A hamster walked in the pub yeah you remember that was that group that has a ******* collection but no ******* group anymore  yeah that makes as much sense as me cheers Hello your truly more ****** up than I.

She was broken fragile and me I was a ***** poetic ******* who was always trying lend some umm comfort cause I'm a strictly well I'm kidding hey if I can take advantage of someone and see some ******* in the process it's all good in the hood.

Gonz give me one shot and a beer .
Of ***** right?
What she replied ?
The shot you mean like *****.

The woman looked at me as most do like I was a pervert they would never be near unless I was running bar within my mind on a poetry site yeah I know ******* freaky **** right?

Look Gonz I swear just for once stop being a perve and get my dam drink and just shut the **** up okay ?
I was in shock not from being snapped at from a female that happens all the time I'm used to being yelled at by my teenage wife skeeter .
Yeah just cause she catches you watching **** she gets all bent of shape .

Well sure I guess it was a little reckless going down the interstate but duh don't fall asleep while I'm driving I mean a girl has her needs  what can I say .

No the shock was more from getting my ding ding caught in my zipper hey you know how many ***** movies start out with a woman asking for a beer and a shot yeah I know I'm seriously ****** up but hey I'm fun.

So after some manly tears shed and a few stiff ones hahaha that just sounded wrong can you guess I write this **** while I'm drinking?
Anyways after this emotional hamster finally calmed a bit and put away her tazer  I had get to just what was or wasn't eating at her .

I thought deeply how I should speak to this fragile little hamster and the most caring sense I asked.

So ***** what the ***** eating at your ***?
Yeah I know I'm a charming ******* aren't I?

Well Gonz honestly it's just the way guys are on this site I mean why cant they judge my writing for just that instead of act like total horn dogs and send me messages and get all weird?

This was a deep question asked to a shallow ******* like myself .
Well honestly heres the truth and I know it's going to be  shocking so prepare yourself  ready?
Umm I guess this hamster replied .

Guys are all ***** ******* .
Really no **** Sherlock she replied .

Hey look sure some dudes can be nice and not act all weird but duh there probably gay .
I mean yeah writing sights should be about writing but duh who cares about art if you can get laid let me tell you the reason I became a writer.

I wasn't good at sports and I cant dance worth a **** okay  so if I make chicks think I'm deep them maybe I can get to see there ******* and ******* are ******* awesome okay .

Are ******* twelve this unnamed hamster asked me as she kicked back another shot of Jack Daniels .
Mentally maybe I replied but honestly what is age but a marker to say hey your to old to date this person or for people put you in prison for there judgment of your unconventional lifestyle .

You are one strange man Gonzo but at least your honest .
yeah I know its one of my biggest flaws other than that I'm ******* awesome well I mean besides the drinking pills and other pending cases all of which  I'm not guilty well kinda.

We laughed we joked and when she wasn't looking I looked down her shirt yes it was a awesome night .
Well until she caught me and hit me with a beer bottle .

The night flew and so did are conversation .
You know gonz your really not half as much a pervert as people think you are .
Yeah I know don't tell anyone I have a bad reputation to uphold .

The hamster laughed and my goal was reached cause at the end of the evening I'm a joker and a pervert bartender but even I know how to treat people and I don't treat a writing site like hookup .com cause if I want to get laid I will do it the old fashioned way pay for it.

The hamster went on her way and once again I was left to work on my misspelled scribbling's and to look up freaky **** on the internet .
really what else a internet connection for?

Until next time stay crazy Kids .

Gonzo

I am simply a record no one cares to play in some dark corner collecting dust.
The years haven't been kind so I will simply end it as it began.
No words will bind me so why the hell shall I reply .
Time is a empty feeling and a cold bed fellow indeed.

The fires there's it simply smolders on a night unseen to all.
Maybe it was far overdue maybe it was never what they believed it to be.
I  understand it a fade to a sunrise of promise.
A bittersweet after thought as I do find little solace in anything less than shocking .

Flaws we have become addictions are cage rusted remains the lock.
I once viewed it with promise now I see no point in the tides passing.
My words are left buried.

Maybe it just wasn't meant to be

Sad thoughts a burden I only wish you didn't have to know.
Brightness of eye's color please never match this life's backdrop of gray'
Whenever the child's sense of poetic logic and yearning have died.
A creative well now just a side thought of silliness so we believed.

Cast aside dreams a such beautiful lost causes we can't deni.
A spring of innocence was tempered by a farwell's regret
Sweet dream and soon diminished bliss.
Much like soothing rain you were never bound to last.

Such bright eye's  I wish only you could true.
But wishes as of childhood were nevertheless a one way street.
Bound by day's fade and a porch lights clock.

Drift as a dream for you're the essence of a throwback time.
Bright eye's so true to what has long since died.
How only  to this day I wish I had only known.

The invatation seemed strange  but im always up for a weekend retreat.
The boys at the pub looked at me as if i had totally lost the few marbles
i had.

fishing was a favorite sport of mine for it was more like a reason to
go boat riding  and  drink and how i did enjoy water sports.
Mr E   had invited us all yet my fellow amigos  seemed to be lacking
my sense of adventure.

Gary droped me off well more like kicked me out
about half way as the pills started to kick in  and he belived
I was a alien  lizard  secretly on a mission to steal his mind and take it to
mexico.

So as I hit the ground rolling like a tumble **** taking out a few mail boxes   and  one of thoose bike riding Lance Armstrong  wanna be dorks.
I worry bout men who dress like gay power rangers
the buts stuck up in the air wearing spandex.

Well after a relaxing  thirty mile walk.
almost sober I stood faceto face with MR .E
And althogh kinda odd for fishing attire  his cheeta thong
and matching cape  were a sight to be seen.

But  comfort first is i always say.
I never knew lady GaGa  had her own signiture bass boat very stylish this Mr  E was indeed.

And I wasnt much for girly drinks  but dam near sober for the first time since i was  ten i would drink almost anything.
but the man servant in chaps in chains was making me wonder if these
people werent you know  christians  or thoose scientolligist *******
you know thoose lady doctors  who women  have to go to.

It was when Mr E got a nibble on his  bedazzled  fishing
rod  that caused some alarm.
As he pulled that bass in  he let out a ear piercing scream louder
Mariah Carrey.

As this oxyen starved creature flopped on the floor  like Gonzo
trying to breakdance Mr Es  man servant began to beat the fish
with some sort of vibrating oddly shaped stick.
My God man  what is this forplay?

I couldnt stand it anymore these  people although
fashion forward  were just to much i jumped ship
making my way to shore.

And as i began to make  my dripping track to the nearest bar.
He was apon me like some  strange  cheetah  dam these spray tanned  christians were fast.    

It was a struggle of epic movie of the week proportions
I feared for more than my life.
I barely escaped  with my clothes and senses.
Well with my clothes that is.

And  as I walked  into the pub shakenbut thankfully
not stirred.
When asked to sit down and share a drink i choose to stand.
Cause of uhh back issues.

And as that demon jukebox  began to play do you
really wanna hurt me it quickly changed it's tune
for even Gonzo has his limts.

I dont belive I'll go fishing again.
For I learned its a contact sport.
Dam  scientologist.

Old reflections and new revelations seem mired by my past.
Words thrown together for amusement the wreckage now simply a skeleton for children to play.

Sandalwood spent offerings the afterglow has long since left us cold now it lingers only in whispers somewhere within the catacombs of a dream I so eagerly forget and relive with each tune played .

Does it  still seem the same from you distant view my dear?
And old fights passions spent dried blood and a once in the moments ecstasy and a bitten lip.

How it seems a stranger now a old sentiment for a even older fool.
To hell with the memories they stand a tides pool of nothing I give a **** to embrace .

Maybe the nights are backdrop a story overplayed but none so beautifully ****** up as you.
Sureal is it now as my pavement of reality old faces and new enemies it's so ******* overplayed sweetheart almost as I.

We are nothing more than the example of the carnage .
Scars shared echoes of a illusion and are shared delusion how we laughed with the crash.

Tell me do they linger fragments misspent with others we react are ways with such bit players and one night stands where did we become
so jaded in a perfect sense.

Its all a act of repeat .
I dialed the number and simply hung upo before there could be a response .

For that train was derailed long before it met the station my dear .
just because I never reached out .
Don't ever believe I once did not care .

Lies we tell to are souls turn us to bitter old fools .
And this was my cue.

Exits are simply roads to yet another stage .
And mine was set long before my words reprise .

Yeah sometimes you just can't avoid that rear view mirrors
gaze no matter what kind of ******* you have become.

Deep in the woods we did gather.
Shared madness in a brothers confession.
Speaking underneath the stars of past failures and present
problems.

Towards the bottom of the jar and nearest to the flame.
Time cast a vision of nothing to remain.
You can experience  a life and never truley live.

Poets unknown even to themselves gather around this fire
Truth's of lies vanish with the embers into a  cold winters night.
Stories of women false yet a pain  in a watercolors thought.

The jar glows to the edge is where you must find a beginning
at times my friend.
In the darkness shadows cast alone shared by fires light.

Hours are lost but we gain the  moments and forget the
regrets in a ******* up place  we find more solice
than any preacher could  understand.

Life is a trainwrecks  call on a dying wind.
The jar almost empty burning in thought.
The woods a church of life  the fire's warmth the blood 0f
night.

In a place I seldom understand yet often recall.
Togather we understand.
The true emptyness of it all.

For thoose of you who may not know.
Just call me gonzo I write the absurd for life is insane and sometimes
it takes a madman to speak the truth so very clear.

I write for the broken vacant faces that have lost all hope.
To the dreamer who's well is slowley running dry from everyone
telling him to stop wasting his time.

I write like a endless highway fueled by whiskey and wild women
every adventure leads to pain but life is pain and i love in spite of it.

I thirst for every unseen mile the desert my brother it's people dwell
in the spirt of the west the ***** parlors and brothels spirt still linger.
I write with a hint of danger and a promise of disaster.

Im a blues player whos trying to out run the devil.
Im a outlaw riding to cross the border a woman looking to the
empty range for my return.

I write because I breath in a world were the creative air has gone
stale.
The bottle sits apon table and I welcome any strangers company
I just rather that stranger be a warm woman instead of a
unfriendly amigo who is a little jelouse.

Write to be more than just part of the highways landscape.
Some may call me crude crazy insane some even ****** and
liar and thief.
But aside from thoose compliments.
No matter what you may call me.
Dont ever forget to just call me gonzo.

Apon are arrival once at times seemed questionable
We were greated by none.
hawaii had spoiled us to all other airport experiences
Were else could a half hunover  yet slighty buzzed  madman
stumble from a plane to encounter a beautiful woman in a grass
and cocunut bra once even now made me thirst for for a pina collada.

But in in canada there was nothing  to greet us there but cold
As we stumbbled around dressed like soon to be doomed criminals awaitting trial.

Cananda its slogan should have been.
Welcome to Cannada  it's really ******* cold.
But we knew where to find warmth in this enviroment.
Or for that matter any enviroment.
For we were drunks or as i liked to think of it consistant drinkers

And on are journey into this land of freezing weather maple syrup
and ice hockey.
We had one true goal.
we had come to drink Cannada dry.

No bar would untouched No bottle would not know are name.
we would hit on many women.
Score with a few and say we had slept with many.

I was a religeous man and i need to get in touch with with the spirts
The spirts of Canadian mist  Jim beam  And my old stand by spirt Gin


It was a bold mission for which we had set forth.
Are livers were alredy beaten to almost a pulp but
we still somehow still walked and functioned in disquise of
semi normal human beings  but nothing was further from the truth

we were writters was ment we were professional crazy people
On a mission to depleet this icey land of its alcohol
an drink canada dry

This is just a simple write  .
Came up with it lastnight.
Right befor I hit the floor.
Fell on my face yet for some odd reason
my backsides  sore.

Drinking with Jack can be  trip.
Joking one minute  next he'll give ya a fat lip.

But im not the kinda fella that does cry.
He's a crazy ******  but I love the guy.

A demented view.
Totally a hatter so am I two.

When Im off he always takes up the slack
Cheers my semi insane brother Jack.

It's holidays hamsters haven't you herd.
From all that annoying *** music and commercials done by sellout artist
trying to be cool word.
I myself would rather spend this month in a holiday coma.
Buy some cheap hookers some good whiskey and run over a black Friday crowd
in a stolen Sonoma .

It's give me give me and that's just from dad.
He'll break the bank and mommy will give him something the other
night his brother already had.

Maybe I should plant a minefield upon my lawn.
To ward off carolers  who only make me yawn.

I'll poison my cookies and sit back and wait.
Rob the old fat man and take Miss Santa out on a much deserved date.
Make your list and he will check twice.
After I blow his *** to pieces it really wont matter if your naughty or nice.

The holidays are a time for people to act insane over **** they do not need.
There addicts of want the stores are nothing more than dealers
selling coke crank and ****.

Maybe you love the lights and the holiday rush with the family and all.
Well you can eat **** and jingle my ball.
I hope to stay on the naughty list as  long as I'm alive.
Sincerely from Gonzo.
Shut the **** up and stop acting worse than a child who's five.

Don't send me a card cause I wont reply.
Here's your present it's a bomb now please die.

I hate the holidays call me a Grinch if you like.
******* Santa all I asked for  was a brick of ******* ,ten cases of whiskey, a key to the ******* mansion  ,  a  lifetime pass to the chicken ranch , A million dollars in unmarked bills ,
My neighbors dead ,And Harley Davison Motor bike.

Memories like you dont always shine true.
Nor do old places hold that magic.
In a life so short.
That seems so traggic.

Im thinking of forever  while slowley fading  away.
Oh such clear thinking  on a cloudy day.

A summer ago is when we met.
So far now it seems.
Yet the still my heart holds no regret.

The poetry you inspired apon this very page.
Is ment to complment a love without age.

Early morning memories that you've lent.
Is simpley a dream of time well spent.

A dark sky hides the sunlights ray.
Such is the clear thinking on such
a cloudy day.

Im not blind yet for years  
hope has went unseen.
Sometimes age can taint a sweet dream.

Turning bitter the once colorful
fruit.
Killing wonder straight at the root.

A love like our's has kept with change.
And grown in definance.
Like a silly game.
We formed this this passion swept Alliance.

First with love you must blindly fall.
Then you must try to run when you
can bareley crawl.

To outlast the storms is to stand against the wind.
To ignor friends and to put trust in
a stranger and depend.

Many thoughts run through my head.
In the early morning as she lay against me
in bed.

A heart has many rivers a soul is a endless sea.
As we apart we are caged.
While togather we are free.

From this loves eternal bliss  my heart should never
stray.
As i sit clear is my thinking on such a  cloudy day.

From sleeping in streets to walking miles alone I have come to a direction the page just cannot follow my friends .
I have chased the bottom of a glass since I was fifteen and that was to far to be anything more than a blurred memory.

And to the times that seemed to matter.
Now only to those who haven't lived my existence a lone wolf knows no true  direction just simply howls to let the others know he does still exist.

Are words betray us and then eventually it all fades .
I'm not the act I'm the delusion that fueled a ego now left to wither a dead tree in a forest of many .

None will recall but far to many will simply use ******* when facts get in there way of a good story .

Tonight I sat under a full moon and howled as the wolves often do.

There was only silence that followed the eco .

Even the lost know there is no hope for the madness .
When your words betray you and only a dead tree remains.

Maybe another time the stars will find me in good favor .
And like those around tonight will listen and only stay silent to the lone wolfs howl.

Frozen was the ground warm was the flesh.
A total whiteout.
Yet not a single curve was missed through
such thin mesh.

She spoke frozen in the moment
to every word she said.
So cold was the night.
Warm was the bed.

Deep within  passion written with
with a kiss.
Warmth cannot be ignored.
Even on a snow covered night like this.

Snow drifts slowley as i view
the moon's light illuminate your
silhouette as across the room you slowley walk.
Confessions in the key of plessure
with such gentle pillow talk.

Ice cicles  and love bites.
Memories etched deeply within are hearts.
From these lovesick nights.

And as snow does melt.
We will not question every little word said.
Just cheerish the moments.
When cold was the night.
And warm was the bed.

I was always worst in the morning.
Burnt out hungover and in need of something to eat and a few strong aspirin.

The phone. rang and its normal intrusion always gave me the knee **** reaction to smash it into the wall.

But being i couldnt afford to live let alone replace **** i answred it instead.

Collect call from Austin will you accept the charges the operater asked ?

In her mock happiness from sitting in one spot listening to people for which she probaly held as much regard as i did.

I didnt need to ask from who only trouble and bill collectors call me in the morning.
Usally the bill collectors dont call collect.

I excepted .

What is it Cheryl?

The timid voice came through as she always did whenever she wanted something.

Hi baby how are you?
I'm sorry i had to call you this way i know it costs .

Don't sweat it I wont pay the bill anyways .

I hated phones and pretty much wasnt a fan of human contact altogether.
Well minus certain ocassions .

So what you need kid?

You always have been a blunt person.

Have to be when it cost me by the second sugar.

I wanna come home baby.

Yeah thought you left me to go home.
What happend didnt go to the right home?

Please Jack I need to be back with you this time apart made me realize just how much i truly cant be without you.

It had been over two weeks since Cheryl had packed her **** and had me drop her off at the bus station .
She just took her bags turned away and walked out of my life.

She was a pure ***** maybe thats  why i liked her so much .

I hit the bottle and she hit the highway bound to the state she called home to the life she claimed to have thrown away for me .

That last fight had been a glorious shouting match I usally took.the sarcastic smart *** route but i had enough of her ******* and lies .

I was a ******* but least i was a honest one.

Jack please i'm coming home either way.

I took the last of my money to buy this bus ticket .

Yeah so why call me if your coming back anyways?

I knew full well why she was returning.
Cheryl was the type that required far to much maintance for anyone to handle let alone people who werent getting something in return.

Baby i just wanted you to know i ****** up I cant live without you im coming home to you.

I paused for a moment thought about that perfect body and the nights it layed against me in the calm of a harsh summer night.

I thought of the nonstop chaos .
The fights she was a woman of great passion maybe thats why she was so good in bed .

I was hungover like hell lonley but i would heal the strong ones always do.

Baby are you there ?

Yeah well thanks for the warning sweetheart .
I said as i simply hung up the phone and unplugged it from the wall.

Yeah i needed alot of things.
A new liver ,Maybe a job that didnt drive me insane .
A good bottle maybe a meal inbetween.

I needed more than a few things .
But a hurricane of emotional horse **** i did not .

I took four asprin and returned to bed to sleep it off

It was silent in the room dark and empty.
It was the most peace i had known in a very long time.

It was what I needed.

I was celebrating as normal I'm not sure why besides oh yeah duh I'm the most awesome writer in the history of this site .
The bar was empty as usual the old crowd had been abducted by aliens and replaced by children whom seemed to believe I truly gave a **** that there five day relationship had just fallen apart yeah live on your own bust your *** to exist then tell me how ******* hard life is okay kiddies.

It came through the wire a message that read.
Dear Gonzo I just read your recent co write and wow was I impressed
It's so great to see established writers giving new writers like yourself a break.

It appears this juvenile hamster had smoked a little to many bath salts today for they had no clue as who my ego fed **** was how dare they.
Yes kids isn't it a shame when all the kick *** drugs were discovered by your grandparents ?

Look don't reinvent the wheel if it gets you ****** up stick with the **** that hopefully doesn't make you trip ***** and lock yourself in a closet with a butcher knife .
That's why I stick with the mild stuff like herion.

I was just about to write this writer wanna be a long and thoughtful response telling them in a mature way to go **** themselves when yet another message came in .

Hey Gonzo loved your co write I always wanted to co write with a true writer any chance you could ask Helen if she would write one with me ?

Dear lord man these kids were higher than Justin bieber's  over inflated ego yeah he's going to put out a new album yeah you been warned .
.
Another message came in in one after the other it was like I was driving a ******* ice cream truck on a hot summer day every bed wetter and ****** picker running down behind me with there snotty little dollars clutched in hand didn't these children know I hate kids .

Well all except for barley legal hot ***** with low self esteem cause I truly love helping misguided ****** yeah I know I'm such a thoughtful ******* aren't I?

I couldn't take it I slammed the laptop shut and turned up the jukebox as I poured myself a stiff drink .
At least here at the bar I could escape this insanity .
But the nightmare was far from over .

As I herd the squeal of airbrakes as a school bus came to a stop outside the bar ****** I was being invaded **** why hadn't I infested in those rabid coyotes Lilly Mae  had tried to sell me .

The little ***** hit the door like invaders across are unguarded boarders yeah do you know how many millions of those ******* Canadians slip through every day .
Yeah if only we had snipers then we never would had to listen to Nickleback.

They jumped on the pool table laughed played and really started to **** my buzz as they played there modern crap they called music .
It was like being ***** by a ****** clown and the rest of his fifty buddies that could fit in one car I swear those  *******  can pack a car better than any Mexican I've ever known and for my fellow Latino friends out there I truly meant no disrespect please don't stab me or bounce up and down on my skull with your low rider  .


Hey Gonzo the leader of this dwarf cult spoke up we want a co write with you.
Um like hell I will Frodo just take your sawed off *** and return back to the shire  okay.

**** that stupid lord of the rings joke dork don't you know harry potter is the in thing *******.
The little man had said a mouthful there and being he was a Harry Potter fan I could tell he was probably used to having his mouth full of assorted things like his nerd friends magic staff .

Look sparky or ******* or whatever the hell you name is note to anyone if you don't have *******  I probably wont care what your name is .

I truly hate kids okay and there's nothing in this world that would make me ever write anything with you so just carry your *** cause I'm sure you are missing out on some kickass time to sulk in your room that is more furnished than my entire house and post your bleeding heart sonnet all over your ex girlfriends face book wall alright.


Okay the little hamster replied .
You know Gonzo I'm real sorry you feel that way cause I was going to overlook the fact that you offered me and my friends ***** and tried to get my underage sister to flash her ******* .

It's a real shame I hate to see such a talented co writer go to waste sitting in prison but you don't want to co write with us so I fully understand .

I couldn't believe this little **** was going to blackmail me it almost brought a tear to my eye how demented he truly was .
Reminds me of myself at that age when I blackmailed my sitter into showing me her ******* ahh the preciouses memories .    

I weighed my options co write masterworks of true demented genius or play basketball with guys who had been in so long that they let me win cause I was a hot ***** .

Hmm I had to ponder that one cause I never was very good at basketball duh I'm white and slightly bad humored with racist jokes that if do offend get over yourself it's called a ******* joke okay.


Okay sparky you got yourself a cowriter but can I ask one thing first?
Sure Gonzo shoot.
Well being that I was going to be falsely accused of seeing your sisters ******* maybe I could actually see them?


I don't have a sister you perve I just said that to trap you into co writing for us and finish this stupid *** write cause it's drinking time and I got places to be people.


Until next time hamsters stay crazy Gonzo.

We sat there drinking baring are souls and cutting through ******* one drink at a time.

I never hung around other writers I wasn't  a people person to begin with.
Silence was its own company .
And a man who could hold court with it and remain sane was stronger than most in a crowded room.

We poured the drinks and spoke of everything aside from the page.
To generals seldom give away secrets to there success or in are case the lack there of it.

Are scars were are own and my friend knew enough that we simply held court and stared  at a woman bent over the jukebox.

Some lines are not written but are simply perfect enough as is.

We sat there till we closed the place down and vanished back to are own worlds .

We were wolves to the hunt all the same and are paths seldom crossed again.

Sometimes you howl into the night and somewhere from the depths the night howls back.

Sometimes its good to know another runs the same as me.

Back roads like my image seem destined for only past reflection for ive burnt the image within the depths
of a dirrty song and a broken soul.
Track marks warm feeling can you embrace my day eternal and gather my sense for just one more write.
Can i hold it togather just for one more night?
Im sorry i cant speak within these confines lets give madness a manic spin in a shallow crowd.

As a dim lit room the wine will flow sangria's fire can you replace that which I no longer control?
It used to be freedom now it only is a action like some trained monkey or circus animal i know the routine but never do i thrive as once i did befor.

As for passion it's as dead as my voice that echos within this tomb.
Do you know what it is to die twice.?
I never did thirst for the norm and now im overwhelmed by rejection it's so very hard to run on junkies leg's.
Page I can only spoil your plessure for the well has went dry leaving only a fool with a tin cup to die of thirst beside you.

Another summers play ive passed more thoughts unwritten to a audience of stars .
When words dont connect there simply empty call's apon the wind.
But a fools  yerning is but a role and this play has been cast for another.

I hope you understand that which makes me only question in a paranoid late night haze.
The nightwatch no longer my own time has come for me to step aside.

And so in shadow I cast the light aside to conceal my truth.
The clone of another given no remorse will you forgive a torture cast lie?
I have no pain only a burden of half empty regret.

A streetlight's courage a trail of the alley dare we view areselves for the imperfections.
And give little reason towards a jaded view.
Im the other that never understands a life I cant exist for you may we suggest
someone more fake to guide you there?

Broken bones and wicked thoughts embrace my vessel called this dark soul.
Drown in your demons lets cast are chances in a tender hell's fire.

Chaos my brother and for his friend reason Ive lost everything that tends to ******* care.
It's better to bury your thoughts befor other's dig them up.
Times a ***** that seldom waits.
In the darkness it's a peaceful rampage.
Lets forget a future and **** are past.
Give in to my sweetest addiction fire often leaves us yerning for more.

The path is there tracks the arm  to  forget your flaws.
I ask no quarter for I will exist till a bitter end.
Cast stones towards thoose who care.
And drown in the truth of madness I have no time to
pretend.

It lingers in my reason and I hate it as lovers **** the pressent to
bask in dellusion.
Mock me if you must and see the emptyness thats been painted gray as
storm cast evenings reprise.

Pulled in seconds it will all be clear.
You can never understand what has never truely been here.

Some people mean well but when they ask you the question
are they really prepared for the answer?

How am I?  Well let me tell you.
Life is lived daily by the frayed edges of well worn rope.
My stale cigarette is just one inhale away from burning my flesh.
Lovers?  I'm one **** away from a grand STD because I don't care
enough to love anymore.  Just into the harsh slip and slide offered
in the back of the sticky floored bar.  It's filled with people like me here.
We don't talk, we stare, we smoke, the burn of the poison going down
strokes a fire that makes us feel alive.

They want me to change.  Change is was what brought me here.
Ironic isn't it?  Massive waves of stench roll over my light filled
soul trying to dim.  That, they can never have.  No matter how far
I've gone into the dark night of the soul...no one gets my flame.

A poison push just another shot then we simply say are goodbyes .
Can we even see beyond the miles now we walked through hell and just as many walk through that door.

Is it malice we take are bitterness sharing with every one night stand .
Junkies are all the same with far better titles

Alleys of emptiness and rooms cast in shadow will the night corrupt us all turning the meek into rats .

Afraid we no longer recognize are reflection hidden in coffins and that early graves promise .

Can you take me with my burden or simply say ******* goodbye?

We all fall down sometimes and others simply prefer to crash and burn.
One more round turns to seven more years the trap was set and you simply put your hand within the fire .

We are all over-sized children playing a fatal game~

There is no better freedom then  in this highway and the thrill of a willing soul beside you before your nights end.
Maybe we thirst for the attraction of something strange maybe its just the thirst to feel something at all.

A razors sting and a steady breeze the highways marker leaves my epitaph no visitors need darken this place for I have long since outgrew  my coffin so long ago.

Taste it with me my dear for nothing goes better with agony than a good dash of simple lust.

Strip clubs and the most elegant neon light I hold my glass to view it's reflection sometimes we all lose track me I find more solace in a dead end street than laying beside another as empty as me.

We viewed the wreck a wicked pleasure we knew it was destined we simply didn't care .

Maybe I'm the one who finds comfort of the depths a train that cuts the nights silence so haunting yet peaceful all the same.

Burnt out promises and one night stands faces change yet the reflection although aged still shadows my past my friend how have you been,
And are you still tortured as I?

When there gone is almost as empty as when there here .
Enjoy your company and speak without the ******* that so many others choose to spawn in such well intended lies .

I pass my hours alone a bottle and my thoughts a highway always before me .

Paradise is was in the moments like old photos they haunt my thoughts as they cling to faded walls of sentimental fools none such as misplaced as I.

Dim lit confessions so tragic the flaws .
Nothing shines as beautiful as a  match within a vacant room.

We are reflections of the embers and nothing more .
So ****** up and so perfectly flawed by design.

And then there was a silence that spoke deeper than any words ever could.

It's nice  to have people  like you to remind me
of the fact that  no matter  where exist theres always
some stupid *****  who  with a big mouth  and a little  uhh IQ

Dear Drew how I wonder  what it is  to be like you?
But im okay cause my head doesnt fit up my ***
so im good.

One great thing about your work.
Is whenever I run outta toilet paper  at leats i have something
to wipe my *** with.

Yes i remember someone  once like  you.
They never  did  recover the body.
It's funny  when  ya  got em tied to a chair   and ya break out the power tools  they always get sorry.

No worries hell I just wanna hear what ya gotta say?
Whats that?
Ahh **** seems the cats got your tongue.
Sorry bout that no worries  pretty soon it'll have the rest of ya also.

Dam Mr tiger is hungry.
Good times  my friend.
Hey ya like fishing  I know i do  hey come on  dog paddle  
that sharks moving fast.

All the sweet talk  aside slap nuts.
Ya know  we should hangout  and  go for a ride
Maybe dig some holes  in the woods.
Can you say ritual killing?

Well  sunshine  its been fun.
And  remember  dont **** with me  again.
Love always  your pal Gonzo.

In empty pages and stark contrast the storm chased away the weak now alone I stand.
The hero a pawn truth cast aside for others cause .
We embrace solutions where  no problems exist.

May the colors run red from forgotten cause and history be erased for the sake of all that must be forever mundane.

I wish only to drag you to the depths and leave you to linger where nothing but a child's logic can remain
In spider webs we threw are thoughts now tangled the words left to wither in passing days.

May we dance in empty halls to illuminate the shadows and create the ghosts for others to place there hopes of what never shall be again.

To silence the voice is but closing the chapter  to spite the clear view .
Nothing stands a statue for the promise of tomorrows decay and the ******* will parade there ignorance as the simple minded spread a plague to which we are losing this battle.

I write for no one to read and all to judge.
Where's the laughter now the jester  is asked in ruins of a kingdom now simply reduced to ruble.

I remember what you will never taste and you may judge but waters tasted pure beats the stolen verses and burrowed lines of a time I no longer care to understand.


And Time passed me as it will pass you just the same .

May the silence remind you of that which never was to be.

We all will know this place someday.

Never fear losing a friendship due to the ******* that is known as truth.
I have been alone I have been with many and I have been with you.

We can dance in avoidance of pain masking are emotions only for so long.

I see it in your eyes and if you were a book my dear I would linger upon every page .

I could tell you its simply a friendship but I never ******* anyone let alone myself .

I know what it is and sweetheart so do you we didn't seek it cause the best kind of poison is made of the sweetest desire .

There's not a night the thought I do not entertain .
As we know separately the direction is best shared together as one .

I have no words besides what your reading now .
And these will be the blood of my soul I cast of dark magic in efforts of reaching out to you .

The key is yours and we know our truths so believe what you must to get you through another empty night .

We know what this is and I simply wait to know what's under the cover so stop the game and simply allow me to read every line that lay between .

It's only in the hours when it where's off i realize it's leaving me.
I cling but the spark is gone.
Im inspired more by destrution than words.

Your reading the next.
And as you grasp what I say can you fathom what I dont?
Is it so hard to reconize a ending?

Are the bad jokes far from my real truths?
Have I found my edge  or just slipped over it?
Part of us has to understand it will fade sooner for some than others.

From thought to papper it's a dangerous road travelled .
and often there's no clear direction.
Ive burnt out my senses now im wasted in excess.

A victim of my own wreckless reason.
It's always there in the sense of a final chapters twisted close.
Im a empty lot in the winter.

A cliffnote to a once well read book.
Now just fodder for few still brave enough
to walk along the overgrown path.

Addiction is something  you can hide from few
let alone yourself.
I hope the mind can create a final chapter.
But my thoughts seem bent on a open ending.

I question nothing to see the end isn't in my cards but I will drink until my sunset and **** those who never got it to begin with!
Skeletons don't gather in closets for a hide nothing from the page and everything from you my dear.

Are pages filled and now we are left with a paper cut that bleeds  only for the times that have past.
Guess the cards were **** to begin with.
Let us dance one last time to let me know your love that resembles decay.

Strangle the fruit and leave only rot  in destruction we blossom now can we just lay for the time to pass and not say goodbye.
Maybe your embrace of sand was water to dessert and I simply eager to thirst.
Fools often find comfort and old wolves simply die.

Maybe in a reflection when the ripples have past we can view it as it never was right now.
Distance will find us strangers and I'm not the type to just exist to suit another's heart.

We knew the end we just chose to taste the storm for what it was and nothing more .
A forgotten storm raining gently upon this souls tin roof.

I have tasted happiness as of wine and bitter choices .
I do not care to linger anymore .

I was at the bar big ******* surprise I know .
The pub was empty well aside from a few selected drunks but really there more like a modern art display that has to **** more than a toddler .

I sat there good Irish coffee in one hand laptop upon the bar my normal morning ritual
No I wasn't looking at **** I'm kidding of course I was duh what goes better with coffee then watching total strangers ******* a circus ****** but enough about family programming.

I had decided to take a change of pace no I wasn't watching barnyard babes instead get your mind out of the gutter you ******'s who do you think I am the owner of this site?
No I decided to swing by my true stomping ground the true home of Gonzo Hello .

I as always stopped by to check the tombstones of my amigos now long since passed .
They were all there on full display a reminder of a past I truly cant forget.
Then I decided to check out the new who's who of the new Hello .

There poems about Mom and Dad and that first crush and other assorted high school horseshit
that was as about as interesting as watching a marathon of twilight backed up by that closet case
Harry Potter honestly I thought that was a great **** name .

Just then I herd a school bus with it's annoying *** air brakes come to a halt outside the Pub
The doors flew open and fifty or so hobbits came wandering in the bar dear lord was it some sort of strike?

Hey there Gonzo I'll take a Bud Light and a bag of chips please.
Want a coloring book to go along with that Bilbo?
Hey look grandpa just do your dam job and get me a  beer okay?

This strange little hamster must have fallen out of his crib and cracked his skull on his power ranger if he thought I was some sort of man servant I swear do these little ***** get there manners ?
I looked at the group of micro mini people thinking deep and long  and sort of ruff with a slap on the **** before I dared to reply.

Okay you little ******* I'll bite but not that hard just who the hell are you and what in the **** are you doing here?
Were the new in crowd of the site were poets father time!

After almost laughing myself to death I decided to entertain the little hamsters .
Okay short stack but before you ask we don't serve milk and cookies and nap time is whenever you hit the floor.

Hey what's with this stupid *** jukebox there's nothing but music on here done by people who actually play music duh what kind of **** is this.
I believe it's actually called music or as your generations rappers like to call it three mile.
Samples to talk over to your generations ****** music.

Hey old man you better watch it what you hate rap?
No I don't hate rap I hate your rap  by the way number seven your banana split is ready.
Hey I got to pay the bills somehow people I haven't had costumers in like five years .

Look Gonz the leader of the diaper gang  spoke up.
I know were younger but we have a right to be here as well were just trying to express areselves and share are work is that so wrong.

The Jim Jones wanna be had a valid point but I honestly didn't care for my mind was on a much deeper subject the music played as in the corner four little mini ******* hotties in school girl outfits
danced away to some sort of teenage ***** they called music.

I was lost in my thoughts of um like deep poetic **** it's to deep for you to grasp .
I'm kidding I was just watching the show thinking hey I don't have to pay for this?

Gonz hey Gonz earth to Gonz  .
Well everybody I tried I guess we better leave I don't think he's interested  in us having a
open mic  poetry night.

The music had stopped and the mini ***** were almost out the door but like some perverted ninja
I stopped them before they reached it.
Hey what's this I don't want to hear a open mic night duh I'm all about hearing your poetry
especially these little stripper poetry were do you all work I just love your costumes .

Um there are school uniforms pervert the one replied .

Hey look Gonzo It's  cool man we'll just be gone I mean you don't want to serve us and all.
I had to think  fast there leader was talking them almost out the door and I really couldn't afford
another kidnapping charge yet again don't ask.

Hey wait gang I was just ******* with you hell drinks on me what's your name Brittney Veronica Kelly hell it doesn't matter just pull yourself up a high chair and name your  poison.
What will it be beer wine crystal **** I know how you kids love that **** Brittney maybe you'd like a smooth roofie margarita I make the best in town just ask Lily .

Hey man what about that jukebox ?
I pulled out my trusty 38 the everyone hit the floor   as the sound blasted through the room worse than Justin Bieber getting **** ****** in county.
Oh baby baby Nooooo but enough with the foreplay children.

Honestly I never knew a power wheels could go that fast .

***** that jukebox amigo that's what mp3 players are for  .
I blasted some sort of strange music and poured the drinks as the hobbits began to
lose themselves in sort of twisted movements they called dancing dear lord man
they could really hold there drugs .

Then came there spoken poetry crap slash wet T shirt contest .
The party was a mad mad scene  like MTV's real world except with actual humans .

The mini strippers slash go go dancers were just about to get on the bar when all the sudden the doors flew open and the dark Lord himself once again stood in pub.

The room went as silent as when a semi  insane hillbilly on a **** TV show does a interview
and people find out he really is a backwards dip **** .
The dark lord spoke Gonzo!

A voice from under the bar spoke up he's not here *******.
Gonzo get your drunken *** from under that bar before I make my man servant come get you.

I popped up faster than a seventy year old man on ****** .

Hey boss how's it been dam you look great can I get you a drink hey have you been working out?
Look you halfwit clean this party out right now I could ban right this very moment .
Hey now look Adolf I was trying to connect with the hip new younger crowd is all because
I believe that a young mind is a terrible thing not to be totally wasted .

Seize him the dark lord called out to his staff of four halfwits .
I fought hard but eventually feel to the powers of those lady truck drivers let me tell you
those ******* fight ***** it was almost like getting *****  ****** if only I hadn't forgot my whistle.

Beaten shaken without my speak being slurred I was handcuffed and taken away .
And as I was being taken out the door a young little hamster spoke .
Hey Gonzo can I have your laptop yeah kids there real wise ***** sometimes.

The young hamsters all sat outside the pub as I was loaded up in the pinto hey poetry doesn't pay kids.

Goodbye Gonzo we'll miss you said one of the stripper students whatever the **** they were.
Goodbye little ***** I'll think about you often well I mean as long as I can remember.

I watched as the kids were scattered to the wind and my Pub was destroyed .
As I was taken away riding into the sunset like some outlaw in the back of a really ****** car.

Was this the end for are brain dead hero?
Would Hello finally see the demise of the legend slash guilty pleasure of Hello.
Would Timmy finally get out of that well to question his own sexuality?

Would this write ever ******* end?

Tune In next week for the exiting conclusion kids.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming .

Stay Crazy.

                                                         ­           Fin

Sometimes the ride is all that matters no direction has suited me most my life.
I listen to the music of the night and smelt the ocean as I tasted the salty winds embrace.

I'd come to an understanding of emptiness was far better than the false comfort of another's secrets  were better off left buried with only one    lost soul  serving as the map.

I sat at the bar for a while not speaking to others as I found it far more comforting to be lost within my own lies and illusions insanity makes for good company.
Far better than the ******* of some ego driven windbag.

We were always happy in the moment but it was alone that let the demons wreak havoc upon our memories, why couldn't I ever just get over ******* and leave the past a corpse to rot within the ground?

In depths of your own thoughts you will find the truths that are not mired by your own lies.
A man's ego is but a wildfire soon to be out-of-control and so easily snuffed out by another's manipulation.

I couldn't give the answers when asked questions anymore, **** if I cared to answer I just struggled to exist let alone fix others.
And my vices were given the excuse they so desired.


Why can't we just be like this she asked?
Because moments my dear are simply that.
And time is a ******* of a friend who exist only to bitter you and where down your soul like the sun does to the old man's skin turning fresh intentions to worn-out leather hide.

Maybe I'm a ******* maybe you're just a ***** maybe were all flawed and I was simply looking for someone more ****** up than ourselves.
Stroke our own ego and say well at least I'm not that ******* bad.

I never care for the destination I simply exist for the trip.
Maybe I'm running from something maybe I'm just happy to escape, maybe I'm just a fool to life but I've seen enough to know the blindness of passion and the deceit of a well intending heart.

We drove from miles happy to exist and content not to speak.
Sometimes the silence says it all my friends.

I lingred upon the edge as early morning and no replies have found a truth only the darkness can grasp.

Pills taken and hours spent the moment won't matter as it all is forgotten just the same.

In chased chords the tune clings to the heart if only I could do the same.
We saw the ending and now it is I whom stands alone.

They are all false truths were told the high so vast when you come down they will all judge you just the same.

I am a space taken and nothing more.
You played in the shadows and found the depths not shallow as you hoped it to be my dear.

We shared vices and nothing more
To you I say good riddance.
And a sincere *******!.

Why bury the past when you can allow those demons to run free?
Push it a little further and embrace the decay.

You probably won't be shocked when you hear.

Course you know what they say about opinions.


And a space will be available soon.

Don't ever believe a night to be nothing more than another days passing and a new ones birth.

I have shed the remorse now nothing stands between me and every goal that will **** the past and me just the same.


Don't breathe in delusion just to expel ******* mixed with hope .
Take the ride and embrace the night for what  it is and everything it can never be .

There is nothing beyond the moment.

My road is always meant to be faced alone .

And I cannot be anything beyond the moment when death is the only promise I can be reassured of.

Sometimes a harsh truth beats the best well intended lie.

And a kiss goodbye suits the story far better than a slow demise .

Never hang your hopes in a good time .

Passion is a fire that burns to get you through a single night at best.


Truth suits me far better .
Be bad in the best way sweetheart.


Cheers .

We sat there hung over and out of are minds in some no name dinner just outside of Austin .
Are thoughts ached from the party we sat there nursing lukewarm coffee no words spoken between us said more than any burnt out conversation could ever express .

I viewed my friend a madman who's spark had left him with  far to many vices and they had consumed his thoughts he no longer was the man behind the character he was the god dammed character.

I can't say where he lost it maybe between the ****** and ******* or the constant drinking binges the ******* seldom was clear and I learned I was no match for the train that was bound to leave the tracks at some time.  

Where to next amigo?
He asked looking at me through those sunglasses that seemed to never come off his head it was like a weird mask that was a permanent part of his self indulged existence .

I got to head back man , I found myself saying in a almost apologetic sense even though 'for my own mental health I truly had no other choice .

The drugs the nonstop train wreck existence of a candle burned at both ends wasn't in my cards and I had no desire to view this stranger I once called a friend crash and burn before my very eye's let alone take me down with him.

He simply looked into his black as night coffee and laughed to much for you is it old bud?
Hell John it's to much for me pal but I only understand full throttle and I been doing this **** to long to stop  now .

It's not all that Gonz I'm just ******* spent my minds bleeding from the last couple of days you ******* can't keep this **** up or you'll be dead you and I both know it .

Gonz just shook his head man your getting soft.
******* to much of that home cooking and regular ***** will warp you amigo not my kind of scene brother but I understand .

As he said those words I knew this was as close to a farewell  as I could ever expect he was going down the track and off the rails no matter who stood in his way or expressed there concern it truly didn't matter .

We finished are coffees tipped the waitress and said are goodbyes well as close to a goodbye as you could expect from this real life character the last of the true outlaws no matter how much I wished he would slow the **** down I knew in some ways it just wasn't the way **** was supposed to play out.

Standing there in his worn sports jacket fedora and shades he seemed a force of nature not a broken down madman most would consider him to be .

So where the hell you heading now you crazy ******* ?
He laughed that big laugh of his as always.
Opening both arms yet another gesture as big as the personality that truly was him .

Mexico brother!
Some crevasses some tequila some good well good in a bad way women it'll be a time that would make the devil himself blush sure you don't care to tag along drinks always on me brother.

In that moment I had to admit he could ******* the best of them  but considering my liver was already bleeding and my thoughts were burnt from a scene that would surely shock even the most jaded of us all I had to pass .

Maybe next time my friend .

I said knowing full well this would be the last time of course I could never count this madman out but I had to view from afar for my own sanity's.

Well brother your going to miss a hell of a time ,He said as he turned to head towards his car .

Some many outlaws rode of into the sunset while it seemed this walking circus of debauchery just preferred to stagger in the sunrise
Don't know what kept him going guess the ******* drugs helped .

He never bothered to wave goodbye as he squealed his tries  bound for hell and a last good time.
But as he always said there's nothing more corny in this life than looking back my brother .

Are farewells were unspoken and that I knew was the last I would ever see of the friend who had become the character again.

Adios brother.

The voices carry as they  do in cheap rooms with even cheaper company.
The smoke smell the after party lingers a moment lost in time and haunting my present like some strange ghost I simply except it cause I could give a **** less over what may soon to be.

People will break you only if you allow them to.

I always place the table near the window leaving my back to the door and can only imagine the view to the onlooker .
To those who cannot grasp what it is to create .

It's when my vices are on full display and the demons of my thoughts keep company with the angles who've embraced my bed .
Madness is a clever disguise to repel the foolish who believe themselves to be within the same class.

I never worry about keeping up I view my words a island that needs  no other to maintain my ego this ******* doing fine all his own.

Allow that little black dress sweetheart to fall aside and slither across the floor.
My passion isn't in a heart it's in excess and till death I do embrace with a devilish grin.

Never allow others to hang there ******* and regrets upon you.
Advise is like toilet paper great to wipe your *** with and nothing more.

I regret nothing I simply yean for more .

I hear the laughter and moans from a one night stand here the bitter pound on the walls jealous they no longer can taste the danger and pure joy of the pleasures from which life has since locked them out.

I simply poor another drink and continue this drive through the darkness do you ever miss it my dear as I no longer miss you?

Will you bury me in mystery or simply reminisce of times now washed clean as a summers southern rain.
I stand alone for none were willing to chase the failure such as I.
You cant half *** art my friends there's no safety in my tomorrow so I toast every day as it were my last.

I face the desk towards the window to embrace the dark a mistress for which my thirst I do surely never hope is quenched.
No drug is greater than the one that feeds air within your lungs .
Never doubt the words that flow first for backtracking is for the lost
and I find no direction leads you best when in doubt.

So many voices follow faces for which I never truly see .
tomorrow we will scatter in are directions and I will leave with the cliff notes of my madness and a hangovers emotion and her thoughts still warm in the emptiness I do love more than anyone.

A empty bottle upon the table and a scribbled note on the motel stationary.
Excuse the mess all hell broke lose .

Old friends and new vices often collide in the night.
Signed Sincerely

Just one of the many voices from down the hall.
In yet another now empty room.

Torn the flesh does the monster consume the grave is calling and I dance with glee towards my demise .

Counting scars making new wounds all the time does the trigger appeal to you or just the outcome ?

Lets bleed for no reason and get lost never to return as one.
Fractions of many will be trampled by the few.

With help from old friends and a quick fix keep away from the windows and lock your thoughts far away from.your heart .

I'm the fool dancing happily on the outer wall .

Devils find promise in the loaded deck where madmen seek nothing at all.

Tombstones mark the many .
And you simply are standing upright for now .

The rattle snakes venom such dark pleasures cast beyond the page .

We can no longer pretend .

The madman needs nothing but a asylum but hides as well on a empty street.

Scarecrows stand casting shadows tall in summers heat.

Nobody wants to see there truths clear .
Blind yourself while you can for the worst is still ahead .

And the darkness consumes the best of us all.

I know the highway you choose to ignore .

Madness is always within the miles yet unseen that lay ahead .

There's no detour through hell.
Simply a straight line .

It's only when your alone do we forget what a true pain in the *** people tuely are.
Maybe for some it's just missing waking up next to warm body your face burried deep within her hair.

Others may be something altogather different and for others it is a true friendship far beyond a cheap **** it's the laughter i miss.
Thoose moments I took for granted i guess it's just her I miss.

It was nine years of hell mixed with touches of heaven.
I had tried to erase the memorie with gallons of ***** and cheap flings
Forgettible faces *** can be empty at times and can do more dammage than we know.

The bar that sits only a few paces from her door is still there.
The places all the same yet they seem cold as I am no longer welcome there
Or was it just me and a paranoid refletion.
portsmouth is a strange place indeed where on one side of the street are people sitting outside in the summer sipping cocktails eating overpriced meals.
and right across the street people wait in line at the soup kitchen.

niether group looks towards the other like the old color lines during the times in america we'd all like to forget guilt is a ***** indeed.

Still no matter the problems in this world it always goes back to are own simple lives why you may ask?

Cause we cant solve the worlds problems and thoose who belive they can seem.
to have this habbit of always getting shot.
So here I sit in thumpers the local yuppie bar I used to look at from her window.

the view was a lot better  from her place but the drinks are a lot better here.

Do I miss her?
Yes.
Will I knock on her door tonight and beg her for her love like some desperate love struck fool?
No. I just sit here get drunk talk to some woman and if I'm lucky get laid close my in the mist of passion and pretend it's her.

Maybe I'm a coward but I'm  also a man and we all need that contact even if for only for one night.
If only I could reverse that view maybe then I'd just sit there and remember just what a pain in the *** she was.  

And rememeber why I'm in this goddamed bar to start with.
So I'll drink to her in my seat by the window underneath the neon sign.
And pretend that my life was misery with her so I can stand this crap i'm  living now.

Women are the worst drug you'll ever know.
But ****** there fun and I'll die befor I leave em alone.

We were about a case deep in the conversation Jerry my
life long amigo and fellow brother in madness were finally catching a buzz.

And much like a chick ya knew after way to many beers
would probaly dance strip cry try to **** you puke and then try to make out with you  after you held her hair.

Jerry Was finally in the zone.
For my normally kinda silent almost creepy serial killer
acting friend when under the influence transformed into
a true brother of Gonzo.

Well aside from his morbid love of REO Speedwagon and Journey.
Dude! if i stopped smokin I could out sing that ******!
Yes if not for being tone deaf and sounding like Bon Jovi beeing mauled  or rapped by a bull or flipper  really whats the diffrence?

Dude idk why people are so uptight on  face book?
I mean just cause i posted my **** on there look it wasnt even hard.
Okay I thought to myself  this ******* tripping  probaly due to the *****  or the mushrooms we stole from his grandma.

Well i replyed to my kinda unsobber Journey listening drunk off your *** **** pic posting short friend.
Gonz it was cold out okay.
Yes amigo point taken.

Im guessing amigo that people when they want to get to know the inner thoughts of a shallow mind really dont wanna read.
Just dicking around rock out with your 3 inch  **** out okay it was  cold out.
that and stop poking the  the next door neighbors daughter
much like this write it's just weird.

True she's just a small town girl but ya gotta stop beliving
open arms and perverted nature are welcome to all
besides she wears a helmet and is 16.
Once ses to me she's not just fahsion foward  but prepared for
for the fall  of the flying monkeys.

Jerry looked deep at me with thoose  hound dog after he took a dump
in your bed sad yet naughty eye's of his .
And finally after some silence said you know Gonz
you truley cut to the heart of the matter and i just farted.

Yes he was a charmer and people wonder why were single?

Just then there arouse such a clatter.
Dr Jerry dropped his lawsuit against extense.
As I posted on twitter does this dress make me look fat
in a question which i only wanted replys from *** admires from
what a girl has needs !  

It's officer Rutherford time!

Answering the door in my trusty school girl uniform minus
the heels cause i was retaining fluid.
What? It's that time of the month you know january get your minds outta the gutter you naughty pennguins you.

Officer Rutherford  where have you been.
I knew my sorta outta my mind and kinda whoreish
way's would bring you back.
But enough with the foreplay children.

Yes even though officer Ruherford's eye's oh **** not this crazy *******
I knew in his heart burned a deep desire  to run like hell
and join to the witness relocation program  just to escape me.

Look John I just gotta serve Jerry okay have ya seen him?
Officer  may I ask you a question.
Like if I say no it stop you. You crazy *******.

Officer would you find this weird if you saw this on facebook?
What the **** it looks like my kids hamster what is that two inches ?
It was cold out okay!
The voice cut through the madness.

Is that Jerry!
If it is will you come in smoke cigars drink brandy while speaking
of summers past.
Shakspere in the park that first love how her hair smelt of
jasmine  and lips tasted of peach.

Officer Rutherford stood much like a man who wished to god
he was anything but a cop  dealing with a drunken perve
right now.

Look **** this I knew i should have been a godammed
hairdresser or a ******* mall cop.
He tore the paper up and sped away gone from my life
without even a kiss dam you cruel world!

Currituck County Cop's  zip  Gonzo 100  
Victory is sweet  yet bitter as a old grandma
you do uhh favors for, For drinks  im just saying times
are tight  and thats about all that is .
Yes I know im going to hell or Indianna really whats the diffrence.

Shutting the door going long for a beer and crashing through
the trailer wall dont worry I didnt spill my beer.
We sat spoke of things only true brothers from other party girl mothers do.

Ya know amigo I really should write about are antics more
often.
Gonz  people would think we were from another dimension.
Or a mental ward btw want cheese  on your roadkill meets
some glowing **** stew?

Hey whats in that *** ?
Umm some  deer  maybe a I dont think a brazlian hamster
maybe fluffy.
****** man stop taking from fluffy she only has two legs left.
That and whatever is in that *** just got out.

After some deep thought  playing guitar hero  and watching
scrambled **** off cable I think thats a **** or a christain.
No it's a elbow dam you Simon Cowell
and your tight black shirts  its just not the same.

The ***** gone  and on the brink of food poisening
and that awkward feeling called being sober
yes I know scary.

It was my time to leave.
Jerry. What the **** ya gonna do tonight?
Gonzo,Probaly puke  for a hour watch **** ,take acid
maybe talk to the wall make out with a random
women that reminds me i must check my traps

It's a shame when they chew there leg off and get away
you gotta love strippers.

Deep in thought or maybe on the verge of passing out
my kinda crazy amigo replyed

You write?


Dedicated  to my real life  brother who's
never read a word ive written.

Jerry Waterfield.

As a canvas of naked beathy I trace every curve loving every moment when her sweet skin is pressed against

mine.

Her moans A music to fill the darkness of a passion filled night.

Kissing lips tasting the sweetness of desire her body the vesssel of my love.

Inside the softness are plessure building her love free as inside her i drive myself

yerning for this moment to never end.


Love is eternal *** is a action that only brings us togather as one.

A storm of emotions and a valley of plessure as we explore are bodys

togather one night of many of a eternal passion.


Her legs around my waist back against the wall bodys apart souls togather.

her plessure my passion sweat laced slumber as togather we came.

as in gentle slumber i brush her hair aside from her neck.

marvle at my angel so sweet within my arms.


As she turns to me looking so deeply beyond all i am not.

And seeing her lover and her friend she takes my inside her

as we make love through the nights plessure casting aside the past and its

pain.


In her eyes I see all that I never knew i could be.

Her eyes that touch my soul and melt the flesh.

Words unspoken her body so perfect as if made for my arms.


This night eternal you've cast over every day.

Julie Elizbeth Robbins.

You know the ocean of my soul and it yerns for you to forever stay.




I could never say everything you are to me Jules.

are road has been long but all I know is that.

you are my passion and the life blood to my soul.

For we know what other's few ever will

love eternal babydoll John.

So stay the gold.
foolish thoughts wasted
apon the old.

Your never alone except day and night.
did we forget the cause.
Or just grow tired of the fight.

Evergreen moments dont exist in books.
Or pictures trapped apon the page.
The wisdom of life is nothing without the rage.

Into a maze we go blind.
Far past  the moment.
Nothing is left to remind.


Motions are not feelings.
Along with contracts and lies.
So many loser's  with there double dealings.

Taken from the city lights
I lost all that was obscene.
My pasion was turned into my evergreen.

Time you change all but me.
Casting many storms.
That turn  so very deep  within the sea.

Erased are thoose moments
apon the slate  is clean.
I wonder do you ever reflect my sweet evergreen

To know more than the plessures  of  a nights  collision.
Twisted is the tangle   in the blindness of passion
it absorbs into the night.

Far beyond actions  and simple passion of a night shared.
The scent of  its plessure makes thoughts subside.
As she does tease the senses we are brought down
to  the ways of children begging for release.

To know passion and embrace the  moment
she will not understand.
Dreamers cannot fathom  its pure reallity.

Laced in love so ****** up from life.
Gentle  are the velvet edges tender as
the surgeons knife.


When it ends maybe tommorow it shall begin.
To feel it's fire only to be tormented by it's cold.

The beauty  of a violent release flustration
in arms of regret does reside.
The sounds of  echo of torments plessure.
The true voice we were so unwilling to admit.

As in the are madness  sanity  is but a glimmer of light.
As held tightley two bodies rest weary.
Cast a jaded view of love of a immortal  
apon this soon  to be forgotten night.

Take this hand.

May I guide you within the depths?

So traggic to view her this way.

White in a doll of china's mask of death.



Tormented did a candles light cast doubt's with no hand to grasp

a wrist bled slow.



Tea leaves and incense.

Masked air of rosemary the record scratched and was inturn

left unherd.



Thoose eye's captured want yet

never could clasp a heart or lockets match.



Was it as planned?



A slow regression into a blackend fade.

A cloth over lamp.

It dimmed the light but never the flawed beauthy.

that I knew well.



Sleep in a life none would yern to awake.

My heart did linger in a thought as overcast skies blue eye's

did paint my thought's gray.



Cold was perfection a raindrop viewed from inside.



I kissed you last as first I bid farewell.

That night you took from many yet only thought as one.



A tormented love a single rose.

So tender you were stained of many.

But a portraiht to me.



Your words a soon to be epitapth of my pain cast memory.

Thank you for never seeing me as so many befor.



Many works of art are cast in pain.

Dove's of life often cry a tear when met to dirt.



I held you close once apon a empty floor only not tight enough.

Music that  cast a passion lights so dim often gliow with soul.



I see you now and think of that time.

Tender in a stone that is a chamber I call my heart.



I wish I could have brushed away the pain.

As I did a hair that night from your face.

Thoose eyes a void of passion life often does ****.



If you had taken that hand would we have found ourselves?

Or simpley lost it togather in a vague chance at bliss?



I remember you still.

A painting of a woman known to many but who's heart

was shared only with me.



That moment apon the bar's empty floor  forever fill's my

thought's

I know no matter what I say or do.The words will sound so very hollow.For I am forever a stranger to you.Just a name in a sea of others.Fellow yarn spinners.Snakes and thieves friends and brothers.You cannot read the truth from a lie.The recluse writter the drunkand just another guy.A page filled with words andempty meanings.A seedy downtown theater that shows the best latenight screenings.My face is unknown  but my soul is already there.Blind are the truths of a scetchy past.So I remain forever a stranger toanyone who may care.Beautiful eyes that go unseen.Shadows on a clear night.So is my nightmare and how is your dream?I cant say I'll ever know the uptown citys respect.Im more of the twisted citys slums and back alleys favorite reject.I remove the ******* to expose thethe gritty side of what to me is brutal and true.I ride through the darkest part night.To remain forever a stranger to you.

In many travels across this melting *** of a country I have found that every small town has it's own cast of characters every group has the ******* who cant handle
*****.
The party girl who gets crying and wishes she could start all over again.
And the one to busy living this life to give a **** about what you think or how your
feeling.

After a couple  of weeks it gets to anyone the sense of not belonging.
the constant movement  it eats away at you like rot gut whiskey.
Once even though in agony you so joyfully keep pouring down your throat.

And the conversations become the same are we but playing a game
saying whatever it takes to get what we want.
But what is it we truley want?

Comfort of a warm body by are side the feeling of flesh apon flesh.
It has to be more than just *** but out here I belive its to feel
what its like to benormal and for one moment pretend you wont  be
walking out that door to chase sun once agian.
Living like a pirate apon the land.

Not matter her body's warmth when you leave you never havea chance to
know the bad or the reallity of people.
thats why im forever a tourist.

Im a caged animal befor my set.
Get to close and you'll understand why a starved animal is the most vicious
animal there is.
It's not a release its a war a battle to the death between me and all.
I care little for thoose who've stood befor this is a a fight between me and them and
I have no desire to be nice.

Safe never belongs in any form of art.
The eye's the window i see all to clear and as always i only focuss on one
for theres such a seduction in the moment there laughter a drug and  as she laughs above the noise that sense of wrong at such crude logic she bite's her lip and togather we connect.

Moments we share will only be now as like a fire's glimmer what burns bright will all to fade.
And my job is to make you never forget.
It's the romance of the stage the nights illusion that is my true poisen and i drink with no regard's of tommorow.

If you pick apart why you''ll never grasp the now.
I thirst for life and never give thought to death.
It's only the people who worry who sink to the bottom.
Drown in thought and you'll embrace reget as a empty lover .
I preffer much warmer company myself.

From the light I wish only to embrace the dark.
I see the eye's and always view the one pair.
thoose that linger in laughter that have forgotten all but me.
Like some vampire in a black in white film I draw them moth to my ever jaded flame.

I force the laughter in that awkward moment fill the silence and make the night something more than it truley is.


***** the velet of passion give the friction of summers hot backseat
Take the moment ***** the wait!
For to hold back is to fail and failure sure doesnt feel
good as a after partys release for two.

Of the chatter and drink orders  I take that which i desire.
Why live in  reget when you can bask in release.
Have you ever truely tasted the freedom ive known?

Be herd now for  tommorows a promise is often changed to well intended  lie.
Command the crowd or the ocean will swallow you up as a lamb.
Anger ,Rage ,Happiness , I dont care as long as i get a reaction.

For in this game i never play it safe.

In the eye's of other's I read the reactions like a higways map it always tells me where the edge will be.
And I yern not only to take you there I'll push you over it going right with you laughter mocks the crash
as we understand  its all just for the hell of it care to come with me?

Strippers, Drugs,******,Hookers,You want apple pie and pickett fences
you've taken a a fatal wrong turn.
I'll burn the devils *** and embrace the flame only to smile  and vanish just as the night befor.

I would rather get a slap across the face than a gentle pat on the back.
It's not just a act it's just who i am.

And when it's over you'll either love me or hate me.
But one thing is for ******* sure you will never forget me.
For behind all the *******  when others  remove the mask you'll learn.

It's just who I am.

Anyone can joke  but few can make you truely
question what just happend?

A storm from afar is perfect chaos but nothing can compare to
riding it out in the choas.

Safe is not a word I'll ever be.

I spoke to you in whispers
but you shouted out my shame
My confidence is now just splinters
I can no longer speak your name

At dawn the sun broke my mask
I wore to dance to your tune
Now I'm just a broken mess
for you look down upon as your due

Can we never hear the music again
that was once our beating pulse?
Why is it you're always the one
that sings more quietly than most?

While we blind ourselves
we simply drown with the tide
Echoes of the past reflect only the failures and so shall it always be

Tomorrows promise is a kiss of remorse
just the same, we shall part
Can we leave what was only,
to pretend what never will be?

As you pull me from the depths
I simply leave you waiting
The nightmares will fade
but will the dreams ever again ring true?

So why do we dance to the same old tune?
When the music goes away
do we simply just nod to each other
knowing there's no other day?
At midnight do we excuse ourselves
to slumber separately with our demons?
Or do we simply hold onto
each other
to survive through the next season?

I taste the goodbye upon your lips
I hear our song slowly fade
Can you not simply follow me
to the shore
where new memories could be made?

In bittersweet reprise is our closing
Here do the credits role
Tonight is a moment and it bleeds the memories
Soon only to be pages from our past

Paint this moments portrait,
and stand back, not see the flaws
It is all in the illusion after all

Except for, in the grains of sand
upon which we danced
are the footsteps of our past
just washing away
Do the pages just turn on?
Because if you asked me in the beginning
I would have told you I didn't dance
But you grabbed me and started swaying
without me having a chance
to tell you I can't hear the music
I just move to a certain beat
The illusion is the only thing
that will move me to my feet

Isn't it after all, the flaws,
that will crack
and we will tumble
You may walk away singing,
while I still fumble with the illusion that we danced so pretty
under a fractured moonlight
While I tried to hold onto you
upon a tortured shore
You walked away from me
Leaving me in the dark of night

We gave the night a fling and spoke without words letting only are emotions and passions do as they pleased .

I don't care to know you beyond this night she said and that suited me just fine.

We spared no secret and loved a moment for what it was .
Inside we find solace in warm bodies and cold souls.

Only the night breathes passion and the ocean creeps across the sound.
Salt we taste of spent passions does the moment breathe as heavy as I ?

You are far better than the page .
And far less than anything that soothes a bitter heart and nothing more .

She was that which could consume most but could never truly grasp a devilish truth of a wicked reprise that was me.

No closed eyes for some things need to be seen.
Was it something more .

Tell yourself so if it feeds your ego.

But it was something .
Enough said.

Farewell sweetheart.

I may never be good.
But I'm always a good time.

Cheers .

I was a stranger to all and most of all a  villain to myself.
It was at fifteen I began my love with the bottle a affair I still hold true as friends resemble highway markers worn still standing yet never do the grasp my road they simply judge my miles.

You all start pure as life ***** us all up in such different and brutal yet perfect ways.
Drugs a experiment for which I have earned a degree ******* a vice women far more deadly to me neither of which I intend to stop using anytime soon.

The road was my lure and still the deserts thirst shall never be quenched I feel a pirate whom stands amongst strangers I have known for a lifetime and held that much more of regret.

Shards of my past escape fragments of my existence color the nights black and gray a vague thought of a harsh intrusion I'm beyond what most would consider there limits I will be fine.
Now let me tell you yet another well intended lie.

I have buried more friends now I only wish to hear those voices that made me feel the warmth in this cold of success.
**** if I can pretend to hold it together the ships sank and I am but a ghost that haunts this frame that stands before you now.

To feel pain is to feel something at least .
I bare no cross for I claim no guilt so place your ******* on someone else for it will never plague my existence my friend.  

I'm here now so don't cast a farewell before the final round my dear,
We all know demons I simply bask in there hell for a wicked charm and a burnt out existence that is I.


I view the image in the mirror and understand who I am.
Can you truly say the same?

As from the window a gentle breeze did ask the struggle.
Why must we linger to pain apon winds we shall cast.
Dust of sunset tears of goodbye.
Cast the shadows none left as I.

A rewind of childhood a still frame of my time.
Often I smell the rain one more is a tease please take all yet leave me this.
Direction without map turns by insticnt and vision we embrace.


Moments left apon a clock almost struck.
Sunsets we'll chase togather again.

No answers to all but so many to question.
Often I see now turns have passed.
As to sea and of shore.
I bask here nevermore.

A roads end and farwell view.
I think it was far to short.
Now it's been handed to you.

Traces were there yet still we danced in wreckless thought.
Vain as children now ghosts to page.

Give me one for I bleed many with thought.
Past images of watercolor now erase my
colors reprise.

Sometimes  you realize theres never such thing
as enough.

The bright sky after the storm.
The rains smell washed clean.
confessions of the innocent gentle and forlorn.

As in visions we seek the a place beyond
what others can claim to have seen.
As the view does vanish.
we reflect apon its perfection as is
caught within a dream.

Hands of ice thoughts as stubborn
cast in stone.
To bitter to admit the pain
So prison from a view unknown.

In a dark landscape there may exist light
over the next ridge but who will journey to see.
It's a choice we must make to try and fail
or wallow in misery.

Children dream without limits so why should
we stop with time.
Age effects all like the pages
of a book of rhyme.

We dream so long only to marvle to the
monsters weve grown.
Thoughts for sale are a mystery.
from this view unknown

It started so diffrent from what it is now.
A small group of outcasts and people who had become fed up with the ******* of other sites.
We started strangers we became a sort of ****** up family.

For me I found my true voice so in that respect im greatful.
I made people laugh got in plenty of trouble but altogather I loved my time here.
this place was my exit and my home from the **** life handed me it was something you cant really
explain.

But it was most of all fun it was a close group that was very loyal.
Something like that is rare and to a degree ive always wondered when people love something
as is why change it?

To suit a small group of people seems to me like a total disregard to the one's who make your site great.
Cause when it comes down to it ,
Its the people that make the site not the site itself.

But sometimes people are blind to all but themselves it's a sad case either way.
I want to thank the creators of this place for the fun I had  it was really something special.
But without the soul of what made things whole you just have a empty shell.

The site was the vessel and we were the gears.
Togather it runs apart it's just a space maybe others will make it whole again.
But one things for sure it'll never be the same  for either side.

Either way good luck to all and goodbye.

Stay Crazy Forever Gonzo

To it they all fall.
Nameless faces to the game.
Boroken in shame into empty spaces they do crawl.

One has to win for the other to lose.
The road takes many turns.
But we all meet defeat no matter which you choose.

Busted knuckles burnt bridges leaving
a callus heart sore.
Life appears in many forms from the floor.

Ive tasted bitter endings claimed
in regret.
Nights the soul does drift.
To a place I yern to forget.

Its a dream we no longer recall.
So distant to us now.
We question did we ever want it at all.

i'll gather my fragments oh a jaded heart
as I act blind while you head out the door.
Then colapse and take it one more time
from the floor.  

P.S.  Hey got Twitter   JohnRobbins  its just like stalking
Ineed followers okay that sounds weird haha.

Into eye's I see distant reflections of that person
only they see.
The jokes told,lies shared,soul's in rapture over
the iced hell.

The forms fill my thoughts yet never  trouble my mind.
That embrace of emptyness.
She can never understand.

******* we are  selfish giving to all.
Not sharing with a soul.
I cannot conform to a life not my own.
Bitter the king hold's court.
With a jester apon his throne.

How can I yern for thoose eye's I shall
never fulfill.
Act's of one are pale to the truth of none.

Were the addicts that which we may never score.
Lost in the promise blind to reality's lie.

Broken is the heart I've  taken from myself.
To shun the happiness on a single chances wealth.
The eye's in the darkness cut through me never seeing
the man beyond the words.

Burried in a agony of endless guilt.
Contact of another isnt the reason.
Bliss is moments to **** the pain.

Caught in my vices like a fool slowley going
insane.
The lights cast shadows yet it's me who's
hiding.

Punchline's  and simple flirts season's  in
hell.
A vacation underneath a darklit sky.

I stand frozen in life free of form.
Lost as any leaf apon the waters of a oncoming storm.
Battles in soul losses in heart.
Togather in madness.
As strangers we part.


Bleeding to death living for seconds.
Sharp in contrast unclear in time.
She cries for the man  and  ignore's the stranger
he's become.

The eye's remain blind.
Seeeing as illusion.
Living as I die.

It's always in those moments of afterglows fade it all turn's to ****.
When silence is cut by razors of thought.
And what just happened finds way to guilt of another's regret.

Maybe we should find a place to go but maybe we should just take it for what it never was.
Broken dreams were built upon good intentions and I for one have to many
burnt bridges to cross this rivers distraction my dear.

I can't say I will share in nothing more than a action .
It's just not something I can do .

She listens in pain yet knows truth's seem less intrusive under passions spent.
There's no happy ending just a moments release.

I never promise what I can't even believe in myself.
I know emptiness  but sometimes the drunken bliss finds me weak.
Maybe tomorrow will change a hardened heart.  

Good thing I wont be here to entertain it's well intended lies.