The War is over
when you know
Fear has shattered
your skull and escaped
into the *world

A happy 18th birthday to Jireh Hong
Who I can proudly say is an amazing ching-chong.
She talks all four corners from food to Grande,
about her amazing voice, not the Starbucks sized latte.
Speaking of drinks, milk tea is her crave,
An hourly dose to satisfy her own rave.
Passing two tests, she is now a pro-status artist in UP,
Not to mention merging art and sport to move on stage gracefully.

The Year of Seven was our first encounter,
Memorable it was, I clearly remember.
During that year there was a game on my birthday
too bad we lost pretty bad, so she cried on that day.
Today, I remember the last thing she did,
She slapped me so hard that even Krisa hid.
From Seven until today there were plenty of memories.
Memories that turned Legendary from mere simple stories.

When I was in Rage Mode, and people wanted to hide,
you were of the few who were helping on the side.
Hashtag specific, this is really all I have to say.
Patiently praying, patiently waiting every single day.

Your height, your might, and your appetite,
They give me insane amounts of fright.
But FACT: It is your heart, that I can say with ease,
that is as big or bigger than any of these.

So for crying out loud, stop working out,
Ya don't need it, gimme the benefit of the doubt.
So go enjoy your music and milk tea
AKA Hang Out more (hehe) with friends and family.
You deserve it hundred percent all the way
So thank you, I wish you a happy birthday.

The last few weeks have been quite rough
the food so scarce, the rage wasn't enough.
Of it I wanted more and more
but it just wouldn't store
For it is useless and pathetic
I am a Beast with no ethic
that the Living Forest accepted me
Only that I turn her away with my pride and envy.
She is patient so is she kind
How can I be so blind
to branches wide open, trunks so loving
and so I realized and then stopped running
away from a Home that changes never
And I come back and (hopefully) stay forever.

Bracing for hail, snow, rain, or sun,
Standing our ground, planting our feet deep into the roots,
Anchored at bay swaying with the stormy waves,
Propped up during mortar fire,
Fighting sleep to guard against thieves.

After The Great Escape,
We don't do this.
At least,
not on the *inside.

I don't know you anymore,
ever since that staycation
with your Beloved.

You were the only one who held
my heart and brain
in your pearly, white palm.
Now it's stained brown
from the endless supply of caffeine
and mugs.

What about
the scars on my back
(from my travels to many places)
that you and only you saw?
I can't help but wonder over the picture you have
of me
if they now rest in a new rucksack.

My soul,
is now in your little backpack
where everyone else lie in.

Tell me,
where did you travel to and what happened?
Did the airlines lose your culture
and replace it with a complimentary
substitute?

You've lost the identity for which
I came to know you of.
May this just be a
stopover.

I strive to be the greatest
and have an audience rise up on their seats
with a deafening applause
and a desire to take that life changing picture.

I strive to be the greatest
to ax the driving darkness
digging into the center of my heart and soul
that my people have pegged
into my back.

I strive to be the greatest
finally able to smile in front of the light
that is but absent in this hole
of which only dreams thrive in.

I strive to be the greatest
that I can lie down
one last time surrounded in white
reliving the moment I smeared the world
in red.

I strive to be the greatest
so I can see you smile that perfect smile
and see I was worth the trouble
that I actually mean something
to someone.

I strive to be the greatest
so I can be part
of the 49% minority
and scream victory from buildings
taller than no other.

I strive to be the greatest
but I'm terrified of
rejection
life
recession
failure
hate
disappointment
loneliness
myself

so help me, God

Present Day is like a defibrillator in action
the hole in my heart
supposed to be
filled,
but the "filling" started to hurt
from the
Constant Letdown,
My value, My worth

So I decided to remove the hurt
exposing the hole
watching a flood of pain, anger, frustration, peace, patience, rationality
gush out.

And then there was
nothing:
zero reaction or expression
no rise or fall
no sound or beat.
And the brain didn't care

It's
Just a hole in my heart.

It finally stopped raining,
after endless hours of trying to fall
into the deep rhythms of sleep.
But the rain just kept tapping on the windows
while the wind blew like the Big Bad Wolf,
those **** plastic window frames
groaning.

I lay flat on my back
while you were there by my side.
We watched as the stars slowly reappear into
the night sky,
the moon waxing.
We had our sweaters on
to keep the nasty cold bite out,
yet I was comfortable where I was,
the warmth between us enough.
Our bond, stronger than ever.

CRACK*
went the lightning,
and I awoke with a startle.
The wind was heaving pellets of rain
to my window
as the frame bent and swayed
in response to the wind's force.

I got up to look outside
and I saw: *nothing;
It was dark, empty,
and very cold
chilled to the bone.

*not again
is it really difficult
to want something that tastes so sweet
yet feels so painful

The countless pictures I've watched come alive
motivates me to run after speeding cars
on a highway going zero to a hundred
while the bicycles come and land on my lap.

Like finding a ghost in the fog
chasing machines is a dart to the future
yet everyone's done it
so why not I?

It's during these instances that I want to
pound every key my fingers depress on
and break my thumbs via every bar I find.

*I've tried to break the sound barrier
chase after the speed of light
invented the nuclear bomb
but have not any left for flight.

Cut the paper, burn the trees
Live life normally
Why do you deviate
when everything dies around me

Rocks splinter and wood explode
Fragments of time sweep away evidence
and dust covers up the remnants of what was.
In a breath of choke, compression was key
as it squeezes to the very last molecule.

Shadows obsolete, reflections a myth
There are only stories that live
by fighting through the tight grasps
of clenched fists and sealed lips.

I've started to
lower the strings down
to a minimum level
where the Bar touches fingertips
who push a certain way
that I may follow the direction
the Wind blows.

*Or I can lick my finger
and stick it up in the air

Surrounded by a Shining Sea
I am the only debris
Still afloat 'cuz of what's around
But the foundation isn't sound

For I am the Odd in this equation
I'd rather sink to the depths of this nation
For I remain here still and steady
Regarded as useless and heavy

It's true it's true 'bout what they say
For I am just a rock that is astray
Standing out I do not hide,
As to how, you decide.

And so I fell in love with this Site
Where dreams are gold and come alive at night.
Where your heart is laid, open and bare
And everyone can understand what is in there.
From the shallow to the deep, the good to the bad,
From the light to the dark, the happy to sad.
I am thankful, I am joyful,
What this is,
is Fruitful.

Tried and waited everyday for you to tell me
that you miss me
sitting outside the cold and breezy
land I obey when
you cast away
my servant-ship services
even though this is all I have to offer
Your Highness but
I do not complain
At all

Wanted to tell you the truth that I don't like this
but the fear inside me turns the letters to **** kiss
that your smile and comfort will reward me
in the afterlife
but
instead you will sometimes insist
then hiss and diss away to a land where
black ink on a paper is champion
over the living cells of the world
full of interstellar relation-
ships

Unfortunately gladly accepted
my fate
(****t)
but recently acquired
strength to fight it, not give crap
about the consequence of pain
the Future will surely
**give

As leaves, we will fall,

when the right wind comes howling,

we will all scatter.

So,
this is what it feels like,

to be buried under heaps of leaves,
trapped
like gold in a treasure chest
living in the hold of the Galleons
of the Spanish Armada,
lost at sea, in the frozen
crevices of the Atlantic.

Yet...
I'm still free
like air--
sweet, beautiful, fresh
air*--
who filter through
the cracks
and holes.

Nothing's changed,
I am still
Me*.

I want to let out
a scream so loud
the Grand Canyon will shake
Mount Everest will crumble,
and the whole world will kneel down.

I want to scream so my voice
could finally be heard
after all this while
hiding behind curtains,
sleeping in the shadows,
travelling by rooftops
during the night.

I want to confess,
to profess,
to be honest.

I want to rid of my brain
and its logic
who says not to;
Dig 10 layers
of six feet of dirt
and bury it deep underground
lost and forgotten
like the planes and ships over the Bermuda Triangle.

I want to leave and forget,
cast away the fibers and threads
that hold on to my
morality and affection ,
but only you
can hold me down.

I want you to
hold me down;
Hidden between the gaps of pain
is my heart.