I've seen it said before so many times yet like words spoken of a handed down nature the pompous always tend to ignore great truths of the past.
I've seen great writers turned absolute shit with the stroking of their own ego.
I'd seen critics forged their own wants in the weakness of others who listen to bull crap wanting simply to be accepted.
Some chase what they believe to be a set path, there is no roadmap to success simply an afterthought to the losers who chase dreams often not their own.
I never chased shit!
I was always me not some watered-down version of another character I thought I could be so that's what you assumed.
Well you can assume your ass right out the door and out of my fucking face!
I live with no purpose I simply exist I thrive in my own madness and care little for the opinions of others.
I never force the write I simply follow it to wherever it leads me a river has only one direction.
Never truly believe your own bullshit.
Never think you're better simply know who you are.
Don't toil over the works of others admire it for what it is but don't let it fuck with your head.
I never became a writer I just always was it wasn't the cool thing to be it's just ingrained in my DNA.
The drinking, the drugs, the fast life wasn't some stylized afterthought to seem hip it's just who I am.
You see my friends anyone can write but few can truly connect.
The page knows me better than I know myself it is here I'm vulnerable, it is here I am real for this is my existence.
It is my passion.
It is my life and ultimately it will be my death.
There is no gimmick and I never cater to a critic for one pompous asses opinion matters less to me than a man who sits beside me and shares a drink.
Honesty is a poison in a society loaded with bullshit!
Never fear rejection and always embrace defeat without thought of a backup plan.
My work is my soul dark as it may seem never hasn't been considered fake.
But then again what do I truly know?
For to many I'm just a joker the town drunkard who sees more through dark glasses than many see within the light of day.
Never believe your own bullshit because the moment you start to is the moment you begin to decay.
I cannot say it wont be missed it's simply my soul much like the piano has long since been out of tune.
A half herd chord and a bruised liver wont kill the memories .
Maybe another round with a bitter pill chaser will do the trick that never
felt so desolate until right now.
Maybe some can take comfort in shadows I've found them strangers
for far to long tell them I said goodbye before are words shall be taken from context.
Lets just exist in these lonely hours once more.
Can I borrow your hearts one last time will we connect as friends or vanish as smoke rings a display to magic and a old fools logic .
Can you play me that song and leave out the ending we see fit to declare .
Will you hear me last as I speak my words nothing was are destiny,
shall we dance to the tune long after the music's fade to people in form of a portrait and nothing more tonight?
I have ran miles now I simply rather sit here alone with you.
I'm not putting it down simply putting me first it's been far to long so sorry if you cannot grasp.
no hidden message need poison the pen for my words have always rang true to those whom understand.
The music fades as so must we all one seat a place not to be removed
what we cannot grasp so easily replaced .
The lights have went dim and the ghosts leave to haunt there corners of existence as so must I.
Standing upon a empty stage underneath a lone spotlight.
In smoke rings half filled glasses guilty vices filled underneath the darkness don't forget to tip your server.
The devil thrives in the empty hours, it was designed to drive you insane in these thoughts that haunt you for eternity.
I'm alone with you now take it for what it's worth.
Where do you lines separate?
Where do we say here's where it stops, here's the barrier between my life and you.
I have driven myself on pills and other assorted drugs displayed my existence the demented soap opera for your entertainment.
I am the closest you can come to the razor without feeling the blades cold burn.
Read in comfort while exploring the depths I'm worn from the play.
Squeeze the wound only to gain one last bit of soul upon the page.
As the wolves ask all can we quench this thirst, giving no regards to ourselves?
I exist on the other side of the window pane.
A stark reflection of the tragic flaw no one should understand better than I.
For their are little rewards in others gain.
They hand you new vices to replace all for which they have stolen from you.
For other's see delusion as a dream, they admire you yet offer you lust in place of depth.
And the flesh is a favorite vice of mine when lights are always turned low.
You may grasp the keys to your own prison, hold the bars in place of friendships.
Was it all an act?
My friend you tell me.
Spun from tracks a one way Outlook seldom lends to a bright vision escape.
I've come to grips with the losing side counted hours borrowed change.
Where it all ends at sunset even beautiful is simply a passing moment all too soon forgotten.
A needles sting in long sense forgotten fire, cleansed of existence and newly paved highway lent to a dead-end mindset may the bastards glorify this moment!
For shallow truths seem to vanish in contemporary romance of addiction.
A window seated view to the trains derailment is a one way trip not worth the mention?
Embers of the spark have long since become outcast of the fire.
Tonight I only need to connect in the worst way possible, can you spare a moment only to cast it in regret?
Art is easy life is not the page simply an afterthought of our existence.
Never cast in stone what would never take to mold to begin with.
I never linger on others mistakes for I have far too many flaws of my own.
To head off the rails is not to find solace in the legend, merely a side effect of life lived by the sword.
We glorify the mistakes of others only to forget our own.
The cast judgment and yet another bitter pill.
How very tired of become of the scene.
Maybe we embrace chaos only to chase some semblance of distorted peace.
Maybe there was really no plan at all to begin with.
We are the after effects of the wreckage left to be viewed far better than we truly ever were.
A snowfalls mirage hides only with season, nothing shall stay buried forever.
Captured a image and hold it closely .
Say hello to delusion for me art was never intended to be safe.
Off the rails was it's direction there is no glamour in an untimely fade.
The intentions are always pure just somehow everything gets fucked up in the end.
Remember it as you like.
I was at the bar big fucking surprise I know .
The pub was empty well aside from a few selected drunks but really there more like a modern art display that has to piss more than a toddler .
I sat there good Irish coffee in one hand laptop upon the bar my normal morning ritual
No I wasn't looking at porn I'm kidding of course I was duh what goes better with coffee then watching total strangers gangbang a circus midget but enough about family programming.
I had decided to take a change of pace no I wasn't watching barnyard babes instead get your mind out of the gutter you weirdo's who do you think I am the owner of this site?
No I decided to swing by my true stomping ground the true home of Gonzo Hello .
I as always stopped by to check the tombstones of my amigos now long since passed .
They were all there on full display a reminder of a past I truly cant forget.
Then I decided to check out the new who's who of the new Hello .
There poems about Mom and Dad and that first crush and other assorted high school horseshit
that was as about as interesting as watching a marathon of twilight backed up by that closet case
Harry Potter honestly I thought that was a great porn name .
Just then I herd a school bus with it's annoying ass air brakes come to a halt outside the Pub
The doors flew open and fifty or so hobbits came wandering in the bar dear lord was it some sort of strike?
Hey there Gonzo I'll take a Bud Light and a bag of chips please.
Want a coloring book to go along with that Bilbo?
Hey look grandpa just do your dam job and get me a beer okay?
This strange little hamster must have fallen out of his crib and cracked his skull on his power ranger if he thought I was some sort of man servant I swear do these little shits get there manners ?
I looked at the group of micro mini people thinking deep and long and sort of ruff with a slap on the arse before I dared to reply.
Okay you little bastards I'll bite but not that hard just who the hell are you and what in the fuck are you doing here?
Were the new in crowd of the site were poets father time!
After almost laughing myself to death I decided to entertain the little hamsters .
Okay short stack but before you ask we don't serve milk and cookies and nap time is whenever you hit the floor.
Hey what's with this stupid ass jukebox there's nothing but music on here done by people who actually play music duh what kind of shit is this.
I believe it's actually called music or as your generations rappers like to call it three mile.
Samples to talk over to your generations shitty music.
Hey old man you better watch it what you hate rap?
No I don't hate rap I hate your rap by the way number seven your banana split is ready.
Hey I got to pay the bills somehow people I haven't had costumers in like five years .
Look Gonz the leader of the diaper gang spoke up.
I know were younger but we have a right to be here as well were just trying to express areselves and share are work is that so wrong.
The Jim Jones wanna be had a valid point but I honestly didn't care for my mind was on a much deeper subject the music played as in the corner four little mini jailbait hotties in school girl outfits
danced away to some sort of teenage vomit they called music.
I was lost in my thoughts of um like deep poetic shit it's to deep for you to grasp .
I'm kidding I was just watching the show thinking hey I don't have to pay for this?
Gonz hey Gonz earth to Gonz .
Well everybody I tried I guess we better leave I don't think he's interested in us having a
open mic poetry night.
The music had stopped and the mini sluts were almost out the door but like some perverted ninja
I stopped them before they reached it.
Hey what's this I don't want to hear a open mic night duh I'm all about hearing your poetry
especially these little stripper poetry were do you all work I just love your costumes .
Um there are school uniforms pervert the one replied .
Hey look Gonzo It's cool man we'll just be gone I mean you don't want to serve us and all.
I had to think fast there leader was talking them almost out the door and I really couldn't afford
another kidnapping charge yet again don't ask.
Hey wait gang I was just fucking with you hell drinks on me what's your name Brittney Veronica Kelly hell it doesn't matter just pull yourself up a high chair and name your poison.
What will it be beer wine crystal meth I know how you kids love that shit Brittney maybe you'd like a smooth roofie margarita I make the best in town just ask Lily .
Hey man what about that jukebox ?
I pulled out my trusty 38 the everyone hit the floor as the sound blasted through the room worse than Justin Bieber getting butt fucked in county.
Oh baby baby Nooooo but enough with the foreplay children.
Honestly I never knew a power wheels could go that fast .
Screw that jukebox amigo that's what mp3 players are for .
I blasted some sort of strange music and poured the drinks as the hobbits began to
lose themselves in sort of twisted movements they called dancing dear lord man
they could really hold there drugs .
Then came there spoken poetry crap slash wet T shirt contest .
The party was a mad mad scene like MTV's real world except with actual humans .
The mini strippers slash go go dancers were just about to get on the bar when all the sudden the doors flew open and the dark Lord himself once again stood in pub.
The room went as silent as when a semi insane hillbilly on a shit TV show does a interview
and people find out he really is a backwards dip shit .
The dark lord spoke Gonzo!
A voice from under the bar spoke up he's not here fuck off.
Gonzo get your drunken ass from under that bar before I make my man servant come get you.
I popped up faster than a seventy year old man on Viagra .
Hey boss how's it been dam you look great can I get you a drink hey have you been working out?
Look you halfwit clean this party out right now I could ban right this very moment .
Hey now look Adolf I was trying to connect with the hip new younger crowd is all because
I believe that a young mind is a terrible thing not to be totally wasted .
Seize him the dark lord called out to his staff of four halfwits .
I fought hard but eventually feel to the powers of those lady truck drivers let me tell you
those bitches fight dirty it was almost like getting raped dammit if only I hadn't forgot my whistle.
Beaten shaken without my speak being slurred I was handcuffed and taken away .
And as I was being taken out the door a young little hamster spoke .
Hey Gonzo can I have your laptop yeah kids there real wise asses sometimes.
The young hamsters all sat outside the pub as I was loaded up in the pinto hey poetry doesn't pay kids.
Goodbye Gonzo we'll miss you said one of the stripper students whatever the fuck they were.
Goodbye little sluts I'll think about you often well I mean as long as I can remember.
I watched as the kids were scattered to the wind and my Pub was destroyed .
As I was taken away riding into the sunset like some outlaw in the back of a really shitty car.
Was this the end for are brain dead hero?
Would Hello finally see the demise of the legend slash guilty pleasure of Hello.
Would Timmy finally get out of that well to question his own sexuality?
Would this write ever fucking end?
Tune In next week for the exiting conclusion kids.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming .
He always carried a straight razor in his pocket and wore chip on his shoulder like some twisted reward .
I noticed his hands shaking as he set the bar the scars of time had changed him.
Gone was that Cavalier charm the boyish sense that had lured so many to him before.
We made eye contact yet spoke no words between us I simply called the bartender over to order another round sometimes there's no need to ask.
Been a while hasn't it?
He asked in a voice I could hardly recall.
Yeah it has I replied still never diverting my eyes from the bar.
There was no need to ask and I knew full well not to invite the conversation to begin.
With him it was always a hustle a shark always have to keep swimming it's just its nature.
We sat there to strangers known only in title as friends.
Both in are separate corners, both to caught up in our own bullshit to care about the other.
Too many miles had separated us now only scorn and ridicule forged this moment like iron to a blacksmiths fire and hammer.
The time passed slowly as the old jukebox played hanging as heavy as the stale smell of smoke in the air.
He always wore that chip on his shoulder a badge of honor for none to see.
I took one last look into the mirror's reflection and had to question.
Just what the fuck become of me.
Old pictures paint false delusions I wonder why no one has ever captured mine?
Tears are nothing to empty hearts, guess it pays to be a bastard than a dreamers second chance.
I buried my thoughts in a shallow grave.
Only to unearth my soul upon this page.
The lit cigarette and yet another empty bottle of booze.
We fumble in desires bound by shackles formed by a ever present need.
Tonight she lusts for another yet settles for me.
Her empty room is better than a cluttered prison of your own creation.
Her taste of strawberry doesn't damper my burn, contact of the flesh isn't a connection of soul.
Simply a reflex of addiction and mine knows no end.
The furnace burns through the night yet can't kindle this flame.
Some shit is better left dead!
Her poison knows no antidote I simply revel in this decay.
Remorse is for the weak the cigarettes light glows from her presence from the edge of the bed.
She looks at the shadows on the wall casts from the cities night.
As she wonders does he want as she?
There are many forms of emptiness, and far too little definitions of being alone.
She lingers in thought for only a second, and then she is gone.
Spent smoke and the worn out view cast from my all to tired eye's
The trail will always eventually have to meet a end no matter the distance you put between you and old ghosts and bad deeds.
Come here my dear and mend old wounds and give me some fresh scars tonight.
Seduce the worries away let the bottle sit by bedside table a reminder of my sweetest addictions
The other lay beside me in such a perfect scene.
I new the game was over I just never had a backup plan or a simple out.
Maybe I can glimpse the fire only to realizes one last thought filled spark.
Let me say fuck it all one last time but that would only prolong the walk
and the dead mans hand is seldom a welcome guest at any gamblers table.
The pills were fun the women were better .
My vices were my signature now a painting left empty without the frame.
Maybe I cling to the night so I wouldn't have to turn last to you.
Morning light you wont catch me by anyone's side.
I've left my mark now let the bastards fill in the blanks.
Shared stories and bullshit friendship's I never had the time for either.
A bus station escape I have been running far to long from what I never thought to question.
Maybe my youth was washed away with the years.
There's to many to name so lets only recall the now.
I sat upon the shore sending my verses across the waters to a void no one could ever fill.
There's one last run I have yet to make.
But the fire is out and so am I.
The feeling I can never explain something just ingrained within you.
I can't explain what I never could understand.
We are the dreamers and suffer those who are awake.
Tragic are those who lack vision, misfortune is yours please spare mine.
The blade is now a pen my blood now Ink .
For whom it is lost is more found I.
The rejects of night are but misfits of my day.
As the poison seeps in as my creativity flows unto a void created in chaos none of which
was of my choosing.
Were all dreamers caught within a nightmare's grasp, losers of a game we chose not to play.
But we damn sure tried in spite of it all.
The blank page remains a suicide note to the forgotten chapter in a dust collected manuscript.
Secrets are best left buried like shipwrecks on the ocean floor.
Why be the judge when none are innocent or ever so guilty as I.
Damn the nights for bringing the memories upon me ,
and curse my thoughts for remaining after all these drinks.
Haunted are the souls of the living simply empty vessels that fill the streets.
Many years have passed.
Yet these thoughts never age .
Goddamn the nights and winters empty chill!
The fire now only seems to smolder a dragons bluff to wolves such as I.
I hear the others howl I simply choose to ignore the sound.
Taking refuge in my thoughts and torment in scars past.
Empty are these thoughts that I unearthed tonight.
I hear the howls outside my door.
They are my burden and none else to understand.
In witching hours of lost hopes and broken dreams I find my solace.
I've ran with demons and slept with many angels, to burn only in the cold of ice.
Tomorrow is always a dream as from this nightmare maybe I'll wake.
Treasure the silence in it we find our true selves.
I hear the howls I simply choose to no longer answer.
It was strange almost as strange as Thanksgiving with Justin Bieber at his grandmother's house.
Yes I'm sure that wasn't the only thing getting stuffed that year.
Who doesn't enjoy being serenaded by their grandson as he's naked with his pick in one hand and
his dick in the other as he stands butt ball naked in the kitchen.
Thanks Canada your like a dirty girlfriend who instead of giving a great blowjob gave us herpes What do I expect from a country that also gave us maple syrup and call me maybe.
I know we just met and this sounds crazy but your countries music sucks so never call us okay.
I was alone in the Pub as usual hell what do you expect from a site that has a showcase yet has no more groups from which half of the showcases are named after .
Yeah the owner has that true modern day logic like having a music channel that only shows
reality show whores and knocked up bitches who complain about paying the bills yet are employed by the network yeah common sense it really is lost on stupid people.
I was having like half of a case when a hamster who shall remain unnamed due to she would
harm me if I spoke the name of which is not to be spoken of walked through the door.
Gonz set me up with a cold one I really need it.
Really hamster I never pegged you as a necrophilia kind of gal but to each his own
good thing I got the paper let me just check the obituaries and make some calls
You want something fresh off the highway or you more into cold cuts?
I know I'm going to hell but honestly did you expect good taste in reading this shit ?
Are you fucking nuts?
The agitated little hamster asked as she looked at me with anger and possible rape in her eye's.
Look I can always hope good thing I forgot my whistle.
Just give me a cold beer you pervert and that joke was tasteless really have you no respect for anything?
I looked at the hamster after handing her the beer and thought deeply and hard pulling my mental hair at the same time even though I don't have any don't ask.
It's my job to make tasteless jokes and be a pervert what you think the time clock on the walls for?
Um employees ?
Well yeah it used to be until they whole health care shit I swear I give my workers one meal a week and provide a perfectly good basement for them now I got to give them health care duh
if I paid my bills what would I drink with ?
My customer who remains anonymous to protect the safety of my balls.
Looked at me in disgust uh oh looks like I might be getting a spanking as well.
You really keep those poor people locked in the basement ?
Duh person I cant say your name there not real people there here illegally.
How can you say that I should call the cops on you .
The hamster was turning red and from the threat of calling in the fuzz I knew she must be
serious yet still I knew deep down she was just playing hard to get with her threats and restraining orders but enough with the foreplay hamsters.
Look I really don't see what the big deal is ?
You have people trapped in your basement like some dirt bag smuggler.
Now you hold on a minute hamster how dare you insult me I said in my grown up voice
I know I can act like a grown up shocking isn't it?
I was about to tell this hamster just what I really thought of people who take advantage of people
who just want a better life and exploit others and really preach some of that moral shit that sounds real good yet isn't what I think cause I'm truly a ruthless bastard.
When I stopped and saw the clock oh shit hold that thought I almost forgot to feed the basement people.
I reached under the bar and grabbed four cartons of cigarettes and a case of wine.
What in the hell you only give those poor people booze and cigarettes ?
Well duh there French what else would they want?
Just then a voice came up from the dungeon I mean basement of the pub gonzo more wine
you American swine I hate you yet still I applaud your efforts in destroying that vile
man child Selena Gomez .
Ahh you got love the French sure that strange little man may stay drunk on a girl drink and smoke like a chimney but even he hates shit pop music as much as me.
My one and only reader slash customer slash person I enjoy annoying sat in shock.
You are so fucked up .
I looked as I took my seat behind the bar that no longer exists because some people
who shouldn't be allowed out of there cage run the site into the like button ground.
Yes hamster I'm a little ruff around the edges but when you get to know me.
You realize behind all the insults and perverted bad humor .
I'm well I'm far worse than you could ever imagine.
We sat there swapping stories the drinks flowed the French man in the basement yelled
something in that strange language he spoke once I couldn't understand cause I
don't speak German.
It was a true night to remember except for the part I forgot duh!
It was growing closer and closer to closing time I mixed us both a good strong drink
yet with a soft side and heart of gold like a awesome hooker or that man tranny Kim Kardashian .
Well I guess better head out Gonz.
Aren't you feeling like your going to pass out .
Um no why ?
Dammit its really getting bad when you cant trust a good street dealer to quality
The hamster was headed out the door but before she left she turned and said.
Oh yeah and you might need to grab a pillow.
And then everything went black but not like in the NBA .
No indeed I was out like Charlie sheen after a really good coke binge when he used to be cool.
I awoke upon the floor alone cold and hurting in a area far more strange than fifty one
dammit man whya alien would travel across the galaxy only to corn hole rednecks and poetic madmen is beyond me but enough about what some owners of websites do in there off time.
Upon the bar sat the only cure for my troubles a double shot of good blended whiskey.
Next to it a note on a bar napkin .
Dear Gonz next time remember to remember which drink you spiked you dumbass .
I had to laugh and sit really funny the seat was a bit uncomfortable get your heads out of the gutter
children your almost as bad as me.
Until next time kids remember .
Good humor bad humor its just fucking a joke to begin with so lighten the fuck up.
Cheers and stay crazy.
And remember if it offends nobody forced you to read it to begin with.
Drinks on me cheers.
It's holidays hamsters haven't you herd.
From all that annoying ass music and commercials done by sellout artist
trying to be cool word.
I myself would rather spend this month in a holiday coma.
Buy some cheap hookers some good whiskey and run over a black Friday crowd
in a stolen Sonoma .
It's give me give me and that's just from dad.
He'll break the bank and mommy will give him something the other
night his brother already had.
Maybe I should plant a minefield upon my lawn.
To ward off carolers who only make me yawn.
I'll poison my cookies and sit back and wait.
Rob the old fat man and take Miss Santa out on a much deserved date.
Make your list and he will check twice.
After I blow his ass to pieces it really wont matter if your naughty or nice.
The holidays are a time for people to act insane over shit they do not need.
There addicts of want the stores are nothing more than dealers
selling coke crank and weed.
Maybe you love the lights and the holiday rush with the family and all.
Well you can eat shit and jingle my ball.
I hope to stay on the naughty list as long as I'm alive.
Sincerely from Gonzo.
Shut the fuck up and stop acting worse than a child who's five.
Don't send me a card cause I wont reply.
Here's your present it's a bomb now please die.
I hate the holidays call me a Grinch if you like.
Fuck you Santa all I asked for was a brick of cocaine ,ten cases of whiskey, a key to the playboy mansion , a lifetime pass to the chicken ranch , A million dollars in unmarked bills ,
My neighbors dead ,And Harley Davison Motor bike.
Daddy's little princess such a tarred delusion in white.
Let's forget all it's only between me and you and the page tonight.
False hope's and new found delusions let me slide this hand up that skirt .
Maybe it's wrong but what could feel more right.
You wanted to taste the edge so I took you to the razor.
embraced are sins and found new freedoms sweetheart was it as wicked as you could have ever imagined?
Maybe I'm the worst but it wasn't what you clawed into these shoulders last night.
Cheap moments wasn't it a hell of a time.
Matchbooks of places road stops of emptiness wasn't it a dream that new a nightmares embrace?
If you need a friend it wasn't in the cards but torment is truth mired by bullshit
can I interest you in one last fix.
Sweet nothings weren't on the menu but the passion could have burnt us both.
I hold no remorse but understand every scar holds a memory I wont bother you with that greater good speech sweetheart it's simply goodbye.
A quick slap beats a broken desire the magic was pure no matter the cancer we shared
in backseats and empty nights regression.
I recall you although I would never admit .
Every scar I treasure for sometimes your the one that I can never forget.
I'll wash it away and hopefully for you it will be something better not to have been.
Fuck the stories the page always makes us bleed in the end.
Paper cuts are that and nothing more.
We sat there in a corner booth to old dogs sitting warm by the fire so to speak.
Except are fire was fueled by the warmth of the bottle and the friendship we knew
never would we cross paths again after today.
It's a strange thing to put another person upon a pedestal and for them to view you the same.
We had fought and laughed shared drinks and made scars forever we knew
the stories would fuel the legend or maybe just mask are bullshit.
Where you thinking about heading out to amigo.
I had dreaded these words for they were a prelude to a long farwell
and a permanent goodbye.
I really cant say you know I always been like tumbleweed my friend.
Cast to the wind driven with no true direction.
Yeah well try to not let this shit consume you he said holding the glass just before he kicked
And as he eyed the skirt with a perfect pair a legs walking by .
I had to reply yeah well try not to let your vice drive you insane as well or get you shot
by some jealous husband.
I told you I've given the married ones up I'm strictly going with the young and single.
And I'm joining the priesthood pal.
Least you don't have to stop drinking.
A good smartass always seemed to have good come back dam the bastard.
We had to laugh over that one it was always a contest like two brothers one always
had to out do the other.
Well my friend I said.
If ever you need me well tuff shit cause I wont be there.
Yeah I figured that much he replied.
You know Gonz I got to admit you really are a prick.
Yeah but least I'm a honest one.
True that bud he laughed as he replied.
There was no goodbye after we closed the bar down.
We just laughed off the bullshit while masking are own.
See you shit for brains.
What you getting all sentimental on me amigo?
Fuck no besides least now my bar tab will be semi normal.
Well you know you just cant put a price tag on a good time or good conversation .
My old friend looked at me as always in a state of this guys half nuts yet always had a hard time fighting off the laugh.
Well Gonz I'd stick around but I got a thing called a life and all.
Yeah and I got to head by your sisters place and you know how she hates to be kept waiting .
How's that going ?
Real good since your mom and me broke up.
Well tell your wife and my kids I said hello and dude do you mind not coming home early anymore I mean I just having my fun time cut short.
My bad dude oh yeah and sorry bout the clap.
I finally got him on that one as are verbal tit for tat never ceased to die.
He what's a few STDS amongst friends.
We parted on that note and as I viewed my breath a dragon's smoke chased off into the corners of the night.
You just had to truly admire a prick who could roll with the punches.
No wonder he liked me so much.
Adios brother I hope life finds that which you could never grasp here.
To a very good friend of this very well known past .
Sometimes you realize what's a loss to one is the gain of another.
And me I just remain the same charming bastard I always was to begin with.
To the page I understand and my existence for which I only same to trace.
Have we not came this far on instinct now can we outlast the bullshit ahead?
dam the wrong turns I have far less direction with you may I convince you to stay only to destroy
what never was to begin with my dear.
As we count hours only to empty the glass.
Maybe one last dance upon this edge will break us maybe if only we embrace the hopeless
may we understand death and the emptiness for which you remain.
Tonight a graveside stance forget the souls underneath I walked upon to get here.
Enjoy this agony for these are the days were night will gain depth.
So shallow are my thoughts when blinded by eyes.
You counted the hours but no change would become of you in form.
A favorite monster of my worst design can I slip my poison inside only to admire are decay?
Love you served me well for winter now summers hail will reside my thoughts.
Frozen as glass to water of pond .
Your image lay trapped within my thoughts and ice.
Innocence cant never last.
In the presence of hate it's a fucked up web we spin when the only victim stands myself.
Come on it isn't so bad the repulsive stain never can we erase.
We are flawed and I just a scar left to bleed do we not understand now after I tell all?
Goodbye sweetheart hello institution at thirteen .
The reality would not be pleasant may I interest you in some lies to soften the truth?
What did I do?
A mother questions and fails to see.
We blind are selves to the answers keep it locked away.
Busted knuckles and a failed suicide attempt.
Were we not the victims of age cast in cells of misunderstanding my dear child
please never do as me.
The booze masked it well but your image only further inspired my hate.
Give it all till they see the truths.
Paper cuts are pleasant to the shit I've endured.
It haunts me a relict of a distant nightmare will I ever cease to wake.
I wish only I could say what haunts me .
But you only sent me away.
The past is a real cancer.
So erase it before it destroys you as me.
He rolled a tumbleweed of chaos hitting the floor like a ton of bricks.
Fuck that really looked like it hurt the voice said at the top of the stairs .
The man paused only to light his cigarette and begin his decent down the stairs.
Fuck please look tell MR O'Bannon I'll have the money next Wednesday I promise.
The beaten down bastard said blood slightly pouring from his mouth .
Yeah and I thought last time we gave you a week you would clear everything up pal.
With that the man drove a boot into the man on the floors ribs you could hear whatever air was left in the man expel from him a balloon popped at a child's carnival.
It always came to this he thought and it was the shit he hated most as he took another deep drag and blew the smoke a dragon amongst the lambs.
the victim was Tommy Owens he was a first class gambling fiend with as much luck for betting
as a blind man would have for driving a car on the interstate.
The orders were clear either collect the money or close Tommy's marker.
Jack had known the dumb bastard half his life just all the other stupid bastards who saw hope in swimming with sharks.'
MR O'Bannon was a ruthless scumbag who fed on his own kind and controlled this beaten down neighborhood and Jack was one of the reasons for it.
you think any business mans going to dirty his hands taking out his own garbage?
Jack was the trash man and his hands were permanently covered in his bosses dirty deeds.
Jack hated his job almost as much has he hated himself.
But sharks has have no other choice but to swim or die and he dam sure wasn't checking out anytime soon.
Tommy coughed in agony trying to breath and trying to get past the pain of a fresh pair of surely
He said in a voice more broken than his soul.
Please we've known each other since back in the day please just get me some more time please
What about my son?
He always hated when they used that card but if he were in the same fix jack knew he'd do whatever it took to get out of the certain outcome.
It's not like a movie when it comes to doing what has to be done .
In fact it's far more fucked up than any coked out movie director could imagine.
People cry they beg while others just go silent there the ones that always get to you.
Jack stood Tommy up .
I'll get you some more time alright just this is it my friend you know what happens if you screw this up.
Jack thank you man the tears welled up in Tommy's his eyes.
walking him back upstairs jack could no more tell you what Tommy babbled about than if you asked him a question about the worlds economy.
You have to be able to turn that switch of all humanity off in your head and that's what sperates the wolves from the lambs.
As he sat Tommy down in that drab old recliner he could only recall just how silent he was as he turned to leave .
And how even though he could feel the barrel of the pistol to the back of his head he said nothing.
Everyone deserves at least a grain of comfort and privacy even in death.
It was always that moment before that killed jack.
And as he left the apartment building the another scar and grain of dirt left under his nails and tarnish upon his soul .
He still recalled the sign he saw from the church that read.
Yes he loves even you.
Somehow jack thought to himself that wasn't probably meant for him.
And if he loved Tommy so very much he sure had fucked up way of showing it.
Sometimes you have to realize you cant play the game against a man who holds
a loaded deck.
And luck is just false hope for suckers.
I'm a story teller at heart and not everything in this life is easy or safe.
Embers of my change glimmer within nights breath.
To bask in the flaws my dear we have nothing but endless hours.
Short as in a razor gleams bare were your thoughts cloaked in the
nothingness of my soon departure.
Wicked is she was a poison I would forever embrace.
Are we but mortal in coil so sinful my design.
Ruff she lingered for that which was a bruise .
Fond were the memories cast with sugar laced regret.
Break my desires allow my insecurities demise.
Fuck the flesh only to tarnish the soul.
My hells have seeped within forecast of shadows and a premature demise.
Pulled in pleasure a lash of release .
Do we find a part missing keys lost unlock doors never known to are
existence will you embrace the farewell as I already have my dear?
I'll give you the fires without the signals taste the rage without the pain.
Storms have bounded what never was together to begin with.
Nights ride a clash of bodies finds us a fragment of lovers now frozen
are thoughts as burnt are those hidden desires.
Tomorrow means nothing as page left empty needs only your
words to create.
Tomorrow knows nothing but what we have made of tonight .
Some people make it seem so romantic and some would probably say I'm guilty
of exploiting it as well.
Well let me be the first to tell you there's no glory in burning out.
I live my life and to excess of course but it's not my mission to overdose or end up splattered across
Death isn't a choice it's a promise and to fear it is to worry over breathing its just part of the game folks.
The shit I write about isn't a fantasy or what I believe its like I've actually lived it.
And out of a handful of people I know I'm lucky enough to say I'm still here.
I cant tell you how to live your life and honestly I don't ever give a fuck how you do.
I've done most every drug known to man and some of them are rather overrated
to be honest that's why I prefer booze mainly because I really don't trust putting shit in my system made by people who look like they haven't slept or washed there ass in two weeks.
Yeah cokes real good shit you stay paranoid as fuck and if you get a good taste for it
it'll kill you bank account and your heart but it is good to have on hand for picking up strippers.
Hey I'm just saying if you go to the woods to hunt animals you probably use bait.
Well my hunting ground is probably a lot more comfortable than yours but hey
whatever gets you off.
Where all checking out sooner or later but don't ever fall for that delusion that
getting out early is fucking romantic shit if I had pulled the trigger when I was a miserable ass
teen I would have really missed some overrated times and some hot chicks who just
happened to lower there standards yes be used is kickass especially when you get a
happy ending out of the deal.
Live it as you will not as others would prefer cause only a spineless candy ass
plays it safe.
I write a lot of crazy shit cause I live a lot worse crazy shit.
But at least I have fucking fun.
Sure you can say fuck it all to this world.
Or you can really piss the bastards off and shake shit up till they put your ass
in the dirt.
Me I'm going to go down with the fucking ship.
A drink in hand and laughing like a madman the whole way down.
Cause nothing fucks with the ignorant worse than a son of bitch that just wont
Honey why don't you ever write me something romantic?
Those eye's of my once teenage wife looked at me in that same way whenever I knew I better cave or the fun time factory was going be closed for awhile.
Well honey you know that's not really my style and especially after getting back form the war and all it just seems like something inside me died.
But you weren't ever in the service.
Yeah I know that's what's so fucked up about it.
Once again my use of choice yet altogether confusing bullshit had worked kids there so easily impressed with bullshit no wonder those fucking twilight books sold.
Dam you Jedi mind trick you never fucking work!
Screw you George Lucas for mind raping me as a child not that I watched those films.
What do you think I am some kind dork who post's shit all over the net for cheap
laughs cause he has no true life?
Okay that was a bit harsh I have a life well kinda.
Gonzo! Are you listening?
My demented little hooker with a heart of a gold card asked?
Of course I'm listening duh you know I'm a artist I'm like always deep in thought
about serious shit.
Okay like what?
Well if your a hand model and you book a gig is it called a hand job?
Are you fucking nut's.
No sweetheart I'm a drunk.
Your right I've always been insane with a chance of brilliance in some misspelled ideas.
Look Gonzo I'm not joking just listen okay.
My little nympho just went speaking and like any good man I paid no attention and just shook my head in agreement it's a trick I learned from my grandfather.
Course now it's no longer a secret being I've let all the chicks no dammit.
She kept rattling on all the while I thought pure sweet thoughts while staring at her boobies.
I was lost on a sunny meadow where all was soft and gentle.
I'm kidding it was more like a porno involving Jennifer Aniston ,Rihanna , and that total slut who was all the rage you know that former kids star you know Betty White.
It was all going pretty normal well aside from the pool of ranch dressing and Justin Bieber's
head on a goat's body I always knew he was into devil worship.
I just hate we have something in common.
I couldn't take anymore so I ran I ran so far away.
But still I couldn't get away.
So we have a deal?
Yes what dear lord what had I agreed to?
Fuck you Betty White that Hanna Montana shit sucked.
Oh thank you baby so much I just know it'll be great.
Yes it will.
I had no clue what this strange little female was speaking of for one I was lost
and I felt all naked and vulnerable to bad no hot stripper rapist were in the vicinity
yeah I know that's a big word for me thank you Dora the explorer sure I was disappointed
it wasn't a porn at first but you really have opened my horizon's.
That just sounds wrong but enough with the foreplay kids.
I was silent deep in thought and finally before I could ask my semi faithful
nympho spilled the beans once always beats cutting them yeah girl farts they just take
all the fun out it.
Baby I cant wait to read your new romantic write.
What dear lord!
It was a nightmare from which I couldn't wake it was impossible task
a myth like if you take yoga you can blow yourself.
Gonzo cannot write romance.
It just doesn't happen hell I'm Gonzo and even I know that.
Baby after I read it I'm going to give you the best gift ever.
It's something you always wanted.
My mind went spinning as to this want that would be worthy.
Hmm lets see .
So you mean were going to murder Justin Bieber and bathe in his blood ?
No baby even better.
What could be better than that ?
My mind was working overtime dammit I hadn't thought this much sense
that old teacher asked me what I wanted to do with my life.
Course then I realized when he asked me to find his candy bar in his pocket that he was just a perverted janitor.
Yeah it's a long story don't ask.
You know baby you me and my friend and her other friend and this time you'll actually
get to join in.
It was like Christmas for a pervert.
So looks like I was going to be writing a romantic story.
I could do this especially for some twisted freaky sex hell it's what are country was founded upon.
Duh I mean bribes people they didn't invent freaky sex until the 60's.
You know right around the great depression.
Yeah I bet whoever invented the blowjob put a smile on someone's face.
See not only in my long winded writes do you get perversion you get culture and that history shit.
yeah I know your welcome high five to blowjobs.
I was selling my soul but it's okay it wasn't anything I hadn't done before.
To create this masterpiece I had to get alone with my thoughts yet still have a good
internet connection duh how else would I write this dumbass?
What do you think I am some dinosaur that writes on paper.
Do I look like I'm Amish yeah that shows about as real as my crystal meth operation
I have in the garage.
I'm kidding I don't have a garage but my grandmother does yeah like I'm going to blow up my own house.
I was off to my secret hiding place to be alone and write the greatest romance story off all time.
It would surpass all the greats of the past.
Like Gone With The Wind or that story of those two butt pirate cowboys you know
they made a movie about it called Wayne's World.
Will Gonzo be able to concentrate for more than a half second.
Avoiding booze and freaky things on the internet like I didn't know you could fit that up there dot com.
Will anyone actually get to the end of this without falling into a coma or getting more weed not that my readers smoke weed.
Will little Timmy make it out of that well to find grandpa and lassie having a quality
peanut butter session don't ask.
All this and more will be answered in the next exciting and even more long winded
episode of Go Fuck Yourself A Love Story. Part 2 coming soon to poetry site near you.
Yeah I know I'm not right .
It's always in those moments of afterglows fade it all turn's to shit.
When silence is cut by razors of thought.
And what just happened finds way to guilt of another's regret.
Maybe we should find a place to go but maybe we should just take it for what it never was.
Broken dreams were built upon good intentions and I for one have to many
burnt bridges to cross this rivers distraction my dear.
I can't say I will share in nothing more than a action .
It's just not something I can do .
She listens in pain yet knows truth's seem less intrusive under passions spent.
There's no happy ending just a moments release.
I never promise what I can't even believe in myself.
I know emptiness but sometimes the drunken bliss finds me weak.
Maybe tomorrow will change a hardened heart.
Good thing I wont be here to entertain it's well intended lies.