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Alyssa Nichole Apr 2017
Sisters and Brothers                 
Irritating each other                                     Bond thats unbreakable                               Love that last forever                                     Incredibly annoying at times                        Greatly appreciated                                        Surviving everything together             ~Alyssa Nichole
Joyful streaks of light shine from a distant path
Hailing from a world where nothing seem to last
Eager hands for the heart of who we want to reach the most
Absolute power was never a thing to boast

Not a bolt of lightning is enough to pour this hour
If such life is less than what  you expect for a little fire
Calming the beast is not the best of answers
Heave your thoughts and watch rocks from meteors falling in shower
Open your mind and free it from infinite hate
Learn to live a life and start to have fate
Even in sorrow, you can lighten up the weight

All the things that you may think about
Nicely presented in your head, is what to not to doubt
Not a point in reality is there to be sad about

Vicious things may come along the way
Imagine only, that there will be another day
Laugh at every moment while you can
Life is not long enough to live my friend
All is temporary and all is just
Not even your beauty would seem to last
Uncover your truths from all of your known lies
Even if the truth has lies to hide
Vested upon you is your soulful right
All you have to do is to play the game that we call life
For the best the thing that ever happened to me. Jhea Nichole Anne Villanueva. I love you baby.
Jack Turner Nov 2010
patient and quiet
i hear the wind
                                                         and so it begins again
                                                         about you
i think to myself
how proud
                                                         that you are out on your own
                                                         living in this strange place called world
somewhere out there
high above is a shooting star
                                                         standing strong and alone
                                                         not a big girl, but a young, beautiful woman
i am transitioning
into greatness
                                                         that no one ever thought you'd be
                                                         with one exception - me.
Xyns Mar 2014
It's like I'm climbing a mountain
With no safety gear
At first, it was easy
Perfectly placed footholds
Easy access
But things have changed
They are crumbling and slippery
And the ones below me have crumbled away
All above get more and more spaced out
They get smaller and smaller
But I just can't turn away
Emily Rene Dec 2014
Extraordinary is what I'd call her,
Lets no one stand in her way
I'd call her stronger than she looks,
Zig zags in & out of being misunderstood
A military man has stole her heart
Betting for a marriage proposal one day,
Even children, a big house, & a dog or two
The end is no where near for their young love
He's the one, she knows this, even I do

No words will ever bring her down,
I'll be there for her until our dying day
College will not separate our friendship, &
He'll meet me one day at the alter
Oh, I'll be the one holding her bouquet,
Letting the priest say his piece,
Explaining, "You may kiss the bride"

Breaking their kiss will be the sound of the *****,
Roaring to life as they exit the church
One is what they'll be together, holding hands,
With their family & friends standing & smiling
No one will be sad, he's the one, she knows it, even I do
I'll admire their love story because I'll remember
Never hearing her say a word that didn't involve him
Going in their ride with a ribbon & generic letters reading,

"Happily Married"
Elizabeth & Ben, you inspired me to write a love poem. <3
Softly spoken Oct 2009
Tears ran down my eyes for those i love
Even the one's i despise but they don't know

Yesterday i cried for my mother;
S he did me wrong but i still love her

Yesterday i cried for my dad;
I think the day his brother died is when he went mad

Yesterday i cried for my little sister;
She is lost in the world and there is no one to fix it

Yesterday i cried for my oldest sister Nichole;
It's a shame she might raise her sons on her own

Yesterday i even cried for you;
The things you go through people have no clue

Yesterday i cried, Yes i cried for me;
For what i deserved and those i really did need

Yesterday i cried, But i live for today;
So my tears for yesterday are my old way

I might think about it but i will not cry
See I'm one out of so many that have survived
A affect on me my past did have
But today I'm learning how to deal with that

Today, I will sleep better tonight when i lye
And that is because Yesterday I Cried
The time will come of purest heart breaking in two, But alas will come your impending doom, The chimes of screams will be heard. Upon a bed of lieing earth. Forever forsaken will you ever be with chains of this wretched destiny. Call upon the skies on high. Pray to see another rise. For where thy lack a brain or two, Gods and Devils still come with you.

Written By: Taylor Nichole Hewitt
Mateuš Conrad Sep 2016
i gather, all philosophy is written on the anti-cross, or a sickbed... and all maxims on the deathbed - in between there's nothing but vain distractions that have no basis for a consensus of surprise - they are merely therapies of manual labours, shadow-caste by weakness to invoke a sense of belonging to this world akin to a labourer of pure action - reduced to the same pure action: as one might showcase faking one's own death.

Kant said of poets: bothersome flies -
here to steal the cupcakes of my pondering:
zwischen die volkern erzielt wird
a mondus vivendi - in vivo or in vitro?
alter: mondus quasi vivendi -
and all that talk about sabotage (canto xix)?
his own poetry - even the sarcasm, but
especially the sarcasm shines through pristine
as if Hannibal Lecter talking about Alabama:
i gawt dem tousand doughlars tough mak 'em...
        awl over the plaice -
            got to give Ezra the cheek for demonic
slapping to shove that one, up their pristine
temple of ahoy ****! still, the variation is there:
usury and simony - talk of,
       Thomas the Cartesian -
Peter Simon the Usurer - the rock that gave
way to 1000% a.e.r. of maggot - interests rates
and what they said about her:
         piece of meat for the film, *****,
second rate: ***** slapped to Disney - and aren't
women natural sadists? i guess the Cesarean section
was a move in the wrong direction:
*****, pain! *****, pain!                well...
          if i was ever to be bothered, i'd be bothered now:
they're saying you need your genitals stretched
like Armstrong winning the 8th tour de france -
but f.g.m. is bad, bad bad bad -
hey, i was the one who said: get an abortion,
i didn't love you in the same way i ****** you...
you'd think she wouldn't think she was a murderer
akin with me, until the **** ***** turned into
a yanking diaper wearing blob -
                  i love how precursor physics akin to
post-physics (metaphysics) is entombed with pepper
ante: so sneeze into the benzene ring and get
either para- or ortho- physics out -
but she was russian orthodox, which is worse
than roman catholic: no feeling of guilt -
just the relativity factor: forget female rights:
let's just **** the ****** for giving her freedom -
yeah... and i just graduated and couldn't find
a job in chemistry, was working as a roofer:
she has two apartments in St. Petersburg and a mansion
in Siberia... and she sums it up as: i have no money.
blah ha ha ha ha; and i have an aunt in Warsaw
who sends me monthly stipends to drink myself to
death while i write the alternative to Proust.
  he really gave it to them in Ohio: i really gave it
back to London, imagine being published in the town
of your birth, simply because the western notion
of a book: is actually a brick, or a rubber door-stop -
unless you're famous? forget it... seriously,
they really have destroyed poetry with the idea that
autobiographies will **** poetry off...
question is: if you lived an interesting life...
why would you write a book? why would you?
i'm sure you'd continue making life interesting,
Don Juan wrote a book, Faust was like: bartender!
next round! and what's with these ghost writers?
that's like taking the concept of narration
and inventing a fourth dimension -
            our literary tastes and ambitions... are actually
ruled by dyslexics - people who not only can't
write... but who primarily can't punctuate...
now... if this is a healthy society (that we live in)...
then i guess Iraq is an improvement after toppling
Saddam... bra-*******-vo.
                         if i were the west i'd shut up
for one generation, and stop this political fetish of
foreign policy - but, as you guessed it... it won't work...
           just today, a program: 15 years after -
truth, lies, and conspiracies - well... if Guy Fawkes
did blow up parliament, we wouldn't be having
bonfire night celebrations, we'd be having debates...
but since Guy Fawkes plot was a failure:
ola anonymous! ola whoever...
                  and that massive tower in Dubai?
it was an architectural coup - let's freshen things up,
let's keep the competitive streak coming -
who's ******* overshadows all other erections
(egoism)? point is... i don't even care,
         there's no point playing hide (deny) & seek
(doubt) with these people... there's no point!
         i'm not seeking the ultimate noun -
    or how you perpetrate grammatical cleansing:
you basically strip words of meaning,
   and drop them, face-down, into their respective
grammatical category, and the job's done:
no grander meaning, no ulterior purpose,
    no alternative suggestion;
        or rereading Nietzsche - you either recite
something by the author, or you cite the authority
behind your own investigation - the former is
sycophantic stagnation, the latter a narrative continuance:
                furthermore? continual nuance.
    that's how rhyme will remain until i find
the original intention of poetry's need for rhyme to
   be anything but what it currently is: unappealing -
it's like poets want to write something that can be
classified as poetry... which obviously leads to
  the controversy of: but it's so ****** unappealing!
  hence the revision of rhyming to and from couplets -
   i only came across an interest in philosophy aged 21...
  any sooner and i'd fall for reciting dogmas and
upholding the arguments of others...
                   but i only came across this subject through
a collision with strife: or the lost care to strive
   in order to suspect a need for social ascension into
  the heights of respectable society of: horse racing
at Ascot, champagne and caviar: and airs: oh may i,
   oh you do indeed, sir.
                            and in each and every one of us:
   the brute: the comedian.
       what Nietzsche did to emphasise with italics,
  i'm doing it with the colon - for it is said that the colon
economises emphasis without Niccolò de' Niccoli
                           (ò) - i.e. Nichole - née coal -
in French: cut short; which means? have you ever seen
a new form of literary monopoly emerge
that wasn't ecclesiastical? i have... the diacritical markings
on standard Latin letters - they're not taught:
merely accepted -                   suspension of illiteracy
             hibernating in ages of education:
on purpose dangling - the stick a metre from your
head, the carrot a Don Quixote fata morgana -
  truly: a mirage.                SKY: believe in better.
all those guys in advertisement know their philosophy -
once i met a guy who once worked in advertisement
and was shocked when i summed up Sartre as:
                                                                         voyeurism.
  but there's a new monopoly on literacy in town,
it's obviously more refined than the old way of
telling secrets -
                            it's refined in the sense that i too would
have doubted whether that's haiku in ensō or enso'h -
dried up laughter, or the desert of once heard
laughter: lo'h 'n' behold a stammer for an earthquake -
so soon? yep, that much sooner.
                           looking at it, it's all Copernican
east north south west with some encoding, or all of them:
   up there, on the international space station
you get a hard-on thinking about nautical mathematics.
   i get him though, Nietzsche the Preacher -
              although i limited my experiences in order
to never agree with his observations that precipitated from
his experiences - none of them could have come
from *a priori
musings - what with his menage trois -
   again: ménagé (à) trois - or faux pas, i.e. fau(x) pa(s) -
                   as Xerxes said: war!     (alias Łar -
     warsaw - or?   Łarsała - siała baba mak, nie wiedziała
jak - chłop powiedział: a to było tak... a sea-saw)
  while  some dwarf Polish Duck, a.k.a. politician added:
     V'AR!         -             while in this
  retreat in France - Taizé - i served out lunch and dinner
for the congregation, working with this German
  who preferred spiritual duty than army conscription
service; a memorable quote by him though:
   vey d dn't oonderstaand my good En'glish arr-cent:
   plus the Schwarzenegger for comparative literature.
I.
Drop drop, rain drops and music stops
Were they chanting at a dark dust light?
Echoes,  at year‘s end sea tide,
who knows those cares from left to right side sea bank.

We must depart,
off to departure together.
Where it leads and where to exits
it's little what they care.

II.
Although you, Sir of year’s end
Nichole whispered to Tomas
Isn’t it better to toast a wine to our departure?
December‘s snow roars to an early spring

III.
Tomas replied to her gently,
I could see through the willows of the inn-yard
And identify who will be going greener and greener?
And you have a solitude soul
where ocean waves rise high.

IV

Nichole and Tomas hand in hand
They were chanting together: “
It doesn’t matter where the path they take
Shall we departure
Off to departure
together, slowly walk into the darkness.
# Departure # Darkness
Michael Merther Oct 2018
You showed me your wrist
Your map of pain
If only I could show you my scars
My memories of violence
Then perhaps you and I can find some measure of peace
Stay strong everyone. You will see morning.
Moving ever slowly, its reach getting ever so closely. Breath gasping in halves. Hands shaking as you run in paths. Moving but never going. Creeping but never fully showing. Fear as you knowing this game is ever fully growing. No escape of sceneries change . And alas the predators advantage is at bay. Twisted realm with no control . A subconscious can be a unruly hole.

Written By: Taylor Nichole Hewitt
Songs That Are The Story Of My Life



Emotional Movies

"I'm alive!  
Even though a part of me has died!  
Take this heart and bring it back to life.  
I fall into your arms open wide,
the *Hurt and the Healer
collide."
~Mercyme


Cooking

"Don't look at me
if you're looking for perfection
Don't look at me,
I will only let you down.
I'll do my best
to point you in the right directon,
But don't look at me
No, no, no,
Don't look at me,
Look at him."
~Stacie Orrico


School

"I've been housing all this doubt
And insecurity,
And I've been locked inside that house
All the while you hold the key,
And I've been *dying to get out,

And that might be the death of me,
And even though
There's no way of knowing
Where to go
I promise I'm going because
Oh, I gotta get out of here
I'm stuck inside this rutt that I fell into by mistake
Oh, gotta get out of here
And I'm begging you,
Begging you,
Begging you to be my escape."
~Relient K


Driving

"Heeeelpp!
Heeeeelpp!
I need you!
Oh oh I need you!
Please heeeeelp,
Give me your help!
I need you!
Oh oh I neeeeed you!
I need your heeeeeeelpp!"
~Abandon


Cleaning My Room

"I'm letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams,
Losing control
Of my destiny
Feels like I'm falling and that's what it's like to believe,
So I'm letting go!"
~Francesca Battistelli


Computers

"Won't you tell me it's not over?
Can we work it out?
Can we talk about
Getting through the hard
Getting through these trying times
I need an answer, tonight:
Tell me everything is alright
Tell me everything's just fine
Tell me the words that I need in my life,
Tell me everything is alright
Tell me everything's just fine
Tell me the words that I need to survive."
~Capital Kings


Food

"Well, You could take a cup and fill it up
And just keep on filling till
It all comes spilling down the sides
That's what You do in my life
...Never mind moderation,
You exceed my expectations:
I have never loved You more
'Cause You have never loved me less
Than the day before, or the day before
I have never loved You more."
~Nichole Nordeman


Air Conditioning

"Haaalleluuujaaaaaah!
Haaalleluuujaaaaaaah!
Ha­aalleluuujaaaaaaaaah!
Your love makes me sing!"
~Brenton Brown


All-Nighters

"Cause if you never leave home, never let go
You’ll never make it to the great unknown till you
Keep your eeeeyyeees
Open, my love
So tell me you’re strong, tell me you see
I need to hear it, can you promise me to
Keep your eeeyyeees,
Keep your eyes open."
~NEEDTOBREATHE

Spicy Food

"Where were you when our hearts were bleeding
Where were you? It all crashed down
Never thought that you'd deceive me
Where are you now?
How long can you stand the pain?
How long will you hide your face?
How long will you be afraid?
Are you afraid?
How long will you play this game?
Will you fight or will you walk away?
How long will you let it burn?
Let it burn?
Let it burn."
~RED


Popcorn

"Where is the hope?
Where is the peace
That will make this life complete?
For every man, woman, boy, and girl
Looking for heaven in the real world."
~Steven Curtis Chapman


Too Many People In Here

"Get off my back
And into my game
Get out of my way
And out of my brain
Get outta my face
Or give it you best shot
I think it's time you better face the fact,
Get off my back."
~Bryan Adams


Younger Kids' (My Little Brother's) Criticism

"Get on, get on
Get away from me
If you're trying to bring me down,
Trying to bring me down
I say, get on, get on
Get away from me
If you're trying to bring me down,
Trying to bring me down!"
~Third Day


Music

"You can feel it in your soul,
That beat drops and you find yourself just wanting more.
Music, music
You're at its mercy, soon as your feet touch the floor.
And the rhythm is moving you,
As the wisdom's fine tunin' you.
Ain't nothing better than a real hot track
With those lyrics that bring us back."
~Beckah Shae
Youtube Links:
Mercyme: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mxqfDs-64I0
Stacie Orrico: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flQHXz7li1E
Relient K: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lvz0J0WBZPE&feature;=kp
Abandon: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=21AsGGpDLOM
Francesca Battistelli: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5BMCEW7s2I
Capital Kings: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDMx4glj2hk
Nichole Nordeman: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_gUiEMVRzlQ
Brenton Brown: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWT3Hd6WqE0
NEEDTOBREATHE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91iXRMkmFbs
RED: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A4RGQYvRgMM
Steven Curtis Chapman: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4vnQc59N-w&feature;=kp
Bryan Adams: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJe30WorFvI
Third Day: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jzM5xm5ywPo
Beckah Shae: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xs6udky_1Us
Nichole North Mar 2014
May the powers that be bind you,
Praying, begging for release is all you can do,
You spit in my face when you turned my love away,
Don’t think I’ll just forget, In the end you will pay,
No one takes my heart then returns it empty,
May the links of your sins form a chain, from which you can never break free,
It is so easy for you to turn your back,
When every moment my emotions are under attack,
Remember this: There is no pain I cannot take,
There is no love I cannot turn to hate,
Do not forget the blackness that lies at my core,
When I say vengeance is mine you’ll be pleading ”No more!”
You have lost all that was and all that could have been,
To return to a life of emptiness, poverty, and guiltless sin,
Someday you will hear my laughter deep down in your soul,
I have continued on, I will succeed, I am the pleasure you will never know,
My curse to you is to merely have an existence,
To be that ‘wallflower’ that never got to enjoy the dance.

Nichole R. North
3-31-98
Kat Herondale Oct 2014
Your heart is the only thing that stays to life's beat,
Your hands are the only thing that lifts the worlds frown,
And your smile is the only thing that keeps the world shining.
~Kat Nichole Herondale
Alyssa Nichole Apr 2017
I had no where to turn, I had no where to go.                                                              ­   This is just something I think you need to know.                                                                 I don't know what made me trust you.        I still remember the day I told you what I've been going through,                                 I thought I should run away, go hide in a hole,                                                               But then you brought out my true soul.     As each day grew longer,                              Our trust became stronger                         
Each time I wanted to cry                              You stayed right there by my side.             ~Alyssa Nichole
(Dedicated to my principals Doc.Miller, Mr.Lewis, and Mrs. Lloyd)
Never the less you'll never see The secrets of life that keep for me. Never the less you always do scuffly scorning my days and views. May it be my vengeance is swift, sharper then knifes and better then wit. Lifes come in all shapes and sizes but nothings better its all one sided.

Be it your strong I think your not, be it your lies I know your plot. Come face me now you impeccable fool cause no one knows how to truly duel. I come from the shadows Iv seen your pain, and from me you have but nothing to gain. Nothing to loose as I step forward, your shaking now but times not over. I know of the wickedest of ways and clearly you'll never see more days. Your scared you say? I laugh as I know your ways. Mr strong Mr be it not? You never even noticed to see my plot! Be it humans are small minded I got help from other sided . You looked but you could never see the damage was done what you did to me. You all laughed in all your wickedest of ways and destroyed young innocence in less then a day. But in the end who could be the victor it was alas this Sinister sister. For from the shadows they came offering to play a game. And who was I to turn them away. For no one could hear the crys I wept but demons and there Sinister bet. Come with us and you'll be free, Free from all this sanity. Leave this world you know behind. We can take you far beyond the other side. Let humanity die and take there place and you will have your own realm just without the pearly gates. Be our queen be are mother be are lover take no other. Your soul will not be touched for you where the one that came from dust. Dust and ash where all was dead She rose upon to take there bet. For where humanity was all one sided she became loved from the other sided. Be it there dead I know there wrong be it there lies Ill show them all. Whispers of anger can still be wept but Sinister sister still took the bet.


Written By: Taylor Nichole Hewitt
dark anger bets demons riddles games curses truth sadness pain hurt betray evil
Forever will last the beautiful sight beyond my eyes. A place mortals fear and time is weak. Where never will the time will come. For what does one do in a world of suppose it shapes? Questionable fates? Alas these tears fall from beauty but thus a heart has wept .For truly there was never such a place as so .But where one has once been can never be .Were my eyes ever truly opened? Or was that just eternity?

Written By: Taylor Nichole Hewitt
Hey Nichole I know you're mad.

I guess that's why I'm writing - just to say I'm sorry. Take care of my horses, my dad, and my mommy. I'm writing to you because I hope you'll understand. I know this isn't who I am. I know I had a plan, but lately the future hasn't been getting any clearer. Things about me have started to disappear. I'm beginning to lose sight of who I am. I'm a taken apart puzzle and all my pieces are second hand.
On the other side I'm not sure of what waits, but today I'm willing to risk hell fire for a chance at heaven's gates. I know I was a liar, a glutton, and a cheat - but I fall in love with something about everyone I meet. I'm banking on my love and empathy for my fellow man. I know God's a good guy. I hope he'll understand. Who knows, maybe this is part of his plan?
Maybe the beginning of their lives will be the end of my time. No one said it was fair but that's the bottom line. Life is painful, cruel, and unforgiving. Lately I've found it harder to find a reason to keep living.
I guess I should end this since I've started to ramble on, but this piece will be my last so it's allowed to be long. At the same time this isn't what I want you to remember once I'm gone. Please don't read it to my mom. She'll take it all wrong.
I hate to put this on you since I can't take it upon myself, but this is what I have to say to everyone else. Please remind them that I love them, that they made the good days of my life the best. Remind them that life will go on even after I'm at rest. To throw away the bad and smile about what's left. Even if they hate me tell them that's ok. That was what I was expecting when I decided to go away.
Leave out the part where I know that this was the coward's way out. The way that I spent years preaching about. Tell my dad that I wish I could've waited till he was gone, but that the nights were too long and that my hope had moved on. Tell my mother that God is with her and that he giveth and taketh away but that I will be there waiting when she gets to heaven one day.
For you children I leave only my regrets that I will not be around to see them when they are at their best, and that I know they will lead lives full of happiness. Tell them that I am proud and even when they're down I will be the person sitting on a cloud, cheering loud.
To all of my ******* friends. Nothing I can say will ever make amends. About them I almost feel the worst because out of all of us it makes no sense that I would go first. After all the drinking, the cigarettes, and tears I think they expected me to be there for another hundred years. Standing at their wedding or sitting by their bed. Never did they expect I'd be a voice inside their heads. Tell them that I believe in them and that they don't have to try their best if they can only manage less then they should get some rest. As hypocritical as it sounds remind them that this isn't the way and that life will only get better if you live another day.
To those in my life who held me in a lovers embrace there are so many things I should have said to them face to face. Like thank you for seeing beauty beyond all my faults. Thank you for fighting to get through my walls. Even when I was angry, or missing, or scared thank you for standing by my side even if you didn't belong there. There were many sacrifices that all of them made for love so deep that it had to be fate. I know now it's too late but I should've never made them wait.  I hate repetition but I'm sorry that I always leave for reasons you may never see that stem from my own insecurities. Those things that haunted me and sat behind my eyes from the way I always lied to the scars between my thighs. I love you I swear it to be true. I love you. I do. Through and through and through. You were enough even if I made you feel like less and in this life I wish you eternal happiness and I hope whichever woman holds you through the this life is truly the best.
And I'm so sorry Nikki that I lost all control so far away when you didn't even know, and I know I could've called you and you would've come to take me away. I thought about it each and every day, but what can I say. We had the conversation at least a hundred times the reasons I was chained here all came down to bottom lines so now I write this letter and it's fitting that it rhymes because poetry is so much better when you're cutting ties. Thank you for being a partner and a friend. I'm sorry that I couldn't see our plans through to the end and when you look at your wrist always think of me - flowing through your veins in an ink manatee. I will be beside you even when my life has faded, but you would've gone first if I had waited. These days I am selfish, frightened, and vain. I couldn't have seen a headstone adorned with your name. When you're holding my ashes and placing them in little jars think fondly of the memories that are no one else's but ours. I will be with you on the river that we call life. You're a wonderful friend, mother, and wife. In this life behind you I will sit, helping to steer through rough waters like in the ducky when we still made use of it. If you lose your paddle or the current pulls you down, I will be with you and I will never let you drown.
I love you and I'm sorry that it had to end this way. That I lived so much life then just gave up one day. It's ok that you're angry because I would be too. The last time you almost died was the last time I was mad at you. But please pass on this letter and keep most of it for yourself. There's a reason that I gave this to you and absolutely no one else.

I know that I am selfish and I'm so, so sorry. I love you Nikki.
-Jackie
It would be to my best friend
Megan Breaux Dec 2018
Fevered dissonance in the deepest, muddiest pit.
Religion peeks its head from above as I dig my nails into wet, soiled walls,
Scratching for escape from the uninvited inhabitants of my mind.
Breathing in dust,
Exhaling the soul--
Faith shines a dim light beyond the black blanket of night,
Where rings of smoke break away,
From red lips that decorate demon sanctuary,
Forming halos above my head.

But religion is just a thought,
Just like thoughts of my childhood.
Just like you and I racing through our neighborhood pool--
Filling our lungs with air,
Before touching the concrete floor with raisin fingertips,
Holding our bodies down,
Until the urge for breath is unbearable.

Spiritual security--
Unreachable, as the foul tenants beneath my skull,
Howl, claw, and chew at the corners of my cotex--
Growling in desire for written immortality.
Where is religion and its promises of everlasting life and paradise,
When fiendish ventriloquists fist-**** orifices,
Controlling my limbs?
Where is God when fingers clinch the pen?
Where is Heaven, when the ballpoint digs through paper,
Like a shovel digging a grave?
Who hears my prayers, when the demons pull thoughts from dark corners--
The way they pulled your naked, lifeless body, from the bottom of the pool,
Where you lay for three days?

“No foul play expected,”
Nor closure.
“An angel,” they called you.
The only angel I’ve known
Fell on the pages of Milton’s lost paradise.
“She’s in a better place”--
The words I heard as I watched you lie in a box.
Your once luminous, black hair--
Dry, brittle, straw.
The same fingertips that rubbed my back as we tossed tasseled caps--
Partially-peeled raisins;
Skin shriveled and torn,
Never to feel again.  
“She’s in a better place,” they said,
As they lowered you beneath the surface,
Where you can never come up for air.
The deepest, muddiest, pit.

Part of me was lowered with you--
Drowned in holy water, tears, and smoke,
Buried under dirt and antidepressants.
Faith turned its head as worms fed on my shriveled heart,
Torn, beside your suppressed memory.
My demons, though--
Grind my skeletons to fertilize the soil,
Guide the pen,
Dig past the surface,
Until a flower peeks from beyond the darkness of the pit.

— The End —