We sat there in a group a circle of freaks with a doctor more fucked up than all of us put together on the side.
So John anything you care to share today ?
I paid little or no attention to the asshole rattling off about feelings or all that other shit I truly could give a fuck less about .
I was in this asylum and that was fucking embarrassing enough .
realizing this paid babysitter for the insane wasnt going to leave me the fuck alone untill I said something or told him the voices in my head were telling me to buy a hand gun and do a little spring cleaning .
I replied .
Yeah Doc I'm good not really feeling like sharing or talking or giving my opinion about crazy Larry's compliant about the martians trying to speak to him through the microwave okay.
John we try not to joke about are fellow residents .
Yeah whats not to joke about we got people in here who talk to walls and write letters with there shit okay!, Sad part is they spell way better than me for fuck sake Deny here is scared of cats and I tell you I never trust a man who's scared of pussy alright .
John tell me about Gonzo.
Is this a fucking joke doc ?
I asked half ready to flip the fuck out yet considering murder would probably be frowned upon when it came to me getting out of the nuthouse.
Alright doc what the hell do you want to know?
Well is he a separate personality from you ?
No dumb ass it's me okay you ever hear of a nickname I'm sure your wife has one for you like needle dick the bug fucker .
The doc looked at me like well he looked at me like a guy who went ape shit and got locked in a nuthouse .
John is humor how you keep people out from knowing the true you?
No doc it's how I deal with the fucktards who ask me stupid questions like that.
I sense you don't like me asking you questions.
Oh doc it's not that honestly you see I hate life right now and being locked up surrounded by dipshits who think a wild night is getting a extra graham cracker before night night time well it's kind of fucking lame okay that and I want a fucking drink and maybe a piece of ass okay!
Not from the doctor that is get your minds out of the gutter hamsters cant you see I'm using humor to be serious here?
Yeah I know who gives a shit now enough with the foreplay kids.
Mr Robbins can you please re-frame from using vulgarity .
Can you believe this guy ? , Or the fact I can spell vulgarity and who said nothing good comes from a nervous breakdown .
I took a moment to look deep inside I saw a forest and other pretty gay shit I'm kidding it was more like a brothel and Disney land combined minus that hot duck with heels but enough about Selena Gomez.
Before the doc could say anymore stupid shit that would probably land me spending the rest of my life sharing a room with a guy that enjoyed making wine from his toilet I had to unleash a rant from hell and put a end to this this shit fest of a write cause it's happy hour and the drinks are a calling kids.
Look doc I'm going to tell you like this.
Yeah sure I went a little a little nuts tried to kill somebody took one to many pills drank a little to much parked a car in the bar hey what can I say least when i woke up I didn't have far to go for cocktail in the morning.
But all the shit aside were all fucking nuts in this life hell there's more dudes and chicks sitting at home just building up pressure waiting to off one another like some bad mafia movie .
Yeah more fucking blood has been shed over that fucking word love than I can write about .
Yeah asshole I can sit here talk about about my Godammed feelings let me tell you what I'm feeling some of those good drugs that nurse with the great tits is handing out .
Her and me and some time alone that's what I'm fucking feeling sure it's just some cheap thrills and some dirty hot sex but hey thats about as wholesome as apple pie and motherfucking baseball pal.
So if your done with your stupid as questions I'm going to get the fuck out of here hit on that nurse make her laugh and get shot down and probably go practice some self love alright amigo .
And let me also point out look how about some better mags in this place hey you ever tried to jerk off to better homes and gardens?.
Yeah talk about a bush oh how a love the fall and a fern don't ask.
Shh I put my finger to the docs beautiful full lips .
Look I'm crazy and I'm dam proud of it so to poetically put it shut the fuck up cause I'm out homeboy.
With that said I left this circle of fellow freaks behind slammed my pills took my copy of home and garden and treated her like a copy of my favorite intellectual magazine hustler .
See and who said I didn't believe in happy ending.
Stay crazy or you just might go sane .
The streets frozen in temperature my soul soaked in bourbon as I drift a drunk looking simply to get home and crash out simply to do
it all over again.
The music is the silence only footsteps keep me company and no other need be my shadow .
Spirts of fire are often dulled together sweetheart I will be just fine I said in my exit from the bar .
The streetlights and that Christmas tinged on full display I drift past stores closed as vacant in windows view as my thoughts as the bums
try not freeze upon the benches I know this existence in sadness and think fuck thank to hell it's not me.
Simply move on two ghost's haunted the same and no need to explain the rest,
It's here I am home in these empty streets here I grasp it all .
Maybe it's a drunkards melancholy thought a romancing of the page to fulfill the emptiness in me .
I know this night like any other sometimes when the mix of booze and bullshit hits me just right
I truly understand the man that once was me .
Goodnight my friends.
Where drinks are always on me folks.
For so we stand in thought reflections of the poet know are truths .
the page will be are immortality my friend let others stand to know only what they can imagine are the truths between the lines.
Words know no strangers I drink to your thoughts a fool amongst many .
You see the light for it's fade and it's perfection sunset left untouched .
In the ocean furry the bloodwood's stain a glimmer of that which I see only through eyes of your page I know a highways infinite divide .
take me to heart and keep me in soul leave me in the darkened corners simply take me to the party and allow me to view friends not yet my own.
My friend words are all that is of me but friendship is a cool breeze known on the hottest day .
Never know a stranger when you speak my name .
Cheers to you Helen .
Your amigo always
In words I can embrace you only to destroy all in flesh.
Are torments shared often compare are we not flawed my dear in love and charmed in life?
My monster of ego knows no weakness except the tears of your eyes I'm so sorry for the man I've become from demons I've cast we couldn't bare the flame yet in this dead of winter may we know are warmth.
Those eyes that I've seen fade now spring still my hearts wraith are the nights now colder alone or is my emptiness to much to bare?
Scars I have traced upon the flesh never mend that of this emotional drain you are that which I can never be .
You know the man not the image and I see through the past to what's of a bitter sweet embrace we have stood as enemies and loved as immortals.
A sunsets reprise often is the deepest sadness for in pain I see the beauty so few ever cared to know.
I am a villain to most and simply John to you.
Are roads cant be imagined yet I never would cast aside the wreckage for another to replace .
We understand what so few could ever fathom.
Together we are addicts of the abyss sometimes you realize the darkness brings far more comfort than the light .
I whisper to you in this night gentle for only you to hear.
Little girl do you grasp all that I can never say in words?
To most I am a monster but to you I am only John.
But as always I believe it's better to let the reader make up there own ideas for when we put out work it takes on a life of it's own.
you don't fool all!
you might hide behind
a glass of mesquite
but most people (beings)
read beneath your depth
that may be as shallow as a puddle
but don't we all muddle
through the rain?
and see our feet get wet?
There are roads that most won't
purposely walk at night
because on such desolate paths
things are wont to cause fright
Our Gonzo sits in the middle
of the path
a drink in one hand
and in the other?
Part of an old soul escaped
just looking for the other half
telling jokes about himself
that make others laugh
and he sips their happiness
from a half empty glass
Gonzo is just a paperweight
that sits heavily on a boney frame
John Patrick Robbins is an amazing writer, flesh and blood
A lover, a fighter
that leaves little rays of sunshine
on the path to Insane
In old worn-out lines we gather to collect dust phased only by our recollections of what never was meant to be.
I have come to terms with the emptiness that resides within us all.
Hollowed out is the shell is but a point.
It's standing merely a display.
Weathered hands broken egos have we all not felt the burn and then been left cold by yet another winters rain?
Old songs over bridges of memory some more weathered than others.
Deception leads to bitterness thoughts merely plague my reality.
Loneliness leads to weakness but I haven't found a better route yet.
The wolves howl hauntingly in the distance is my thoughts bleed trapped within this prison of reflection.
I'm far from over but don't let the rest of the bastards know that.
The reader is but a viewer to another man's soul, lurking within the confines of safety and warmth.
True depth is experienced never read.
Sometimes we all fall down my friends.
It was just another ordinary day at the Pub.
I as always at the helm tending bar hitting on hamsters and making crude jokes that usually walked the line and got me banned from a site that I was a living legend on.
Remember kids there is no Hello without Gonzo.
Hey Gonz you really need to do something bout the restroom some nameless bland writer that I probably liked cause I thought she looked hot said to me as she walked towards the bar.
What is somebody jerking off in there again dammit !
I swear creative bastards sure are a frustrated horny bunch.
Just then a old man walked from the restroom .
Granddad what did I tell you bout using the restroom?
Huh the old man replied with that look of who the hell am I am what the fuck is this prick behind the bar saying .
Yeah I get that look a lot .
What's that ?
He replied again as he staggered to the bar smelling of whiskey and piss yeah almost like Lindsey Lohans new perfume ode to a whore well minus the cocaine and bitter smell of a burned out former child actress.
What's that your saying?
The restrooms father time what did I tell you ,there strictly for paying costumers go use the alley where I keep your house slash cardboard box .
Oh yeah and by the way you still owe me rent duh just cause your old and related to me doesn't mean you can just sponge off me who do you think you are some washed up drunken writer who haunts a nearly dead website like some strange perverted ghost ?
Hey did you hit the blood bank you old fart?
But son they told me I can't go twice in a week or I could die!
Look old man if you cant do that then you better hit the street start jerking off truckers I swear it was good enough for grandma you lazy fuck .
I swear you give a semi senile old fart a spacious alley and wonderful box to live in as you take his social security and this is thanks you get.
Oh well least when he passed I can still collect his checks I'll just keep him in the walk in box nobody will know the difference .
Hey asshole don't talk to that nice old man like that.
A voice Interrupted me as I was about to remind father time he needed to sign his check duh how else do you think I fund the bar?
You really are a prick Gonz you should be ashamed off talking and treating that nice old man so terrible.
I couldn't believe the gull of this women and although I was slightly distracted by her boobies I had to keep focused cause this story had to end some fucking time .
Miss first off may I say welcome to the Pub and you have a great rack.
Screw you perve ! , She said in her angry yet I could tell she secretly wanted me cause I'm a totally delusional egotistical arsehole writer who is really long winded and enjoys cheap laughs and even cheaper hookers but only in moderation like Jesus kind of sense .
What to much?
Well you haven't read shit yet kids .
Miss I realize you may view me as a totally kickass writer and dude that you secretly want to have a goodtime in the backroom with .
Drop dead dick ! the woman replied .
Yeah I could tell I was wearing her down.
What gives you the right to treat this old man so cruel?
Duh cause he's my family silly woman and it's not like I'm cruel to him
in fact I treat him great don't I grandpa?
I haven't eaten in four days .
The old man replied .
You poor old sweetheart the woman said as she put her arms around the old man as he began to cry what a total pussy .
It's okay I'll get you some help .
Oh thank you so much your such a nice lady .
What the hell !
I herd the woman say in a semi state of shock as she realized in her effort to comfort grandpa he had grabbed a handful of some tight arse .
Get your hands off me .
The woman shouted but grandpa was stuck to that women like a tight pair of jeans .
Come on sweetheart give pop pop some love.
The old demented bastard said.
Screw this the woman said as she drove her knee about five miles into the old fart's junk.
The old man fell to the floor as all five of the regulars laughed and the dudes had to cringe .
You people are all insane screw this place she said as she walked out the door .
The old man climbed the barstool in the woes of agony a frustrated climber trying to hit the peak of that really tall mountain that I cant recall it's fucking name oh yeah Adele .
Give me a fucking whiskey and a ice pack you little bastard.
I swear pops that act never gets old you alright?
I said as I poured the old prick a strong one and handed him a steak.
What the hells the steak for ?
Duh the swelling dumbass besides we got to thaw it out anyways
somebody ordered one from down the street and would it kill you to shave I'm just saying the owner of the site really already dislikes me enough already.
Yeah you kids are fucked up with your cellphones and computers and your shaved pubes give me the old days where men were men and weren't afraid to be men and smell like men not French whores
speaking of whores dam I miss your grandma .
Yes the Gonzo clan it's so great to come from such a long line of misspelling drunken whore loving perverts .
You know pops maybe we need to pick a new scam to run on the yuppies I don't think you can take to many shots like that anymore.
Hey are you saying I'm old ?
Well when the first boat trip you ever took was on the Mayflower I'd say so gramps .
Well did that order for the steak include any seafood?
I replied as I poured me and the old man another.
Well cause it looks like there getting some crabs with there steak.
Stay crazy hamsters