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Kathleen Sep 2020
I've been having dreams
Where all I do is cry
All I can remember is the overwhelming sadness making my face into rivers
The strangest thing is
I'm not unhappy when I'm awake
But it leads me to believe I
Am hiding something
From myself
Kathleen Apr 2018
ive last felt so low
and i don't remember that time,
but i do sure recall the heavy feeling of all the dirt on top
of my metaphorcal grave
and this heart burn won't be helped by the liquor
but i guess this is how i hurt myself now
Kathleen Mar 2017
It's been a week of you here, the week I get off of school.
I had a week of vacation with you, but now I feel like a I need a week of vacation with me.
Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with you, and I got to do that all this week.
I just get tired and worn out being around people all the time.
So I need some me time, some Kathleen time.
Kathleen Feb 2017
Sometimes I wonder why I try to please anyone, but then I remember the things you do. I remember that relationships are a give and take, a push and pull of emotions. I just want to be loved, and often I wonder if you do. And that's why I get tired of loving you.

Do you hate me because I tell you what you do wrong? Do you resent me because I am here? Do you think I don't love you? Do you know when I'm feeling like this? It's funny that it makes me feel almost nothing anymore, I am getting used to the pain and it's not good. It's not something I want, it's a sting in my throat, a sting like boiling heartburn. But my heart is freezing, and you are the cold.

It's not burning, I wish you would...I wish you would do something. I wish it could be better, I wish I wasn't like this. I wish I could leave and not regret it. It seems that the ones we love shouldn't hurt us, but it's them that hurt us the most. And here I sit in continued silence, and here I sit wondering what to do, what to say, and how to say it. And here I sit, wondering if I should be the bigger person, or if I should go low and be myself. Here I sit wondering if I should ice you out until you thaw me out, it seems to always come back to me wondering what I have to do to get attention.
Kathleen Dec 2016
I know you're there and I'm here
Length and distance is the same thing, but space is different.
The space between us is nil, but the distance seems smothering.
I wish you lived on the other side of my bed, and I could wake you up to take a late night ride with me.
Kisses could be your wake up call everyday.
Our children could be my feathery babies.
I'd go to school and you could do your crazy binary math.
But that's not the reality of it
And we have to do these things on our own time, far away from one another
But the circles of metal around our fingers and the love between us keep us close.
Kathleen Dec 2016
You text me after dinner telling me you feel terrible, and I think it's food poisoning but it's something you don't identify as anxiety yet.
It worries me because all you want to do is watch a movie and be left alone. You tell me nothing of your troubles and leave.
One hour later I ask how you're doing and you say you're going to bed before formation.
I haven't talked to you since last night, and now I'm worried sick. You don't need me when you're upset and since you left I don't know how to talk to you.
I don't think we will make it if you keep doing this. I can't see your face, I can't hear your voice, and I can't read your mind.
Kathleen May 2016
I forget my capsules of bliss, and a tablet of calm while caught up in the happy I take for granted. For this I lose two days to the sadness. And then it seems like the sadness always wins.

The pills make my life flow, they make me function like rolling wheels on a smooth *****, climbing to reach something better always. Will I ever be satisfied?

I am numb, I am numb. Blood yearns to be set free, mind begs to sleep. Dependency has made me happier, but am I better off?

I don't want to feel a thing anymore.
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