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Kerrigan Reyes Apr 2014
Do you know what its like?
To be pushed down and beaten
Do you know what its like?
To be made fun of and verbally hit

My story is sad and I'm not going to hide
it pulls me in and shoves me out the ocean's tide
is so very strong it rocks against my body
leaving me tired and breathlessly
numb to the soul, to the inner part of me
what do you hate? what do you see?
to make you laugh and point your fingers at me
at my friends, at my lovers, so cruel, don't you see?

Do you know what it's like?
to be beaten and shunned from the world
Do you know what it's like?
to be dumped and ditched for them

I was ignored in the first grade
because my family didn't have it made
we were poor but happy to be alive
then you started throwing knives
trying to **** my hope and my dreams
All you did was label stupid, old me
I was told to 'go cut myself and die'
in the seventh grade, eventually I said goodbye
after my twelfth birthday I grabbed the pills
I signed a goodbye letter and I made a deal
with God if I survived Id change forever
unfortunately, I did live, to try again? Never.

Do you know what it's like?
To be told to go and die
Do you know what it's like?
To take the knife in your hands

I finally got help in the eleventh grade
I didn't care what anyone had to say
I was happy to be me, and I smiled
for days on end, I was a creepy little child
who never stopped smiling at the world
because of one special little girl
who came up to me and said 'Why?
Why do you hurt so badly?" she sighed
and gave me a band-aid to put on my scars
she told me to never try again because I'd go far
I broke down in dewdrops and began to smile
and ever since then I've walked mile after mile
of recovery and happy pills, and sleepy pills
but don't give up hope, you just have one more hill
to climb over, to get past, to succeed with
before you get to rest, what they say is a myth
You'll go far kid. <3
People really did tell me to go cut myself and die, and a girl really gave me a bandaid and told me itll be okay. That gave me a hope and right now I'm going to try and give you hope <3 because you DESERVE  hope and to live. Because youre someones reason to smile
Kerrigan Reyes Apr 2014
She messaged me in the night
While I was asleep
Her username is Careful Creature
she's all that I dream
She's sweet and amazing
and ever so cute
I think we'll be best friends
why don't you think?
She sent a heart
and my heart stuttered
Why would my heart stutter
if we just met?
It's weird and a little crazy
but this is the beginning
of a beautiful friendship.
To: Careful Creature
Kerrigan Reyes Apr 2014
Your cold hand against mine
we are frozen in time
with your breastbone against my body
and the darkness all around me
All I want is to call you my own
all day that's what I moan
but you've passed away today
there's no other way
to hear you say "I Love You"
or for us to gently woo
the other one to marriage
where the ledge stood
that you jumped off of
to the ground below and above
the birds sang as the sound
of crunching bones against the ground
shatter the silence with a scream
maybe I'm just in a dream....
But then I awake with an empty bed
beside my body and my head
I reach across and look for you to grab
my hand where my ugly, horrendous scab
from when I tried to **** myself
lives within the hidden shelves
of my lost mind.
Oh, lover, where have you gone?
I sing a sorrowful song after song
hoping that will  bring you back
but instead your body is cracked
and will never house another soul
your body is just a black hole
within my memories of us
you're now a once was
after your suicide
I've never been the same. a part of me died.
Kerrigan Reyes Apr 2014
What do I say
                When all you've done is fail me
                     What do I say
                         When you were the one to beat me
                             What do I say
                                 When you were the one to leave me
Dear                             What do I say
  Mother,                         When you were the one to leave me hours alone
     You                                 What do I say
         Failed                             When you are my own mother.
            Our                                  What do I say
              Family                              When you want back into my life?
Kerrigan Reyes Jan 2015
They watch me closely
They feed me with pills
Until I'm fat and unhealthy
They show me the hospital bills
nine-thousand dollars for me
being sent to a facility.

I'm drugged up and ****** up
Is that rabbit really there?
I lay in my bed then I sit up
Am I really, truly, honestly here?

My plan didn't work unfortunately
I woke up in a hospital
with an IV dropping ever so slowly
"How could you be so irresponsible?"

Wellbutrin, Geodon, Zoloft and Clozapine
Latuda, Synthroid, Seroquel and Clomipramine
One after the other goes into my mouth
Lined inside my little pill box pouch.

Maybe life will get better some day
Not today, or tomorrow, or next week
But someday, I promise you, I'll be okay
I am no longer a failure, I am no longer meek.
Kerrigan Reyes May 2014
The cold
is too close for comfort
The hot
is too far away for love.
The warmth
is never there
despite how hot
I turn the shower on
I'll always be frozen
from the outside in.
Kerrigan Reyes Apr 2014
Do you see me? Actually see me,
Some days I feel as if you see through me
I'm no longer with anyone
I'm no longer under the sun
I'm under clouds and stormy weather
but at least we're together
even if you no longer see me
we'll be together for eternity
I'll be your guardian lover
a secret angel under cover
Do you see me? Actually see me
Some days I feel as if you see through me
and other days, it's like you can
you're my sweetheart, my lover, my man
All that I want to adore
not knowing what I had in store
for a life long commitment
to the one I love the most.
Her
Kerrigan Reyes Apr 2014
Her
You brush your cheek against mine
and for a second, or an hour, or a lifetime
we just stood still like a picture
and in I was lured
like a tiger to the meal
my doom was sealed
with a cherry flavored lipstick
that made me giddy yet feel sick
because you would never be my love
with blonde hair soft as a dove
and blue-hazel eyes like the ocean's melody
that sing me to sleep every night in my dreams
You lure me in with a smile, a wink
until at the bottom of the ocean I finally quit sink-
ing to the bottom of my despair
this concoction of feelings playing with my hair
pulling and ripping out the brown strands
with their tiny, venomous hands
that cut my throat with their daggers
just like she did with her
lovely blue-hazel eyes
with a smile, a wink
I creak by knowing shed never be mine.
Kerrigan Reyes Apr 2014
Hush little baby
don't you cry
your oh so very sad
and you've grabbed the knife
hush little baby
don't you cry
don't run the knife upon your skin
don't beg that this is the end
Hush small baby
I know you're crying
in the deep of the night your trying
to fix your lonesome life
Hush little baby
don't you cry
put down the sharp gleaming knife
I know you're strong, I know you'll be fine
just survive this one little time
and you'll be successful
you'll be okay
just try a different way
to get your sorrow out of your body
you can write, paint, sing, or try running
hush little child
I love you so
please don't leave me so alone.
To whoever needs a lil happiness in life. there IS hope. Just have to keep your chin up high
Kerrigan Reyes Apr 2014
Hush little Whisper
dont you cry
Daddys gonna sing you a lullaby
and when the lullabys all said and done
Mommas gonna sing another one
and when that songs done and gone
Daddys gonna buy you a dead mockingbird
And when that mockingbird tries to sing
Daddys gonna  stab it with a blade
Then hes gonna go far far away
And leave you to fend for youself
and youll cry youself to sleep every night
and Mommas gonna **** herself with a knife
Hush little Whisper
dont you cry
not everything is at it seems
and one day its all too much
and you whisper to yourself
"Hush little Whisper
dont you cry
everythings gonna be alright

In another day, in another year, in another life."
Ollllllllllld,as in 4 years old xD
Kerrigan Reyes Apr 2014
As i run i know im not going
to give up without a fight
i come to a clif
and skid to a stop
i hear them not far
behind me, caressing my
name gently
theyre right behind me now
i turn around and look at the
two people
they stand, bows ready
i crouch and snarl
but they still dont falter
one of the men shoots
and the arrow hits my shoulder
i feel the smooth crimson
run down my right leg
i cry out but the blood
comes out still
the other man shoots, it hits my
left leg i feel the blood
from my previous wound become
matted and rough as it dries
the pain is searing through
my body like poisen
i snarl again and jump at the
closest man.

Hes too slow and i bend
down and chomp on his neck
i feel the sweet blood
explode in to my mouth
i crouch there for a second
then pounce onto the other man
i knock him over but
he slits my stomache open
i feel like throwing up
i cough a little bit of dark, wet
sickly red blood comes out.

I look back up at the man i snarl then run
this time I crouch close to the ground
i jump and crunch down on his soft head
his eyes popout, his brain taste so good<3
i call out to Life and she slowly
crawls out and goes to the other man
she rips open his chest and eats his
intestines first, then his heart
she savors the heart
after she licks the blood from the
ribcage clean and naws on the bones.
I see her take the head in her paws
and crunch down
i see the blood pour out
i laydown and look at the sinking
sun with my head on my paws. <3
Two wolves named Life and Death
Kerrigan Reyes Apr 2014
What is love?
Is Love a feeling...
or behavior?
Do you swim until you know
or go into space until you find
the small little bead of hope
that is within each of us
inside our tiny little minds.
What is love?
Is love a behavior...
or a feeling?
Do you search each human's soul
until you find the right kind of concoction
that fills your deep hole within your chest?
Or do you read for hours on end
hoping that maybe if you wish hard enough
your prince will whisk you away
into the night?
What is Love?
Love is when you put others before
but is that truly the definition?
Is Love letting go of someone
whenever they pass away...
into the unknown of blackness
after they shut their beautiful exquisite eyes?
What is Love?
A feeling, a behavior, or is it real?
Kerrigan Reyes Apr 2014
Dear Kiki,
I know your're not yet gone
yet we had such a wonderful bond
that when I saw you on my bed
with your small, soft head
with your green, hazel eyes
I wish that they were saying lies
that you are NOT dead
you're NOT what they said
but I know the day will come
where I will sing and hum
your sweet soul to heaven
where we will meet again
I know the day has not passed
but I hope the sadness does not last
because I know we'll meet again
In sweet, heavenly Nirvana.
I'll miss my cat when she dies, I guess I'm thinking morbid again....anyways I wanted to write Kiki a letter(:
Kerrigan Reyes May 2014
Rain go away
come out and play
in the beautiful rain
all day, all day(:
Kerrigan Reyes Apr 2014
Feel your touch against mine
gentle as time
swaying in the wind
never to touch again
with the same lushfull feeling
I stopped dealing
with the pain of losing you
because I know you missed me, too.
I miss you and what we were
you were my own personal cure
from the world and beyond
we had our own special bond
that made it to where it was us against the world
girl and girl
who loved each other deeply
even the sea was shallow to compare
to our love with each other. <3
But this had to end
because we are no longer friends
because Death stole you away to take you to Heaven
where we will meet again.
Kerrigan Reyes Apr 2014
I got into an argument
the argument was over the radio
he wanted to listen to music
I wanted to listen to silence
I got out of the car
and began to walk
I walked and walked
for forever.
two hours later I walked home
mom and dad were worried
they called family and the police
why couldn't I have held my anger?
what's wrong with me?
Why couldn't I listen to music?
I began to cry and I screamed,
the silence was broken.
I have a blister on my right heel today
the blister stings and burns
but I deserve pain for upsetting my parents
Next time, I'll step in front of a car.
I walked away from the brother the other day and walked over 10 miles to get home...
Kerrigan Reyes Apr 2014
I feel ever so lonely
Looks like theres just me and me
no body else to interact
my social skills begin to lack
their true nature, I can no longer sleep
I can't remember how to swim in the deep
ocean or even a swimming pool
I try to act as if I'm cool
but who am I to impress?
When theres just me in a summertime dress
with make up and mascara, don't forget eyeliner
I go to the old time diner
down the road and to the left
then I meet you...but... youre deaf
how are we to interact when you cant hear?
My crackly, old voice inched with fear
and happiness that I found someone
but youre a girl and we'll never have children
What are we to do?
when theres just me and you?
There's no one in the world
except for two lonely girls...
Kerrigan Reyes Apr 2014
When the dewdrops fall
on the rocky hard surface
of your grandparents face
as they find out what you're made of
drugs and ***, *** and drugs
is all you've been doing
to survive through the pain
of endless torture, aren't we all the same?
We look for the highs, we search for the lows
trying to determine what is our worth?
When the dewdrops fall
on your weathered parents faces
the stress that you've caused
make their hair gray in places
but they still adore you
through and through
until the end of time.

— The End —