"harmer" poems
To die,
To fall,
To lose,
In an act of,
Life-giving,
Spirit lifting,
Victory,
Is simply,
Nonsensical,
And yet,
Perfect,
Completely,
Irrational,
And yet,
Thought out,
And so,
Incomprehensible,
With human mind,
But absolutely,
And definitely,
The right thing to do,
Because God loved the world so much,
He would let his own creation,
Take his only son from him,
To save his creation,
From the hands of evil.
And the best thing?
The most amazing and inconceivable thing of all,
Is that he did it for all mankind.
Athiest
Agnostic
Christian
Jew
Muslim
Sikh
Hindu
Buddhist
Black
White
Straight
Gay
Lesbian
Bisexual
Asexual
Boy
Girl
Bigender
Transgender
Agender
Young
Old
Kind
Cruel
Happy
Sad
Rich
Poor
Healthy
Ill
Free
Enslaved
Safe
Afraid
Intelligent
Stupid
Deaf
Blind
Disabled
Handicapped
Single
Taken
Married
Divorced
Remarried
Widowed
Lost
Found
Persecuted
Persecutor
Murderer
Self-harmer
Suicidal
Unloved
Adored
Popular
Ignored
Beautiful
Ugly
Guilty
Innocent
Outcast
Desperate
Autistic
Bulimic
Alcoholic
Bipolar
Addict
Dyslexic
Anorexic
Schizophrenic
SAVED
Every single human being ever born is saved.
Apr 4, 2015
Apr 4, 2015 at 8:34 PM UTC
Cocoon suspended ‘neath a branch,
Out of harmer’s range;
Churning in tight quarters then,
Awaiting for the change.
A cast she’d spun with great detail,
To blend into the scene;
Remain innocuous, choosing plain,
To spend such days serene.
This sanctuary has terms of time;
Yet flippant so, of sight;
Blinded by the darkness kept,
May only dream of flight.
There, outside this nurturing crypt,
Lies futures yet untold;
Exploring freedom, airless hours,
As wings will then unfold.
Alterations to her inner form
Complete in all detail;
While oblivious to worlds unknown--
Mem’ries without a trail.
As perforations tear a fold,
In which she will embark,
To crystal, glowing cast of moon
Within this evening, dark;
She wrestles to uncurl her girth
And wingspan so anew;
That seems so awkward, foreign and
Has converted different hue.
Now perched upon her drying bed,
She fans while instincts try
To capture sens’ry explosions
That lay to foundling’s eyes.
Beyond the glen, a spot she sees;
A single glowing blur.
Just then each tree bends toward one side,
As breaths sweep under her.
Weightless, floating, movement new,
She tests her longer arms,
That reach, manipulating wind,
Should quivers strike alarm.
The lure of the eerie glow,
Possess investigation,
As closer toward the light she flies,
Embraced with consternation.
Near collision with the beacon,
She’s halted in mid-air;
Translucent strings of sticky form,
She didn’t see, were there.
She wrestles, tries to free herself,
While a shadow looming near
Smiles with contentment of
His cunning craft of snare.
Slowly he approaches while
She looks to see his eyes,
So vacant of emotive flush,
With fear she starts to cry.
The octo-legged creature then,
Inserts his poisoned quill,
As venom circulates her life,
He waits until she’s still.
Then coils her in silky thread,
While dancing ‘bout his room.
Tho’ this is of his own design,
She returns, inside cocoon.
As thoughts of life, such brevity,
Released of any pain.
She closes youthful eyes at last,
And dreams of flight again.
Jul 4, 2010
Jul 4, 2010 at 6:23 AM UTC
to the self harmer holding the blade, wanting nothing more but for it to kiss flesh, know that you've been days clean and you don't deserve another scar.
to the self harmer digging your nails into your thigh after a fight with your parents, know that this storm will pass.
to the self harmer shaking as you bury countless blades in the dirt, know that you've never been as strong as you are now.
to the self harmer hiding deep under your skin, know that your scars are nothing more than a reminder that you're still alive.
to the self harmer rocking the realest smile you have had in weeks, you made it.
Jul 17, 2015
Jul 17, 2015 at 10:44 PM UTC
I just cant hold it in anymore. I dont know what to do. These feelings are getting in the way of everything. The feeling of pain, shame, hurt, sadness, heartbreak and so much more. I cant get anything done with them in my way. The voices in my head tell me to only focus on those feelings. Its hard to live a happy life when youre not happy... Life is hard for a self harmer.. People look at you differently. They look at you as if you are not human. They treat you diffirently. Some treat you with more respect and others just hurt you with words. Little do they know that hurting me is not going to het them anywhere. The only thing they can get out of that is my death. I dont know how to deal with this anymore. I push all the help i get away. I only do this because i dont want anyone else to get hurt. I will always put everyone before myself. The reason for that is because i dont want anyone to be as unhappy as i am. I know how that feels and i dont want anyone to go through that pain im going through. My friends try to make me happy and i would force a smile and a laugh. What do they want me to do? Just be happy. Well thats not going to happen... Happiness doesnt just come, you have to work for it. I wish i could please everyone... Sadly no one can...
Is there anyone out there who can accept me for me. The crazy girl who just needs some love...
Dec 6, 2013
Dec 6, 2013 at 2:25 PM UTC
Every ending starts where the next beginning plays
Followed by a rush of people who hurry to be delayed
Absence makes the heart wander for those who cannot wait
For the signal to pick up lines of oblivious candidates
Self-doubt leads to blame leads to truth leads to death
It hides behind your mind to find you blindly obsessed
You don't know why it fails when then you were best
At leaving a place with another, now you're one less
Are you lost or just lonely?
You stay up all night thinking, “If only...”?
Ghosts of Desperation holding
You in a choke hold; is it warming
You all up from the inside?
Casting half-laughs staring wide-eyed
Ghosts of Self-Pity abide to reside
In that choke hold redefine pride
Why are you not happy solo?
Don't give excuses like “I'm friend-zoned”
Why put her in a choke hold?
Afraid to let go and leave her throat cold?
Get off my stool let me drink alone
No, Lady my heart is not sold
Laughing at my jokes does not make you gold
You're drunk and embittered: self-taught choke hold
Why do I feel so god **** tense?
Pasts present my present paid penance
One more drink then I'll go home
Six more to numb my damning sold soul
Liquid hubris raise my confidence
Make us all feel less incompetent
Let our veracious selves go unfold
Transgressions greet us with your choke hold
Let's frolic in our loss of breathing
We like the taste and we're not leaving
Alcoholic for this scheming
Forget your lives live like you're dreaming
In love with ideas in lieu of reality
Make us feel like we are the normality
One knight stands with armor rusting
Lusting for the din; it's rushing
Popped collar Icarus:
Get into the choke hold
Self harmer ichor blessed:
Get into the choke hold
Lost soul navigator:
Get into a choke hold
Ex marks the *** for later:
Get into a choke hold
Ice cold analyzer:
Get into a choke hold
Wise tending ***** prescriber:
Get into a choke hold
Fate maker pushed and pulled:
Get into a choke hold
Let this story to be told:
Let's get into a choke hold!
Feb 19, 2014
Feb 19, 2014 at 9:02 PM UTC
There will come a day when the pain will stop
And it will not be the day I die
It will come from a different source
Some place holy
Some place beautiful
Some place like the corners of your smile
Where I can hide away from my fears
And feel normal
In the Blue-green hue of your eyes
And the gentle flow of your hair between my fingers
I could stay there forever
Without worry
Or sorrow
The tap of your fingers on your pencil
Quake through my mind
Sending fissures through my heart
You’ve changed the landscape of my body
Goose bumps rise like mountains from the earth
When words fall from your lips
Into my soul
The voices in my head are quite around you,
And no one else.
But you didn’t feel the same
At first,
I thought things would be different this time
I’d be able to keep you
But I should’ve known
You were too good to be true
I’d never deserve you
You were absolute perfection
I fell for you at an accelerated velocity
It shouldn’t have happened
I had put up so many walls
Around my dying, broken heart
And you found a way in
You learned my secrets
You learned me
I told you all the ways that I had been broken
And you wanted to fix them
But all you did was reopen the cracks in my soul
I was torn to bits
My razors were no longer retired
The pills began to scream again.
You’ll never see the scars
Carving your name into my skin
I don’t want to burden you with the thoughts
That you were the cause of both
My joy
And distress
My hopes
And my relapse
You’ve changed me more than you will ever know
I almost wish we had never met
But then I would have never know true beauty
Or learned of how the sunrise
Mirrors the setting of a moon.
Looking back,
I wouldn’t change a thing
You came into my life for a reason
You may have taught me some lesson
That I have yet to realize
But I will soon understand
And for that,
I thank you.
For the pain,
The relief,
The yearning,
The realizations.
You are the worst,
Most beautiful thing,
That has ever come into my life.
You are an unknowing tormenter of my heart
You broke me,
Without even realizing it
I now hide behind the mask of a forced smile
And an insincere laugh
I put on a façade of happiness
For you
So that you will never know what you did to me
I will not taint your optimism
Know that you are a helper
And not a harmer
You have stopped the blade
More than you have ran it through my veins
You are someone that creates
Not destroys
I’m sorry for making you into a monster
And pillager of my hope.
When all I wanted
Was to make myself safe
In the corners of your smile.
Aug 12, 2018
Aug 12, 2018 at 9:37 PM UTC
Shoot up with Ink,
Take off the edge,
allow it to float you
down off the ledge
of destruction.
Instead place yourself
in reconstruction,
go on,
change it all;
Skin
Words
Thoughts
This drug may crawl you back to freedom
First the skin, cut to within
Slithers of scratches
Skim over your arm
doing just enough harm
To Ensure you're alive
Yet this pen's marks are
harmless enough
that they can only reach inside through your mind
You're sure to survive
you must never cut deeper
A needless nicotine patch
for a virginal physical self-harmer
Cut yourself Calmer
Here come the words,
allow verbs, vowels and nouns
to sound their way out
Say things you wish you'd said
Type things you want to shout
Find the door and safety lock
and force your way
bound out
You are Alone
but for whispered, mouthed and subtle
tone of Freedom
Relish and Revel
Search your way to hell
out here
Find the things so close,
so near,
you couldn't see them if you
tried,
they hide behind the ink.
Blink, they're gone,
splattered in the lyrics
to a lifelong song,
branded.
How could something so true, be wrong?
Allow your thoughts to be free,
be you, be me
See everything
Feel all,
Stall as you wait for the buzz to fade
You can never be sated with this
Something you can't recall
but you must always miss.
Addictions scarring, marring and barring
words always a
kiss
away from overdose,
it's so close you can taste it
Feel it's breath
When you put the pen
down
You can only feel
Bereft,
so test yourself again
Find the mental vein and
slice it open
Feel the pain of truth
Open the roof of your skull
and allow the clock to fall
Ticking
to silence
Violent peace
Calm chaos
Hyperbole
Alliteration
Oxymoronic
Nouns
Verbs
Words
Words
Words
Think
ThInk
hInk
Ink
Ink
InkInk
InkInkInk
InkInkInkInk
InkInk
Jan 2, 2014
Jan 2, 2014 at 11:05 AM UTC
They had no idea
How she truly felt
And they did not know
With what she dealt
Because she knew how to smile
And hold back her tears
She did this for months
Months turned into years
Self-harmer, depression, anorexia, self-hate
Four of her many destructive self traits
She took pride in her razor
But mostly her knife
She finished her letter
Then ended her life
m.h.
Oct 13, 2013
Oct 13, 2013 at 4:37 PM UTC
Arms out
Wrists up
See the scars
Burns and cuts
Examine the marks
The world can see
From losing my fight
With the enemy
You joke around
Point at the burns
Laughing only
Makes things worse
Everything temporary
Nothing Permanent
Our hearts set free
Just to get hurt
My soul cries out
I cannot live
Trapped inside
This fragile skin
If it breaks
It be my time
For I am not afraid to die
Jun 24, 2011
Jun 24, 2011 at 8:32 PM UTC
Numbness...
That's all I feel now a days.
January 1st brings the total to four times now.
Four failed times.
I no longer wish to be here, I haven't wished to be here for months.
This is the only way I know out and one day I'll fully succeed.
Haven't you ever wanted something so badly that it possesses you?
The craving.
That's all you're able to think about.
At least that's how it is for me.
Nothing is ever stable enough for me.
I think I'm happy but then I realize that I'm just lying to myself also,
along with everyone else.
At school I'm the so called stable person.
With friends I'm the weird, loud one.
With family I'm the quiet, nose stuck in a book person.
When I'm alone...well, when I'm alone all I want is to be dead. I finally become my true self..;
Depressed,
Suicidal,
Insane,
Unstable,
Self-harmer girl.
The girl that all she wants to do is tie a noose around her neck. Take one to many pills. Jump off the roof. Step in front of a car.
This is all this girl wants to do. But she can't say that to anyone can she. She just wants peace from herself and to sleep forever..to never awake.
That..is her final wish.
Jan 6, 2014
Jan 6, 2014 at 12:34 PM UTC
Sometimes I think like a killer. Yet I talk like a hippie. Trying to destroy demons, that I keep with me. Words are either the healer or harmer of wounds. But they don’t understand what you doing until they standing over your tomb saying your time came to soon.
Jun 26, 2014
Jun 26, 2014 at 4:03 PM UTC
Its like a private battle
Going on inside my head
My mind says, “Use the razor.”
My heart says, “Live instead.” Its like a little warzone
And I’m standing in the battlefield.
The scales could tip either way
And to the darkness I yield.
I keep this secret locked within me
But it escapes in a crimson tide.
Soon everyone will know
That once again, I’ve lied.
I try to control the urges
But sometimes I crave release
And I know deep inside
That my blade will bring me peace
On the nights that I don’t lie awake
Dreaming of far better things
Than cutting myself and watching it bleed
I’m quietly reminiscing
The good old days
Where the need to bleed
Didn’t exist an an option
Because I could grieve.
But the tears don’t come anymore
And its red blood I cry
And now I fight off ugly thoughts
About different ways I could die.
Sometimes I ask myself “Why?”
As the knife rests on my wrist
Such a temptation to take my life
And yet I still resist
I know I’ve got things to live for
Like myself and my friends
But each day I face the fact
That few people understand
What its like to walk in my shoes
To be a self-harmer
To make these marks on my skin
And to think thoughts far darker
Than any person really should
But I wake up each day
I think maybe its time to break this habit
Although it seems so far away.
Each day brings me new pains
And also something new
A chance to leave my past behind
And color my world something other than red.
Dec 16, 2014
Dec 16, 2014 at 11:26 PM UTC
The life of a self harmer is complicated, sometimes orderly and routine.
Or perhaps chaotic and jagged.
The life of a self harmer can be happy, struggled, or crushing.
We are not trying for your attention, we are for ourselves.
We feel inferior when we look at others self harm
Our minds sometimes revolve around this.
Gathering supplies, and sneaking around.
Hiding cuts, burns, bruises, or scars.
So prepare to feel alone, and inferior.
Prepare to lie, and withhold the truth.
Brace yourself for the constant worry that wounds will be infected.
Pack a bag of anti-anxiety pills for all the triggers that will be thrown your way.
Prepare to go back and forth with yourself: "I want it so bad." and "I DON'T WANT IT ANYMORE."
Have fun trying to pick out swim suits, or changing in gym.
Be careful about panic attacks when you cut deep or bleed a lot.
Get ready to jump for joy at razors, and for the triggers of any sharp object.
You'll wonder if you've gone crazy, if you could possibly not be insane.
Once again prepare yourself for the other people who harm themselves, you will see them at school, online, at the stores, you will hear about them everywhere.
You will hear people make fun of it, you will want to yell and scream.
You will wonder why you still do it, and how you could ever think the way you do.
And don't forget how you will feel so much guilt and regret almost every-time.
Don't let it slip your mind that you will always have it with you, and no matter how long you've been away from it.
Because it is with other people.
I almost forgot that you will feel like you can't get away.
And when other people find out, people that love you, it will hurt so bad to see them hurt.
They will be angry, and they won't understand. They care though.
And there will be so much more if you go down this road.
It's so hard to climb back up, but it is possible.
Sometimes I yell at people back on dry land, and ask them how they got there.
It's different for everyone, but please stay dry and off this cliff.
Apr 18, 2014
Apr 18, 2014 at 8:42 PM UTC
By telling me to “just stop,” you're making it worse.
You may not realize it, but you are.
Telling a self-harmer to “just stop cutting” is like telling an alcoholic to go into a room full of alcohol and just sit there.
Just sit there and be forced to look around and touch nothing.
Good luck with that one.
It wont happen.
May 30, 2013
May 30, 2013 at 2:17 PM UTC
come
we watch eachother's
vermilion beads surface
and remain mesmerised
in eachother's company
you'll whisper
i'll stare
we'll clean up
and you'll show me
you love me
but love, when i awake
they'll be a note
and i'll cry and reopen
last nights wounds
Sep 5, 2013
Sep 5, 2013 at 4:28 PM UTC
I thought I could handle it
I thought it could be beat
Obviously not
I look like a carved piece of meat
Carved on my legs,chest and all up my arms
I look down at them and they're littered in scars
"you're an attention seeking **** and that's why you self harm"
You and I know this isn't true
So if you say that again
I'LL ******* **** YOU
Ok maybe not but just think
Maybe your words are the missing link
Insulting a harmer with nothing to loose and everything to gain
So next time before you insult them
Remember it causes them more pain
Its happened to me and this is how I cope
Listen to my story or find me on a rope
I was feeling depressed but creative
Look at the scar I just made
I let pain out by using a blade
Its not the scar you think
This affected my brain
It helped at first but then caused more pain
But that's what I wanted my tears and blood to rain
But that didn't happen
It was just a tiny scratch
It wasn't enough
I'm not a shaver but I decided to use a razor
I introduced the razor to the scissors
The razor took over and scissors said goodbye
The razor was enough
Enough to make me cry
Cry tears and blood
At last I thought
But soon again it wasn't enough
This morning I met the knife
And the knife was pleased
It made me bleed
Bleed more than my need
What has happened to the boy I was before
No pain no scars so pure
Self harm is a monster trying to lure
Lure innocent victims into its arms
And changing their arms with big ugly scars
Next i might meet death when the pain is too much
When im sick of people afraid of my touch
Afraid of being infected
Self harm isn't an infection
Its my monster that claims my body
Section by section
Now I accept defeat
Death is my retreat
May 18, 2015
May 18, 2015 at 11:21 AM UTC
it's not the self harmer tucked safely away in the back of my mind that wants to crawl back into the familiarity of old habits.
it's the blade stolen from my father's tools, traces of dried blood still gleaming.
it's the bandaids kept in my desk drawer, there if needed.
it's the marks on my neck from rough *** a pain that sparked the craving for a different distraction back into my body.
it's the fact that i'm never told the truth, my life fueled by lies for years on end that just need to be forgotten about.
it's the racing thoughts,
*"he'll leave you"
"he'll find someone better"
"he doesn't even love you, it's a lie"
"you're nothing to him, to the friends you think you have"
"everything she says isn't a joke, it's all the truth but you're just too ******* dumb to realize it"*
running on repeat in my mind each and every night like a broken record.
it's the lack of sleep where the loss of blood could take the place of the pills that stopped working months ago.
it's not the self harmer that craves the blade again,
she just brings it out to the open.
Jul 1, 2016
Jul 1, 2016 at 10:31 PM UTC
I was lost then you found me
You helped me get off the ground
I had no idea who I could trust
I made a mistake And trusted the devil inside me
it left me a hollow empty shell
Stressed and depressed
I was insecure
Lying on that floor
I pushed every one away
Letting tears fill my eyes
While everyone believed my lies
Few knew the truth behind my smile
I was a mess you ruined me
Now I'm a broken girl
Hurt by your broken promises
Blood stained wrist
Tears falling every where
you said you would always be there for me
you said you said you would never give up on
me well to late
I'm rebuilding the gate around my heart
broken beaten and dead
they will never understand
why I lie
they believe the masque
and never look into my eyes
I'm a self harmer with no armor
my skin is paper it's my canvas
I cut and draw
they see and I say it was just the cat
while I tip my hat
this is the life as a self harmer
Feb 17, 2016
Feb 17, 2016 at 9:44 PM UTC
I’m making an honest living
Everything else I’m giving
To keep the world spinning
Yet I feel I’m not winning
As others pass me
Thinking they’re classy
Their weapons blast me
Causing pain everlasting
They’re like crack addicts
With attack tactics
Viciousness attracted
Their violence didactic
They can’t spare the rock
In this paradox
Where they care for stocks
And selling glocks
Farmer
Meets charmer
A disguised harmer
Dressed in social armor
With wealth they flex
For wealth is success
Wealth can undress
****** impressed
Materialism strangles
With salesman angles
The consumer tangled
Becomes helplessly mangled
Looking to turn the tables
I cut my social cables
A cutthroat mentality enabled
Only financially am I stable
A ******
Hunts me
Grunting
Bluntly
About getting his dues
Through cut and bruise
Controlling the news
So I know I’ll lose
The social anxiety
Inside of me
Pirating
The life of me
From the strife I see
Makes acting righteously
Seem like goodnight for me
To avoid being a fool
I play by their rules
By acting cruel
To win this duel
Of fatal competition
That Satan envisioned
For our moral dereliction
From our paper prescription
With no self esteem
I join a selfish team
With a hellish dream
Believing genocide cleans
I’m always conforming
To not be a minority
But a thorn in me
Says I’m *******
I’m perched in the mist
Of being purposeless
So ******* purchases
Drown my worthlessness
When my heart is dying
Yet I must keep producing
I think that I’m trying
Which is quite amusing
After demon fusing
I can’t see I’m losing
I’ve morphed from a hoper
Into an interloper
Who’s splintered poker
Becomes society’s choker
Feb 6, 2019
Feb 6, 2019 at 11:03 AM UTC
She is being pulled and pushed around.
She is being dragged around.
She hates this world; she has no freedom.
She always dreamed of getting out of this place at 18.
Wishes in her heart usually never came true.
Getting use to the world was a struggle.
So innocent at one time.
She is labeled as depressed, suicidal, and a self-harmer.
Liar is her new name.
Life rejected her, she really rejected the world because she is scared.
Sep 11, 2016
Sep 11, 2016 at 2:39 PM UTC
Brain explosion, pop like a balloon bloated up by the heat of a long summer,
None violent tendencies with such ****** hands, can I still call myself a non harmer?
Cuts and bruises beneath the skin of my feet, for walking long days on short miles.
Copies of programs, settings and ideas stored up in a brain in a number of files.
Explode.
A dead man would tell no lies yet keep a thousand secrets.
A new hope would be born in a small corner but built up of a thousand pieces.
Explode.
Day's of old times amongst these young people of these simular days.
Stacking up all that is the past in bales of hay.
Today is a Tuesday and tomorrow shall be another new day,
And the days before that came before moved on really fast and not always here to stay.
Explode.
The house in my brain has expanded by an explosion of the love and rage.
Could this be a new chapter in this story, a turn over of a new page?
I used to hang around with people with square faces while we were playing circle games.
I hung with new strangers with old family names.
Explode.
Smoke clears the air while the air is still bleeding.
Not too sure of where I'm going yet I'm still believing.
Today was once my yesterday but I'm touching on tomorrow.
I have too much love in my mind, would any of you like to borrow.
Explode, now my mind is blown to many former pieces, come breathe in this brand new,
Now looking up to a Heaven, they know what is I ment next to do.
Mar 13, 2018
Mar 13, 2018 at 2:52 PM UTC