Nobody had herd from him in two weeks time.
I knew Bob was a lot of things a drunk a recluse a self exiled outcast.
But one thing he never was had been silent .
We were occasional drinking buddies going back to many years to recall
we were the professional drunks the radicals to those who lived under the illusion playing nice somehow granted you immortality.
I hadn't gone by there in awhile .
Sometimes you just have to go with a feeling .
The last time I went there to his house it was to fucking silent.
The old character that filled that silence was gone .
And I simply knew his place was no longer here .
We lived alone, we lived like pirates with no concern for tomorrow .
And no matter how you view it one day everyone has to fucking die .
It's funny how the annoying characters when no longer around truly let you know how silent the world could be .
I always drank alone and now literally that's how from now on it would remain.
I wasn't one for making friends seemed to much like a dam job .
You had to be a person that wasn't me .
I was a loner it kept me safe I wasn't the type who asked for shit from anyone else .
Still it stung knowing are last drink was are goodbye .
But life is never planned we sat that evening watched the sunset .
Laughed about old times and sat just listening to music in the dark of a summer night .
I couldn't have written it better myself.
Man you ever think about stopping drinking I had asked him one morning after one hell of a bender .
Yeah when I'm dead cowboy he responded with that goofy as laugh of his .
Sitting here on this night the sound of me and the crickets outside I had to think to myself of my old friend .
Well guess he finally put down the bottle for good.
No matter the time that passes you will always be missed my brother .
And now I simply continue where you left off .
Are miles together weren't long enough .
I was awoken far to early it was dam near seven o clock in the evening .
The noise was insane then I finally turned off the music .
Boozer my four legged amigo truly needed to lay off the death metal
besides who wants to wake up to the spice girls really?
It was then I herd the crash as bottles flew from the wall.
Dammit did a big girl fart?
I looked outside trees were falling the wind was blowing worse
than some teen age girls backstage at a Justin Bieber concert .
Shit my asshole neighbor went flying by and was impaled on a tree hey this fucked up weather wasn't all that bad .
I went outside to see if I could help or finish him off and see if he had any money on him.
Duh like I'm going to help that prick.
He? wakes me up every morning going to his silly job and calls me a drunken pervert cause I hit on his girlfriend look telling someone they have awesome tits is a compliment okay.
Hey Chris how are ya bud .?
Well being I'm impaled on your tree and have a garden gnome up my ass pretty fucking bad you idiot!
Well somebody's in a grouchy mood and Chris you can keep the gnome amigo hey whatever kind of kinky shite your into is okay I'm mean sure your a fucking freak and I will probably tell all the world about you
But hey that's cause I'm a drunken perverted arsehole .
But enough about my good quality's.
What the hell are you doing here you idiot!
Don't you know there's a mandatory evacuation going on cause of the hurricane?
I was confused by what this strange prick impaled on my tree was saying.
That and I didn't know what mandatory meant maybe it was some strange sexual term fucking weirdo .
Look man I don't swing that way okay that was just something I did for money once okay don't judge me.
What the fuck are talking about you crazy bastard !
Honestly Chris sometimes I don't even know fuck man its real windy out today .
That's cause there's a hurricane coming you idiot .
Oh well that would explain the wind You know Chris your a real prick but besides that you really are observant .
Well nice talking to you amigo I got to have a couple cocktails
watch some dirty movies I like to think of it as part of my creative
process have fun hanging around.
I was walking away as my annoying arsehole neighbor called out .
Aren't you forgetting something you crazy bastard.!?
Dammit I really was slipping I thought to myself as I pulled out my trusty knife .
What the hell Man!
Look Chris I got to kill you or you'll turn its only right duh
haven't you seen the walking dead dumbass ?
Hey by the way being your going to be dead and all can I have your girlfriend ?
What the hell is wrong with you I'm not a zombie you idiot
I'm alive I'm just impaled on your fucking tree .
Yeah that's what they all say then next thing you know you have turned
and we got you and all your zombie buddies trying to bite my ass .
Was the last thing my asshole neighbor said well that and ouch as I plunged the knife into his skull I really felt bad he was not such a a bad kid.
I'm kidding he was a dick and now that the end of the world was coming you had to look out for yourself .
But enough with the foreplay children.
Me and my loyal talking dog slash whatever the fuck he was were about to light up a joint and pour are first round when everything went black.
Much like radio these days.
It was then it hit me what Chris had said.
The wind him flying through air holy shit boozer a hurricane is
I screamed a manly scream and did what any strong male writer would do cried and hid under the bed with a bottle of Jack Daniels and my talking dog Boozer .
Fuck man why didn't I ever watch the news ?
Cause your always watching porn dumbass .
Boozer spoke .
Why the hell didn't you tell me this was happening if you knew boozer?
Cause I have to watch what you watch asshole I don't have any hands .
Now stop being a bitch and lets get out of here .
Have you lost your mind there's a storm out there .
Yeah and half the people have left this place and wont be back for awhile its party time you scared bitch.
I thought to myself its hell being talked down to by someone who eats crap out in the front yard but he had a point .
This hurricane was terrible people had to abandon there homes .
And all there awesome stuff and it was simply going to go to waste duh
why not break in and enjoy it for them It's what Jesus would do.
I don't mean that guy in the book I mean that dude who works down at the garage and drives a low rider .
Course he was a ex con once meant he really knew a lot about life
and how to hide things up his butt true wisdom .
Me and boozer were off we drove around till we found the most awesome house that just happened to be sheriffs house .
It was totally kick ass we drank kick ass top shelf whiskey smoked some good weed and other drugs that prick had taken from me over the years .
Not that I do drugs I'm kidding I'm fucked up now how do you think I come up with this shit.
We went through house after house eat real food something actual writers can seldom afford duh like this shit pays.
The storm raged through the night .
Trees fell but being I was higher than Jesus I could truly give a fuck hamsters.
It seemed like days bled into weeks we drank and lived as kings .
Played fun games like indoor target practice .
I was bout ready to call it a night and curl up with my favorite girl
Evan Williams .
When all the sudden some strange man was yelling at me in my own house .
What the fuck are you doing here and why did your dog crap in my bathtub.
Excuse me Larry this is a simple misunderstanding Cindy may I say you have a marvelous rack I said to the woman standing at his side .
How the hell do you know are names ?
Duh cause of those awesome home movies you made on that video camera that was still charged up after you left.
The woman's face flushed red.
Oh my God Larry I told you we shouldn't have filmed that!
Hey I have to say miss the way you handled that three way with the two dwarfs well it is truly fucking awesome man you two people are freaks .
My new buddy Larry must be so happy cause he couldn't even speak he just shook with happiness .
His wife didn't even look at me well I have that effect on women .
Hey I was thinking you know I love the arts myself I'm thinking Cindy me some drinks that kick ass hot tub not the other one boozer took a crap in sorry bout that he just lacks culture unlike myself .
It was then Larry flipped out using his outdoor voice indoors he grabbed me by the throat I screamed rape cause I yet again forgot my trusty rape whistle dam you hurricane!
I was thrown down the stairs I was beaten I swear you housesit without asking go through peoples home dirty movies and your dog takes a crap in there tub and they blow it all out of proportion .
Guess I wasn't going to be getting a tip ungrateful bastards !
The Hurricane had torn up this small island were I lived and apparently vandals had broken into peoples houses and stolen most all the booze in there houses how terrible.
I made my way back to my trusty bar poured me a drink and sat on my favorite stool.
Shit Gonz you made it out of there I was truly worried for you.
Boozer said as he turned on the blender .
Yeah he couldn't change the channel but he could talk and mix drinks something just wasn't right with that picture course he was from Kentucky .
Yeah no thanks to you .
You little bastard !
Hey boss don't be mad I got something for you as he placed the the video camera on the table.
I had to lighten up the power was back on we had stayed drunk through such harsh times and got some freaky home movies from those weirdos we house sat for.
I took a sip of the margarita toasted my little friend.
Well bud we made it after all.
We spent the night as all others before drinking are livers silly
cutting bad jokes telling fucked up stories like these that make you wonder when the fuck they will ever end .
Until next time hamsters .
I existed in night chasing those hours until the dawn.
Embraced in the depths of insanity the plague breaths a harsh
taste left bitter in the wind .
Tortured by days we follow what asks nothing.
She moved a haunting scene in the chaos .
How often we desire what will destroy us so very easily.
Frost to the rose a death in the spite of life
Often we consume with no care to the aftermath .
Do the ignorant see more only to turn a blind eye than those who yearn?
And you can trace my steps but never walk the same path.
As I simply never desired to know another's it will only be a moment but the scars remain.
Its never a test for the game was bullshit to begin with .
They will never grasp the life beyond the sunset can we simply part
Understanding is sympathy I do not need.
This ride alone is beyond its view and something far more toxic
then I ever care to share .
The dawn is almost here so I bid you farewell.
This is my existence a shipwreck somewhere invisible from the shores view .
You cannot play with the page for it cares for none and asks all .
A opium for the thoughts it leaves just the same .
Perfectly vacant was the sunsets view .
I had received dozens of rejection letters most I can imagine the reactions these fucking yuppie bastards reading were thinking while saying to themselves .
Jesus fucking Christ I'm glad this guy doesn't live near by.
They hated writers yet they made there living off them .
Much like teachers except with a far better income and much better high dollar vices .
I worked my ass off they sat on there's and decided what was in .
I still read them trying to maintain my buzz and not slip into a coma
from the bullshit they deemed worthy.
I was on my second drink when the I read the words yet still like seeing a car accident in front of your very own eyes I could not believe what the fuck I was reading .
It wasn't so much the article it was who was in it.
I had been writing long enough to learn one thing try your best to avoid
other so called writers .
And there he was quoted with a fake fucking age was a bastard who was neither a writer or in my thoughts anything more than a pile of dog shit by the highway .
I don't need to mention his name hell being mentioned in any forum was more ego stroking than the bastard deserved.
But it was then I truly knew the New Yorker had went from high class rag to street level whore selling her ass to anyone with the change .
Old dipshit was there about twelve years younger and in his full out of his gourd glory.
I can imagine the interview one soulless shit stain talking to another .
Speaking on something he could not even do himself .
I was a drunk a asshole who ran his mouth and dared anyone to try to shut it.
I was a lot of things but no matter how others viewed me I was always
a writer .
I lived it, Breathed it paid my dues fifteen times over .
Yeah it bit my ass to see a overrated wind bag featured in a rag truly great writers had struggled to be published in.
It showed you the great decline the social media madness great writing was no longer a requirement skill wasn't needed either .
It was all superficial bullshit smoke and mirrors and a nice ass .
I took another drink picked up the revolver stuck it to my head
pulled the trigger .
Nothing this time!
Looks like id live another day.
I'd love to sit at table over a few drinks play a relaxing game of Russian roulette with the son of a bitch I'm writing about.
I wonder would he speak so boldly in front of another man
or simply shit his pants and cry like a modern overrated
so called artist.
Yeah I was passionate with my hate .
I was anything but a modern writer and anyone sitting across
from me better dam sure know I didn't play games .
Well least not any that were safe .
I stopped reading the article when a friend called .
Hey you read that article on you know who?
Yeah I replied just finished it.
What did you think?
Well least when you run out of toilet paper you got something to wide your ass with .
My friend laughed .
You know your not right they said still laughing.
Yeah I said looking at the gun still on the table.
You truly don't have a clue.
I watched her dance across the empty floor for no reason just her own simple pleasures and to simply show she was alive .
The music loomed heavy and she flowed with it a lover lost in its power.
Often we find solace in moments others dare not to intrude .
I said nothing just stood a viewer to this scene .
A fly to the wall with a ever fading drink.
She made me forget as she seemed to forget all as well.
I thought of the ocean and my times long since past .
The nights I sat by the seawall and viewed the ships like ghosts silent anchored off shore..
Friends whom no longer breathed life and painted my thoughts with stories .
She made me recall how being alone truly felt .
The music faded she was no longer there.
It was the close of a Saturday night my dreams had long since died .
Maybe we are all fools for trying when the deck is stacked against us.
Letting the time pass and are bodies go.
But then sometimes when in the moment with that music
you just have to allow yourself to flow.
I never could recall her name the dream never allows you the grace of
For once I slept well through the night .
A vision of my desires kept me warm.
As the sunrise and reality soon brought me back.
One day I did hope it would
just allow me to go.
Maybe it's that marvelous view as they walk away that never seems to compel me to call them back.
Maybe its the happiness of being alone the wind in your hair or the the highways empty embrace that just seems to keep me ruining far longer than the rest.
The bottle the music a simple soundtrack to the existance we only care to forget.
Passion doesn't exit online as machines can't breath life into your lungs but I can't certainly darken your door if only you'd allow me to tonight.
The party we will have only to forget.
You me and the page it's all in secret and all for them to never truly understand .
Summer may you die.
As all the bad girls sing cheap motels were we gather the ice machine I vist to often underneath the stairs .
I sleep drink repeat .
Trying to find the lines I searched for all the these years past.
From the dust bit in Austin to the Kentucky bourbon embrace I will romanticize the decay only to show you the reality I to often ignore myself .
Another drink shared and hopefully another night with you.
The page can't capture passion .
But I believe I touched upon it more than once with her tonight .
I spoke to you in whispers
but you shouted out my shame
My confidence is now just splinters
I can no longer speak your name
At dawn the sun broke my mask
I wore to dance to your tune
Now I'm just a broken mess
for you look down upon as your due
Can we never hear the music again
that was once our beating pulse?
Why is it you're always the one
that sings more quietly than most?
While we blind ourselves
we simply drown with the tide
Echoes of the past reflect only the failures and so shall it always be
Tomorrows promise is a kiss of remorse
just the same, we shall part
Can we leave what was only,
to pretend what never will be?
As you pull me from the depths
I simply leave you waiting
The nightmares will fade
but will the dreams ever again ring true?
So why do we dance to the same old tune?
When the music goes away
do we simply just nod to each other
knowing there's no other day?
At midnight do we excuse ourselves
to slumber separately with our demons?
Or do we simply hold onto
to survive through the next season?
I taste the goodbye upon your lips
I hear our song slowly fade
Can you not simply follow me
to the shore
where new memories could be made?
In bittersweet reprise is our closing
Here do the credits role
Tonight is a moment and it bleeds the memories
Soon only to be pages from our past
Paint this moments portrait,
and stand back, not see the flaws
It is all in the illusion after all
Except for, in the grains of sand
upon which we danced
are the footsteps of our past
just washing away
Do the pages just turn on?
Because if you asked me in the beginning
I would have told you I didn't dance
But you grabbed me and started swaying
without me having a chance
to tell you I can't hear the music
I just move to a certain beat
The illusion is the only thing
that will move me to my feet
Isn't it after all, the flaws,
that will crack
and we will tumble
You may walk away singing,
while I still fumble with the illusion that we danced so pretty
under a fractured moonlight
While I tried to hold onto you
upon a tortured shore
You walked away from me
Leaving me in the dark of night