It's a question I dreaded as much as any other .
It was always a simple one to ask and often the hardest most fucking annoying question to answer.
They seldom cared it was more like what they were expected to ask and I loathed the looks they gave when they asked it.
It was a mix of this idiot doesn't even make sense how could he be anything more than a bum.
That and well guess there's no need in asking does he work for a living.
My answer was always the same and it seldom was the answer they themselves thought they wanted to hear.
I write about life.
How do you mean?, they would always ask confused as I was on how to answer this simplistic question.
I write about the people that fill the bar the ones that judge outside the bar, the women long since who have become bitter and the drunks who are just happy to catch a buzz.
I write bout the bastards who thrive off the misery of others and the cruel bitches who break those same bastards all the same.
I write about myself cause I truly don't give a shit to know about you .
I just write because I exist.
And I write for I am a writer .
I paused to see the look that although the face was different the look was all to familiar.
Umm okay well I wish you the best.
The woman said as she turned and simply walked away wishing only to distance herself from the man who she could not tell if he was insulting her or just to caught up in his own bullshit to give a dam to begin with.
I had to laugh to myself for even though I was far from a people person sometimes I wish only to know this answer to this fucking question that followed me like some dark cloud.
My work always spoke for itself but it thrived separate from the man few people truly know .
And with me I always preferred to be distant from the reader.
I had been writing for as long as I could remember but those around me would truly have no clue if you asked them about my work.
And honestly that's how I prefer it.
The pen and the page hold magic and me I simply hold a drink.
Two forces that exist as one but make no mistake are greatly separate by design .
I would rather people know the illusion than the fool behind the curtain.
For when after they read the writer.
Seldom if by some strange chance we met did they ever ask so what do you write?
A hamster walked in the pub yeah you remember that was that group that has a fucking collection but no fucking group anymore yeah that makes as much sense as me cheers Hello your truly more fucked up than I.
She was broken fragile and me I was a horny poetic bastard who was always trying lend some umm comfort cause I'm a strictly well I'm kidding hey if I can take advantage of someone and see some boobies in the process it's all good in the hood.
Gonz give me one shot and a beer .
Of booze right?
What she replied ?
The shot you mean like booze.
The woman looked at me as most do like I was a pervert they would never be near unless I was running bar within my mind on a poetry site yeah I know fucking freaky shit right?
Look Gonz I swear just for once stop being a perve and get my dam drink and just shut the fuck up okay ?
I was in shock not from being snapped at from a female that happens all the time I'm used to being yelled at by my teenage wife skeeter .
Yeah just cause she catches you watching porn she gets all bent of shape .
Well sure I guess it was a little reckless going down the interstate but duh don't fall asleep while I'm driving I mean a girl has her needs what can I say .
No the shock was more from getting my ding ding caught in my zipper hey you know how many dirty movies start out with a woman asking for a beer and a shot yeah I know I'm seriously fucked up but hey I'm fun.
So after some manly tears shed and a few stiff ones hahaha that just sounded wrong can you guess I write this shit while I'm drinking?
Anyways after this emotional hamster finally calmed a bit and put away her tazer I had get to just what was or wasn't eating at her .
I thought deeply how I should speak to this fragile little hamster and the most caring sense I asked.
So bitch what the fucks eating at your ass?
Yeah I know I'm a charming bastard aren't I?
Well Gonz honestly it's just the way guys are on this site I mean why cant they judge my writing for just that instead of act like total horn dogs and send me messages and get all weird?
This was a deep question asked to a shallow bastard like myself .
Well honestly heres the truth and I know it's going to be shocking so prepare yourself ready?
Umm I guess this hamster replied .
Guys are all horny bastards .
Really no shit Sherlock she replied .
Hey look sure some dudes can be nice and not act all weird but duh there probably gay .
I mean yeah writing sights should be about writing but duh who cares about art if you can get laid let me tell you the reason I became a writer.
I wasn't good at sports and I cant dance worth a fuck okay so if I make chicks think I'm deep them maybe I can get to see there boobies and boobies are fucking awesome okay .
Are fucking twelve this unnamed hamster asked me as she kicked back another shot of Jack Daniels .
Mentally maybe I replied but honestly what is age but a marker to say hey your to old to date this person or for people put you in prison for there judgment of your unconventional lifestyle .
You are one strange man Gonzo but at least your honest .
yeah I know its one of my biggest flaws other than that I'm fucking awesome well I mean besides the drinking pills and other pending cases all of which I'm not guilty well kinda.
We laughed we joked and when she wasn't looking I looked down her shirt yes it was a awesome night .
Well until she caught me and hit me with a beer bottle .
The night flew and so did are conversation .
You know gonz your really not half as much a pervert as people think you are .
Yeah I know don't tell anyone I have a bad reputation to uphold .
The hamster laughed and my goal was reached cause at the end of the evening I'm a joker and a pervert bartender but even I know how to treat people and I don't treat a writing site like hookup .com cause if I want to get laid I will do it the old fashioned way pay for it.
The hamster went on her way and once again I was left to work on my misspelled scribbling's and to look up freaky shit on the internet .
really what else a internet connection for?
Until next time stay crazy Kids .
There is no better freedom then in this highway and the thrill of a willing soul beside you before your nights end.
Maybe we thirst for the attraction of something strange maybe its just the thirst to feel something at all.
A razors sting and a steady breeze the highways marker leaves my epitaph no visitors need darken this place for I have long since outgrew my coffin so long ago.
Taste it with me my dear for nothing goes better with agony than a good dash of simple lust.
Strip clubs and the most elegant neon light I hold my glass to view it's reflection sometimes we all lose track me I find more solace in a dead end street than laying beside another as empty as me.
We viewed the wreck a wicked pleasure we knew it was destined we simply didn't care .
Maybe I'm the one who finds comfort of the depths a train that cuts the nights silence so haunting yet peaceful all the same.
Burnt out promises and one night stands faces change yet the reflection although aged still shadows my past my friend how have you been,
And are you still tortured as I?
When there gone is almost as empty as when there here .
Enjoy your company and speak without the bullshit that so many others choose to spawn in such well intended lies .
I pass my hours alone a bottle and my thoughts a highway always before me .
Paradise is was in the moments like old photos they haunt my thoughts as they cling to faded walls of sentimental fools none such as misplaced as I.
Dim lit confessions so tragic the flaws .
Nothing shines as beautiful as a match within a vacant room.
We are reflections of the embers and nothing more .
So fucked up and so perfectly flawed by design.
And then there was a silence that spoke deeper than any words ever could.
I was a stranger to all and most of all a villain to myself.
It was at fifteen I began my love with the bottle a affair I still hold true as friends resemble highway markers worn still standing yet never do the grasp my road they simply judge my miles.
You all start pure as life fucks us all up in such different and brutal yet perfect ways.
Drugs a experiment for which I have earned a degree cocaine a vice women far more deadly to me neither of which I intend to stop using anytime soon.
The road was my lure and still the deserts thirst shall never be quenched I feel a pirate whom stands amongst strangers I have known for a lifetime and held that much more of regret.
Shards of my past escape fragments of my existence color the nights black and gray a vague thought of a harsh intrusion I'm beyond what most would consider there limits I will be fine.
Now let me tell you yet another well intended lie.
I have buried more friends now I only wish to hear those voices that made me feel the warmth in this cold of success.
Fuck if I can pretend to hold it together the ships sank and I am but a ghost that haunts this frame that stands before you now.
To feel pain is to feel something at least .
I bare no cross for I claim no guilt so place your bullshit on someone else for it will never plague my existence my friend.
I'm here now so don't cast a farewell before the final round my dear,
We all know demons I simply bask in there hell for a wicked charm and a burnt out existence that is I.
I view the image in the mirror and understand who I am.
Can you truly say the same?
Sometimes the ride is all that matters no direction has suited me most my life.
I listen to the music of the night and smelt the ocean as I tasted the salty winds embrace.
I'd come to an understanding of emptiness was far better than the false comfort of another's secrets were better off left buried with only one lost soul serving as the map.
I sat at the bar for a while not speaking to others as I found it far more comforting to be lost within my own lies and illusions insanity makes for good company.
Far better than the bullshit of some ego driven windbag.
We were always happy in the moment but it was alone that let the demons wreak havoc upon our memories, why couldn't I ever just get over bullshit and leave the past a corpse to rot within the ground?
In depths of your own thoughts you will find the truths that are not mired by your own lies.
A man's ego is but a wildfire soon to be out-of-control and so easily snuffed out by another's manipulation.
I couldn't give the answers when asked questions anymore, Fuck if I cared to answer I just struggled to exist let alone fix others.
And my vices were given the excuse they so desired.
Why can't we just be like this she asked?
Because moments my dear are simply that.
And time is a bastard of a friend who exist only to bitter you and where down your soul like the sun does to the old man's skin turning fresh intentions to worn-out leather hide.
Maybe I'm a bastard maybe you're just a bitch maybe were all flawed and I was simply looking for someone more fucked up than ourselves.
Stroke our own ego and say well at least I'm not that fucking bad.
I never care for the destination I simply exist for the trip.
Maybe I'm running from something maybe I'm just happy to escape, maybe I'm just a fool to life but I've seen enough to know the blindness of passion and the deceit of a well intending heart.
We drove from miles happy to exist and content not to speak.
Sometimes the silence says it all my friends.
Do people ever truly lose there mind or were they always fucking bat shit to begin with?
I believe half this earth is run by insane people most of which have way to much power and far to little sense .
The fucking radio is a great example ever listen modern music ?
You know that shit that doesn't require any talent to preform just a record player and some half wit to rap along with so you can have a remix yes country music is vile enough let alone throw in a nerd that would shit if he got his thirty thousand dollar sneakers dirty once are made in some sweatshop for ten cents a pop yeah how fucking fashionable .
And remember when you had to play a fucking instrument to have a record out?
Yeah I'm so old fashioned I mean sure kids wear all the shirts to half the bands I grew up with and have no fucking clue who the bands are but yes the world is stupid and you wonder why I drink.
Just like people who believe the world really gives a fuck there having a bad day # who gives a fuck Twitter is for stupid twats and celebrities who have as much depth as a public toilet but are far less clean.
People always read me and believe I am this nice easy going goofy drunken dipshit who only lives to make them laugh and talk about boobies well who doesn't like boobies there awesome.
Hey Gonz do you like kids ?
No I don't !
Cause they always annoy the shit out of me when I'm trying to sleep off a good bender in the park really whatever happened to letting the TV raise them hey I look at me I didn't turn out so.
Umm well okay so I'm a little fucked up .
Hey do you ever get tired of being funny or find it hard to come up with new things to pick on?
Well just watch the evening news for a second and head down to the local bar or that gate of hell Wal-Mart and look at all those weirdo's who believe they have to buy shit just cause its on sale yeah sure why not buy two hundred rolls of toilet paper cause you never know when the world may end and the zombie apocalypse will begin .
Newsflash when the world does cease to exist you probably will to and when your starving to death or being burned alive I really doubt that wiping your ass is going to be your top priority .
And we already live amongst zombies there called yuppies and those I phone twitter loving instagram cocksuckers are fucking everywhere and driving while doing all this shit so pick your head up and watch out!!!
I recently was on a little road trip and while in Evansville Indiana as me and my head cheerleader were riding around the city late at night we were ran into by a young and brainless little shit who admitted she was texting and driving and as I sat there waiting for officer fat fuck to arrive to give this cyber shit a ticket .
Yes Indiana it's slogan should be hey are you fucking lost?
Yeah I know I'm a real people person .
Anyways as I sat there viewing what looked like babe Ruth in a bullet proof vest hand out a ticket as he sweat out gravy I had to question with fifty lares of flesh for padding was there really a need for the vest?
They say when you go insane it's hard to truly rejoin society .
But honestly after looking at half the strung out loony toon's that are considered normal why the fuck would you ever care to be part of there brain dead shit storm ?
And since when did the news care what was popular on fucking You tube?
Todays top stories the worlds on the verge of self destruction, A man kidnapped a child raped her for several years has five kids with her but later on that right now let's check out this cute cat video.
yes the worlds obsessed with pussy .
And you thought it was just me.
And why do teachers now all fuck there students and where were these horney bitches when I was going to school.
Yeah having to settle for a hand job from the janitor just wasn't the same.
Although he did have a fantastic grip I'm kidding.
And why do people even own TV's duh cause books are to much like work but hey remember to buy mine cause it has plenty of pictures yeah what isn't poetic about porn?
Yes I can imagine what the great writers from the past would think of the new bestsellers.
Who doesn't like books about gay ass wizards and homo vampires that glimmer in the light yeah I didn't read it duh I saw the movie dumb ass
yeah you may laugh but whatever got my sixteen year old girlfriend in the mood was alright by me I'm kidding again she was twenty one at the time least that's what her fake Id said.
Yeah least I'm not as bad as Micheal Jackson cause I'm actually alive that is duh.
Yeah he didn't have issues he just a fucking amusement park in his back yard .
Me I'd prefer a strip club or maybe a mall yeah don't ask.
Common sense nowadays it makes people laugh and the key to humor is always truth people are all fucked up hell just look at me I'm truly insane I own my own bar I get paid to write I do stand up for free drinks but honestly would you really want me doing anything else?
Attention this is your captain speaking umm look I really don't know how to put this but I forgot to gas up before we left so looks like were all going to die as we crash into the earth and burn to death.
Yeah my bad .
But hey I want to thank you all for flying delta and please remember the do not smoking light is on yeah sure your probably going to be busted into a million pieces but heaven forbid the prick next to you catches a whiff of smoke before he dies.
Loosen the fuck up cause your not going to live forever .
People are so uptight afraid to say fuck or disagree with each other cause we all need to think alike like a bunch of fucking lemmings.
I grew up around backwoods rednecks I lived in the city slept in the fucking street okay there's no difference in people except real fucking people aren't scared to piss others off they are who they are and if you like them great and if you don't then fuck off life's to dam short to sweat the bullshit and this high school mentality needs to truly get fucked the worlds messed up so embrace it .
Like me, Hate me at least you never have to guess what I really think .
Stay crazy kids cause the normal fucks of this life are usually total closet freaks who kill hookers on the side and make bombs in grandmas kitchen .
It's a shame cause a good hooker is a terrible a terrible thing to waste.
Well hamsters until next time this has been your bartender for life with your friendly perverted public service announcement we now return you to your regular scheduled program right smack in the middle so you wont know what the fuck happened cause we can nah nah.
And if I somehow offended you please fell free to write to.
Gonzo's complaint department in care of .
105 It's called a fucking joke way .
It's the silence that always gets you.
The laughter is a drug and there is no worse a addict than the comedian
Behind the laughter is the insecure person you never see .
It's the empty rooms the miles between gigs it always comes to that next fix.
Those few seconds when I can be everything I'm not the escape is the best release there has ever been.
And as you leave it behind the ego deflates and the isolation sets in were all children in tattered shells called adults .
So fragile the rock that seldom does embrace the sea .
Were all fucked up in are own separate ways.
Behind the laugh at times is the worst place you may ever realize you want to be.