Deny
I deny the feelings i have for you.
I deny every time you walk down the street and my homie ask if i love you and i say ******* but in the back of my mind all i can think about is how much i l rlly love you 
I deny the fact the when you got a new man that it dosent hurt me because i know i can treat better then any ***** ever will
I deny that you are not the most beautiful thing in the world because your beauty is what wakes me up in this world
I deny that i dnt want you as my future wife Knowing deep down that all i want to do his hold you tight right by my side you as my bonnie and me as your clyde 
I deny how intellectual you really are even tho your the most intelligent woman in the world
I deny that i dnt think about you when i sleep but we both know your in my dreams always holding hands taking on the world as best as we can
I deny i dont want to be your protector even tho i wont let anything hurt you
I deny that your eyes arent pretty but gorgeous like the sunset over the seas
I deny that your not all i want but you are the only thing i need
I deny i deny i deny i deny
I dont know why i deny
I deny to tell you the truth all the time because  it might hurt 
I deny that deep down inside that your not my favorite girl
I deny your not my whole wide world
I deny that this poem wasnt made for you to show my love for you. 
I guess you will never know how i really feel for you because of my denial

The Monster Within

The beast lurks within my chest ******* out the rest

The remaining parts that makes me, me

The teeth of the beast, pierces my heart

I try to heal as the pain pours out

I hold my screams, fearing redemption from the beast

Been with me for so long it feels right....
This pain, is all I feel, sometimes all I need, sometimes this pain makes me feel like me again, because I can feel again

Instead of being an empty shell

i found out
today that i hate you










so im going to spend every waking minute trying to hide you

Dashing through the halls
With teachers up my a$$
I have to take a test
I rlly hope you pass
This school is actually hell
I can't even spell
You get to class right now, you wanna make the bell
JINGLE BELLS
**** OURSELVES
HIT ME WITH A SLEIGH
I'M SO DONE
THIS ISN'T FUN
THERE GOES MY GPA

I lost U, I wanna cry
Wth? What happened? Y?
I feel rlly rlly bad
Don't know how to accept that
I'm just writing how it is
Without a lie, I can't do this
I feel so bad, I wanna die
Just wanna say the world "Bye!"
Wanna die without a pain
Or disappear somewhere in Spain
In the US, in the UK
Want everything to be OK
But I still cannot move on
I rlly shouldn't have been born
Cuz it's useless, y am I here?
I don't want anything to hear
I wanna cry, don't wanna laugh
Living in the world is tough
Contact with someone equals loss
Can't remove this f###ing curse

This update rlly *****

The way everything else does.
Everything has a foundation,
A solid block to stand on.

Songs need a perfect string of syllables,
And a cool, catchy tune.
A book needs character arcs
And a story that can make one swoon.

But a poem chooses what it does,
What it says and how it says it,

w e c a n s p a c e o u t t h e l e t t e r s
OR TYPE IN ALL CAPS.

i                            to                                          of
  am       limited          the                     lines         the
      not                                  implied                                page

and i dont rlly have to use proper grammer, nessisarily,

Because as long as a poem gets across its message,
The "why" of it all,
Well, that's a good poem in MY book,
My book of feelings nailed in the wall.

"So how are ya?"

Fine, I guess. I've been feeling really good and rlly happy the past weeks, but I'm so anxious. Like everything I built will just collapse and make me fall in a dark hole again. I actually didn't self-harm for over a month, so I'm kinda proud of myself.

I've been teased because I wear jackets in 100 degree weather
been asked by my mother
questioned by my " friends "
I've answered with
I get cold
I'm just rlly cold
I'm fine
its Okay

but it's not okay
I'm not fine
I'm not just really cold
I don't get cold fast
I should've answered with

I cutt
I'm scared
I should've shoved them

I should've answered my mother
I should've answered my friends

but I know I can't
and I know I shouldn't
because those friends
would've questioned me more
I would've gotten scared
I would've froze
I would regret

just like I do with my life


Regret

she’s so lovley she’s so pretty she has rlly nice brown eyes and when i hug her i always stand in the sun so i can see how yellow they turn it’s my favorite color

dear mom,
you might love me but you certainly don't like me.
dear dad,
you might miss me but you certainly didnt make an effort to see me either
dear me,
you have a giant nose and horrible skin
dear diego,
sorry that you died
dear ellie,
i dont rlly think ur dead
dear kiwi,
ik you didnt really like me but youre soft
dear daisy,
plz dont die
dear luna,
youd get over me in a few weeks
dear eli,
i hope you ******* sob yourself to sleep
dear earlie,
i wish you would, but you probably woudn't
dear dad,
i dont care if you didnt get me a christmas gift in time but our plans to hang out when you literally live 20 minutes away have been postponed by 4 months
dear mom,
stop acting like you care
dear anthony
you a real one

Toxic *** relationships yo. When it's good it's great, when it's bad it's horrible. You rip each other apart but then build each other back up& all over again, the cycle repeats itself. We were addicted to each other for so long, but it's been 4 years you rlly have to just let me go .. I need to move on with my life. What's meant to be will always be & right now just isn't our time. I am very exhausted. One things for sure, you taught me that real love never dies, like no matter who we cross we always come back to one another but, at what point do we stop ?

Been masking my pain,
It's been a while since we dated,
I know that you got jaded,
And now we're faded.

And I think there's nothing I can do to remake it,
I rlly thought you're the one who's gonna make it.
But I was wrong
You we're just like the past
Never gonna last

Thought I wouldn't break my pact
A reminder you became;
None should you trust
To keep sane it's a must

There are something's you just can't forget
Like how fun you are to be with
In my heart,
In my mind,
You're engraved inside

Like a tattoo you can't be erased
An art you'd be.
A painting I'd say,
Pricelessly irreplaceable