You come home in tears.
I slowly sit next to you, just like I did for the past years.

I try to tell you that it’s fine.
But the words don’t go past the ****** throat of mine.

All I can do is simply lean on you.
I wish I could give you hugs too.

I’m just so close yet so far,
Unable to gently treat your bleeding scar.

You come home with him.
I can’t stand him,It’s that nasty grin.

You were crying over him just a few days ago.
Now, it’s as if you don’t even remember the sorrow.

Heat fills the room, as you both melt onto each other.
Soon, the heat turns into pain, and breathing gets harder.

You get mad at me, when I break things,
Yet you don’t even say a word when he swings.

You sit there in tears, as he leaves our house with swollen knuckles.
Even after he leaves you’re on the ground, as if you’re tied down with shackles.

Once again, I sit next to you as I count the bruises
and the open wounds, blooming on your skin like roses.

I hate myself for being so powerless, yet so greedy.
I want you and your attention, am I too needy?

I could make you happier if my hands could reach you
and your hands too.

But that won’t ever happen for me.




Because I’m merely












a cat, that’s what I happen to be.

So close yet so far.
You leave me alone in our house once again as you leave with your car.









You come home with him.

They say words have powers.
Each like little blossoming flowers.

“Kotodama” they say.
Japanese people have acknowledged how strong words can be that we use day to day.

Every word has an influence,
Exists within everyone’s mind, causing quite an ambivalence.

Do we really recognise how heavy our words can be?
Do we really recognise how light our words can be?

I for one, am not sure.
A part of me is still insecure.

I’m unable to scale how much my words might change.
This might just sound strange.

I still don’t know if my words were too weak to keep them safe from their fears.
Or if my words were too strong that it encouraged them to leave me in thousands of tears.

I don’t trust myself with words.
They can be majestic as freely flying butterflies or as dreadful as brutally shot down birds.

A single droplet rolled down her cheek.
It was the side that she barely showed and called weak.
The crystal clear droplet landed on her palm.
Creating a surface that seemed so calm.
Little did I know that single drop carried uncountable emotions.
From the piled up distress over the years, unable to find a solution.
If only I were more reliable,
If only I were more advisable.
Yet the only thing I could do was wipe her tears,
And to gently pat her back to momentarily cast away her fears.

Just like a cup of tea on a rainy afternoon.
It was a feeling I experienced once in a blue moon.
Calmness settled in and welcomed me into it’s soft embrace.
I let my weaker self to talk, my usual self had disappeared without a trace.

The chilly wind brushed against my cheeks.
As the light left blinding streaks.
I realised we were both looking up at the same sky.
As we both let out a fascinated cry.
The dusty scent tickled my nose.
As the droplet landed on my wilting rose.
The crystal clear patterns blurred the outside.
Leaving me alone in silence with all my worries aside.
The dusty drops drowned the noisy city.
As if it was trying to leave me alone for a brief moment out of pity.

The clashing waves whispered into my ears.
Standing in front of the Sapphire blue,
The warmth from the pale softness under my feet wrapped away my fears.
The calmness of the never ending ceiling left no clue.
The time passed slower than the emerald jewel departing into the foam.
The whiteness cast a shadow over me as it sang freely,
If only I could be like them and carelessly roam.
The clashing tides seduced me into it’s embrace, warmly yet eerily.
Will I be able to sink into the royal blue darkness?
Or will I be drifted off into the cold and empty waters
As the I closed my eyes and left myself to the painful sweetness,
“Nothing really matters”
The words she said flashed before my eyes.
The mesmerising yet deadly ocean,
resembled her under all her disguise.
It was the hidden side of her that she kept for so long, all the beauty and the emotion.

I was split into two when I was
six
I met a new me
He would cover up my feelings, his job was to fix.
I was split into three when I was ten
I met a new me
She put up a happier me, her job was to bring back the friends I lost back then.
I was split into four when I was thirteen
I met a new me
He was the smart one, his job was to get me out of troubles that I couldn’t have foreseen.
I was split into five when I was fifteen
I met a new me
He was the aggressive one, his job was to protect me from anything that was mean.
I was split into six when I was sixteen
I met a new me
They were the loving one, their job was to spread excessive love so it would keep me serene.



I was split.
I met a new me
They didn’t know who they were unlike everyone else.
Who am I?

Was I not enough?
The words that spill from your tender lips and your scent that lingers
Little by little it got sharp and rough.
Your glittering heart was never easy to catch; but swiftly and ignorantly, it slip away from my fingers
The closer you get with someone else
The worst thought takes over me; that now you’re bored.
“Oh they’re just dense”
The words your friends once told me now morph the trait that I once adored.
Swiftly and ignorantly, you fly off to other people.
I can’t stop you from going to them instead of me
When I ask you why, your answer is always simple,
They give me more attention and let me be free.
How much more freedom do you need?
When will my attention be enough?
Maybe I never actually caught your heart indeed.
Maybe I wasn’t enough

Beneath all the smiles you gave away,
None of them were enough to reveal your true pain
The smiles maybe weren’t enough to make them stay
Somehow the smile looked like a chain
Holding you down from revealing your weakness
The side that all of us try to keep under the seam
It was what led to you being teased for your meekness
But oh how fast did they all disappear down the stream
The first drop of tears that rolled down your cheeks
Was all I needed, for me to decide to become your cane
As the tear left a trail down your cheek as streaks
I realised we were both the same
Putting up a stronger self to not reveal our darkest scars
But as soon as we healed each others broken hearts
All the little ragged edges soon became stars
And turning all the broken parts into thousand quartz

The piercing eyes left me stiff
Almost as if I was held by the edge of a cliff.
Do they actually all stare at me? I wondered
Not at all, in fact it was merely a few passerbys that actually pondered.
Why do they look like that?
Who let them dress like that?
It may be my mind playing games with me yet again,
But the thought was surely leaving me in pain
Did I choose to look like this? That was a question that haunted me to this day
But no matter how much I pondered the traits I despised the most would still stay
If only it were as easy as painting over a mistake
But the world I lived in wouldn’t even leave me a breath to take.

Although you never spoke a word,
It was just a conversation I overheard,
Just like a flame that was about to go out,
the words that came through the wall felt like a blackout.
All you left behind was an empty shell.
Left with all our memories without a farewell.
Just like the box we buried, you seem to have hurried.
We could’ve done so many more,
But here you are no more.
As the rain hit me and the ground by thunder.
The stone stood malevolently snickering at me as if it was reminding me that you were now 6 feet under.
My only wish is for your peace, as I rest a flower by the stone only wishing that you’re now at ease.

My dad was always proud of me because I was capable,
Oh what a perfect child
My mother would boast about me to her friends because I was responsible ,
Oh what a perfect child
My relatives would praise me for looking desirable,
Oh what a perfect child
Somethings was always missing
Oh what a perfect child
I couldn’t put my finger on the emptiness within the words that kept hissing
Oh what a perfect child
Until a different set of words came out of their lips
Oh what a perfect person.
The first words that called me perfect for every aspect, they brushed my cheeks with their affectionate fingertips

Chanted down on the mortal grounds with no ore wings, torn by he hounds.
Are you happy with your attempt to be free? Or are you merely disguising yourself with a hollow glee.
Wish to be found but don’t make a sound,
They may be watching somewhere, squirm to be freed from the nightmare
Hide little swallow, and let your partner follow.