She said nothing simply left the scene knowing with a closed door a chapters end was all left between them both .
The haze that had become his existence had destroyed the man and forged a demon no love could ever maintain sometimes the easiest thing is to continue when the end lingers a footnote to the chaos all that remains is a image no longer a the man .
Darkness is a ocean and you can only dive under so many times till you lose the reason for a return.
The fires of passion often are mired by a fix.
The edge is but a marker please do not follow me any longer for this abyss is a vast space with little remorse for the innocent .
In a wreckage you may leave me but tonight I could give a fuck less .
Sink the vein and taste a fire that is replacement for the warmth in this endless winters chill.
Soon the hands will no longer count his hours simply mark the date.
She closed the door but never locked the memory away on nights like these they breathed in regrets of a shattered past.
Lingered as smoke rings in a half empty room.
There is no stopping a train destined from jumping it's tracks .
Simply let it pass howling into the night sparks from the rails a madness with no room for any so keep your distance or taste it's wraith.
Sink the needle and understand the shadows as a fool such as I.
Never Stand in the way of a man and his demons .
For beneath the surface you will find a darkness that can consume you
Never regret closing that door my dear.
for a taste of fire is but a false promise and I was only lost in myself
Please never regret simply sit in the dark and know the emptiness as a fraction of a moments bliss .
That once was you and I.
The night's music speaks so haunting lingers forever even when the flesh has became cold.
And so shall the door remain closed .
I am simply a record no one cares to play in some dark corner collecting dust.
The years haven't been kind so I will simply end it as it began.
No words will bind me so why the hell shall I reply .
Time is a empty feeling and a cold bed fellow indeed.
The fires there's it simply smolders on a night unseen to all.
Maybe it was far overdue maybe it was never what they believed it to be.
I understand it a fade to a sunrise of promise.
A bittersweet after thought as I do find little solace in anything less than shocking .
Flaws we have become addictions are cage rusted remains the lock.
I once viewed it with promise now I see no point in the tides passing.
My words are left buried.
Maybe it just wasn't meant to be
The music flowed as smoke rings littered the barroom ghosts for a second washed clean by the smell of stale beer and worn out lines.
It's here I'm home and here I'm most detached from it all I'm invisible only wanting to view and catch a buzz to chase the nights passing .
I sometimes question this existence wonder why the fuck no direction suits me best .
I used to fight the urge now I simply have grown to tired to care .
And where odes another find themselves sitting next to me?
Maybe I'm to damaged maybe I'm just happy being alone .
I haven't found the answers cause I truly never gave a fuck about the questions to begin with.
There's more reflection in a empty seldom clean bar glass than within my heart darlin and my times all that matters to me now .
I have no options and the past is dead to me as the person who most hold to be the man I no longer can be .
There's always a fire burning I just wash it clean to keep you away.
Maybe when I'm lost home seems the furthest place from my thoughts .
Like some left behind castaway I have simply went insane with time.
Underneath the lights reflection I stand the same fractured and wanting nothing more than a stiff drink and some old song to keep me company into this smoke cast fade .
Maybe home is anywhere I choose it to be .
So try not to question the man who is but a stranger to even me.
We sat there in a group a circle of freaks with a doctor more fucked up than all of us put together on the side.
So John anything you care to share today ?
I paid little or no attention to the asshole rattling off about feelings or all that other shit I truly could give a fuck less about .
I was in this asylum and that was fucking embarrassing enough .
realizing this paid babysitter for the insane wasnt going to leave me the fuck alone untill I said something or told him the voices in my head were telling me to buy a hand gun and do a little spring cleaning .
I replied .
Yeah Doc I'm good not really feeling like sharing or talking or giving my opinion about crazy Larry's compliant about the martians trying to speak to him through the microwave okay.
John we try not to joke about are fellow residents .
Yeah whats not to joke about we got people in here who talk to walls and write letters with there shit okay!, Sad part is they spell way better than me for fuck sake Deny here is scared of cats and I tell you I never trust a man who's scared of pussy alright .
John tell me about Gonzo.
Is this a fucking joke doc ?
I asked half ready to flip the fuck out yet considering murder would probably be frowned upon when it came to me getting out of the nuthouse.
Alright doc what the hell do you want to know?
Well is he a separate personality from you ?
No dumb ass it's me okay you ever hear of a nickname I'm sure your wife has one for you like needle dick the bug fucker .
The doc looked at me like well he looked at me like a guy who went ape shit and got locked in a nuthouse .
John is humor how you keep people out from knowing the true you?
No doc it's how I deal with the fucktards who ask me stupid questions like that.
I sense you don't like me asking you questions.
Oh doc it's not that honestly you see I hate life right now and being locked up surrounded by dipshits who think a wild night is getting a extra graham cracker before night night time well it's kind of fucking lame okay that and I want a fucking drink and maybe a piece of ass okay!
Not from the doctor that is get your minds out of the gutter hamsters cant you see I'm using humor to be serious here?
Yeah I know who gives a shit now enough with the foreplay kids.
Mr Robbins can you please re-frame from using vulgarity .
Can you believe this guy ? , Or the fact I can spell vulgarity and who said nothing good comes from a nervous breakdown .
I took a moment to look deep inside I saw a forest and other pretty gay shit I'm kidding it was more like a brothel and Disney land combined minus that hot duck with heels but enough about Selena Gomez.
Before the doc could say anymore stupid shit that would probably land me spending the rest of my life sharing a room with a guy that enjoyed making wine from his toilet I had to unleash a rant from hell and put a end to this this shit fest of a write cause it's happy hour and the drinks are a calling kids.
Look doc I'm going to tell you like this.
Yeah sure I went a little a little nuts tried to kill somebody took one to many pills drank a little to much parked a car in the bar hey what can I say least when i woke up I didn't have far to go for cocktail in the morning.
But all the shit aside were all fucking nuts in this life hell there's more dudes and chicks sitting at home just building up pressure waiting to off one another like some bad mafia movie .
Yeah more fucking blood has been shed over that fucking word love than I can write about .
Yeah asshole I can sit here talk about about my Godammed feelings let me tell you what I'm feeling some of those good drugs that nurse with the great tits is handing out .
Her and me and some time alone that's what I'm fucking feeling sure it's just some cheap thrills and some dirty hot sex but hey thats about as wholesome as apple pie and motherfucking baseball pal.
So if your done with your stupid as questions I'm going to get the fuck out of here hit on that nurse make her laugh and get shot down and probably go practice some self love alright amigo .
And let me also point out look how about some better mags in this place hey you ever tried to jerk off to better homes and gardens?.
Yeah talk about a bush oh how a love the fall and a fern don't ask.
Shh I put my finger to the docs beautiful full lips .
Look I'm crazy and I'm dam proud of it so to poetically put it shut the fuck up cause I'm out homeboy.
With that said I left this circle of fellow freaks behind slammed my pills took my copy of home and garden and treated her like a copy of my favorite intellectual magazine hustler .
See and who said I didn't believe in happy ending.
Stay crazy or you just might go sane .
The streets frozen in temperature my soul soaked in bourbon as I drift a drunk looking simply to get home and crash out simply to do
it all over again.
The music is the silence only footsteps keep me company and no other need be my shadow .
Spirts of fire are often dulled together sweetheart I will be just fine I said in my exit from the bar .
The streetlights and that Christmas tinged on full display I drift past stores closed as vacant in windows view as my thoughts as the bums
try not freeze upon the benches I know this existence in sadness and think fuck thank to hell it's not me.
Simply move on two ghost's haunted the same and no need to explain the rest,
It's here I am home in these empty streets here I grasp it all .
Maybe it's a drunkards melancholy thought a romancing of the page to fulfill the emptiness in me .
I know this night like any other sometimes when the mix of booze and bullshit hits me just right
I truly understand the man that once was me .
Goodnight my friends.
Where drinks are always on me folks.
For so we stand in thought reflections of the poet know are truths .
the page will be are immortality my friend let others stand to know only what they can imagine are the truths between the lines.
Words know no strangers I drink to your thoughts a fool amongst many .
You see the light for it's fade and it's perfection sunset left untouched .
In the ocean furry the bloodwood's stain a glimmer of that which I see only through eyes of your page I know a highways infinite divide .
take me to heart and keep me in soul leave me in the darkened corners simply take me to the party and allow me to view friends not yet my own.
My friend words are all that is of me but friendship is a cool breeze known on the hottest day .
Never know a stranger when you speak my name .
Cheers to you Helen .
Your amigo always
In words I can embrace you only to destroy all in flesh.
Are torments shared often compare are we not flawed my dear in love and charmed in life?
My monster of ego knows no weakness except the tears of your eyes I'm so sorry for the man I've become from demons I've cast we couldn't bare the flame yet in this dead of winter may we know are warmth.
Those eyes that I've seen fade now spring still my hearts wraith are the nights now colder alone or is my emptiness to much to bare?
Scars I have traced upon the flesh never mend that of this emotional drain you are that which I can never be .
You know the man not the image and I see through the past to what's of a bitter sweet embrace we have stood as enemies and loved as immortals.
A sunsets reprise often is the deepest sadness for in pain I see the beauty so few ever cared to know.
I am a villain to most and simply John to you.
Are roads cant be imagined yet I never would cast aside the wreckage for another to replace .
We understand what so few could ever fathom.
Together we are addicts of the abyss sometimes you realize the darkness brings far more comfort than the light .
I whisper to you in this night gentle for only you to hear.
Little girl do you grasp all that I can never say in words?
To most I am a monster but to you I am only John.
But as always I believe it's better to let the reader make up there own ideas for when we put out work it takes on a life of it's own.