If our love was simply meant to win a game,
Why is it that our suffering has been given great longevity?
For, is this not a cruel reality?
Can I not have my remedy?

All the fish know what you did that day
They told the dolphins and the whales
The sharks were present, to no avail
To them, you are the boogeyman

Claws deep with colours of paint
Lips a flame with much the same
Eye touched up and down with brush strokes gentle and fierce
Eyebrows plucked and ears pierced
Covered in the scent of a thousand chemicals,
Feet bound in leather bands
Ready to claim your victory over man

Seething with shallow banter
Narrowed in, deciding prey
Out you pounce
Certainly not a daughter of the day

Something different
Dark and perverse
With emotions flat, stuffed in your purse
You make your choice
You're the worst

Beauty is an undefined quantity
I see it in the way you once looked at me
The colour of your hair shining by the sea
The way you laughed when the can was emptied
Your smile when you felt happy
The excitement in every adventure we shared
The hungry joy present when we devoured an entire pizza
The gentle way you would breathe, asleep beside me

Beauty is something I miss in my day to day
I appreciate what I have and where I am
Though it's absence is heavy upon my soul
I can laugh and enjoy a fun time
Joke and sing with friends
Smile wistfully when I see a couple in each other's arms

I miss it as I miss you, one and the same
Player 2 without Player 1
A candle without a flame

Surmise your gravity with verve and wonderment
Donate love to the basest of desires
Avert the eyes from a silhouette of man
The lifeless frame ringing in your head
Reflecting all of time,
The mechanisms holding back the years
Ducts which no longer produce tears
As all things do, pass

I feel the pangs of rain on my window at night
Are you the answer that I have sought?
Can I find you breathing beside me,
Or will this be the darkest night?
Listening to the rain, as I do

Gamble and fight
Or stagnate in light of fear
I don't want to let go
For this could be it

Run with the rapids
Know the hardest part
Feel the rain, choose the light

Out on the sea, my boat and me
Letting love in through the periphery
Whispering sweet nothings
While silently screaming at insecurities

Jostled and shook by the tranquillity
Silently, the anxiety
All I've become accustomed to
The silence of the Sea
Not sure how to handle
Another's affection for me

Crisp and clear the signals flown in
No fault of mine
Do you know I've given you too much of my precious time?
All my free seconds wasted, spent

Colloquial examples of passion
Smoke rising lazily off the trembling waters
Skin soaked with the ethereal dreams of a thousand lifetimes
When I awoke, the night a moonless construct of infamy
Dreams are hungry, the nightmares seek
Artful expression which crashes downwards
The many beatings of a heart
Cold and scared

A smattering of thoughts
Void and *****
Callously sold to the empty hands of yesteryear
In corrupted frame, coiled rage
Another image bound and bled
New notes left unfettered or fed

Pulchritudinous, what was once a face
Since traded, since displaced
Hollow and ashen
Soul sacrificed to make space

Elements of fire and air
Clashing internally
Fluid motions, beckoning out to the few
Clutch thy mystic purse
Burn said embers anew

Dearest hollow, the waters tremble
The cold dark sings as the bonfire waivers
Bide your strength, close ashen eyes
Sip from holy estus
Summon or head on
Push through the fog wall,
Prepare to die

Upon a new year
Aloft with expectations of a new day
Guitars whispering behind each step
But all is quiet
White noise beneath the bay

Nothing has changed
A new year, a new day
Still with you
A figment shared in our heads

Underneath the sky
The ocean asks me why
I do not know, my arms feel weak
The radio says nothing
Your actions speak

Turned into another mural
Across a stray wall
In a city I've never been to
Another victim
Summer into Fall
All for nothing
Nothing at all

My car on another road
Sometimes the radio is turned up
Thick and loud
Sometimes thin and low
It's been hours in the night
Hours through the day
'Only talking to the spirits I had come to ignore
I've been coming here to get her
Been praying to stay
So I might as well permanently flee  
From the sea
I can love her infinitely
Growing old and frail eventually
Yet,
I heard if I close my eyes I'll never bleed
Cause I came to get her
And you can do your worst to me
Cause I came to get her
And she's worth the journey
This place, remember;
While you do your worst to me
In my car I'll be coming to get her
And that's the second best place to be

Slowly lose any method of urgency
Ride an elephant into old oak tress
Dip my heart in graceless modernity
Stay behind me
Never bleed
Go home Go home Go home
Never Go Never Go Never Go

Ride your boat down the stream
Make sure you remember to scream
Nice and loud
Yell real sharp
Play that voice like a musical harp
Go Home Never Go Home

Seat empty, last bus out
Drums beat louder
Began to shout
Clouds so fierce brakes so proud
With that said,
Last one out

There is a particular beauty to the past eight months
The gradual slip, the casual fall
Both parties pretending to have not heard anything at all
Smiles and lies, truths obscured or non-existent
Nights spent in the throws of utter panic
Segregated and inorganic
Whilst one party played at family
The other pondered insanity

Funny or tragic
It's not for anyone to decide
Though I need not imagine the resentment you could barely hide
Regardless of such, it is hard not to laugh
A puppet dancing open a personal gap
Letting go, only to jump in

Family & friends, mostly aghast
Surprised at this sudden turn of events
Boundless and intrinsically sufficient
One shouted "Let go!" and the other whispered, "How much?"

Such is the beauty
Something, honest and brutal
Beating the soul into something else entirely
For better or worse
Never needing to pretend or rehearse
With a car full of gas and two sets of keys
Passport all I need
To the future
All acted out

I would not say a word at all
Letting myself slide
Don't you love that will?
A hidden wall that obscures pain
To wake up with you in my embrace
Just to be

But little pieces fall
Chunks break at the wall
Neglected my call
And pieces fall away
Just as she did on that August day

Oh, adventures we had
These arms around her
Are what I wanted us to feel
But she was so beautiful
Emotionally full
Waking up each day in my heart
Still wonder about second chances

Completion understated
And I am scared to go home
Without her love and dreams
So much for the spotlight
Not shared, but split
For some reason somewhere
Holes in our stratosphere

"Heavy hangs the head"
Words which I left gently in my stead
While humming familiar songs
Regarding life and growth
Of which I find myself a part of once again

With newborn love,
Pulchritudinous eyes and light brown hair
Gentle and warm,
She demonstrates how she feels
Without needing to reassure of care

It's the little things,
Drives by the shore, the wind in her hair
The honesty beauty of her soul, almost too much to bear

To which I earned this juncture
Through patience and pain
I grew and evolved
Avoiding the easy path, the one of little gain
Of hiding in relationships to ease the pain

With all that has come and gone
I find that I can see again
Breathe again,
Smile and laugh
For the past is the past
And I'm no longer on such a twisted path
Rather, I'm happy to have hurt
Without that pain
I'd make the same mistakes
Again and again

Lay me down
Upon a river of sticks
Pour out your heart
Strike the match
Watch me burn

Tie the knot
Secure the cement to my feet
Remove the blindfold
Look at me
Eyes linger, hands meet
Down I go
To the murky abyss

So you watched me, coffee in hand
Cold from neglect
Joy in my eyes
Lacking in hate
Not a disguise

For all you try
I simply cannot
Hate that which I am
Respect the memories
Loved you well
After you left
Endured certain Hell
Now I am here
And you, there

Could not ask what
Would not ask why
Complicated is my head
It's jungle overgrown
My heart once your kingdom
Now overthrown

Watch me go
Taste it fade
Dream my face
Whisper my name

I might have sold my mind to a fugitive cause
Tossing all belongings into the nearest inlet
Looking to Heaven, hoping to go
Rolling towards the sunset
For there was nothing more the day could offer

I think I met a girl but I can't quite remember her name
With bright green eyes and hair ablaze
Or perhaps those eyes were blue
Hair enlightened by the sun
I can only pretend to not know her name
Just a lie, buried beneath the bass

Now we hit the highway, sun still high above
Sinking slowly, like the rest of time
All that speed and rhythm but the girl, still on my mind
Pretending to not know her name
Drinking in the ocean air,
Shades obscuring deep introspection

Finally, we have arrived
As close to a destination as a band of roving dreamers could claim
Broad and serene,
Representing a wake, trailing behind all we have seen

Aya, your name
To which, I cede the point you've made
Stubborn in my decisions to abstain
To deny a relationship in a bid to be sane
Succumbing to your beauty and personality
I'll join you in this game

So, pass me the keys
Pack your things
We'll drive into the sunset
Just to do it again

Softly as I lay, listening
All the time, gentle
Sun so high
Orange and furious
Setting so that the moon may gleam
Like the strings of a guitar

Room is empty
Now full of dreams and leaves
Blowing about with fragile abandon
No tether, no earthly boundaries
Long gone now,
Existing without meaning
No goals left

All seasons played out
Episodes have combed every topic wanted
Apparently
Traded in for a different DVD

Keep seeing the room
Vacant and solitary
Once so full of love and beauty
Now decrepit in it's new reality

Your car has driven by a few times now
The ears perk up and the memories flow
The old room didn't want us
Didn't want us to go
But we had to leave
Just like you had to leave me
For the future was waiting

Waiting for nobody

As long as I have been able to, I have written when I felt pain. The longer I wrote, the deeper I was able to delve into my own mind. As I began to question my world more, I began to write on a daily basis; developing a pattern in which I could healthily express myself. Eventually, I began to fall in love, and as love often does, it gave me a strength I could not have imagined I possessed. I had found a Muse. A woman with whom I found no faults I could not overlook. An individual I wanted to spend my life with. She became the reason I wrote. She was the fire that burned stronger than a million dreams. She began to encompass the entire scope of all that I could ever hope or dream. It was because of her that I gained the confidence I desperately needed to be myself. It was because of her I gained the knowledge to voice my wants and needs and become the man I sought to be. With my Muse I took the power she gave me and shared it with her. We basked together in the joy and hope of the free, swimming an ocean filled with dreams of a future that most likely will never come. The sentimentalist within me still holds an ember of that reality, a single passionate light that reminds me of a simple, beautiful time. My Muse has left me for another poet; my dreams have left me for another man. Now it is time I leave too. Leave the man I once was, the identity that fell in love with the girl of his dreams. It is time I seize control of the future I want, the one I need. I am my own man now. Thank-you for all that you have shown me, my once beautiful muse of 2013.

I woke up today
A haze in the air, unsure feelings in my mind
Where have I been, where will I go?
I whispered miles away
Sometimes my heart feels so obscure

For the life of me I don't know why
I think too much, love too hard
I've fixed that somewhat now
But I still missed out

I guess the world is just a ball
Fat and spinning
It's funny how much bigger I made it in my head
All this ****, it's too much to comprehend

I burnt up on reentry
Circle diamonds, raining from my hands
Candied memories kept up with me lethargically
Sunburnt from too many feelings

I seem to see into the past
Must be these radio teleplays I hear when I fly
Foggy and fast
Falling is a more accurate term

Piano and guitar with which I rehearse
Leaning off the coast with a bottle of Crown Apple
Just peeking into states and times
With my ever solid monologues
And fondness for your hair

Who needs a ledge when the horizon strikes so strong
Inaction honoured through the one refrained
Quartering the past away
Through taste and somber liqueurs
Drinking words, the follies of this young man

Leaning over the edge,
Legs dangling and fingers dancing
Among the strings of a weathered old guitar
Unexpected recollections in regular looking bars
Too young to buy and too old to rent
Not but a starstruck kid
In a wealthy man's land

Over rolling hills and obscured vistas
To the land of yesteryear
No longer something to alarm
Simply a whisper upon the wind

Like lightning through the trees
Wish I could see the rest of what is around me
Maybe when I'm older
I'll understand, things can be simple
Until then
Beneath the waves I go

Whatever lies beneath is another layer gone
Nothing any one person knows
With the weight of these feelings at night
Colour and contact filtering through
A smattering of light
Nothing more

Regardless of life and happenstance
The future could be anything at all
Beauty of rising actions
Or
Pain from the fall

In good time,
Black and white
Moonrise over sunset
Unquelled tides, hidden memoirs of forgotten royalties in lost lands
Empty rooms with records playing
Skip a beat

Every minute rains
Thinkin' about it lets me fall
All the pretty things say whatever they want,
I laugh it off

Must look back to save the day
See the river down the road
Cold, frozen, old
Like our hearts once I left town

Talk-Talk-Talk-**** about me
Out on the water where I can still see
All the pretty scenes,
Say whatever you want, I still remember the truth

Love the revolve around me
I laugh all these remarks off
For I did everything humanly possible to me
So, I laugh you off, along with those mad fantasies

Stressed as you are, the time is near
Beauty will emanate, radiant and bright
Dressed like a star, nothing to fear
The competition, barely put up a fight

So strong and capable
Brilliant and unique
Your eyes inescapable
Oceans are not as deep

Please fret not, my beautiful dear
Liv, you have worked for this long and hard
You are the song the world wants to hear
We all love you, you're gonna go far

They came from a place without
Standard of living, high levels of safety
I came from a place without
Knowledge of the expanding world
Weather, Public transit
One better one worse
My ignorance to their story was unrehearsed

Their greatest challenge to date
Was trying to integrate
Mine was getting a date

They always had wanted to explore the New world
I always wanted to see the beyond my small Atlantic town
I was born into great opportunity
Doctor, Engineer, Artist, etc
They had to move land and sea to obtain
Such an opportunity

They miss their family and I miss mine
A travel for me is an hour multiplied by thirteen
For them it requires crossing a sea

Being Canadian is a privilege that requires some pull
Being born one requires little at all
Some things here seem uncannily familiar to London and Capetown
Enough to confuse the heart with familiar summer sounds
Yet not all is as it seems

The world is ever expanding
The globe and it's people so demanding
Like the X-Files we see,
The small oddities becoming regularities

With ever growing eyes
Understand your identity
Shirk preconceived notions and come to see
This world truly is our endless family

Reality doused upon the scoured seas
Nothing allowing for recognization of faces
Tasting the lies of one so faithless
I, phasing through the emotional paces
Grew too big for such a love so aimless
One can only imagine it was baseless
So, back through the paces
To another love
To one whom may prove love is not waste
Either way, learning yourself, shameless
Loving for the right reasons, blameless
To one day recognize a face
Beauty no longer nameless

Is it worth your wild heart to lie
Cold calculations or something dreamt while high
With a swift and subtle movement
Rewind and let me live it all again
Eyes open and wide
Appreciative of that which will end

Who is it we think we'll know
Where is this place we dream to go
When is the time you think will be right
These questions built from faith in foresight

Nothing exists in such a fashion
It's built of internal fortitude
Love isn't found, it's built
Careers and homes are made with hard work
There is no quick wish
Only that to which you commit

Chasing down the rising light
Wounded hearts and gentle souls
The feeling familiar to your childhood home
Warm little hands needing to be held
Bells ringing in time with the sway of her steps
Quiet times leading to hushed smiles
All the dreams now going away
Roads paved with memories and hope
Leatherbound books and tiny guitars
Her perfume I remember still so far removed from time and space
The smell, like coming home
A house by the lake, big and full
Eyes tired from the sea of it all
Taste so familiar it could be a memory

Whisper my name while you board the last train out of home
Feel the sweetness and impression of my mouth
Recall the smiles that never turned you down

Taken were opinions
A gathering of things
Meant little to anybody

Oh, and I know what you think about
The middle an uneviable position
Though they do sing for someone,
It is not you whom calls the doves home

My regards to you, sweet little wonder of man
With brown hair and warm hands
They thought the lyrics did tell
Of some other hell

In the way back
We dug up ties in navy
Whistling tunes whilst we cried
Watching as all of time flew by
Our innocence remaining
Who am I?