Everything has become so different in a couple of months,
I have become the most beloved on all fronts.
But the mere thought of getting married,
Gives me goosebumps.
My heart starts pounding,
And my body becomes numb.

But just to become Mrs. from Miss,
I have to forego on all these?
Life would be so much different,
And every move so uncertain.

Responsibilities that I never took as a daughter,
Would be forced upon me, as a daughter-in-law.
My complaining mother will have nothing to nag about,
Seeing her daughter as punctual as a clock.

All these thoughts fills me up with anxiety,
That now I have to take care of a new set of relatives and a SOCIETY.

Now everyone would expect me to become the nicest,
But why they don't understand? I am still Daddy's little princess.

Yeah i know, overthinking won't help,
And even if i make any mistake, he willl be there to weld.

I walk away from the people farther and farther day after day
I run away from the things that will **** me
I sprint away from the cages that the people are holding
I walk many days no food no water
I run most days on and on
I sprint when I am in a desert but I will keep going

With ropes tied around my face and sweating all day
I know it will be worth something when I get to the end
Food water and a home all waiting for me at the end
I know many people want me I just can’t find them
Even when there is no shelter from storms I walk
Because I know I will get there soon I keep going

Some nights I wonder what I was thinking of
Runing away from all I ever knew
Waiting all day for the night to come
But dreding the night when it comes
Sleeping only once every three days
Hoping I willl make it there I keep going

I never told you that I've been in love with you this whole time.
Never told you that when I was with you I felt secure and I felt safe.
I love you in a different way.
Different from how you loved me.
I was completely aware of your feelings for me.
The ways in which you loved me I had given much thought.
But the way you loved me, I loved him.
You in love with my best friend when my feelings for you became real.
I realized those feelings weren't what they seemed at first.
Feelings are a curse.
I know you hate me now.
It was intentional.
Move on with your life..
Rid your feelings for me.
The love we have is indeed mutal.
Just not quite the same.
Hearing of your love for me would tear mine apart.
Knowing I've been hurting you because someone else has my heart in the way I have yours.
I never asked you to love me and I'm sorry you did.
I said hateful things to help you forget me.
I just hope if you ever see this you can forgive me.

Like old junk stored away from sight.
We cast away never did we bid farewell as well
as we did lastnight.

Traggic lines always captured you best.
No matter the number I willl forever adore you above  
all the rest.

Blame it on them or maybe just choose me.
Of all the tales spun none match this.
For what never was, was never to be.

Old flames fires that smolder still.
Cast the stones repressed emotions.
So broken once the  man who's lost that iron will.

I remember whenever I choose to not lie.
Maybe we seek us in every other  watred down try.

Pages past so far I still have yet to erase.
The scent of regret tattred is my soul kept
like some worn photograph  still it shows your face.


For so long it was a burden but with dying breath
he was set free.
Played out by the band.
What never was.
Would never be.

you walk across my mind
stomping memories fleet through me
pulled in two different directions
inner conflict
you rest in my imagination
just a small figmant of the truth
you bask in my inner light
absorbing all that you can
foreboding dreams await where you laid
restless night
tryign to slowly ease away from memories
thoughs so haunting
filled with your eyes, your smile, your voice
they say time will heal my brain
but i am permanently indented
you've taken over my head
what more can you conquer
oh wondering soldier
why are you so harsh?
did you already forget
have you truly focused on a different thoguht
am i really jsut the remnants of the past
am i tucked securely where i won't be found
i do believe you to be a liar
oh, love of mine.
forcefully broken, spiratically declined.
tell me whats crossing through your head
what way are you flowing
i used to float beside you
in our wildest dreams we didn't see this coming
oh broken heart!
why was she your answer
she is not your medication, just a fabrication of ones imagination.
i will be the retaliation
i willl not release without war
or should i let you slide through my aura
like water through the word work
i feel hallow
bang on my chest
echo
overwhelming emotion bouncing through me
can you feel my hurt?
i would cast it out
if it wasn't burned and etched so deep.
your words, can't forget.
were you even real?
was love ever true?
i'm torturing myself
while you put on a happy fiscade
but i know YOU
oh yes, i know you more than you think.
and someday you'll come back to me
but these arms will be filled
my thoughts, pure.
my heart will have found its cure
you will be remembered
as my self-inflicted inner suicide
and i will be reborn
reincarnated, refreshed, renewed.
you will not be foregotten
althought i wish time would erase you
but instead
something new will take your place
i will shine and glow
i will burn through your darkness
with happiness and new life
rebirth.
you cannot hold down the sky
even if the clouds and rain must fall
so my addiction,
i've put myself in rehab.
each day gets worse.
before it grows easier
but watch as light transcends from my face
down to my fingers, to my toes, gently glowing without a trace.
i shine in glory
for finally finding the truth
i'm sorry lover,
                         my drug,
                                         partner,
                                                      be­st friend.
each moment is a faded memory.

I am your secret
I am all yours
You know my landscape
I know the shape of your eyes
And the lines off your smile
Keep me a secret
Ill be your secret
We will hide under the covers
And we will explore
We will stay there for days
We willl melt into one
If you keep me your secret
I will keep you mine

i worked in the mountains during the hot summer
there were un soldiers there who didnt speak english
rumors of mile-long underground prizons-
who could tell? we didnt speak russian
they were blowing up caves that tunnled deep into the stone earth
the last great sanctuary straight from revelation
silicon chips have been implanted into entire families in california
and the beast truly has many faces.
i remember the day war was declared and i cursed president bush for being such an infintie man
but he shall be remembered forever in history as a brave man (who has only felt the blood of another human on his hands in sadistic ritual) because he was not afraid to fight (unlike our dear sweet kennedy who they killed for not doing the same)
oh life! you have never ceased cleaving the meat that is mankind
and humans, will we ever cease to see that life is before our suffering of birth and waits for us after we suffer also in death?
some say that the world is spinning slower every day and will stop all together in 2012 for three days of darkness. they say in these days we will gain a new dimension and life willl never again be as we have knwn it. and i wonder, will we ever be ready? 5/30/02

oh, we were both too young
for love
when we first started out,
and there were still so many things
we didn't
know
about --
and for the past two years
we have been happier
apart
and in those years
we both had others
in our mind & heart --
we haven't slept in the same bed, love,
since the gods know when,
we haven't shared our dreams
or even had a drink
since then --
but when you're feeling lonely
call me
say you're feeling blue
and I willl find a taxi, train,
and be right there with you.
and when you want to cry for hours
and don't even know what for,
text me that you need me and
I will come running to your door.
we have argued, broken up,
I do not want you back, and I'm
in love with someone else --
but call me -- I will be there
every
time.

At least they roll the credits slowly--
I mean, at the end of DOWNTON ABBEY,
the hundreds who worked their butts off
so you and I could see the stars on screen.
We human beings have been delusional
for millennia. Pharaohs, emperors, kings,
presidents, not to mention tycoons, millionaires--
now billionaires--and "prominent" people
from all walks of life, those who attended
Eton and Andover, the Ivies and Oxbridge
thinking as though they are inherently
better--superior, as it were--to all others
when, in truth, all human beings--indeed,
all creations--share the same divinity.
What a grand illusion it has been, Civilization,
from Sumer to the present! Willl we ever see
truth? Will we ever know that we are all one?
Or will we all perish from catastrophic
climate change or nuclear holocaust before
we achieve enlightenment?

TOD HOWARD HAWKS

My heart beats fast
At the thought of it all.
The simple image
that I just might have a chance
to fall
(for you...).
That I might have the option
to tak the plunge
Into the deep..
But I can't sleep
There's too much tension
so much
I do not know...
Will my plunge end
with a painful blow
when I land
Or with some beautiful
and invigorating grace?
Will I have to save face
for everyone's sake?
Or will I ever land at all?
Will I be forever suspended in freefall?

If I let go
And fall
I pray that you
willl calm
my rushing heart
With your warm arms.
After all this time apart
Is there enough still to plunge into?

Love has passed me by a moment that never was
an emptiness that has not been filled.
Valentines day has no meaning for me
indifference without emotions felt.
To some companionship is their wealth
others money or having good health.
    Not all of us can find that special individual
to share our daily lives together.
For some that is a life that willl never be
a single path is what has been marked.
Love is hard to define what does it mean
somehow I slipped around the scene.
    I envy nobody if they have found it good luck
life is a journey with many turns.
Negotiating them can be a challenge for many
does destiny exist are our lives planned?
It would have been nice to be close to someone
but we cannot all say our battles were won.
    On Valentines day I hope your love is real
and your futures the real deal.
  
  The Foureyed Poet.

Some times I hurt so bad, I just don't feel real.
All I want it truth and honesty from those I love more dearly then life.
Is that too much to ask?
Tears run down my face and feelings, so upset I can't bear it.
What do you do?
When you love someone, it is for the good AND the bad, not just the good...
Nothing and no one is perfect and I don't ask for perfection.
I only seek it for my self even knowing it will never happen...
There is no way to control the out come of things, they just happen,
because they happen.
Just for now...............Know that I Love You.
Please don't leave me. I would miss so terribly if you did.
I can not try to make you stay, if your feeling you have to leave,
but you have to know that my heart willl break apart with out you...
01/09/06/ac

new icon, new little ones, like little presents, yeah etyeah yeah I ;like to exp,ore, like to implore your, thoughts, give me some questions!!!! I want more of them, I consume them like little drops of rain, on the tounge with the most excellent posture, writer singer porter er er er er er er er er lover hater STEALER faker STALE ADDN ILLL EAT YOUR BALLLS I WILLL EAT THJEM hahahahahha freaky Fine getting out of touch, where's it going, oh fake ouit, why why why out out out out out out 0out out itu loveer little learned to play this ******* thing like a goddamj keyboard out and in anan d in and out loveer s haters can't do without preserve it klhadridjfaj come on come yes yes lovers and screamers dreamers ******* lovers haters saviors finally coming out on top of the magnet, the magnet gravitating towards the same thing we've been hearing all goddammn doy aalll bundled up onto noises!!!!!!


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JFFOOOOOOOO
YEAHHHHHHHHH
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AFJDAFJADJFAAAAAAa
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WORODORDORDODRODORDORDOR
TRITHITURHTURHTUIRHTURHTURHTUOLIEIEIELI­EIELKEILEIEILEILEIEI EYES YES EY ESYT EYS YSE YSE SY EY ESY EY SEY SY ES EY EY SEYE EY  Y
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ends on a nice little key

seriously, don't worry about me

its gone.

What's gone? My mind?
Soul? No, I'm fine
Not really
Deep inside, something is missing
The love and tender kissing
She walked out without me
Now all I do is talk to myself
in the mirror, with my reflection
eyes closed i cant look at myself.
My heart is dead
will it make a resurrection
like jesus?
Once the wounds heal
And I'm loved for real
A type of love I can feel
But nobody loves me
Nobody cares
Nobody loves me
That nobody is me
I can't love myself because no one does
I'm all alone and no longer what I once was
But the only thing that keeps me alive
Is not knowing , willl it might all change?

im nobody ,noone loves me

I am Friendly but alone
I wonder what others think
I her the chorus of a song I never Heard
I see beautiful people even if they are ugly
I want to know the meaning of life
I am friendly but alone

I pretend that i am the prettiest
I feel the people i love angery at me.
I touch the begging of a story that never ends
I worry that i am alone in this terrible but wonderful world.
I cry for a million people
I am friendly but alone

I understand that we all have troubles
I say nothing is fair
I dream everthing is perfect, everyong is perfect
I try to allways be happy in a world of sadness
I hope we willl all be okay

sometimes life is good happy and so gay

go the way it should really make your day

make you want to smile make you want to sing

when your life is happy this your life willl bring



sometimes life is sad makes you want to cry.

feel like giving up feel you wanna die

everything around you all seems such a mess

makes you feel up tight fills you with distress.



it all a part of life of which we have to cope

we must use our will along with faith and hope.

life it must go on each and everyday

we just have to live what ever comes our way

Ahh the feeling
A buzz on a sunday evening
The wind somewhat chilling
For the stairs
I willl surely need a railing

I want to
Be a tree
And grow
As a seed
In the ground.
I willl dig a hole with my bare hands and plant myself
And lay there as my veins poke holes through my skin and spread into the soil
Seeking sustenance.
And then I will slowly twist upward and turn myself inside out
And emerge from the ground
As a trunk with bone white bark.
And then I will grow towards the sun.
And maybe one day I blossom
And the blossom will turn into a fruit
And the fruit will ripen and hit the ground.
I will push my way out of the fruit leaving my treeself behind
Maybe that would make me feel whole again.

i might be insane but ill take all the blows for the poeple i know.ill run and be the sheiled that wont give out. ill go crazy to protect people who need a hand. i look threw dangers   eyes when it's the other way around im bullet proof who is crazy enough to take as many rounds as you can fire at me. the eyes of fear are in the ones with i kinds soul. but the ones who have fear are insane anyway looking head on into fear. as many rounds you can get off it wont stop me for bullet proof ideas stay trut to the safty of your people. ever bullet proof idea that is an idea will tell people dont lose control
new ideas will be tryed even if you get hit or go down the ones who are psychoticly crazy will be around as ideas to hold back forces of evil. even the forces of the corrupt that take away life. the bullets will fly but being bullet proof will end the madness that surrounds us in this comunity.

im not crazy but my ideas are great but ill always be bullet proof for what my ideas can do in our future planes to fight the forces that only end life as we know it


IDEAS ARE BULLET PROOF SO IS MY MIND dont let it go


i will stand my ground but nothing willl pull or shoot or **** me ill stand my ground till you get thye message that your rain of terrer is going to fail so is your life and forces that has tourn apart this world

Did  you know that any building you see
can be torn down easily
if its built on the wrong soil
If its foundations wrong it will fall down withot a fight
Like Goliath on the awesome night
And what happens if our foundation is not in Christ
We will not thrive
To be what we can be
We will be mediocre and feel pain constantly
Those superstars not in Christ behind close doors they are not alright
They will never feel the joy  through Christ
They willl never be able to say
Because I have faith in him I know I can survive
They suffer and crumble till they die
And then people talk about their awesome lives
You know who is awesome?
Me
Because I have faith in Christ and I believe I fell joy
Ad I can scream Hallejuah
And know what it means
I believe in a God above all things
Who can move the mountians
Without t0ouching a thing
Who knows what I can be
And you too
Because he is the one who created you
So what happens when a car
Forgets how its made
They will try to fast
Then fail everytime since that is not their way
What they are menant to be
God made you and me
He has a plan of what we should be
I don’t know what it is exactly
But its amazing
How do I know?’I believe I have faith
That is one of the amazing things that make me me
I’m awesome
And I have my life based in Christ
My heart
My soul longs for him
And if some young man wants my heart they can go to jesus to get it
Because I believe
And I know having my life bound in Christ feels amazing
I know it sounds captive controlling and crazy but its not
Its beautiful
Loving someone and knowing someone else loves you too
Having that assurance that someone is always watching you
Guiding you
Helping you
Picking you up when you fall
Knowing souome loves you faults and all
And always forgive
That is who Jesus is
And Im based in him
Because I don’t wanna fall
And I stand tall
You should come stand too
Do what John 3:16 tells you to do
And you will be renwed
Try to make your foundation Jesus
Pray that you love Jesus and believe it
And you will not fall likte the rest
You will soar
Have you ever wanted something more?
Well that something more is jesus
He is there for you
He wants you
Hes got you
Trust him cause he loves you

As i sit on my knees its vary clear the pain will never leave the sadness willl keep playing with your heart your life will flash in front of your own existence. The cold chills that run down your spine. The love you lost leaving you numb and deeply hurt and broken. Addiction you fill the emptiness deep inside your soul. You tired there no point of careing when everything you creat gets destroyed by people during the day. The money you make seems to slip away when you fall inlove. Control overe you with now escape you want to be loved and held tightly cuddled. But dose love really even exists dose it even have meaning dose it have any real feeling. I have dreams i seek nomatter how hard i work everything around me just crubbles im left to clean up all the broken peices




I want to be loved i want to feel what real but this world is just filled with artificial life

the days feel long
the nights feel short
evrything willl be alright
you wait for the boom
zoom in on the time wasted
taste of good all feels so bad
yell in the distances wonder
if you are heard like a bird
you fly away wishing to be free
the day is night
while at night the world sleeps
youll be alright

I will rewrite history.



will decoupage the walls and lay
today's newspapers across our scripts
notated phone calls between
you                  and                 i

will let the past be the past  but
i will scumble it over in red alkyd flat
line the hairlines with vicuna threads
and  braided burlap

will let the sink run till it
lifts edges of the counter,
soapstone memorials we
built to emphasize our
bitter weaknesses for
eachother to live up to
till everything runs between
the floorboards
everything about you             and                 i
will bubble up and release
gently snap and move apart
we were no mettalurgists
but we tried--
to be as hard as all get up
iconel hearts stripping
eachother and you
bought out, you win
you're the alloy
and I am
raw skin and soul


but  I willl not be
bothered by the upheaval
as much as i break apart
(because I have been)
making a fool of myself
but i have hope that something
new will crack the casing
i am leaving in the quietest
way possible
relocating
he left months ago
and i am just starting to pack
my things but i wouldn't have
it any other way--
have you ever tried to force a
purge?

here i am,
here it is

the runoff.

Been waiting  my whole life for this and I never knew
Been waiting my whole life to love like this and I never knew
Been waiting and waiting
And never knew I was waiting
To find someone who had to be perfectly imperfect perfectly
You
And now that i know what I was waiting for
And now that I know this new kind of love
This brand new love
This love I've never known like this before
No other love will you find me ever waiting for
This is my only love
My one and only true love
That I willl always be loving
And always be waiting for
Only you
Only you
Only
You
For loving you
Is what I am suppose to do
And that is what I've been waiting for

Where have you been all my life
smoking by a river side
getting high
spending the hours on your maac laptop
tweeting about how your family is just getting byw

Where have you been all my life
Trying to clean up the messes other have made
Making a path for your brothers or sisters to take
trying to achieve fame

Where have you been all my life
Looking up **** on internet sites
texting pictures to a girl you just met
hoping that the next one willl be the best
and you will finally have a chance to get rest
becuase nothing is fulling enough to keep you from waking up at night
hoping that was the last time

Where have i been all your life

i have been dieing

The flesh profits nothing. To have a heart that is ******* in knots when their are a dozen of pots in your sink; Can't even think to dismiss this Earthly bliss in a time well spent in thought. Yet the Spirit brings life & peace. A heart that is saturated with unconditional love shall withstand the true test in time ! Words have an effect on people so choose words of edification. Smile cause it's contagious so pass yours on. We each can do are part in making this world a better place. Love should be the true essence of are existence. Become a beacon of light to a hurting world in need. Love your neighbor spread words of love & togetherness. Each of us has a responsibility in this life. Only one life willl soon be passed only what's done for truth will last. With what we do with are time today will become evident throughout eternity.

Tick tok goes the clock
Ticking that will never stop
Tick tok
Goes the hand
Where willl the second arm land
Tick tok goes the clock
Round and round without end
Tick tok goes the clock
When will the ticking stop
Tick tok stops the clock
Ooops, theres no one left

I walk the road I chose to follow.
Playing ***** screamed your shot is wacked? How to escape the truth you don't want to show your real self.


Like a shadow your self image lies like spray painting a broken angery mind that won't admit weight from wrong.





Insanity  or guilty of all your mistakes you ran instead of writing the new storie you justchews to cras an burn.

No creative ways to redeam your self.



The house if truth will make the light as bright if you speak the truth or just keep lying.



Being fake may just smash all your teeth out being fake fit you is ditch
Now it's your grave.



Being true speaking your mind making the road turn to pathes to all crazy opportunist .


Be true your own willl write society's  next move.


A posey is just a flower but
A rose is the truth about your life.
A rose is a reward for guiding the broken weak lost to the next game.

always trying to prove something, to neself, to the universe,

to the person down the street

ehh purple hair and fractional tennis *****, then

lead the plastic barriers,

remember the number

ohh saintly hell, I feel like the callous on my feet are even stronger than last month, and this walk is jazzy

so I go about proving the gods, or some diety, that this is, infact, tanglible...artifact to be exact

proving it to the widow who fancies the conversation more than the content,

proving it to pine needles who know they willl fall in two, three days, anyway


prove it to myself, and my toes, and my eyeballs

red flesh and bolstered blood,

can I have a candybar for sixpence from the richardsome magician in the sky?

no, he is occiupid with tobacco candy and the home baseman is comalainging about his peanut pickings


If only I was a kite, then fate would truely be out of my hands, and there wouldn't be any more reason to feel proud,

perhaps tied to a tree for an eternity, perhaps confused bewtee the medeterranean sea and south africa,


who could i be?