Black eyes, bruised wrists, mangled genitals.
Ribcage extruding; calling for love, lust, and cigarettes
Faces offensive; unmet eyes, and searing expressions.
Scars on arms; speaking louder than quiet voices
Staring blank; at bills yet paid
Thinking there is no way
Imaging the fall from your 3rd floor
Apartment
Weighing funeral costs over living expenses
Death would put you deeper in a hole
Not able to get out, saying how
Did I get here.
Looking up seeing the opening nearly
Closed; finger lye at the only opening left.
Hope.
Being crushed brutally, whilst you see it all
happen.
Blood rains on your pale face, craving
Sunlight.
Dismemberment of fingers, brings you into total darkness.

Who am I?
Why am I here?
How do I grow?
Where do the words that I utter spring from?
How do my actions unfold to take flight?
What are the roots of my habits both desired and not desired?
When did my character become undesirably ripe?
As defined by Another?

Piously pompous extruding expectations
We both wagged the tail of judgment from our respective roles.
Each casting the wands of incantations, illusions, and lies!
One to change the controlling illusion
Another to maintain it's web and power.

It was handed down from the very first mothers
It was handed down from the very first fathers
It was set into motion from the very first breath of the very first lie.
It created the very first shadow of darkness that fell upon Truth.

Tainted, "It" fell from realms of Light, the realms of Love and Joy.
"It" tumbled and rolled down the family Tree
Branch by branch, twig by twig, and leaf by leaf
Deeper into the darkness, grief, sadness and pain.

We were taught to ignore the dragon of dysfunction
Lying among the branches of our human family tree.
As "It" grew and grew, and grew.
"It" matured and gave birth to expanding prodigies
Who fained deeds of compassion, fained loyalties,
Fained emotions, and fained love

To twist and to alter reality,
Aimed toward total power,  riches, and total control.
Using the swords of Expectations,
Judgments, half truths and lies, they waged war!
With their army of
Every wolf in sheep's clothing
Every entitled the fair-haired child
Every hero - rescuer
Every "I am the victim"
Every fearful guilt burdened peacemaker,
Every misunderstood black sheep,
And all the unaware lost lambs.
The cycle of dysfunction turns
As a companion within the wheel of time.
We are told to never speak of It and deny It's existence.
This is the power that feeds It as It expands.
And we find ourselves beyond the ability to contain "It."

One day our eyes open to awareness
We come face-to-face with "The Choice."
Do we go back to sleep? Or do we get up?
And if we stand up, what is next?
When we see our unveiled past, will we fear and hide?
Or arise as a seeking warrior of Light?
If we choose the Light will Love begin to arise from the darkness
Will Love transform "It" to find It's-self Immortal & Eternal?

Give me understanding of Love!! With Understanding I will seek!!
Standing between the windows of time past, present, and future
With the root of addictive desire, laid upon the alter
Banished! Gone!! Released!!

Will the Darkness  release "It" from the depths of grief, sadness and pain?
Without a word "It" became a He
And He draped the blanket of courage over His shoulders
with the Light of hope in His eyes.
Refusing to never give up
He dawned His Innate strengths
Refusing dire circumstances
Letting go of confusion, ignorance, vises, grief, blame, and all ill desire
He stepped straight and firmly into the Light which expands!
He stood with joy in the Light and looked back

As "It" became a She
And She draped the blanket of courage over Her shoulders
with the Light of hope in Her eyes
Refusing to never give up
She dawned Her Innate strengths
Refusing dire circumstances
Letting go of confusion, ignorance, vise, grief, blame, and all ill desire
She stepped straight and firmly into the Light which expands!

The Light embraced Her and embraced Him
They stood together seeking understanding
Their hearts opened
Each to sing their own song of joy, of love, of peace
Together in harmony
Dancing  in the Light as One.

So with courage, do my actions unfold to take flight!
With joyful Love the words uttered within my heart sprang!
How, I do grow!
I am fully here, awake!
I know who am I, really!
Because  in silence I sat upon the earth
As He sat upon the Earth
As She sat upon the Earth
Looking toward the heavens
She female and He male
Focused in silence, they taught me how to breathe.

Now throughout the generations of Time
We began to breathe as One
Together in Love, in Peace and in Unity.
Reaching and holding each other
Beyond and through the Wheel of Time.

Sublime how in a dream, I can let
that which when awake is painful and bizarre
be in my dream, so painlessly,
not thinking why at all.

My hope is simply once I’ll let
that which when asleep seems clearer in a fog
seep back to me, somehow near,
in life that’s strayed afar.

Laurie, it's almost Christmas.
That's why so many quietly desperate people
wear old woolen sweaters, fantasizing about being in
on a joke,
just this once.
Your friends are wildly cackling,
you're not dressed like the others.
I prefer my desperation loud, too.
I'm rather skeptical,
however,
of
forty-year-old Lauries wearing lace tops and wedding rings,
with wet words
sloshing from dank tumblers.

Each seeming mispronunciation evokes
excedingly excessive expectations
in the form of imagined saliva beads extruding
between bottom and top lips.
But they aren't mispronunciations, are they.
It seems that, over time, words have come to sound this way,
for us.
And you've done nothing wrong,
But twenty years ago, you wouldn't have any reason
even to speak to me.
It's fascinating to watch
the canopy of aging shield
youth's shallow perspective
from those rapidly fading stars
of disquieting mortality
which fall, bringing with them
forty years of confused burning
into vision.


How many times have you come to a place,
chatted with a stranger,
and gotten them to leave with you,
in your life?
I've never been able to, myself, but it's different when you're a guy.
I struggle with subtlety, but not as much as you.
There's just no room for ambiguity, were I to brace their lower back,
then casually walk by.
I have no doubt this approach has worked for you.
Only, from my perspective, your effort pulls
that growing chin
further from your forehead,
leaving room for misused eye-
contact with me.

Laurie, I know where you are.
You're in on the joke
outside this bar.
You're still in Nebraska,
as far as bodies go, so am I.
"The Good Life!" you slur,
having never left home,
you never want to go.

Laurie.

Laurie.

Laurie!

Please move.
I'm trying to shoot.
You impede my cue,
thrusting between my fingers.
My actions, words create an un-registering ricochet.
Fine, mock me when I miss.
I am not good at this game,
but I don't want to be.
It's not flirting.

If Nebraska IS the good life
it is the good LIFE, for one.
Like Jesus lived once, so do we, in this room.
He would also agree birthdays are meaningless.
Regardless, I can't be with you here,
because I don't know who is living that one good life,
but it isn't you or I.

I didn't ask about your husband,
I'm left to speculate. Assume.
You'll buy your children presents
and give your husband head he's used to.
Isn't that what rings means this time of year,
or is that only what you used to do?
Did he stop eating like you tell him?
Does he take care of you.
You probably think someone like me
would be willing, know exactly how to.
I can see you touching my arm,
I can feel your friends
rubbing me with their eyes.
My thighs recoil with every shot
as people say their goodbyes.
I know you're ready to leave me behind
and take my body's memory with you
to sleep within your head.

I'll miss you, Laurie.
You remind me that there may be one good life in this state.
Or, at least, someone who wants to **** me without knowing my name.
But the closest thing to a good life I can hope for in Nebraska
is to be noticed by a woman
who will help my imagination
think of a place better than here.
Before I reach your age, Laurie,
I want to find her.

Youth's last call yells loud,
and quells years of chased memories.
I know you can't hear it, Laurie,
but those years are over for you and me.
If you keep the thought of me alive at all,
do this kind and silly thing:
give your children gentle kisses
on their heads before they sleep.
Tell them that they have the one good life
the way my mother lied to me.

Just when we thought
this place couldn't get
any
more
depressing,
a detriment of inadequacy ensues,
and the following hour is spent
beneath a paled,
frosted-blue canvas,
atop a frigid construct
of tether, and steel.

BUT!

As quickly as the dystrophy settled
within minds scarcely caressed
by hallowed slumber,
a frail,
yet,
intensifying light
erupts from the faded line
that separates reality
from ethereality.

As this newly self-empowered
hero of the day
ceases the boundless tundra overhead
with a golden fluorescence
of warmth,
and rapture,
still,
ever-trifling is the southern counterpart.

HARK!

From out of the myriad sheets
of thundercloud gray,
laced with veins of majestic purple,
and glazed with the ensemble
of over-ripened peaches
that blanket the northern skies
of this dawning day
spawns a duet of our mothers'
most
sacred
creation.

HOW MAGNIFICENT!

This spectrum couplet
that champions the veil,
extruding their way out
from the darkest,
most steadfast regions
of our Terran celestial.

Betwixt these valours,
who stand
as beacons of glory
in these most
disparaging of times,
dance a flock
of little
black and white birds,
unveiling to our starving eyes,
ever so eager to feast-
their autumn courtship that,
in its own wonderment,
was that of a
silent
symphony.

LO!

For many a fort night,
we have gazed upon naught
but soot-black sand,
sun-bleached dirt,
and endless foliage,
who's lives have been bled dry
long before even our first wave achieved
boots on ground.

And even as the sun rose higher,
relieving the quietus night
to nothing
but a faded memoir,
so, too,
these masters of vibrancy
shall fade.

BUT!

Even in their last moments of glory,
they triumphed as heralds,
mutely evoking a message
that said:

*'Even at our final breaths,
we shall stand as strong as we did
when She first employed us
into Her heavens.
And until we are completely vanquished,
never; never shall we falter.'

Her face trapped behind a shiny glass
Ethereal traces of humanity evaporates into gray
Smoke curls about
Resembling satin ribbons laced with ash
It all seems like
Another world parallel to mine
Surreal
Going through the motions
She paces about from point a to point b
Hair feathers across her forehead
So eyes can hide secrets behind
Comforting curtains
Her only sense of security
Obscuring the view
Drained of color
Whitewashed orbs
Stripped of emotion
Of passion
They mechanically follow you
Fixed on something you can’t
Quite make out  
Blank
Unfocused
They pull you in
Her delicate fingers curl
And you can see veins
Extruding
And flex
In and
Back
Out again
Time slows
Decreases to a halt  
And the smoke continues to grow
Filling up every last corner
Breathing becomes labored
She presses against the glass
Dreamlike
Drawing smooth fingertips across
A thin layer of condensed vapor
Covering  coating the glass
Her mouth screams out
But silence blankets
Deafening
You can’t quite hear what she has to say
Because of this boundary
That supposedly divides
Separating your reality from
What she once knew
What she thought she will always know
The glass
It’s not solid
But liquid moving molasses
Ever so slowly
Right before your eyes
Clean air gets claimed by the grasp
Of smoke
And the choking
Begins
The glass is actually
Quite fragile
In nature
Waiting to be questioned
Tested
By those brave enough
To look past
Beyond glass walls
And venture into the abyss
But it can’t be moved
Flexed or bent
Towards your point of view
Or hers
Because
You finally found the key
That unlocks doors
That could not be opened
You’re finally beginning to discover
How close you are to the outcome
Yet further than you’ve ever dreamed
And everything tangible slips into the ether
What you think you see
It’s not really there
And neither is
The girl
The glass suddenly disappears
Along with the girl
Who turned off the lights?
Blackness takes over
And it’s all just a dream
They are just figments of your
Imagination
Just mirrors
Reflecting lightness

Seconds drag like years. Stuck in a silent mist.
My mind like a “For Sale” sign, tethered
Constrained.  An occasional sway in a breeze,
Resulting in an unoccupied state of mind.

An unbearable feeling of uselessness
Stemming from a grimy background
From which no answers can be elicited
The Blackboard has been erased forever

Locked doors and high walls mean,
Therapy is only good for the Therapist!

That; that was once ingrained, is lost
Danger lies ahead, lurking in the shadows
Waiting for the right moment to strike.
                                      A silent killer.

This; that gnaws at my brain, is without
Doubt, slowly killing me. Extruding life.
My head hurts. My soul is broken.

I have forgotten how to laugh
I have forgotten how to whistle

I don’t want this death!

Golden lochs gently kiss her shoulders
in a mass of beautifully divine color
a peaceful solitude floats above her
smiles wide bringing her to that special place...

The most beautiful translucent blue eyes
piercing, tranquil, like ice on fire
blessed she be...gorgeous
look into her eyes deeply...

Appears the hint of deviousness
devotion, delicate, empowering
Heart to give she strives to live
devoid of that dream state happiness...

I once got lost in those beautiful eyes
taken in like a hellfire vortex
liquid blue mystery, sapphire times two
extruding sweetness and bleeding hope...

Live,love, laugh wrapped into one
I've seen her in action.leading the fun
does she exist in more than my mind
certainly this Goddess is more than a dream

For now you all know her name....is Christine...

Smalt sky smelted over running sky: swoop
down for me and switch (very lightly!) your blues.
(No dizzying aches, please, because of too much
hurled change, speeding spirant through my loops.
It would tunnel me, with its head, even more
abhorrently
in two.)

Okay, I’m—great!—upside down now, float splashing
with finned wings in cloud falls and snowy rapids!
Up above, before now I guess, was just a bedlam
like below, and below: just reflection of its head spun.
The running was glinting, mirrored tails shimmering
of wind fish. Believing them, I fed them, then laughed
under wet sun.

I am lying, truthfully. I am inside my house. There was
no sky or sea. Maybe somewhere, but not here. I think
of my love when I sit down. (I don’t really think
much anymore.) And the blues is a saying.
The dizzying aches I do have (It was a joke.)
and the hurled change I am is inside me making
me this.

My loops, me tunneled—that is no joke, that’s the
timelessly wrought result of extruding what hurts
from my sockets and chambers and lobes and pockets
and the given gifts to me I hated, never used, only
wished I could—I can’t—because I can never
pin me down. So they can’t be really
for me.

I am furiously disappearing in obfuscating, invisible,
paralyzed               paradoxical                paroxysms.
Such as: I am not here I am just here. Lying down
sometime. Today I think. On my bed. Napped or slept
or just wrapped. Barely awoken. And more gone.
Each day awake. Going.
More gone.

The collector went on a self-centered journey today,

Absorbing and extruding all the facts thrown around him,

Baffled by enigma and spiraling decay,

This was a plot building up to unsure moments for him



Tragedies and lost souls in between;

Meeting individuals with chemistry and knowing that acquaintance will be brief,

Studying a bookmark and knowing they marked his life in between;

Wishing they didn't have to go when things were starting to look up with relief



Chance encounters might not be his cup of tea,

He carried Destiny's heavy book, heavier was his sigh,

External pleasantries might be exchanged with the world,

Inside though, a storm brewed with a build-up on perplexing questions



Questions, neither priest nor shaman can answer him,

Questions, neither the dearly loved can answer nor can the dearly departed hear,

Answers, he makes for himself and strings them like a thick rope,

Answers, the rope will tighten its bind on him



He might find some in this lifetime;or never,

Sometimes, the journey to find the things that bewilder him,

Is much more rewarding than finding the answers themselves,

He reminded himself and went to sleep,

He had many more journeys to collect and bookmark.

You tease me softly as not to please
my mind it melts from extruding ******

A torture chamber in my brain
your words to me leave ***** stain

From your mind I can't abstain
my darkened soul has yet to Drain

A dismal fate that love ignores
impossible grace, from ***** chores

The one you seek is spoken for
she points a finger, theirs the door

You return in the dead of night
you know you shouldn't, your mind you fight

Broken vows are not a choice
you refrain from evil voice

You slip back into your deep dark past
stepping over your heart, it's beat it's last...

In what world should a mind be defined
by the parameters of others perceptions?
Limiting ones self by fear of abrasion from the populations conceptions.

Never setting true goals, only those that seem to fit into the faded puzzle.
Instead of extruding shapes that can't be confined.
I see wonderful beings, dazed, and imprisoned by bottling themselves, and their ideals because of anothers view.. of point of view,
And common sense.
A common consensus,
about what should effect us.
What to project.
And see.

Where others see fragile attempts,
I see unstructured trials.
Where others see inevitable failure,
I see limitless possibilities.

nestled comfortably amongst the murk of my blanket        (statements)

she’s slowly extruding lies and melting into
myself         (assessment)

dripping, as it trickles down
oozing from your swollen
leaky *******:

squelching the flames of my
passion         (project)

desires left smoldering as i sup
upon the thick
and pitiless black smoke pouring
from somewhere inside

feeling ashamed of how
i must look this does
not relent
the maelstrom of
aspersions  cast by my
tongue         (bath)

on all that pass here without a second glance

The beast is hungry
With an unrelenting appetite
Consuming without satisfaction
This glutenous swine gnashes and gnaws
Leaves no morsels
Only memories
Snatching the very youth from your face
And the minds from those who gave you yours
Extruding your very essence whilst you slumber
Feeds on good times
And takes exquisite pleasure
In dragging out moments of suffering
Yet this beast is desired by all
Pursued without hesitation
Those with wealth and power may never obtain
Those who need it never posses
Those who posses may not use

And in the end, leaves you, alone in a void
Nothing but a fleeting thought
In those who are still being devoured alive

-R

we were young
we had little time, boy
meeting through windows
showing me your new toy
I thought it was cool
did I tell you that?

I told you to come over
after the sun sets
you knocked on my door
fireworks filled the bag you held

we snuck to the rooftop
we sparked up the sky
I knew I loved you then
I wish I told you that

every week we go see the animals
you tell me facts I have heard before
you grab my hand to get snacks
and we walk until our feet get sore

I remember hanging out in your room
colorful was your floor extruding gloom
we were playing and sipping juice
the taste of it in my mouth froze

we had so many memories
I’m not sure if you still remember me
I would never trade anything we had
I wish you were here to tell you that

A flourish of evil
Extruding u der dark.

What transformation
In moonless time.

Past a pity of
potted trees

Mad midmight unfolds
Across the London road

Her evil a complexity..
..
Formed from instincts
Savery and shrinking
Need to beat necessity....

Reliving things
Like demons.
Retelling ingredients
From a recipe.

Her wielding days are over
Holster up that dagger
Of *** ...sweat and ***** getting
Destiny....

Karmas just a *****.
You havent met yet in your wettest dreams... while stealing
Promises and dealing minors minor high time kind of felonies....
Like crystal **** and ketamine.
Karmas going to ***.
Like teenage you. In bed sheets
As you relive your pubescent destiny. Your ******* wettest dream
Your trial becomes your childhood dream....
While kindness shines inside your eyes illuminating. Lies you once tried embellishing....

the devils not the evil one.
But I got pictures in my cellar still developing.
Eminem maybe way better than me...
Still firm on the jdea
My ******* are like the pictures in the cellar.
Not worth developing....
Retelling. A story born of a hellish beginning. Middle are no less intense
Than  ending credit scene...
Reads tenderly.
RIP.
Bruce Jenner's swaure into the gender scene.....
Representing Compton.
Not like easy e. Dr dre ice cube or mc ren it seems...
I'm more like venus and serena William's. Lezzing out on the Womens tennis team...
God complex. With messages.
From death herself
Depicting images of me sexually...
If its a wedding eventually.....
Required. Add frodo baggins
In attendance. Cant forget to bring the wedding ring
While Sam's eyes are always searching. Touching me..
Uncomfortably ******* me...


Hype productions.
In association
With the dumb *****.
That brought you something free.
From the sharp point extruding
From a honey bee....
Oh god we never had this talk.
My parents. Viewed communication
Like a luxury....
So puberty was understood funnily as something getting passed
Like a baton to all the other ******* on the running team...
**** I hope its painless.
*******. Flowers!!! thank you mister honey bee.....
End it off with something green
From your well
Invested money tree.....

Oh god I hatd interpreting these I feel like a monster....