have no idea of who I am woman?

She looked at me with a mix of sympathy and probably thinking I wonder if the institution knows he's escaped ?
Umm no sir sorry I don't have a clue.

I had to take in consideration this poor women probably had a smaller brain than the genius that stood before her .
I am Gonzo my sweet lady I said really slow so she could understand
cause she had a smaller brain I'm not saying that cause she was a woman so don't get all PMS crazy on me sisters cause you know Gonzo loves you all like a perverted uncle .

Gonzo where have I herd that name oh yeah I know you I thought you died ?
What duh I'm standing here aren't I?

Wait a minute maybe I'm a fucking zombie fuck I hate to think I'm one of those walking dead fuckers although I have had sex with some ladies I swear could pass for a zombie course that was probably just the drugs I slipped them hey don't judge  I'm kidding I would never do that I do what every true gentleman does when in need.
Pick up hookers .

Hey John Joel said as he slipped up behind me like some poetic ninja .

Joel amigo how the hell are you please do me a favor and explain to this woman just who I am I mean really yeah it's like they don't know how kick arse I am .

Well Gonz maybe I can talk them into letting you do a reading .
Look this guys totally fucking nuts okay so bare with me Joel
whispered to the mc lady  who's smaller brain was truly annoying the shit out of me.

Gonz let me just work this out okay buddy .
I began to object then Joel pulled a truly dirty trick by handing
me the most recent issue of hustler magazine  .
From what I herd it had a great article in it yeah right you have to admire smut that doesn't pretend to be nothing more than what it truly is kind of like me  .  

The woman and Joel spoke for some time and I assume she had seen the error of her ways as she laughed and shook her head oh that Joel he is a charmer.

I  was almost halfway through the beaver hunt  section when .
Joel appeared again like some magical poetic ninja slash friendly dragon .

Gonz man I pulled some strings and after I do a reading your going to close the show hell I even got you your own dressing room and everything figured you'd like to warm up a bit or at least not jerk off in front of everyone it's getting a bit awkward I'm just saying bud.

I had to admit Joel was a true friend and as I was shown to the back dressing room it truly tugged at that lump of coal I called a heart to know I still had a true friend on the site I could trust .

Okay here's your dressing room Mr Gonzo it must be a awesome one I thought to myself for it had a big red sign above the door man they truly went all out for me .

But much like when I learned where babies come from my delusion was soon broken in half yeah I always thought they came from dumpsters like I did.

I was standing in a alley dirty cold there were no drinks or hot chicks with there boobies out as I had been promised .
Dammit man I was starting to believe I had been tricked.

I quickly made my way to the front of the club to tell Joel what these bastards had done !.
But the doors were locked man poor Joel they have trapped him inside
anything could be happening I sure hope he wasn't being raped .

I banged on the door but couldn't see anything for the lights were off
it's like the people inside were avoiding me like most my friends .

Hey I know your in there open up you bastards! .
Woman with the small brain I called out.
Please if you can here me please get Joel out of there he's to good to be tarnished by your terrible readings or raped  cause that's not funny haha yes it is I'm so demented.

I sat there for what felt like ages .
and after five minutes I had to give up Joel was lost to the poetic orgy inside dammit man so many good writers have been lost to such lures as these coffee shop readings.

I made my way to the local bar heartbroken seems there was no love for Mr Gonzo left in this town  .
I ordered a double and drank one to my friend who probably is reading this and thinking what the fuck am I on this time .

Well it's mix of speed and bourbon but I'm  taking it a bit easy these days .

Dam you!, poetry coffee house readings you have taken far to many of my friends .
I drown my sorrows and passed out as usual and thanked the lord I had escaped with my life and Joel's smut mag I will treasure it forever my friend.

Until next time
Stay crazy kids .


Hello My name is Gonzo and everyday somewhere in the world a terrible open mic poetry reading claims yet another great writer .
If you know someone thinking about going to one of these events reach out and help them before it's to late
#poetry   #funny   #weird   #insanity   #sea   #humor   #monkeys   #gonzo   #joel  

Never listen to the praise it's a poison that will drive your work to cater to the mundane.
Rejection is good but if you are going to be made of glass you picked the wrong path .
There is never a right way simply your own.

Ignore those voices that question everything take off the brakes and go full throttle for it's better to burn bright for a short time than to waste away a sad parody of your true self.

I'm no expert just another prick at the keys typing away his life drink in hand killing the moments till there's nothing left but dust and memories for which stories will be cast .

The page is all that matters nothing more .

I have sacrificed all and I dam sure am not stopping till I die .
It's never a choice for the true writer .
I never viewed the road and saw many directions for me it was a straight fucking line since day one.

I may be a bastard to some but I will always be what most can never grasp.
True to myself .

No regrets ,No remorse .

I have tasted the pavement far to many times my words are like scars they carry a weight I cannot deny.

The faces always change yet my goal has never changed.
To make that page bleed to my will .

There's no easy way to get anything in this life worth a dam.
Likes are a fucking joke popularity his for high school has-been's emptiness is the truth of this road friends are few and rejections many.

If you choose to take this road all I can say it's one ruff fucking ride.
But if you are truly a writer there's no choice it's just the way it is .

No regrets and no fucking remorse!

In burnt out scenes I lingered like some old lab rat or some apocalyptic cockroach glowing in the dark and still existing in this modern wasteland.
Vegas is an illusion 1 billion bright lights shining out in the distance with no true soul or depth.

She was the past and I was too old to look  back.
Or maybe just too jaded my ego too big to fathom her ways.
You are a mystery a unwritten story best left untold no true emotion and an endless supply bullshit to keep you warm.

There is solace in isolation a madman's prison the paradise to troubled thoughts I had everything my drugs my booze my addictions serve me well.

And as for you my dear.
I will see you tonight rapped in lace and bound by secrets.
I will see you for only the way you choose me to see you.

There are no true answers  to questions only more stories.
And she was a chapter unto herself passion, hatred, love, all things she had learned served her as my addictions suited me.

We would meet again for fools in the storm often take shelter anywhere they can.

I never wrote a mystery until I met her.

The hamster walked alone broken hurt and on the verge of ending it all.
The streets of Hello were empty as the head of the arsehole  who created it .

He just couldn't take it anymore school was driving him nuts  his family were insane and there had to be more to life than sitting in his room on weekends listening to shitty music writing angst driven poetry and masturbating to internet porn.
Anymore viruses and his computer was going to be more infected than Katy Perry's rancid crouch .

All hope was lost when he saw it in the parking lot a van  with the words M.R  Gonzo's  advice and free clinic walk-ins and homeless nymphos welcome  .

It sort of looked like a old bookmobile and smelled like a whorehouse or something that had died in a whorehouse .

The young misguided hamster figured what the fuck did he have to lose so he knocked on the door .
It swung open as a cloud of smoke poured out the door it looked like a scene from towering inferno or Willie Nelsons tour bus  .

After hacking up half a lung and getting a contact high a face of true poetic brilliance emerged from haze of smoke .
And the young hamster was looking straight at the  one the only the often perverted cult leader of Hello Gonzo.

Hey there amigo fuck bud you don't know how glad I am to see you come the fuck in .
Saying the that the living legend Of Hello grabbed his school book and vanished into smoky hollow .

The kid sat there awhile not knowing if he should run or follow this nut job .
Well that is until a hand reached through the fog and pulled him in.

What the fuck kid your wasting a great buzz you know how long it took me to get this bake going in here have a fucking seat.
The inside of the place looked like some cross between a Pub and a bad seventies porn  minus the  ugly chicks with cracked out faces and Chewbacca between there legs .

Ummm maybe I should leave .
The kid said scared of this scene and the mad hatter of a person sitting with a stiff drink in hand a umm well lets just say a herbal cigar in the other .

Bud you need to relax I tell ya  I got the munchies from hell .
With that said he took a bite out of the text book.
Jesus Christ this shit tastes more and more like cardboard dude I aint paying for this fucker .

Umm I'm not a pizza delivery guy and that's my math book asshole .
Yeah of course I knew that im just fucking with you sparky .
Okay man fifty bucks .

The young hamster was convinced this guy was totally insane .
Fifty buck's for what ?

Duh Fifty for the weed dumbass what you really think anyone would come here for fucking life advice from me?
I mean sure I'm fucking awesome as fuck I do great drugs I drink more  than a fish and chicks dig me I mean sure you don't see any around that's just cause there on a break man I'm kind of finding myself .
You know just me my drugs and the wilderness .

Okay that explains why this place looks like you live in it there's a stack of porn movies that looks like you raided a wharehouse and your parked in a vacant lot in the city.

Yeah well least Im not some kid selling terrible pizza's that taste like paper oh yeah your late bud so this ones on the house .

I'm not a pizza boy you crazy old bastard !

Taking a long pause the artist formerly known as Gonzo was dead silent .

You have a point pizza boy who am I kidding I live in a kickass converted bookmobile  where I basically sell dope  to little shits looking to get high and hopefully get to see some boobies in between
and you my wise public servant of terrible tasting pizza are yet living a existence of misery selling shit for us stoners to stuff are wasted faces with.

Dude are you fucking nuts I'm not a pizza delivery boy I'm just a young writer looking for advice .
The  young hamster went into his whole tale woe how nobody liked him and he was being picked on by asshole jocks who seven years from now would working the same dead end job as himself jerking off to old game video's well the ones that didn't make it to the NFL and had super model whores blowing them while they watched old game videos that is .

He rambled on as the wise slightly stoned and definitely drunk wizard of Gonz pretending to care and listen  much like he did to chicks he was trying to get lucky with.

You know Gonzo your really fucking weird but man I feel better .
I bet you were once just like me a outcast loser wimp who was deeply sensitive  and yearned for the love of another.

He just stayed silent  sitting across from the table a wise man hidden behind dark glasses and  madness .

So what do I owe you man ?
Umm Gonzo  man are you lost in thought or something ?

The young dork had just bared his angst ridden soul and now he thought to himself shit man I think it was to much for him no wonder he's gone insane from listening to my bullshit .

It felt like a hour as he kept trying to get the poet known as Gonzo to respond .

He was about to get off his arse and shake him when a noise more fowl than Justin Biebers  voice broke the silence .

It was the biggest and longest  fart he had ever herd and smelled almost as bad as gonzo's demented long winded jokes .

Finally he showed signs of life oh dude I forgot to tip you so sorry shit I had the best  sleep of my life your better than listening to the newest Taylor Swift cd  hell I was like in a coma dam did you shit in here I swear you kids and your silly pranks it's okay kid I swiped your wallet.  
You wont believe the shit I can pull when your asleep.

So you mean this whole time I been spilling my heart out to you thinking we were really becoming friends you were fucking asleep!?

Like a drunken baby after a good binge  in the trailer park amigo .

Fuck this !!

With that the young miserable moody ass teen hamster was gone and again gonzo was left to his thoughts to reflect on maybe he should have.
Aww fuck that shit he said and cracked another fifth of bourbon and turned on some first class smut I'm talking bout the evening news hamsters get your minds out of the gutter.

Sure life can be total shit look at mine it's like a landfill of fucking crap.
But instead of being emotional pussy.
I do what any grown man who lives a mobile bar does   .

Drink my liver silly and party my arse off writing shitty misspelled things to make people laugh and get hamsters to show me there boobies duh I'm just like Shakespeare  minus the talent and funny dungeons and dragons voice .

Until next time kids stay crazy.


The bottle and old thoughts haunt me all the same
In whispers of what was and should never be did we lose our way
or just vanish as quickly as the night before the day?

So many times I thought of lines
now simply I cast shadows where the blank spaces do reside.
Tomorrow cannot promise so why should I?
Let the words hold there own where I never could .
We all have a cross to bear and me?
I prefer to simply drive in the stake

But make no mistake,
what's nailed upon
an empty cross
is full of regret and loss
and underneath a barren plain
is buried pleasure and sadistic pain
self recriminations and needless blame,
but all the same
we build empires of shame
to live inside as truly insane
we drink from memories
that stoke a flame
to burn eternally, assuring fame
and comfort in a well of regret
we drink to forget, tomorrow
was just a promise made to us
by those that sit at our feet
when they crawl upon our laps
we are beat, we are trampled beneath
our own demise, we hid beneath
our own disguise
and we expired, when we desired
surcease from our wickedness

As I walk a red card in my  jacket and miles of empty thoughts long cast aside
No words find solace were the demons cling to their vices.
All things decay as if to remind the living of the walk we all must bear

I find no guilt in my pleasures just more scars to bare in happiness to none.
Whispers of once was lay in empty thoughts.
I speak with a mouth full of razors all to eager to cut down the meek .
No words hold me in chains I simply but as I will nothing speaks clearly as a pause of silence.

And the old thoughts that linger to grow into rumors
Now they are all that is left of me .

Rumors of old bones that litter
the path to ruin are spoken by
those that whisper to dead ghosts
and kiss bloodless lips
inside crumbling passages
of age old keeps, on windswept
moors where bleeding eyes leak
tears weeping for something more

Down the streets cobbled with fear
slicked with garbage and the stench
of ever rotting verbiage,

Speak no more in silence, cry no more in penance of an oft abused
life that only walks alone under an
ever present thunderstorm of
howling winds and lightening strikes
and icy rivulets that trickle upon skin

This walk of  sin is where it begins .

I have seldom found a true friend who's lines so easily flow with mine Helen is a true friend and it's always a honor to work with her .
#poetry   #depression   #life   #sadness   #write   #co   #helen  

From sleeping in streets to walking miles alone I have come to a direction the page just cannot follow my friends .
I have chased the bottom of a glass since I was fifteen and that was to far to be anything more than a blurred memory.

And to the times that seemed to matter.
Now only to those who haven't lived my existence a lone wolf knows no true  direction just simply howls to let the others know he does still exist.

Are words betray us and then eventually it all fades .
I'm not the act I'm the delusion that fueled a ego now left to wither a dead tree in a forest of many .

None will recall but far to many will simply use bullshit when facts get in there way of a good story .

Tonight I sat under a full moon and howled as the wolves often do.

There was only silence that followed the eco .

Even the lost know there is no hope for the madness .
When your words betray you and only a dead tree remains.

Maybe another time the stars will find me in good favor .
And like those around tonight will listen and only stay silent to the lone wolfs howl.

#truth   #depression   #life   #me   #block   #poerty  
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