No matter what happens just keep playing kid.
I was sixteen when I first started playing music as a DJ in a little redneck bar in Carolina .
Green as a glade of grass that would soon change .
I hung with the barflys the rejects the bikers and the ones that just couldn't leave there past behind.
I wasn't friends with kids my age I found my crowd and tried every vice in between.
You don't know shit at sixteen so don't pretend you do I learned from those who scars were many as the stories they told.
I watched the crowd they were always willing to turn on you
It was sink or fucking swim in a sea of smoke and stale beer .
The women weren't like the girls in high school .
There was no delusion of something more just a fast night and a good time followed by a fucked up hangover .
I had nothing in common with my own age group hell I partied with there parents knew off duty cops thieves and dope dealers .
They were all full of shit in there own way.
I cared little for a classroom I learned everything I needed to survive in those little dive bars .
I was underage six foot four acted and looked older so I just fit in .
There was danger
There was always some shit just waiting to happen .
No wonder I left the awkward world of social climbers and bullshit proms behind.
Money was fast and so was everything worth a goodtime.
Who the fuck needs someone when you can have the chaos of another night.
It was everything that I missed and never knew existed .
I will always remember that little ugly ass stage .
The faces changed real music still lives .
I gave them happiness they gave me there money.
It was my life's college .
The brain would learn what the pen would write many years later .
If your worried bout the page at sixteen your lost already.
Life will fill in the gaps .
Live first then it will all eventually fit together .
I forget everything now but I never forget those times .
One stage is always like the next .
The only rule no matter what happens when your up there .
Just keep playing kid .
Just keep playing.
I sat there lost in that strange magic the music the scene perfect in its semi empty smoke cast brillance .
We were all lost together .
Jack you still writing ?
Tommy asked from behind the bar.
Well I'm still breathing so i suppose so my friend .
Tommy just laughed grabbed the bottle poured me another .
Dont worry Jack this ones on the house .
Oh to what do i owe the honor or do you know something i dont know Tom.
Just figured you needed one besides its valentines day you old bastard and seems as though your Valentine is missing.
Yeah couldnt afford her and i think her dance cards all full that and she seems to prefer someone with a bigger box of chocolates.
Maybe you should of tried flowers and champagne.
Yeah and maybe i should of tried being something besides a drunk writer to shit Tom .
Why try when you can pay
I know your girl Jack your to ruff on her she's not a whore .
No your right she doesnt charge .
And a real ones much more honest.
Tommy and some other stranger i forget his name laughed.
Man your nuts .
Shit your seeing him on a slow night you should see him when he's really cranked up.
Richard at the pool table behind us said between shots of a solo game.
Tommy pour me another .
Jesus Jack you finished that one already you know this isnt a race.
Yeah i know but maybe its just the love in the air I have no idea just pour me another make it a double.
Just then that heavy steel door slammed into the wall the couple was happy laughing well untill he noticed me and and told the woman who was supposed to be at work.
That awkward oh shit look in her eyes .
Tommy I shouted a round for valentines day on the prick with my favorite street walker .
Jack calm down or I'm going to have to ask leave .
They both walked to the bar once giving how I had already set the mood i had to give them a nod for having the balls to not just turn tail and run.
I stood up hey pal names Jack I can see we have some things in common like shitty taste in women .
Jack we'll just leave i didnt know you'd be here im sorry.
Yeah a writer in a bar bet you would shit yourself to find a nun in church
Hey pal want to take my seat being you seem to like things that belong to me hell want the keys to my car .
Fuck you your nothing but a drunk .
Lets get the hell out of here Susan.
Maybe its best you all leave for tonight Tommy said .
No no Tommy I think i will leave hey buddy i didnt catch your name .
Oh wait i forgot i dont give a shit .
She stood between us I only hoped he'd swing giving me reason to knock the pure piss out of him .
But It wasnt over her I had long learned you couldnt waste a ounce of concern on another who only cared for themself.
Susan was lost in herself a confussed misreble fool.
Who could never find another who loved her as much as she loved herself.
I laughed in his face he showed his fear i knew soon as i was gone he would inflate his chest play the badass.
I never played a role .
Well Tommy and my fellow drunkards i bid you farewell .
And to the fool and the lady please allow me to set the mood .
And at that very moment i cut the biggest fart you ever herd .
The room busted up in laughter .
I breathed it in oh Tommy my friend it seems loves in the air.
Yeah Jack smells more like shit .
Yes kinda like love my boy .
Your disgusting Susan said pissed i had made everyone laugh taking the attention from her for once .
Who said romance was dead.
I kept the room laughing as I sang memories all alone in the moonlight letting a burp out inbetween.
The door slammed behind me.
And as always i was myself not the character
Never allow them to see past the curtan.
It's always when the magic hits that blissful fucked up buzz I'm alone in the bar putting up the stools up closing down as usal.
I always have one behind the bar light a cigar just soak in the silence .
It's then when it all comes back in a flood to me .
The faces of those passsed my brothers.
I pour a shot of borbon for them each.
Always making mine a double .
I imagine there laughs the bad jokes and great conversations we no longer share .
William always playing the jukebox that trademark laugh that could light a room.
Bob Warren cracking people up hitting on the women he was a one man sideshow and a old vet.
My closest brother the guy who pissed everyone off and always made me laugh .
We'd talk for hours kick back the drinks and torment everyone around us.
Cause if we didnt fuck with you.
We truly didnt give a fuck about you.
I had burried them all as alone now i stand .
The smoke hung in the air as i saw them all and for a moment i wasnt alone.
It always hit hardest on nights like these .
The women will all leave you .
Love is a fire that burns beyond are control.
But the memories are the tressure bury them deep only to dig them up when you are alone .
I drank each shot as one by one they vanished from sight.
I do not believe I can bury another .
I guess in all truth I hope the next is me..
I closed the door locked it behind me the air outside was frozen.
My breath shown on the walk home.
I was alone .
Sometimes the page is far more simple than reallity of this existence.
I'm glad to have shared one last round with friends .
We can write the ending.
But life always seems to see it a different way.
Those old stories you never thought to be true .
Fucked up fairy tales two busted marriages you do not know me so dont pretend to.understand.
A needle a promise .
A busted nose bloodstains left behind and lies to fill the spaces inbetween.
You can think the reason never knowing the answer theres more to a friendship than a title yeah sweetheart im speaking to you.
Erase my pages but we cannot forget that night .
Alone the shit still stings shadows in candle light give romance to a grand illusion .
Im nothimg outside the page and you just what i made of you.
A romance lasts years and a cancer can linger just the same.
Both will kill you just the same so grow up quick kids and lose the delusions before it blinds your reason.
The thought is all that matters and the page its final resting place .
Goodnight for now.
A parting kiss another one night stand .
Its just a view from my world .
I've paid my dues ten fold.
And i can forget more than most will learn.
It was always there I just had to live to find it.
Fuck the edge I dove of it years ago
We all find are truths jaded with time .
Words faded sands built up over time and we erase the person so only the legend stands.
Remorse is best kept silent.
Dont ever let them know you.
Or your fucked when it comes to the page.
No matter how hard you try it always bleeds through.
I told you truths we laughed off as just another one of my moments and to me you knew when even could not say.
Words left apon a page are meaningless without the insperation to support them.
Are troubles many but to this friendship I owe everything never worry how it sounds just read it and know .
We all get sideways sometimes .
Love you sister.
Remember my words long after the silence tears us apart .
This will always be for you.
You know what others cannot understand .
And for that i owe you more than i can ever express .
She ended are chapter and i started the page pouring the soul in the cracks of a illusion .
Covering over are truths to erase are lies does the sunset hide all its beauthy?
Do rains flood lands to bury the wrongs once shown clearly as scars bleached by sun now decayed within darkness.
You can never own a moment claims of the vain are but attempts to hide the harsh reality.
I never let her see through my eyes as i will not allow you to know the man beyond the page.
Whatever you imagine is far more than what i will ever be .
Leave me hollow to fill in the expectations .
I wrote her out
she walked away
The story is a creation .
Life inspired me in some other way.
Nothing hides your pains better than a simple mystery.
She read my words when at that moment she abandoned remorse.
Art is best veiwed from a distance.
Edges best remain sharp .
And the reader a excepted intrusion.
Nobody wins today
Theres always a excuse not to fail.
Lack of spine is what it all comes down.to.
Many build a callus on there ass waiting for something to land in there lap.
Is it fear or comfort that makes one lazy?
I never knew anything easy two broken feet a few broken ribs a busted knuckle or two the scars of effort i wore them with pride.
People are a nice thought far to often gone astray.
There words lend fools comfort.
And keep the bitter moving without regret.
I was alone with my thoughts and what a place i truly embraced being.
Crazy is just a word to keep others away.
Maybe its why i wore it like a badge.
For its the mad ones that intrest me the most.
There is always a reason not to try.
And never a excuse that doesnt reek of bullshit and a normal existance.
Saftey is for signs on the walls and guns in bored fools hands.
Avoid that word at all time's and you will be fine.
As you bask in the solace of your own truths and simple plessures.
Theres never a excuse.