i cannot
be your friend
and love you
at the same time
i know i'm a gemini
but i cannot
be two people
at once

z.f.

i am not cold
just an absence
of heat
i am not sad
just an absence
of happy

z.f.

you wield your sword
and ground your shield
when i come near,
my love scares you
doesn’t it?

z.f.

like a bee
your name
still stings
still buzzes
around me
but just like
honey
it is still
so sweet

z.f.

would you tell me i'm your lover
that i'm running in your dreams?
would you admit that i'm your baby
that i'm all that you need?

z.f.

we loved in a car where
the silences were comfortable
with words that never
had to be spoke
we loved in a car where
i heard your smile
after each punchline
like i could feel your love
on every drive home

z.f.

even the small poems
are still poems,
so much voice
in so little words

i still search for pieces of you
in Sunday mornings
someone else's blue eyes
or lengthy snapchat stories
and i'm not sure why
i guess i still hope
to see you around
or somewhere close by

z.f.

her ***** blooms
like roses
bright and alive
filled with thorns
unafraid to fight

z.f.

you were the first thing

that has made the word

"love"

feel exactly

what it sounds like

z.f.

you think
you can cut me off
for endless weeks
then spring up
and come back to me
whenever you please
like cutting down a tree
and all of its roots
then suddenly
replanting seeds
for a tree that won't
grow back to you

z.f.

i realized that it's okay
to have off days
where the light switch doesn't always work
where your bed feels more like a coffin
and you really wouldn't mind
not waking up in the morning
but you will turn on again
you will learn to get out of bed
and take out the trash bags under your eyes
you will learn to start over
and realize
the sun will still be on your side
like he has always been
and you will open up the blinds
and finally let him in

z.f.

i am no sunny day
i'm a ******* rainstorm

z.f.

i can't remember
our first goodbye
i can't remember
our last

z.f.

i lied
the first time you asked
if i loved anyone
and i never wanted to lie to you
but i guess we both broke promises

z.f.

i don't think
you're supposed to get over it
i believe healing
is learning to live
in the chaos
being comfortable
in vulnerable
breathing in fire
without it burning as much
being able to love
from a distance

z.f.