I said it was not meant for me,
But what did I mean?
For any youth, any love,
Whose prey who might be,
On whom you’d lean,

In your semi-corseted skirt,
Or dressed full fig.,
Stalking into town,
Shocking men in wigs,
Luring them into false love,
As others had been?

Would you capture me,
Chaining my soul to your heart,
So I must carry on playing
At your command?
I see your dress under the piano,
And your boots and pantaloons;
The piano is not my voice,
Though you insist it is.

I shot a drunken man for you,
Which made me more your slave.
You woke urges I suppressed,
Too strong for one so frail.
With words you pushed me
But caused music to pour
From me as love did.

A storm of disapproval raged all round
Our Paris nest of love and art,
You came and went like a soldier, shielding us,
And at home you urged me on,
To impromptu inventions,
Yet causing us to depart.

Packed into a cabochon,
You shanghaied me,
Away to Majorca
And the wintry sea.
Your searing love and the island’s cold
Were too much for me,
And I escaped with my art.

Dreams do not come true
when you're bursting with talent
and passion
and a paintbrush is your weapon.

Dreams do not come true
on stage when you feel it with
every inch of your body
when you've turned yourself into
something you're not
in the limelight.

Dreams do not come true
when you can't pay for
your dinner
and the lottery goes your way
and you lose your way.

Dreams do not come true in Paris
in love and hope and joy of the city
when the streets are littered with
garbage and hookers

Dreams do not come true.

Ce n'est pas Pierrot en herbe

Non plus que Pierrot en gerbe,

C'est Pierrot, Pierrot, Pierrot.

Pierrot gamin, Pierrot gosse,

Le cerneau hors de la cosse,

C'est Pierrot, Pierrot, Pierrot !


Bien qu'un rien plus haut qu'un mètre,

Le mignon drôle sait mettre

Dans ses yeux l'éclair d'acier

Qui sied au subtil génie

De sa malice infinie

De poète-grimacier.


Lèvres rouge-de-blessure

Où sommeille la luxure,

Face pâle aux rictus fins,

Longue, très accentuée,

Qu'on dirait habituée

À contempler toutes fins,


Corps fluet et non pas maigre,

Voix de fille et non pas aigre,

Corps d'éphèbe en tout petit,

Voix de tête, corps en fête,

Créature toujours prête

À soûler chaque appétit.


Va, frère, va, camarade,

Fais le diable, bats l'estrade

Dans ton rêve et sur Paris

Et par le monde, et sois l'âme

Vile, haute, noble, infâme

De nos innocents esprits !


Grandis, car c'est la coutume,

Cube ta riche amertume,

Exagère ta gaieté,

Caricature, auréole,

La grimace et le symbole

De notre simplicité !

I sat upon the soft detailed carpet
we rose into the air
out of the window
seeing the world
New York, Rome, Greece, Paris, London, Tibet, Beijing,
Budapest, Oslo, Munich, India, African plains, Jerusalem, West Bank, etc
What was the best is the people and the culture
how different each one is but yet wanting the same thing
riding the magic carpet made me think about how everyone
in the world
could work together
to make peace
but there is still those internal
disagreements
peace between enemies
hurts further

In real life I was my imagination
and the carpet was my dream
the future is my hope

I left my heart back in Kiev,
found my soul in South Korea.
I dreamed of the northern lights,
and saw a shooting star in Paris.

I lost my virginity in Ibiza,
drank too much up in Dublin.
I ran in the streets of Ljubljana,
and drove with windows down in Sydney.

Dear moon ,
If the sky itself could collapse
And you could fall
I would hold you on my palms
Cause only your daises and twilights define me
The fade knows my darkest secrets
The reflection kisses my wildest dreams
The scintillate stares at my deepest desires
Just look like plaster of Paris
So ***** with footprints
ugly with no color
But still I like you the most
And still love your dark side

Epilogue Prophecies - "Eleusis, Isadora Duncan at Parthenon"

"Vernarth and Eurydice were pleased with the jargon of the agitated diasporas of inhabitants fleeing from the Rite of Eleusis, crossing their hands and feet, dueling the trunks of olive trees with Theban thunder, vague insurrection of the ancient world and the barbarian consonants Pleiades, They hailed the hermit Saint John's desire to appear ... moment of peace resurfaced ..., But when Vernarth was accompanied by Eurydice he hid himself in front of them, leaving only his aura!

In rapid succession of myths, a good news reaches his sacred ears, awakening his ambition and high price of three months outside the wall ... being later received in the hermitage grotto, growing with expectations link of longing that urges to remind him to be a piece of pilgrimage.

The abduction of his reverie, feared and timid frivolous overwhelming blizzard, walked surrounded by Falangists and horses pointing and threatening him, scrutinizing in the loneliness loneliness his past lives, his regressive lives, concerning key origins of his illustrative existence, stranded at this time, Vernarth agrees with himself to detach himself ... from his spirit, detach himself from their lives under hypnotic and pressing law ..., as suspended index in the Sistine Chapel, homologous ship Ave Maria Messiah!

From Eleusis Vernarth he faded in an equestrian air of reverie, crossed the pavilions with himself persevering some stele mounted on his Alikanto, ******* and stopping with him to plunder the niche sky, trace of Persephone, herself and her ******* liberating them ... devout passion, milky way, lacto syrup of his chin howling

Evanescent dancer, Athenian acropolis, Dionysian acropolis sanctuary ... stepdaughters patrons in the dance of Zeus and Themis, sideways frame of the seasons, debauchery of all creation and challenge Eleusis looking for her daughter and children, priestesses safely taking off the corset and their paintings ... incarnate chastity, oligo blood, theo music dance outraged complaining, possessed expressing to be seductive, but also native ******* ... underworld in darkness, free-spirited daughter, iconoclastic Greek mythologist Victorian mania, courtesan of Olympus, courteous undressed! Isadora, Demeter and Persephone flooded with Aphrodite foam.

“She prayed songs with her plexus and feet, scheming gardens around the world… full of foot sockets where everything created, brief apocalypse was dying! through the desolate parthenons dancing and Muscovite ruins, sweaty enclave of the Maenads and also throwing back her head as if possessed by an ecstasy in her Bugatti, Leon, enrapture of Aion! intoxicated and exorbitant with her beautiful rosy eyes of placebo ... Hair with crowns of vine leaves, in her tight skin Nebris carrying in her hands bunches of grapes Dionysius with torches live serpents chaste staff calling Thirsus; rod topped with pine branches wrapped in trims, vines and ivy ..., allusive link ..., morbid ecosystem! Covering her crotch, Temple Kopanos dance of eternal fire, romantic dimension, and she remembered Byron's most worthy… Hölderlin's Hellenic passion poetizing.

Twisted rudiment… ruins on value, exciting those of the imagination and creative doom, Sicalipsis and impudent fire torn in the wind of its twisted marble *****, worthy epic of Greek tragedy dancing like waves of sea. Terrifying death in her two sons Deirdre and Patrick , submerged accident in the Seine river in Paris in 1913, when falling into the water in the car in which they were traveling with their wet nurse ... before ...! saying goodbye to them, in social commitments that cannot be postponed. What a tragic wretch in the reigning misfortunes of not postponing it, retaining the destiny of whose children is all history, in the abduction of their own merits to fulfill their endeavors committed to solicitous artists ...support, downcast in a closet of a bolshoi dancer statue, dancing empty with her bare feet, frigid anemone, frigid Be.

Arriving at the dawn of his last prophecy, Isadora Duncan accompanies him, in full life beyond any border limiting with the borders of his dance, the flat field of Eleusis receives it presumptuously associating itself in a round through the sand ... left-handed self-indulging self-indulging …, Advanced barefoot to the Parthenon…! stripped to the world and the world barefoot before her stripped.

Reader and Petrobus were jumping on this steep stone, emulating the aerolites that flashed in the sky in Patmos, like a party of noctulizing lights, like emery detached from a fleeting planet, in the biggest Hellenic scene saying "Congratulations Hellenic World, all calm, dance, cheers to the sky "

I got a plan
You all are part of my caravan
My cousin went to Paris, France
Here was my chance
I told her to bring back a Paris Cap
So what do you think of that?
But thinking now, I should have asked for the foundation of the Eiffel Tower
Now that would have taken a lot of power
My cousin couldn’t store it in our bag
Perhaps top security and that would be a drag
My next idea was to take the Eiffel Tower apart piece by piece
This is some plan I love Lucy show would do
But I wouldn’t expect my cousin to pursue
But the French would be losing an art
I would really be telling the French, the Eiffel Tower must depart
Yet I must be clever and smart
However, would I place instead?
Why not a Giant Crepe Suzette
Do you think the French would notice?
Obviously they would
It is my thinking of should
Then the possibilities of could
I guess the Eiffel Tower I will never get
It was a hope but now a regret
The Eiffel Tower being its Paris stay and being my let.

Everyone has that place they go to when the world is too much with them. Or at least, near everyone. Mine is dark, like the sea, and it’s full of stars. It’s not quiet. It’s endless and orchestral, swirling with symphonies that I haven’t quite heard yet, symphonies that are always just a galaxy out of reach.

And sometimes it’s full of fields. I’m from the city, but they feel like home. They circle me and the sky is blindingly blue and I count my breaths: One, Two, Three, and so on. Until softly the wind blows and there I can imagine a different sort of song -- it doesn’t elude me; it consumes me. It’s there in the breeze, in the drifting bits of dust and pollen and tiny particles of sunshine. It’s great and beautiful and the first song that anyone ever heard.

And every so often. Only every so often. That song changes. It’s still within reach, but it’s a different tune. The song is light with floating, glowing ash; it’s heavy with a million voices and laughs and other songs; it drips with summer drinks and rushes through my soul. I am not alone in some black, celestial ocean or alone in golden labyrinths; home is no imagined place, nor are others just comforting phantoms. I am with them. It is more breathtaking than the stars, and more blinding than the sky.

It was like this that my summer began. In musical swells of escapism, visions of melodramatic beauty, grander than my true surroundings. It was built up like Fitzgerald crafted the West Egg, and it nearly ended much the same way; a journey homewards marked with disillusionment.

First came the traveling. I had hoped to find something I’d lost, and started out my search in the throbbing streets of Barcelona, saturated with sunlight during the days and at night with the sounds from sports bars as the football games ended, or young lovers’ laughter along the clear, black Mediterranean coast. Even the most hushed, winding alleys were full of something; perhaps this was just some magical element I conjured to make every moment new and original.

In Spain I found sea food and chilled beer and a bright rose to color my cheeks. I found churches crafted with dizzying dedication, art that made my heart stop, that somehow filled the world with its own sort of symphony.

Then came Paris. There was wine, red and deep and romantic, wine that Hemingway might have brooded over, or that Audrey Hepburn could have brought to her lips on some glamorous getaway from her Roman home. I found walls too, covered with Degas, with Monet and Manet alike, with Da Vinci and the rest. I discovered what it feels like to survey the Luxembourg Gardens on a July day, from a high shady point where despite denim shorts and a boulangerie sandwich, you’re aware that you’ve been graced with something that holds a euphoric regality.

And finally came a trip to Maine. On the shores of Bar Harbor I saw the endless pines and clear blue waters that spelled out the promised land for the first explorers. Atop Cadillac Mountain, as I burrowed into my father’s jacket and hid my face from the wind, I found the stars, as endless as I’d dreamt. They danced for me as for Van Gogh and I could have died up there. I found cool mornings to be filled with walks to rocky shores, and tea and berries and books. There was a different quality here than had been in my European travels. It was introspective and quiet aside from the chirps of crickets and birds and the laps of waves on dark cliffs. I loved it.

Each place held its own collection. Sand and shells and Spanish fans; metro tickets and corks and long linen dresses lightened on the bottom from the waters of the Seine; sea glass pulled from the harbor and dream catchers and endless dog-eared pages. Physical, tangible, ephemeral things for me to grasp onto. I added them to my character, grafted them to my bones, made them my own.

But what use is imagined significance; I hadn’t grown or changed or even learned what it was I had been looking for. I was several weeks older, I had seen a few more corners of the world, granted meaning to trinkets and decided they added to my worth.

It was August then. Shorter days for fluttering leaves and the understanding that nothing separated me from the person I had been aside from the hours between us. Direction in life can’t be dreamt up, it’s earned. It’s what you’re allowed to have after you’ve fallen down and picked yourself back up. I fell, but chose to imagine a new self in faraway places where my troubles couldn’t find me amidst the breezy, sunny crowds.

The cobblestone Parisian streets, the docks of Barcelona, the coves of Maine; they were only where I fled to when my own world was too much with me. When I couldn’t find any use in continuing as myself, I invented a girl laughing on the edge of l’Arc de Triomphe, wading quietly into the inky mystery of the warm sea, or hiding in pine forests with a copy of Wuthering Heights and a serious demeanor. She was the same girl that lost herself into empty fields and dark oceans of stars.

Only one thing stopped the self-absorption that had claimed me that summer. It was nothing fateful; nothing original. I didn’t traverse the world to see this, and the experience was not mine alone. It didn’t hold any old hollywood glamour, nor was it the topic of any of Hemingway’s books. Or maybe it was. It was true, after all. It was the truest thing I did the entire summer; it wasn’t adorned with portraits or cathedrals or soaring landscapes because it didn’t need to be. Hemingway, I think, might have liked that. What I’m going on about now is that Every-So-Often moment. It doesn’t stand lonely in my memory, like so many of the others might. It’s brimming not with strangers and false romantic visions, but with the company of those souls you’re allowed to feel like you’ve known for your entire life, for more than your entire life. The sounds of empty seas and shapeless symphonies have no part; instead, there’s the strumming of guitars with songs so familiar they place an ache right in the core of you. You ache because that moment, full of bonfire and friends and song, is becoming you in a way that nothing else could have (for all of your efforts). It’s a beautiful ache, the one you get when you’ve come home after a long time spent lost and away.

On a warm night like this,
I wish I was in Paris,
underneath the night sky
resting on a balcony,
listening to La Vie En Rose dance through the air.
In the distance,
the delightful Eiffel Tower is standing before me.
The smell of bitter coffee
drifting through the air.
Down below,
couples take a lovely, evening stroll.
There is light breeze blowing
through my wavy, blonde hair.
The lace, burgundy curtains
dance in the wind.

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How many times and on how many screens has JFK been assassinated? she asks a few minutes into the commute.

Someone has said that to me before, I say.

And I notice, now for the first time, even she is a rerun or a ghost
or an unfortunate reminder of the one who came before her,
from the artfully mismatched polish on her toenails to the way her wrists wrap around each other as she talks her quiet talk, her fingertips balancing her iPhone, which streams Jackie Then Kennedy scrambling toward the back of the Cadillac. Its the Zapruder footage in slow motion and somehow in HD, and she touches the thumbs up icon when the footage comes to a close.

Across from me sits a dead man. I'm sure of it—his death. He lounges in himself, his belly fat imperialistic in its expanse, moving beyond beltline and claiming a space all its own on the torn, blue cushioned seat. The dead man looks a bit like Marlon Brando, post-Tango in Paris, when the depression set in and with it the weight, but like Brando, there's still a cool magic in the deep lines of the dead man's forehead, something forlorn and knowing in the drag of his eyelids.

It's here that I remember I'm a writer. And moments like these, I'm supposed to render in belabored yet fragmented ways.

That's ego, she says, not looking up from her phone.

What's that? I say.

The way you pigeonhole me. Rerun, ghost, et cetera, she says. Maybe I've made love to a sad man like you before. Maybe you're a trigger for me. Maybe I know everyone you're going to be, everything you're going to say.  Like I was going to tell you these pants, these pants are lenin pants and I got them from Bali. And I didn't say it because I already knew your response.

Are they ethically made? we say smugly and simultaneously.

And the subway car does that screeching sound you hear in movies and the tunnels outside do that motion blur you see in movies and I try to kiss her but she says that uh-uh cowboy line you know from movies.

Brando had affairs, I say.

Kennedy had affairs, she says.

Have you ever had an affair?

It was exhausting, she says, the performance required. All the effort in your vocal affectations, those terrible 3 p.m. lunches, the pet names, your obligatory passion and one-liners, the secrecy for the sake of secrecy, the purchase and disposal of lingerie. If I could get the time back—

I'd spend it alone with a glass of red wine and a good book, we say.

It’s a little complicated - what isn’t? But my plans have changed (again).
Under some pressure - but not really - I was able to switch schools.
From Johns Hopkins university to the Université Paris Cité.
No doubt, the Hopkins acceptance helped.
It’s like when you have a boyfriend - how the other boys suddenly find you more attractive?

There was a comment someone made here, SbySW, I think - he said,
“No more early jogs in Baltimore,” (as in danger-city) and that was a tumbler for me - I started checking and, yeah, Baltimore is very.. Baltimore-ish. Then my little mind started grinding.

‘If I’m already switching schools and since Peter (my bf) is still ‘stuck’ in Geneva.. Isn’t Paris closer?
TRIGGER WARNING  
So, here’s where the 'nepo baby' magic happens.
I called my Grandmère. ring.ring
“Umm, I’m thinking the Université Paris Cité might be better than Baltimore.. Is that CrAzY?”
After a moment's silence, Grandmère said,
“Can you forward me your Hopkins acceptance letter?”

And thirty minutes later (9pm Paris time, mind you), I got a call from Université Paris Cité admissions. I’m in. The program starts September 1st.
Then François, one of my Grandmère’s corporate minions called and said:
"Johns Hopkins appreciated the quick notice.
The movers will be there, for you and Charles @ 9am tomorrow morning.
Your flight (to Paris) leaves @ 9:22pm tomorrow night..
Your TSA PreChecks, and Global Entry passes are complete.
I mailed you your flight passes and "Imagine'R" (unlimited Paris travel) cards. A car will be waiting when you arrive.”
François doesn't mess around.

I looked at my watch, it was 2:45 in the afternoon.
****, I need to tell Charles we're moving to Paris tomorrow.

Yes, I exist in a charmed circle - if you discount the contentiousness of the choice - my Mom’s now mad at me and my sister’s not too happy 
- I’m totes charmed.
Of course, the Hopkins acceptance (and the full-ride scholarship I declined) will now pass on to another lucky student.

Sometimes what you want
is lurking in the shadows
just out of reach - do you dare disclose it -
risk exposing it, when some might oppose it?

The bible says “Ask and you shall receive.”
In real life, that may require more than belief,
if your secret wishes, you are to achieve.
.
.
Songs for this:
Give Paris One More Chance by Jonathan Richman & The Modern Lovers
The Paris Match (feat. Tracey Thorn) by The Style Council
Nostalgie Du Voyage by Tape Five

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the error. [6] [11] Imolato's cereals and rights. Black joke surgery.
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the best tourist attractions, 4P enemies Scott Georgia / Mobile will help you manage the crystal 3. Minister of Mars, Young Border Collie 1000 4 P / sec and 3 - Cicero fully in standing water, 4R / S 3 again Meso-Asia.
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This is the best way ... 4P / S3 - 2 - 1000, George ... Ready to talk with other fans Elvira, 2, 3 miles 3 42 Kirovio sales held on July 73 Will be .. Russia, gay - memories of memories, e.g. La Paz Hellesa 2 years, Paul, George · P 2 EPT Hiroshima term. ... Italian, 1683 Canak · Colombo, French "dust", last battle ... [2] Greek and Italian gallery Nintendo 's LauráRodin Gallery - Sports circle. Women are not happy, and the group actively participates in the community. I am concentrating on the research of women's Suzuki. [4] [5] [6] or less. The second of them. [7], Maintain it. However, these products are possible. The color is well known in North Korea. New products such
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                           Paul throws them to the king and makes a frozen question.

Perfection is terrible, it cannot have children.
Cold as snow breath, it tamps the womb

Where the yew trees blow like hydras,
The tree of life and the tree of life

Unloosing their moons, month after month, to no purpose.
The blood flood is the flood of love,

The absolute sacrifice.
It means: no more idols but me,

Me and you.
So, in their sulfur loveliness, in their smiles

These mannequins lean tonight
In Munich, morgue between Paris and Rome,

Naked and bald in their furs,
Orange lollies on silver sticks,

Intolerable, without mind.
The snow drops its pieces of darkness,

Nobody's about. In the hotels
Hands will be opening doors and setting

Down shoes for a polish of carbon
Into which broad toes will go tomorrow.

O the domesticity of these windows,
The baby lace, the green-leaved confectionery,

The thick Germans slumbering in their bottomless Stolz.
And the black phones on hooks

Glittering
Glittering and digesting

Voicelessness. The snow has no voice.

28 January 1963

We had breakfast on the Champs-Élysées this morning at Café Joyeux. Their croquet monsieur (a breakfast sandwich) was to die for - one bite can cure a hangover. They also serve a deep, rich Yirgacheffee coffee (€15 a cup) that I think God stirs with his little pinkie finger - it’s THAT good. We took up most of the little outdoor, oval tables on the right side (there are 10 of us) and our little sorority was noisy with chatter - earning us looks.

Our European vacation culminates today. We’re flying back to Georgia in a couple of hours. June seemed to drain away like water.  

The minion my Grandmère charged with coordinating our vacation, François, breakfasted with us. He’s one of the flock of Sorbonne Université MBAs she recruits each year to infuse new energy into her conglomerates.

He briefed us on our departure and flight. His imposition of definitive order and advance planning allowed us a casual and carefree sense of travel this summer. In an ideal world, he’d coordinate my entire life.

He’s been on-call all month but joined us, off and on - like when we arrived in Doublin, at customs, to smoothly guide us through and again, similarly, in Paris.

He’s 26, very handsome and model looking. He’s perfectly tailored, with an elegant yet minimalist style. He wears dark shirts of admiral and yale blue with long black jackets and gray slacks with no tie. His hair is a hipster straight, blonde fringe.

He’s so perfect that I wouldn’t put it past my Grandmère to have placed him in front of me, like bait, to see if something with us sparked-off.

He’s Frenchly brisk and yet dryly solicitous - as if I have the power to sanction his position, which, in a way I suppose I do.

“How’s François doing?” Grandmère would ask, each time we talked.

“He’s wonderful,” I said, “I think he’s a keeper.”

“Good, good for him.” she would reply - making the comment sound almost sly.

Only in my dreams
under eyelids I find you at night.

I found you in Paris, kissing me in the shadowed alley way.
Beneath the aurora, lying in the snow
On top of the mountain, telling me "It's all yours one day."

You found me in our favorite store, searching for nostalgia.
The beach where we'd escape, in our own world
You held me so close, I got lost in my warm hysteria.

Then I awake from those dreams, and I'm slammed with reality.
The reality that my good dreams are my worst
And that is confidentiality.

That's the most beautiful thing anyone said about my writings.
I love you too for saying it for reading for caring and intuiting it's my truth..
Your poetic profile name Paris is beautiful
Paris is engraved in my soul from another lifetime
a DEJA_VU to me it seems

Although several great poets love my work too you expressed how it helped you be better person.
Surely what you've written
helped me profoundly too.

Sorry if my questions were irelevant insomnia does that to me I rush the second thought
not the spontaneous first.?
I must learn this virtue.

Assume most likely I have been reading all of your work
from my memory bank.
Do not fear me I do not betray
anyone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Paris Hlad: commented on,
"Deity Mine Thee."
"I think this is favorably reminiscent of E.B. Browing - "Whoso loves,
believes the impossible."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Answer-
Elizabeth Browning makes a great poetess.
I am here with my old Scarlet Letter A memorized old scripts learning how to read and write myself.
To me anything placed in God's hands apeaces
"Whoso loves believes
the impossible."
         I am after the opportunity to speak up writing about my inner truth my life.
For what I regret most is
what I didn't say back them to change my life.
but disclosing ones truthful innermost feelings is apeacing.

I learned from you that one has only one quick small chance if ever given one, to communicate effectively to let a dear one know they matter dearly.

What's impossible with men is possible with G**. is apeacing
~~~~~~
Paris Hlad commented on:
"Ratoncito blanco,"
        To Karijinbba:
Thank you for your kind words.
I have read a bunch of yours, and I believe I am a better person for having read them.

You have more than wisdom on your side - You have truth and a deep understanding of the existential paradigm, which is to say that you think about much bigger themes than most people do -
A true artist."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear...Paris Hlad  
Thank you I am no artist
just sharing a long overdue truth
So welcome read me thank you.
I am truth an open book. Eternally greatful.
~~~~~~~~~

let's ***** our romance
     from broken cathedral windows.
I'll kiss your feet
     as they bleed from the shards of cherry wine bottles.
let's carve out our stomachs
     and eat them with coffee and the morning chorus.
I'll watch you make a mess of prostitutes
     so that pink and white clouds at sunrise mean nothing else to me.
let's go and sit by the sea
     or the Seine, I don't mind,
let's drown on parched cobblestone streets.

A Lament from the City of Love

I thought she’d let me down,
But I was mistaken
As I’ve often been before.
At the time is seemed so serious,
So earth-shattering –
In hindsight,
It was such a silly, petty thing.
I thought we’d make up
As good friends do,
As we always did
But Fate decreed
It was not to be.
It had me on my knees,
Regretting each breath I took
Every time I rose to my feet,
The pain of loss sunk me again.
Fate had cast its dye –
Nothing would ever be the same again.
Now I’m sad and down,
An emotional wreck –
An empty shell,
A down-and-out
In the City of Love.

Now she is gone, gone
I’ve lost her, I’ve lost her.
I’ve lost her forever,
I lost her in the beautiful City of Love.

It was always a good friendship
The best
Full of laughter and verve,
We could tell each other everything –
The most intimate or personal of things
And know it would remain a secret forever.
There was an unbreakable bond between us.
We trusted each other,
Our lives were safe in each other’s hands.
We were friends for life.
We could laugh and cry at ourselves
At all the absurdities of life
At our failures and successes
At our dreams and schemes
At the absolute fragility of life.
And how we could laugh,
And crease up in hysterics
Like two kids, having fun.
How we enjoyed the each other’s company
And the pleasure it brought –
The delight of just being together.

Now she is gone, gone
I’ve lost her, I’ve lost her.
I’ve lost her forever,
I lost her in the beautiful City of Love.

When she was down,
I‘d lift her up
When I was in a dark place,
She would lighten my weight.
When she cried,
I’d hold her tight and dry her tears.
When my heart ached,
As it often did,
She knew the cure.
When she needed support,
She could lean on me.
When I needed advice,
She gave it well
When my sorrows came,
She soothed them away
When she needed space,
I knew when to leave
When I needed sanctuary
To her I would go.

Now she is gone, gone
I’ve lost her, I’ve lost her.
I’ve lost her forever,
I lost her in the beautiful City of Love.

She was my cultural guru
Who touched every part of my being?
Who gave richness to my life,
With her informative mind?
And exotic gifts
And treasures of every kind.
She showed me a different kind of beauty
One of eastern promise and delight
Full of exquisite delicacies
And subtleties of the mind
In return,
I’d take on a cultural tour
Through the tangled mind of an Englishman
Lost in his dreams.
She would laugh aloud
At such an absurdity –
How can a country,
That forever speaks in riddles
Have any credible culture,
She would say
And I’d laugh at her impertinence
But admire her all the same.

But now she is gone, gone.
I’ve lost her, I lost her.
I‘ve lost her forever,
I lost her in the beautiful City of Love.

Now, as I walk these well worn streets of Paris
I see her beautiful oval face everywhere
A face I’d cradled many times.
Her dark eyes follow me,
Eyes I would have died for.
I see her walking in the Jarden du Plantes
With her nonchalant air.
I see her in the Jardin du Luxembourg
As the sun glistens through the leaves
Or at Parc Monceau on a soft winter’s day,
Her dark hair blowing in the breeze.
I see her at Gare du Nord catching her train home
Waving me adieu with her joyous air.
I see her everywhere, in every window,
Every door, smiling at me.
When I close my eyes she is there
When I wake her eyes welcome me.
In my dreams she is there
Her musical voice calling me
Whispering the poetry of life
The poetry of love.

But now, she is gone, gone.
I’ve lost her, I’ve lost her.
I‘ve lost her forever,
I lost her in the beautiful City of Love.

As the sun sets
And the city lights sparkle
And the moon
With our dreams drift by
I feel more lost than ever before
More lonely than lonely can be.
In this city of all cities
Where love blooms
Where no man should lose a woman
I lost mine.
Oh, how cruel fate and life can be
To take away my precious dream.
To take away a faithful friend
And leave me an empty shell,
A soulless shadow, forever doomed
To wander the boulevards of despair,
To walk the avenues of sad reflection,
To crawl the rugged rues of regret
In a place of no return.

But now, she is gone, gone.
I’ve lost her, I’ve lost her.
I‘ve lost her forever,
I lost her in the beautiful City of Love.

Mon Dieu, Mon Dieu,
Why should it be
That I must suffer this ignominy
Mon Dieu, Mon Dieu
I’ve lost it all
I’ve lost my way
I’ve lost my soul.
Mon Dieu, Mon Dieu,
Can’t you feel my pain?
Can’t you hear me cry?
Can’t you see my tears?
Mon Dieu, Mon Dieu,
She is gone
Gone forever
I’ve  lost her, I’ve lost her,
Mon Dieu
I’ve lost her forever,
I’ve lost her
I’ve lost her
I lost my dream in your beautiful City of Love.  

Café  Batigonolles rue  des Dames 17éme

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she is a rendering in darker inks of lighthearted subjects
the eloquently illustrated surrealistic seduction of the heart
demure yet ravishing sexualization
the ideal of beauty offering itself up like a sacrifice
at the alter of some wanton hedonistic temple to gods of lust
she looks up at me from her practiced good girl gone naughty dream
and tells me that she wants me
wants it all to be perfect
like in the paris magazines
wants it all to be crafted in perfumed perfection
near to goddess as human can be
she is rendered in darker inks
but i am captivated by the lovely
entranced by the beautiful
enraptured by the perfection
as only darker inks can be

Archie was smart; at least he reckoned he was, because he had what he considered to be the good things in life: dosh in his wallet, a Cat in the garage, and a detach. in the green belt; all of which he had worked hard to acquire. Worked, is not exactly the word for it. Archie did deals. He reckoned he could always turn a fiver into a tenner an’ a tenner into a pony; a pony into a ton and a ton to a grand. He was one of the cash economy’s natural alchemists.  The folding stuff was the measure of a person, he reckoned. Archie never thought about anything; he reckoned everything, and nothing on God’s good earth was beyond reckoning, he reckoned. An ever-ready reckoner; that was Archie, and he loved himself for it. Only John Wayne did more reckoning than Archie, his old dad, bless him, used to say, thought Archie. In Archie’s world a grand was currency; less than that was just spare change. He reckoned he gave superior meaning to the expression ‘it’s a grand life’. The only blemish on Archie’s horizon as far as he could see was the lack of a class bird, or ‘ream sort’, as he preferred to say; hence this evening’s extravaganza at a posh French restaurant in the company of a beautiful lady. Archie only had two serious weaknesses in his existence: a fondness for the last word in a dispute about anything you care to mention, and his infatuation with his dining companion, the beautiful Carmela.


Carmela shared a common background with Archie. They grew up on the same council estate in the inner city. They were aware of each other’s existence as kids and teenagers, but they didn’t really know each other. Carmela was a quiet child and very singular; even in company she could be by herself. None but she was wise to her sense of solitude. She had three passions in life: knitting, sewing and weaving; the blessed trinity of her existence. Carmela interpreted the world by these three gifts. Here she was, she thought, weaving her way through an evening, in the company of three strangers. One she knew, herself, another she didn’t know at all, despite proximity and semi-shared origins. Then there was the complete stranger to the trinity: the waiter in his new and very polished shiny black shoes, “You can tell a lot about a person by their shoes”, Carmela’s mum used to say, she was thinking about that as the waiter appeared to almost pirouette into vision.


The waiter was a patient soul, it goes with the territory. The waiting game wasn’t something you should rush in to, he often told himself, in one of his more existentialist moments. He appreciated the irony of the comment in a Sartresque kind of fashion. He was from a steel town in the Rhonda Valley of South Wales. Iron was in his veins if not his appearance. A creature of paradoxes, that’s what he told himself he was. He liked that assessment of himself. It complimented his passion for all things French: French food, French wine, French philosophy, literature and art. He was learning the language at night school. Alas, his accent was as lyrically refined as the landscape that bred him He shovelled the words onto a conveyor belt of sound and meaning as best he could in the general direction of the person he was talking to, more in hope than in faith that they understood what was being said .The other passion in his life was tap dancing, and as luck would have it he could wear the same outfit for work and leisure, hence the very shiny shoes which allowed him to dance around the tables of the restaurant, practising his language skills on the clientele, His life work and leisure dovetailed with his ambition and he was pleased to wake up in the morning and set about the mortal trespass with a skip in his step. The waiter imagined himself to be a cosmopolitan and enlightened soul, in a very Fred Astaire kind of way, and life was a flight of stairs which he could ascend and descend in a Morse code type of style, just like Mr Bojangles.


The fare was fine. the wine was rare, but the conversation was spare until the cheese board arrived.” Good grub”, said Archie to the waiter. “We don’t do grub, sir, we only serve the finest Gallic cuisine in this establishment,” replied the waiter, in his usual mangled French, whilst smiling that smile that only waiters can manage when registering disapproval. Archie looked blank. It was Carmela who spoke: “C’était magnifique! Mes compliments au chef.” “Streuth! You speak better French than Marcel Proust here” said Archie.” I studied Fashion and Design in Paris for five years “replied Carmela.” “An’ I joined the Common Market many moons ago. It’s good for business” said Archie. The waiter was impressed: “Food, fashion, wine, Proust and Paris. This must be Nirvana” he said. “Great band, but a very dubious heaven.” replied Carmela, knitting together the threads whilst changing the pattern of the conversation in a very subtle fashion that was more to her liking.” “It’s only rock ’n’ roll” said Archie, an’ if you’ve ever heard French rock ’n’ roll it’s enough to make you believe in Foucault” “Foucault, my hero!” said the waiter, “a philosophical genius”. “According to Foucault, a knitting pattern is the hieroglyphic of a consumerist and decadent capitalist society.” intoned Carmela.” “And ‘A recipe is a critique of a cake’, said the great Structuralist philosopher,” interjected Archie, so if you serve the gateaux we may effect the collapse of western civilisation as we all know and love it”. “Allors, Let them eat cake” said the waiter, and everybody smiled at the irony of the comment.

The waiter bojangled his way into the night, tapping and clicking the pavement as he went.  Carmela and Archie got into a black cab. “That was a night to remember,” said Carmela, “very Proustian”. “A la recherche du temps perdu”, replied Archie, pleased as punch to have the last word. Carmela just smiled as she looked at Archie’s shoes.

Pour les yeux de souveraine un coup de crayon pour redessiner les sourcils
Une couche légère de mascara sur les cils des pointes à la racine
Un petit gris léger sur les coins internes et externes de l 'oeil
Et une couleur rose sur les paupières mobiles
Et du khôl pour illuminer ce regard envoûtant de sirène qui hypnotise
Les phalènes jusqu'au fin fond de sa mer d'airain
Sans oublier le rouge à lèvres aubergine
Kiotis Paris made in France
Pour hydrater et satiner le cuivre de ses lèvres :
Mon féminin céleste zéro fausse note est vite prête
En deux temps trois mouvements
Et des secondes interminables

Il n 'est jamais trop **** pour Désirée et ses mille épigones :
Judith, parée, poudrée, maquillée, parfumée
Hérodiade, douchée et dressée sur son trente-et-un
Eve, coiffée, habillée, décolletée,
Sapphô, culottée, chaussée, toilettée
Pandore, prête à jaillir de jour comme de nuit
Hélène, légère comme un papillon
Cléopatre fraîche comme la rosée :
Pulchra Fatale et Désirée
Elle est belle, elle est wow, elle est elles toutes en Une enrobée
C'est l'ombre plurimillénaire romantique de Balkis, reine du Matin,
C'est l'ombre plurimillénaire romantique de Makéda, reine du Midi
C'est l'ombre plurimillénaire décadente de Salomè, reine du Soir
Quelque part ressuscitée
Et je l 'aime comme elle est

Chaque jour que le soleil fait
Jette un baiser couleur de belle lune de miel
A ma sirène métissée de Matin, Midi, Soir !
Ce n'est pas pour rien que ma Pulchra est fille de Mnèmosuné
Fille de Wainaha , saint dragon hémiarite
Par son don de seconde vue
Ma sulamite débusque au quart de tour les artifices,
Les cernes, les imperfections, les camouflages
Les faux cils, les faux ongles, les faux saints
Et les faux poètes, les faux salomons et leurs fausses huppes
Et leurs chants libertins en hexamètres dactyliques
Au son de leur phorminx d'occasion
Eh oui Ma Désirée est Pulchra authentique et fatale
Elle chante tentatrice avec Kiotis
Son cantique des cantiques ad libitum
"Je suis bien, je suis wow , je supervise
Et je m'aime comme je suis "

Paris June 18th 1940

Dear Mother,
Beauty surrounding us
daily
but never more than a
street away
from another wall
with bullet holes
and flowers

This ****** world just got bloodier,
The streets of the romance city are painted red.
Islamic state, you owned up and sound
So pleased with yourself.
How dare you.
In the name of Allah, the all loving,
You just killed people,
You did it.
Allah, who may well be benevolent,
Has nothing to do
With the blood on your hands.