Every Tuesday night
From January to April
The highlight of my night
Was a chocolate croissant.

I would sit and listen
To theories and methods,
Literature and research,
And on break I would have one.

I would order it each night
With salivating anticipation.  
As I handed over my money
They put it in the oven.  

And each night
They would call out
"Chocolate croissant?"
And I would grab the bag.

I would devour that morsel
With joy and elation,
And as I felt it go down
My chest would warm -

Not only from
The warm croissant,
But also from the joy
Warming my heart.

It was the best part
Of those horrible evenings
Of literature and research
Theory and methods.

Sometimes,
If I was feeling spicy,
I would get two -
One on each break...

And sometimes
On Thursdays
I would get two more
For History and PR.

Yes,
Those chocolate croissants
Got me through
My last semester of college.

When I was feeling stressed,
Or feeling down
From the subject matter,
I would eat one,

And I would feel better.
And I bet
As you are reading this
You want one.

Do yourself a favor,
Go buy yourself
A chocolate croissant -
And enjoy it.  

Let it help you escape
From your worries
And your cares
For about 90 seconds

As you devour that
Delicious pastry.
And let it warm your chest
With chocolate and joy.

I’m sick of hearing my life’s a haiku.
I’m into magic, love, and other sorts of things that are typically voodoo.
I’m half ***** from a half assed absent African baby boomer brat.
I’m half white trash.
Here’s a well formed of dried tears turned into something to sooth my canine teeth.
It tastes like Moonshine.
I can’t swim anymore, so I’m here drowning in a concrete pool.
Always, I look for the hell in you.

I sharpen my boot knife for ****** assault protection.
The first swipes for the plus 200,000 in counting.
The seconds for the 66 percent underreported.
The lasts for me,
the 29 percent victims aged 17, 16, 15, 14, 13, and 12.

We have a higher rate of risking everything.
For depression x3.
For committing suicide x4.
For post traumatic stress disorder x6.
For alcohol abuse x13.
For drug abuse x26.

You all think I’m crazy,
I’m not.

I sometimes get called
stupid, ugly, *****, and thot.

I’m in pain, in sorrow.
I can’t help it.
He did it.
No one can undo it.
What do we do about it?

I wont scream, I won't cry.

I’ll ask how he’s doing with glitter and tears in the corner of my eye.
And after he's done molesting me,
"Want to go grab some coffee or tea?"
Personally, I like the cafe down the street.
They sell good brunch with amazing croissants.

And after this is over,
I’d ask him how it was while he turned me over.

Passing through those glorious doors together

We find home at Bombay Bakers

Your hand in mine

The sugary air hitting us harder than a brick wall

We both feel the grace of familiarity

Our chemistry hotter than the rolls in the oven

The smell of freshly baked croissants gives me the same warm feeling as your smile

Passing Agora we look at each other with the same bright eyes

It'll just be a quick stop but such a savory one as we sit and share a large caramel coffee

I hate the aftertaste but anything with you is such a candied tang in the end

Your cinnamon dusted lips so close to mine

Your taste so sweet couldn't even be compared

Licking each finger after your touch, trying to save each bit of you

It doesn't matter which side of the world we are on or where we end up in the end

As long as there's that corner bakers shop nearby

It'll be home with you

I'm making croissants and
I'll save you one
we could really help
each other
out
this year
we need each
other
so come for your croissant
come for me here now

wait
My roommate ate it
I'm sorry
****

wind is coming in
sun is just showing
horses are watered
fire is glowing

movement is starting
the camp is awake
cookie is working
there's breakfast to make

no fancy croissants
or drinks laced with toffee
this is good solid food
and strong cowboy coffee

it gets it's job done
it ain't always so nice
later on in the day
it gets served by the slice

mud, java, joe
it's got lots of names
and at each cowboy camp
it still tastes the same

grounds at the bottom
thick as coal tar
without cowboy coffee
you will not go far

eggs, beans and bacon
and bread texas thick
to wipe up what's left
and get every lick

here out on the trail
you won't find any toffee
we eat solid grub
and we drink cowboy coffee

Twin glasses of orange juice, froth quietly fizzling out
A plate of turkey bacon piled overzealously high

I would cook you French toast every day, if you'd let me.

Fresh croissants from a bakery down the street
Halved strawberries drizzled with honey

I'll sprinkle cinnamon in our coffee, just like my grandmother used to.

I don't know much of love, but I know this:
When the sun breaks through my kitchen window,
I hope you'll be sitting at the table.

Jane the economy toaster
Was cheap as appliances go
Her unpolished sides were all greasy
And as grey as suburbanite snow

The edge of her slot was all melted
And her tray was encrusted with crumbs
Her lever was missing a handle
And would nibble at fingers and thumbs

She lived at the back of a cupboard
With some rusty old pans and a spider
In the gloom she would dream that somebody
Would hammer a muffin inside her

That some special son-of-a-baker
Would fill up her dusty old holes
With croissants and baguettes and bagels
With waffles and tea cakes and rolls

But alas with her family broken
The whisk and second-rate kettle
Her owners replaced the whole set
With something more classy in metal

And so in her murky wee crevice
She wept and she twiddled her ****
She twitched her lever with envy
Of the toaster that lives by the hob

Jane faded away and she vanished
But in silicone heaven she boasts
That she's Jane the economy toaster
The maker of muffins for ghosts

pre-scriptum:
                no polyglot would experience this sort of "paradox", it's not even a paradox of a "paradox" off a 'paradox', bilingualism has its methodology, as Kant could explain, extracting his methodology off the page into a meticulous day-to-day activity... the sage / if not the clock of Königsberg... i can imagine this obsessive-compulsive mini-rituals that would always escape the throng on a Sunday... the Sunday eucharist wasn't enough for the man, there were so many rituals to take care of, having famously not married, while Kierkegaard having: infamlusly not married... i appreciate their strategy... reading them while also reading Nietzsche, these two gentlemen, by comparison, if not in work, certainly in life gravitate above the popularity of Nietzsche... why? Nietzsche appears as an incel... fan boy, are you? *******... but you need some sort of structure if you're not going to marry... Kant found his daily routine an eternal mass... so many routine daily tasks seemingly mundane to some, can enlarge themselves to become out of proportion pillars of preserving sanity in face of standing before god and a post-life scenario... hell is not so much a place of suffering... i can tell you of the most "mild" form of suffering... an extrovert becoming drunk... constant talking, lack of purpose as in: lack of direction culminating in: lack of concentration, pandemonium is the heaven of a flickering light for a moth... again... this always bewilders me... why did Sisyphus have to drag the stone up the hill? was there some overlooking demon with a whip looking over him? couldn't he just... sit, and concentrate on the stone, create pleasure, from thinking? is that really so odd... i suppose so... given the grand h'american export of the freedom of speech... few people will find pleasure in thinking... Kierkegaard, which Nietzsche didn't read... said: why do people concern themselves with the freedom to speak, when they already possess a freedom to think? is this, me speaking, because it's the internet and it's a public space... surely i don't have an eloquent speech, i speak too quickly, i sometimes mumble, this is an extension of thinking, it's not an invitation to speak... rhetoric is an art designated for people who joked about philosophy and took sophistry seriously... i don't like Nietzsche... i still think of the man as the esteemed bachelor... apparently being freed from women allowed him to write his Critique with the sort of clarity that comes, in a cascading form, at the end, in the methodology of transcendence... which reads, like a page-turner tabloid narrative... once the formalities / difficulties are established... i'm no polyglot though, but i do succumb to some eccentricities... as any entrenched bilingual might... notably linguistics... how there are no diacritical markers in english, but there are: in other latin script based languages of continent europe... how i've never heard of dyslexia outside of the realm of spoken english... how orthography does not exist in the english language, which creates all these silly english questions of: what is reality, what is perception... with no orthography: metaphysics runs rampant... and "another" thing... i really can't read a philosophy book in english, i always have to revert back to my mother tongue, to Polish... i can't read a philosophy book in english... i looked at Plato once in english... the aesthetic is lost on me... but the Irish know of the Slavic aesthetic when it comes to dialogue, i.e.:

(a) the english standard for dialogue weaved into a narrative -
"i want this," she said,
   "as i want that," he said...
(b) the slavic standard for dialogue weaved into
a narrative...
- so?
- what?
- will we try to speak without
   the reiteration of who said what?
- we could.
- no, we should.
smoother... James Joyce noted this,
casual - no point adding descrptions of
how the puppet-master lost power
over his puppets with " " ditto markers of
dialouge of a: he, he really did say...
no, not he, the narrator...

   i simply cannot read the genre of philosophy in english, too much easy access points of pop culture with that umbrella overreach... matrix, memes, darwinism, blah blah... too much focus on images and very little focus on words, esp. etymology, that other component of history that focuses on: a universal application of words, beside status king, or status pauper... both the word bread can succumb to the king's tongue, as to the pauper's... but with an origin story? anything beside **** similis, the monkey, will do me just fine... then again... there's no one strand of monkey to begin with... a bit like looking up your own *** for too long, you decide that there's a coherent, "bigger picture" and it begins with chimp- and ends with -rilla... doesn't anyone else just tire of looking up a monkey *** to peddlestool the importance of darwinism for so long? i mean... at least chemistry is a playground among the science... there's no worry for a beginning... there's only play... no... i can't read a philosophy book in english... i have to read it in Polish... which is also a... january, february, march, april, may, june, july, august, september, october, novermber, december... you'd think i'd be able to recite you the months in my mother tongue... styczeń, luty, marzec, kwiecień, maj, czerwiec, listopad, grudzień... english alphabet? a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, m, n, l, o, p, q, r, s, t, u, v... **** gets scrambled... pointless rubrics... give me the practical! - i've just picked up a copy of Plato's republic... straight away i know that i'm finding my gensus in Plato rather than Aristotle...

    och ty, pijaku z psim pyskiem,
                  a za to z sercem jelenia...

    oh you, drunkard with a dog's snout,
                           nonetheless, with a stag's heart...

again, Nietzsche: Kant is an idiot, Plato is boring...
perhaps in German, for a German,
looking for Germany while roaming parts of Italy...
well... Plato, really seems appealing in
high slavic (western), the conversations breed
a sense of clarity, about fog, about darkness,
or any akin metaphor to boot...
                           between Nietzsche's maxims,
i'll take la Rochefoucauld succinct observations
before i succumb to pop-nietzsche modern
cult meme fucklords...
                          Roger Moore... prime example
of a bachelor, Kant, the same, Kierkegaard...
as for myself? if i married?
  would i still have the same sort of access to new
music, that i currently enjoy?
   for god's sake... i have to fall asleep while
listening to music, if i spend a day without
at least 5 hours of music on the headphones
   i start to lose the plot...
              my drinking is merely a side-note...
a p.s., given that now i'm a reformed drinker?
having cut my dosage in half...
     i'm still a music *****...
   women don't like music junkies...
                   and when my ex- started reading me
a qustionnaire from a russian cosmopolitan
magazine on the train to moscow from
st. petersburg... i thought i was going to shoot
myself in the head...
             perfect girlfriend this,
perfect girlfriend that...
             bob dylan saved me...
        but not for long...
                         women aren't feline...
at least with a cat you can ignore it...
                  he's pretending to be a solipsist and
you pretend to be: caring...
                 food on the table,
a clean litter tray... besides that?
                                                 fuckoffski!
     and i write this from a perspective of endearment,
nothing beats the zenith moments in a hetrosexual
relationship... the odd date...
                 talking impromptu... making food...
***, ***... ***... *** *** ***... ***... ***...
       but the petty arguments...
   the attention to detail...
                   god... anniversaries?
  i don't even celebrate my own birthday!
i fake celebrating christian holidays...
                    today is today, tomorrow:
that's tomorrow's concern...
           o.k. england winning the cricket world cup...
but that's a celebration with a calendar!
it's not regulated by hormones and
the impossibility for nostalgia...
                 i tried the relationship,
i tried the ***...
                       i had to visit a brothel for
the anaesthetic with regards to the past...
  i needed to visit the brothel to also visit
the butchers...
                               i needed to become meat,
to **** meat... and stop concerning myself over looks:
they only brought me trouble...
like i was walking with a "telepathic"
c.c.t.v. crow on my shoulder...
                             so i put on the weight i lost...
and... at that point? it was liberating...
mind you... if you want to lose weight?
  bicycle and swimming... no gym...
fruit for your last meal during the day...
eat anything you want...
  but losing weight? and all that bulimia,
classical roman bulimia:
training the oesophagus with first *******
into the mouth... then with no fingers
down the mouth?
                beauty... is not worth the trouble
when you really tempt yourself with the expansive
temporal canvas...
21 was my peak... after that...
                     voluntary celibacy...
                   a **** here and there...
            but no... it's not for me...
                    i guess i looked up to the right sort
of men... with regards to staying a bachelor...
to be highly invested in something,
   like Kant in a transcendent methodology...
like Kierkegaard invested in the arts...
like Nietzsche invested in waiting for
the fruition of his prophesies...
                      you have to be born to want to live
the simple happy life...
                  the "expected" life...
       the whole Hiob motto of: once taken,
can be regained blah blah...
                        it needs to have trans-generational
breeding involved...
                   a list of expectations...
                social-pressures and for that matter:
intrinsic socially-cohesive-stratification...
i'm a ****** in England...
             and... that puts as much social pressure
on me as... a chihuaha barking does
to an Alsatian's yawn... that's the stereotype...
the smalls dogs bark... the big dogs bite...
                 oh sure, when i visit my grandparents
back "home"... the older generation put
the pressure questions to the test:
even women from Warsaw...
   so where's your girlfriend?
to the old folk i reply: well i can't exactly force
a woman to be with me...
to the women of Warsaw?
   i'm practially a monk...
                        why?
          you don't really want to be aged 21...
forced with a scenario of:
happily dating, presumably reciprocrating trust
with regards to contraception,
being forced to reply to the scenario:
i think i'm pregnant... my my...
   and we were only 6 months apart after
the break-up, living in two different cities...
em...
                     on a lighter note...
what's the most fun you can have in Kenya?
   sitting on the balcony, in the shade...
feeding rascal macaques anything from nuts...
to bags of sugar... you, two macaque monkeys,
one balcony... the indian ocean frothing beyond...
it doesn't require a genius to figure out
what's worth cherishing without having
to feel obliged to the whole of humanity for...
offspring - many already figured this out before me:
you learn to give birth to your self (reflective,
and yes, not yourself - the reflexive)...
   which brings death to having to stand on its head...
... isn't Sisyphus the son of Atlas?
            couldn't Sisyphus just sit beside the stone
and... well yeah: think up the philosopher?

.em... looking back at the british empire, and the loud-mouth former colonial people... by god, i've never seen such leeches, i've never seen a people, so proud of being colonialißed! what's there to be proud of?! looks like in a post-colonial world, these former colonial busy-bodies had to, had to: step up and move their markers for Aladdin being performed in the West End... *******...  never in the history of the world, were post-colonial people endowed with so much pride, the whole m'ah bwee'dish *******... to counter herr zeppelinmann with the pakistani in the p.s. framework of the british empire... rotherham... ring a pakistani blue?! have a guitar on y'ah?! see... i don't like these former colonial states, with their people migrating to england, having their overlord say it now, say it clear bollocking... i don't mind a top hat, tux donning ******* giving me directions... but when a ****- does it?! sorry... i'm so sorry... will you please excuse me?! i just don't like *******, i don't like the sort of people who celebrate being colonial subjects, esp. after the whole post-colonial celebration of "libertion"... i don't like ****** / pakis who have to find their "past" by playing the cricket ball of, "the former" colony! i hate copper skinned ******* of ****- origins! former colonial raj-vizier... how can you breed these sort of people, who find pride in being under colonial power?! the **** didn't understand freedom, only understood it when being subject to its lack?! well... so much for english women... i guess they were only going to go for pakistani grooming gangs... drowning in the ganges... i have as much of jesus christ on the cross in me, as i have plenty and enough of pontius pilate's worth of soap to mind the next few years; never in my life would i have to witness the former colonißed to bribe their way, into an acceptance "speech" methodology... the ****- to fable the englishman for his, "tea"... no conquered people, no colonißed people should ever glorify their conquerers or colonißers... i guess the british achieved a double subversion... why do the ****- (stanis) still play cricket... i don't want to know... i'm new here... but... but... when a ****- attempts to displace a european from europe? that's my breaking point... i don't like being displaced from europe... the next ****- that will? well... the obvious target, a northern english teenager girl readied for grooming. i said! next ****- that tries to displace an european from europe... well... i guess.. given the power of the current politicians... nothing! ha ha!

well, with the e.u. article x, y and z...
herr zensor just flew over
London and dropped a bomb
from his zeppelin,
             because?
         two year ago,
       a teenager, girl, aged 13,
downloaded some materials
regarding self-harm...
              now the english government
is implicating regulations,
it will regulate social media usage,
mind you: ***** 'arry was pushing
the agenda all along...
   never mind the competent users...
just tackle the problem
with the addicts...
    oh look: no ******, no alcohol...
ms. amber: i'm sorry, we've failed,
we punched "the agenda"
of a blank canvas too far,
    we're going to have to double down,
for a while, so we can just
survive and have this sort
of a punching-bag of a blank
canvas readied for us...
               so the government will come
in and regulate,
       come on, 13 years old,
but the rising queer epidemic of
premature depression in the youth?
    while the parents do not
implement internet safety
   for their children,
        no block filters...
                like blocking pornographic
sites,
      so the infiltration came
            from within the supposed
safety-net sites?
           ****... i was exposed to
rotten.com by word of mouth at
school...
                           just when the internet
launched with that whole
dial-up modem,
    chris rock in lethal weapon
moment talking about old telephones...
and people bemoaned e.u.
articles...
         there have to be consequences...
people should / companies
should be taken into account...
     what about the *******
  who sold me chemically enhanced
marijuana?
            well of course:
   better a guilty man walk free,
than an innocent man become imprisoned...
that logic is still kinda flimsy
for me...
                 i don't know why...
   but it just is...
    surely there are parental filters
for what a child can and cannot see
on the internet...
                 when i was first exposed
to horse on woman *******?
       em...
         is there anything honest to think
about, at this point?
          maybe that's why i decided
to "ghost" around 200 fwends on fb.,
i figured...
        **** this pseudo-voyeurism
of what people want me to see...
    i've invested a decent amount of years
and settled for the 13K poem / doodle count...
and some pictures...
   none of them saved on a personal
drive...
         why would i stash the content,
hide it, when i want people to peruse...
'it's always dark before the dawn',
sorry, i don't know how much
of a ****-******* optimist i have to be...
before a stoic cynicism grinds me
to a halt of:
                   "branching out"...
              i came here for the punching bag
of a blank canvas...
              i never came for the fake
sycophancy or some count of numbers...
i came here, for an outlet...
      it was either this,
                     or a punching bag...
and you almost sense that this whole
farce of "national sovereignty"
is about to be dropped into the *******
and flushed...
       because... it will all become
                             "too inconvenient"...
oh they'll stall... until the european elections
take place...
                   and there's a u.k.
                        (probably the only time
where an N does't come between
vowels)...
                they're wriggling themselves
out... public: 1 vote...
                parliament: i've lost count...
it's not even akin to rats jumping ****,
more like a maggot **** in a pit...
                        that's what a cynic is:
a realist...
                         if i'm wrong, i'm wrong...
but...
              on several occassions
i haven't been wrong...
           and you just have to watch for
that glee in the eyes of channel 4 journalist
anchors...
     i know that glee in the eyes...
it's a glee of hope...
              a sly variation of hope...
               it's also a certainty imbued
               with a certainity-expectation;
thank god i didn't use the video medium...
no passive watchers,
      at least with writing...
certain sacrifices have to be made. / / / / / / / / / /
/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

a "p.s.": well of course i'm not happy
with the news coming from today,
mind you: ever spot a woodland pigeon?
god, aren't they plump?
               bloated *******,
they always seem well fed by the forest...
a pair nested in a tree in my garden,
only yesterday, i picked up two
almost translucent offspring of theirs,
thrown out of the nest,
   the bride and groom
               decided they were sick,
weak...
                  they did look weak...
     death stared back at me,
          what once was animate,
lying there, among the stones, inanimate...
what a strange sight...
            do i believe in god?
            well... tell me...
   what is the driving force that coordinates
hearbeats, the functions of the stomach,
intestines, liver, kidney and lungs?
the categorical imperative split of the brain:
thinking, memory, imagination?
the bank of pathologies?
              tell me, what is the universal
1: nth term functions of the brain / 1 (divided
by 1),
                 the heartbeat / 1,
              the liver's function(s) / 1...
              the stomach's function / 1...
the pancreatic function / 1...
           i sometimes wonder:
  i own bones only in light of the thin
skinned extentsions associated with
fingers and tooes...
   sometimes this sort of thinking helps...
to "fake ignorance",
in order to rediscover awe...
         as if a genesis story...
to be the first...
        you never actually know what you will find...
sometimes there's no point being caged
in all the advancements of knowledge,
of certainity we are presented with
on the secular altar,
            ****! i can't even begin to comprehend
how i managed to clamour out from
beneath the eisenvorhang...
    a brief interlude... and straight back under
the siliziumvorhang...
            i guess i need to sleep the better dues
to pass this day...
           it was expected though,
i was, after all... sending out an S.O.S.,
     wattpad... what is it?
              teens wet silly with poetry
associated with no messy love,
mostly girls...
              YA novelties and novellas...
side projects...
               again: vampires, warewolves,
zombies, blah blah: yawn a year later...
         teen girls: sensitive as
daffodils, but as soon as a presence
comes along: little scheming modliszkas
   (mantises) - since daddy would not
approve...
              i discovered marquis de sade
in my teens: thank **** that i did...
i wished for an exoskeleton,
i moved past it, into lizard skin,
until my skin started resembling
an oyster shell hardness...
                     you snooze, you loße...
i only saw the trilogy once,
in the waterstones of Greenwich Village
in London, when i was doing some roofing
for a housing project...
i only saw the trilogy once...
i only bought Joris-Karl Huysmans's
Là-Bas once... i should have bought
the two other books...
  since i never saw them again...
  unlucky me... having succumbed to the sterotype
of the magpie stealing silver spoons...
the cover...
   artwork by aubrey beardsley:
                        'of neophyte and how the black art
was revealed to him by the fiend Asomuel'
   (the pall mall magazine, june 1893)...
on amazon.com you either get a chance
to purchase this book, or:
Against Nature (a rabours)...
    but there's a trilogy behind Là-Bas...
zee fwench: sorry, and not sorry,
the english can be grand poets,
but when it comes to prose?
                they're not even sniffing
the toes of the french...
                what happened to woodland pigeon
coos today?  wattpad.com,
2015...             the same for me...
an outright ban... because some girl
decided to be offended by me cutting off
a conversation with her: wish her a good life...
and i really out so much effort into that page...
zip it shrimpy: cut off, little richard
on the guillotine... cut!
                well... i was clued into
the world of 'olapoesía.com,
           hallopoesia.com
                       sveikidzeja.com (lithuanian...
dzieje? happenings, events, in ******)...
          and just my luck...
      leave a harmless comment in an in-group,
in a hive?
              how the nazis were not exactly
mongols, or the first christians who
burned down the library of alexandria,
when notre dame burned...
      when the blitz of london...
and how st. paul's "miraculously" survived...
and i said: i'm pretty sure the people
in command said to the luftwaffe squadron
about to bomb london:
you drop a single bomb on st. paul's:
firing squad...
           they were nazis: but sure as ****
they weren't the people of the siberian steppe!
so hellopoetry.com,
  2019, suspension from may until december 2019...
but unlike wattpad...
  i still have my account!
   and guess who's digging trenches, right now?
poetfreak.com and minds.com are
step-overs...
why did i delete my 200+ fwends off of
facebook.com and reduced it to
3 random strangers?
          eh?
                   as much as i abhor darwinism
poking its head through to give
every single existential explanation...
i have to side with darwinism on this point:
a defensive modus operandi...
lie low...
          pretend to be dead...
                   i knew the censorship storm
was coming back in 2015...
and this current banning of woodland pigeon
coos banning?
     i'm sort of happy...
but not for the sort of reasons stemming
from the ban...
     i can finally spread the "love"!
           i finally know what it feels like,
for someone who liked my work...
         being cut off from my content...
frankly... it feels great!
                   i can finally entertain my perspective
with a pinch of empathy...
sympathy is already here:
since it happened to me back in 2015,
and in early 2019...
         now for the 3rd time lucky
on the platforms i already mentioned...
but like this hindu woman said to me...
1st time is an honest mistake,
2nd time is a lesson in learning...
3rd time? there's nothing for you to learn...
and that's of course in reverse:
of me being banned.
                         after all...
if marquis de sade is still with us?!
                 marquis de sade...
                              i knew herr zensor was
coming...           but i didn't exactly
expect to climb from under the iron curtain,
to be draped over with the silicon curtain...
and these people know they're taking away
our former playground,
our youth center,
                       well...
                           but at least i didn't make
passive content akin to a video...
         if they really want to ban me a third
time...
       i'm glad someone took the effort
to read my work...
   saves them the time ageing toward granny
age, resorting to binging on harlequin
romance novels.

p.s.

you've actually caught me in my berserker
drinking mode... i'll just spew...
and spew as i must, i never expected
the "useful idiots" to comply to what my thinking
didn't prescribe them to do...
even hegel once pointed out:
something about 3D chess,
a thinking man, with pawns of willing
actors... i never liked hegel...

                  hegel has become too much
of a crucifix, a bookmark,
of what and where, "things" went wrong...
i hate bookmarked people...
kant isn't bookmarked...
         all the slander that nietzsche offered him,
as some repetitive jargon booster,
with the sort of a bachelor lifestyle
he greatly admired: rooted in Königsberg...
****** worked like clockwork...
his predictability was the great deception...
forget shuffling ideas and whatever
like a northern semite...
weren't the vikings the semites
of the north? restless creatures,
constantly displaced? weren't they?

mind you... eh...
     you know how many necromancers
actually exist?
   you ever read a book by jean-paul sartre?
james joyce? stendhal? dumas?
sienkiewicz?
      you sure you're not
a necromancer?
                it's not an exactly
illustrious title to hold...
             when reading the books
of the departed, aren't you invoking
their living presence, into the current storm
of affairs?
  sure as **** it's not a spectacular "title"
to hold, is it?
           to think: one is more likely
to cite the dead, having "risen" from
their grave, that one is to make
   "compensations" with the living...
   when journalism ****** politics...
and the sort of admired journalism,
akin to all the president's men...
died...
                a slower death than the traversing
speed of a snail...
   like that other quote beside
hegel:         the terrible...
                   has already happened.
the holocaust, chernobyl...
   that has already happened...
               awaiting what could ever be
worse: is but akin to the sword of Democles...
it's hanging in the air,
   blood-thirty,
  like the talking heads of
the french aristocracy, once the guillotine
chop happens... gagging for "free speech"
in a basket...
what is mary antoinette just said:
let them have croissants?!
    fat fake cake binges would...
with a snap of the fingers... be over...
still... the english crumpet...
      tyson fury vs. manny pacquiao
    (the obvious choice of crumpet,
and the croissant getting battered...
akin to a french toast,
               soaked in beaten eggs)...

you read any book by a dead person,
you're a necromancer...
             i'm a necromancer...
                 you're a necromancer...
the dead arrive at your head,
have a ******* with your thinking,
then leave,
you continue,
   in your own right,
and in their right: of mutating their
original thought...
          that lost ambition of narrative,
transcending any and all
moral 'oughts...
                    try me after an hour
spent with a ******* doing nothing
but kissing her:
just, because, "on a whim",
i forgot to trim my ***** hair...
                stealing kisses from prostitutes
isn't exactly easy...
all that pretty woman dogma...
     **** above a kiss...
          well... "yeah"... in reality?
                   i'm thinking about three things
right now... growing a heard long enough
to reach my heart...
   bonsai: in both the tree botanical form
and a feline form of a shrunken tiger
akin to a maine **** cat...
   and a pagoda...
                      don't ask me why...
i'm good at su doku puzzles... mahjong...
really **** on the crossword puzzle scale...
hence? random words just enter my mind
and i need an ars poetica impromptu
to lodge them into.

p.p.s.
i already know what the inquiring man would
or could ever do with a child,
to inquire about his own development as
a child, to find the: dot dot dot the missing
answers, to see for himself as he developed
into an adult, or, worse, to project his own failings
onto the child, child genius tiger mums team
alpha-bravo... child prodigy gehennah...
it's almost a psychological fetish for some,
to bind oneself to the canvas of a child,
better off with a cat, or a dog if that's your
"thing"... at least you won't be hurting anyone...
worse still: the marquis de sade ******
scenario... i still have memories from when
i was 4 years old... Ganesha must be looking
over me: the stereotype? elephants' memory,
which is as long as its trunk...
      "conundrum": if an adult male can fathom
his child: himself at the age of 4...
if he can fathom a metaphorical foetus,
why would he have to procreate,
to produce a d.n.a. mongrel to satiate his
curiosity further?
      besides that... if society was once overtly
religious, moralistic...
today's society is overly-psychologised...
i hate psychological stereotypes,
everyone is this part-time hobby-psychologist...
             i don't exactly require a biological
part-replica of myself to preserve at least
one thought with origin and end within
the confines of my self...
       i'm not exactly prone to utter patriachal
proverbs that encompass whole ethnic groups...
maxims or categorical imperatives
cater for individuals...
                   not the masses...
i'd have to be a patriarch to utter proverbs as
a way to gather the brood of my own
sow and subsequent harvest...
to be so obscure,
    to be so... concerned with lineage...
                   you have to be born with the facets
of necessarily ensuring that future generations
are to make the same mistakes...
           that's why i would never trust western
neo-atheism... d.n.a. as the only future blah blah...
         sure... if you can lodge a thought
into d.n.a. and receive the token of finding both
self and consciousness within such claustrophic automaton confines,
"somewhere down the line"...
      much older generations would have told you...
that's in the fables, the mythos, the temporal crux
and crossroads... time doesn't give a donkey's *******
about your "rational", scientific materialism's worth
of continuum...
                         etc.

Like drinking water out of mason jars
Like reading through fake plastic glass
Like dressing in your grandparents bolts of fabric
Like holding an unfiltered cigarette
Or even better a wooden pipe…
Smoke swelling in closed mouths
And nostrils blowing in sailboat clouds
Down to the next not- Starbucks
To sit on a velvet couch with
Coral painted nails and a chai in hand...
You all can be like this.
With no workout clothes and
With at least two piercings in your nose
You all are like this soon enough.
Who gave you the idea to pick up the
Ukulele anyway?
Who gave you the idea to shave one quarter
Of your head?

We all did. We all are a
Fleet of individual sameness,
A want to stand out from the
Cookie- cutter looks,
But now we’re all cupcakes
With the same story but with
Different hooks
For hands, snagging the rest
Of us along.
With your identical twin lipstick
And Birkenstock feet.
The lack of shock we absorb
Gets lonely and depressing.
So lets all move to Montreal
And French kiss and knit
And maybe real soon the
Croissants will go stale
And it’ll be cool to live
In Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan.

While the world is asleep
I lie awake in a dream that feels real
because I am with you.
They'll lie still and we won't disturb
them.
It's you that I only get this feeling
around.
I accept that I am awake because you
are here
There is no other fact.
While the world is asleep
I want to explore everything that I can.
Without interruption.
Without the triple bypass of work.
More than enjoying your company for
what it is.
Like croissants in Paris
After climbing the Eiffel tower with you
on my back.
Or counting how long it'll take to bend
the curvature of the tower into the
shape of your heart.
While the world is asleep
They'll lie still and we won't disturb
them.
& When they awake,
They'll think it was all a dream
By the time we finish explaining what
took us so long to get back

I know that you are always with me. I follow that scent, the calm folded crisp smell of cigars lit on the rainy morning in the streets of Calais. I pass through the art galleries, boat docks, pubs, markets and old churchyard buildings. That scent again? It draws me in and embraces me close into secluded streets. I see friendly faces wearing the same weepy eyes and bright smiles every day. They were buskers, street tramps, just in my eyes fellow lost rebels who I admire. They haven’t yet given up even now their naked without luxury, starved of food and clothing they wander around building up a new home every day.  

Every time the buskers see me they each greet me in turn shake and kiss my hands. I drop a penny down; they play out their beautiful music and sing their songs into the early hours of the evening. The air of the night is surrounded with the distinctive smell of cider and cigars. Outside the docks of boats the pub is festered with local communities drinking and talking about previous nostalgia. People laugh and cheer at the buskers who come into the pubs and applaud even louder when each of them comes on stage. They play, they dance, they rant in their own unique way in time to the guitar and banjo. When the evening is finally over music and laughter without question just stops, I can hear those... heavy awkward whispers, muffled voices and coughs of things left unsaid. At that point each of the smiles of the lost rebels fades out into the night, they know they must face and enter that filthy alley alone forced into the solitude of old cardboard boxes. I thought they did a splendid show and award them money and praise in return some of them come up to compliment and kiss me again.

The next morning I visit the library to indulge in my long lost passion of French poetry but I keep on getting distracted. I pick up on that very dangerous scent of cigars, wine and … aftershave. It was just so intoxicating, the fuel I craved. The aroma got stronger outside, something was around me. I was feeling that someone had just touched my breast, pinched my ******* then started to bite, caress and kiss my back but that feeling had quickly faded out.I sat down, unable to detect anything. I open up an loaned book of poems by Christina Rossetti. Before I could read her first poem, a written letter had fell to the floor. It was encrypted in my name with a place and time. I begun to read it out aloud as if it was some fairy tale enchantment.

The cigar smoke started to rise, embrace and surround me it filled my eyes again. A young man appears at my feet. He is *****, long black hair; smile cheeky but eyes concrete and dreamy when magnified they melt into a fire. I gaze into his piercing green eyes; I can already feel my body heating up and chest feel tenser. We start to greet each with a handshake, he grabs my hand and begins to put each of my fingers into his mouth. Straight away I could feel this urge to share everything with him to plant that warm kiss onto his lips. We start with talking for hours about our previous past, poetry and art. I read out some of the poems in French and he was translating them for me. He asks whether I would want to go Paris with him; he knew the best historic sites to take pictures and then without any hesitation he flashes out two train tickets. A charmer no less, but I feel drawn to follow him hoping he would lead me to more adventure. We both catch a train together from Calais to Paris. He takes me into the French café near his apartment we end up drinking coffee together out in the balcony. He drove me around in his car; we end the day with having a great picnic of red wine, sandwiches, cakes and croissants out in the jardin. We end the first evening having a smoke or two out in the beautiful countryside air. He drops me back to my villa and kisses me slowly on the ears then begins to whisper softly the words k.i.m.m.y into my ear. I could feel the last of his words really start to linger, the final words before leaving me and promising to meet up the next evening outside his own apartment.

I came out the next evening wearing a tight red frock and bright red lipstick on the ****** cobbled streets. We both embrace each other with small kisses on the cheek, walking down with our tongues tied in knots and arms locked together to the local tavern drinking more wine. When it finally got late I was allured to follow him into his apartment a classy one bedroom with a double bed, rose flowers on each window ledge. There is another classy rose wine bottle on the table and a room of old books. We sit on the sofa watching movies, eating chocolate and sipping on wine. My head begins to spin, lose some focus. Could this really be love or was this just another drunken lusting daze? I droop to his shoulders; He recites bits of his own poem, I can’t help but stare into his deep eyes when he reads them, I look up again at his moist lips when he reads out aloud the final words. I yearn to snog him or for at least him to make that first move. I feel dizzy and high on red blooded wine and cigars. I could then feel him starting to kiss the temples of my neck and feel his soft teeth mingle and bite leaving small indented marks on my neck. I draw even closer towards his mouth; I can feel his beard tickle me. I love to taste him, love that aroma! He tastes of dimly lit cigars which mingle with my fruity perfume. At this point I feel that the ember inside surround and heat up my whole body. I want him to really light me up so I can explode into them blue flames. I begin to clench up my body as he bites my neck, we both kiss frantically. He whispers into my ears and begins to nibble on them. We end up huddled up together in bed! The window reflects that the sun is approaching, he sits on top of me staring at me blankly in silence. He takes time to admire my calm sleepy concrete clay features.

He knows that when the sun comes up that everlasting rainbow of color we created together will begin to melt and transform back into monochrome. It just comes to the end. we know we can not argue, we must leave each other. I know I must say the two forbidden words. The very two words that turn me back into this empty corpse. I hate them; I greet him with a long lost embrace, the in-completed hug and the final words to end everything! Bon- Voyage At the same time trying to hold myself together, I leave on that last train, feeling tired and drained but only for a second. The whispers of his voice fill up the station crying out… KIMMY, kimmy... kimmy! . They echo out and embrace me again, they always make me smile.

I catch the last train back to Calais then head off home to stormy England. I never feel sad to leave him or the place behind because I will always remember him. Just as any dying whisper, music of buskers, words of a poem. The bond you share is never really gone it ignites again to finally burn on eternally.

Eyes that flash the soul of civilization
And warm the heart in observation.

Love that whispers with a gentle touch
And surrounds with hugs that seem so much.

Cry Beloved!

Water that caresses with a thousand tongues
Sunshine that coos all the birds’ songs

Teachers and vets, pronouns and clowns
Croissants, marmalade, coffee and new lawns.

Cry Beloved!

Breezes and sneezes, walks by the shore
Seashells that capture all the sea’s roar

Powdery sand and laconic lagoons
Daydreams and naps in the afternoons

Cry Beloved!

Smiles, museums, carriages in the park
Salads with friends and chocolates too dark

Rowing among lily pads and turtles and frogs
Hiking and crossing the streams on new logs.

Cry Beloved!

Flowers and bees buzzing in the sun
Hummingbirds hovering, dogs on the run

Children running, giggles and wiggles
Caring, learning, reading and snuggles

Cry Beloved!

Snowy mountains, valleys green
Faith proclaimed, faith unseen


Wonder and ponder, awe and reverence
Invitations from God to join in the dance

Cry beloved!

Hands held together in prayer and in love
Eyes raised to heaven on the wings of a dove

Caring so deep, affection so real
Feel the love and start to heal

Cry My Beloved!

I.

Canaris ! Canaris ! pleure ! cent vingt vaisseaux !
Pleure ! Une flotte entière ! - Où donc, démon des eaux,
Où donc était ta main hardie ?
Se peut-il que sans toi l'ottoman succombât ?
Pleure ! comme Crillon exilé d'un combat,
Tu manquais à cet incendie !

Jusqu'ici, quand parfois la vague de tes mers
Soudain s'ensanglantait, comme un lac des enfers,
D'une lueur large et profonde,
Si quelque lourd navire éclatait à nos yeux
Couronné tout à coup d'une aigrette de feux,
Comme un volcan s'ouvrant dans l'onde ;

Si la lame roulait turbans, sabres courbés,
Voiles, tentes, croissants des mâts rompus tombés,
Vestiges de flotte et d'armée,
Pelisses de vizirs, sayons de matelots,
Rebuts stigmatisés de la flamme et des flots,
Blancs d'écume et noirs de fumée ;

Si partait de ces mers d'Egine ou d'Iolchos
Un bruit d'explosion, tonnant dans mille échos
Et roulant au **** dans l'espace,
L'Europe se tournait vers le rougo Orient ;
Et, sur la poupe assis, le nocher souriant
Disait : - C'est Canaris qui passe !

Jusqu'ici quand brûlaient au sein des flots fumants
Les capitans-pachas avec leurs armements,
Leur flotte dans l'ombre engourdie,
On te reconnaissait à ce terrible jeu ;
Ton brûlot expliquant tous ces vaisseaux en feu ;
Ta torche éclairait l'incendie !

Mais pleure aujourd'hui, pleure, on s'est battu sans toi !
Pourquoi, sans Canaris, sur ces flottes, pourquoi
Porter la guerre et ses tempêtes ?
Du Dieu qui garde Hellé n'est-il plus le bras droit ?
On aurait dû l'attendre ! Et n'est-il pas de droit
Convive de toutes ces fêtes ?

II.

Console-toi ! la Grèce est libre.
Entre les bourreaux, les mourants,
L'Europe a remis l'équilibre ;
Console-toi ! plus de tyrans !
La France combat : le sort change.
Souffre que sa main qui vous venge
Du moins te dérobe en échange
Une feuille de ton laurier.
Grèces de Byron et d'Homère,
Toi, notre sœur, toi, notre mère,
Chantez ! si votre voix amère
Ne s'est pas éteinte à crier.

Pauvre Grèce, qu'elle était belle,
Pour être couchée au tombeau !
Chaque vizir de la rebelle
S'arrachait un sacré lambeau.
Où la fable mit ses ménades,
Où l'amour eut ses sérénades,
Grondaient les sombres canonnades
Sapant les temps du vrai Dieu ;
Le ciel de cette terre aimée
N'avait, sous sa voûte embaumée,
De nuages que la fumée
De toutes ses villes en feu.

Voilà six ans qu'ils l'ont choisie !
Six ans qu'on voyait accourir
L'Afrique au secours de l'Asie
Contre un peuple instruit à mourir.
Ibrahim, que rien ne modère,
Vole de l'Isthme au Belvédère,
Comme un faucon qui n'a plus d'aire,
Comme un loup qui règne au bercail ;
Il court où le butin le tente,
Et lorsqu'il retourne à sa tente,
Chaque fois sa main dégouttante
Jette des têtes au sérail !

III.

Enfin ! - C'est Navarin, la ville aux maisons peintes,
La ville aux dômes d'or, la blanche Navarin,
Sur la colline assise entre les térébinthes,
Qui prête son beau golfe aux ardentes étreintes
De deux flottes heurtant leurs carènes d'airain.

Les voilà toutes deux ! - La mer en est chargée,
Prête à noyer leurs feux, prête à boire leur sang.
Chacune par son dieu semble au combat rangée ;
L'une s'étend en croix sur les flots allongée,
L'autre ouvre ses bras lourds et se courbe en croissant.

Ici, l'Europe : enfin ! l'Europe qu'on déchaîne,
Avec ses grands vaisseaux voguant comme des tours.
Là, l'Egypte des Turcs, cette Asie africaine,
Ces vivaces forbans, mal tués par Duquesne,
Qui mit en vain le pied sur ces nids de vautours.

IV.

Ecoutez ! - Le canon gronde.
Il est temps qu'on lui réponde.
Le patient est le fort.
Eclatent donc les bordées !
Sur ces nefs intimidées,
Frégates, jetez la mort !
Et qu'au souffle de vos bouches
Fondent ces vaisseaux farouches,
Broyés aux rochers du port !

La bataille enfin s'allume.
Tout à la fois tonne et fume.
La mort vole où nous frappons.
Là, tout brûle pêle-mêle.
Ici, court le brûlot frêle
Qui jette aux mâts ses crampons
Et, comme un chacal dévore
L'éléphant qui lutte encore,
Ronge un navire à trois ponts.

- L'abordage ! l'abordage ! -
On se suspend au cordage,
On s'élance des haubans.
La poupe heurte la proue.
La mêlée a dans sa roue
Rameurs courbés sur leurs bancs
Fantassins cherchant la terre,
L'épée et le cimeterre,
Les casques et les turbans.

La vergue aux vergues s'attache ;
La torche insulte à la hache ;
Tout s'attaque en même temps.
Sur l'abîme la mort nage.
Epouvantable carnage !
Champs de bataille flottants
Qui, battus de cent volées,
S'écroulent sous les mêlées,
Avec tous les combattants.

V.

Lutte horrible ! Ah ! quand l'homme, à l'étroit sur la terre,
Jusque sur l'Océan précipite la guerre,
Le sol tremble sous lui, tandis qu'il se débat.
La mer, la grande mer joue avec ses batailles.
Vainqueurs, vaincus, à tous elle ouvre ses entrailles.
Le naufrage éteint le combat.

Ô spectacle ! Tandis que l'Afrique grondante
Bat nos puissants vaisseaux de sa flotte imprudente,
Qu'elle épuise à leurs flancs sa rage et ses efforts,
Chacun d'eux, géant fier, sur ces hordes bruyantes,
Ouvrant à temps égaux ses gueules foudroyantes,
***** tranquillement la mort de tous ses bords.

Tout s'embrase : voyez ! l'eau de centre est semée,
Le vent aux mâts en flamme arrache la fumée,
Le feu sur les tillacs s'abat en ponts mouvants.
Déjà brûlent les nefs ; déjà, sourde et profonde,
La flamme en leurs flancs noirs ouvre un passage à l'onde ;
Déjà, sur les ailes des vents,

L'incendie, attaquant la frégate amirale,
Déroule autour des mâts sont ardente spirale,
Prend les marins hurlants dans ses brûlants réseaux,
Couronne de ses jets la poupe inabordable,
Triomphe, et jette au **** un reflet formidable
Qui tremble, élargissant ses cercles sur les eaux.

VI.

Où sont, enfants du Caire,
Ces flottes qui naguère
Emportaient à la guerre
Leurs mille matelots ?
Ces voiles, où sont-elles,
Qu'armaient les infidèles,
Et qui prêtaient leurs ailes
A l'ongle des brûlots ?

Où sont tes mille antennes,
Et tes hunes hautaines,
Et tes fiers capitaines,
Armada du sultan ?
Ta ruine commence,
Toi qui, dans ta démence,
Battais les mers, immense
Comme Léviathan !

Le capitan qui tremble
Voit éclater ensemble
Ces chébecs que rassemble
Alger ou Tetuan.
Le feu vengeur embrasse
Son vaisseau dont la masse
Soulève, quand il passe,
Le fond de l'Océan.

Sur les mers irritées,
Dérivent, démâtées,
Nefs par les nefs heurtées,
Yachts aux mille couleurs,
Galères capitanes,
Caïques et tartanes
Qui portaient aux sultanes
Des têtes et des fleurs.

Adieu, sloops intrépides,
Adieu, jonques rapides,
Qui sur les eaux limpides
Berçaient les icoglans !
Adieu la goëlette
Dont la vague reflète
Le flamboyant squelette,
Noir dans les feux sanglants !

Adieu la barcarolle
Dont l'humble banderole
Autour des vaisseaux vole,
Et qui, peureuse, fuit,
Quand du souffle des brises
Les frégates surprises,
Gonflant leurs voiles grises,
Déferlent à grand bruit !

Adieu la caravelle
Qu'une voile nouvelle
Aux yeux de **** révèle ;
Adieu le dogre ailé,
Le brick dont les amures
Rendent de sourds murmures,
Comme un amas d'armures
Par le vent ébranlé !

Adieu la brigantine,
Dont la voile latine
Du flot qui se mutine
Fend les vallons amers !
Adieu la balancelle
Qui sur l'onde chancelle,
Et, comme une étincelle,
Luit sur l'azur des mers !

Adieu lougres difformes,
Galéaces énormes,
Vaisseaux de toutes formes,
Vaisseaux de tous climats,
L'yole aux triples flammes,
Les mahonnes, les prames,
La felouque à six rames,
La polacre à deux mâts !

Chaloupe canonnières !
Et lanches marinières
Où flottaient les bannières
Du pacha souverain !
Bombardes que la houle,
Sur son front qui s'écroule,
Soulève, emporte et roule
Avec un bruit d'airain !

Adieu, ces nefs bizarres,
Caraques et gabarres,
Qui de leurs cris barbares
Troublaient Chypre et Délos !
Que sont donc devenues
Ces flottes trop connues ?
La mer les jette aux nues,
Le ciel les rend aux flots !

VII.

Silence ! Tout est fait. Tout retombe à l'abîme.
L'écume des hauts mâts a recouvert la cime.
Des vaisseaux du sultan les flots se sont joués.
Quelques-uns, bricks rompus, prames désemparées,
Comme l'algue des eaux qu'apportent les marées,
Sur la grève noircie expirent échoués.

Ah ! c'est une victoire ! - Oui, l'Afrique défaite,
Le vrai Dieu sous ses pieds foulant le faux prophète,
Les tyrans, les bourreaux criant grâce à leur tour,
Ceux qui meurent enfin sauvés par ceux qui règnent,
Hellé lavant ses flancs qui saignent,
Et six ans vengés dans un jour !

Depuis assez longtemps les peuples disaient : « Grèce !
Grèce ! Grèce ! tu meurs. Pauvre peuple en détresse,
A l'horizon en feu chaque jour tu décroîs.
En vain, pour te sauver, patrie illustre et chère,
Nous réveillons le prêtre endormi dans sa chaire,
En vain nous mendions une armée à nos rois.

« Mais les rois restent sourds, les chaires sont muettes.
Ton nom n'échauffe ici que des cœurs de poètes.
A la gloire, à la vie on demande tes droits.
A la croix grecque, Hellé, ta valeur se confie.
C'est un peuple qu'on crucifie !
Qu'importe, hélas ! sur quelle croix !

« Tes dieux s'en vont aussi. Parthénon, Propylées,
Murs de Grèce, ossements des villes mutilées,
Vous devenez une arme aux mains des mécréants.
Pour battre ses vaisseaux du haut des Dardanelles,
Chacun de vos débris, ruines solennelles,
Donne un boulet de marbre à leurs canons géants ! »

Qu'on change cette plainte en joyeuse fanfare !
Une rumeur surgit de l'Isthme jusqu'au Phare.
Regardez ce ciel noir plus beau qu'un ciel serein.
Le vieux colosse turc sur l'Orient retombe,
La Grèce est libre, et dans la tombe
Byron applaudit Navarin.

Salut donc, Albion, vieille reine des ondes !
Salut, aigle des czars qui planes sur deux mondes !
Gloire à nos fleurs de lys, dont l'éclat est si beau !
L'Angleterre aujourd'hui reconnaît sa rivale.
Navarin la lui rend. Notre gloire navale
A cet embrasement rallume son flambeau.

Je te retrouve, Autriche ! - Oui, la voilà, c'est elle !
Non pas ici, mais là, - dans la flotte infidèle.
Parmi les rangs chrétiens en vain on te cherchera.
Nous surprenons, honteuse et la tête penchée,
Ton aigle au double front cachée
Sous les crinières d'un pacha !

C'est bien ta place, Autriche ! - On te voyait naguère
Briller près d'Ibrahim, ce Tamerlan vulgaire ;
Tu dépouillais les morts qu'il foulait en passant ;
Tu l'admirais, mêlée aux eunuques serviles
Promenant au hasard sa torche dans les villes,
Horrible et n'éteignant le feu qu'avec du sang.

Tu préférais ces feux aux clartés de l'aurore.
Aujourd'hui qu'à leur tour la flamme enfin dévore
Ses noirs vaisseaux, vomis des ports égyptiens,
Rouvre les yeux, regarde, Autriche abâtardie !
Que dis-tu de cet incendie ?
Est-il aussi beau que les siens ?

Le 23 novembre 1827.

No matter what I keep coming back to the darkest corner of the wooden table. Only now, I notice a full year has passed. Every day for a year I have been staring at the blank paper right in front of me. It is still white, pure, unchanged.

Have you ever seen a tornado? I stand right in the eye of a tornado, it feels quiet and empty, and so do I. How am I supposed to write down on this piece of paper when I am not even capable of feeling? I feel no pain, nor love, nor joy.

I strongly believe that people do not change just the circumstances do, and so they did. I wanted them to change. I still remember the day I left, every detail. Even the minute I woke up. Seven o’clock in the morning and for the first time I didn’t felt like I needed five more minutes of sleep, as I always do. My heart started racing, I felt the beat in my head and in my stomach. I brushed my teeth for way too long lost in the chaos inside me. It was perfect that no one was home.
I was craving some fresh croissants from the small shop across the street; I still remember how the shop smelled that morning. I ordered croissants for two, made smoothie for two. We made sure the sheets of the bed I had slept in since I was six smelled like salty skin after ***. We took a shower, shampooing each other’s head and fooling around like everything was fine. We smoked a cigarette in silence, knowing words would ruin too much. We said goodbye. I finished packing. My whole life was in that flat, that room, and all I was taking with me was a suitcase. I got dressed and took a look in each room. I knew I was not only about to leave my home, family, my friends and lover behind, I was about to leave the way everything felt back then. I knew nothing would remain the same. I was about to leave behind my life and start a new one.

Now I am going through life like a ghost trying to figure it out. Stuck between past and present. Living now and craving yesterday. Going back to yesterday and not feeling the same way I used to.

It was New Year’s Eve, so I booked a ticket, wanting to go home. My parents had bought a new flat right after I left; it was amazing, but not what I needed. I wanted to finally see and smell something familiar, I had had enough of changes. Everything was new, full and empty at the same time. A lot of material stuff and no memories. Everyone seemed the same, but they weren’t. I had missed too much of their daily basis, great and little moments, I wasn’t there, neither were they.

We were drinking some cheap wine at our favorite place and laughing at nonsense jokes, right in that moment something broke inside of me and pieces of it still break every time little by little. I feel no pain, nor love, nor joy. Maybe that is why I spend so much time collecting pictures, post cards, and old bills back from nights we used to drink our so-called pain away. Or maybe that’s why I watch movies I used to like when I was 16 and silly, maybe just trying to hold on to something that feels like home. I race back to the times when a cigarette wasn’t the solution of my problems, because I just want to be able to feel something again.  

But tell me how is it even possible to stay the same when all we have got is a precious knowledge of self-destruction?

do you remember
those nights in my room
eating croissants at 2am
you smelling my perfume

i go back to that moment often
and the way you said my name
you trip over your words
setting my face to flame

i still owe you
one mac and cheese dinner
under your ceiling's string lights
you made me a sinner

you were my Snow White baby
locked, pressed into sleep
with apple slices stuck in your throat
i prayed at the altar of your nightstand, an offering every morning:
pictures          chocolate           small dolls i sewed from scraps
in the middle of the night, sitting by your bed when i couldn't sleep

i read to you, just in case
you could hear. once
i held a mirror above your mouth, because
you were so still           your skin was molten, crackling with heat,
a jumble of just-hardened lava bones
bright cherry mouth, cheeks blooming          but so pale.
my Snow White baby, i didn't know if a prince would save you
but i wanted to be your knight in armor. i wanted to armor you--
but you can't protect against attacks from the inside

i remembered months before, lying in the grass with you
          sunlight           reading books in trees
muddy, you fed me croissants mashed in your fingers
and oranges that fell from the branches. how precious i held you,
your tiny body braved against mine, the smallness of you in my arms
we were children then.

that Christmas you woke up for just long enough
to crawl from your quilt-nest
and sleep instead under the christmas tree

your fever-sweat and the coloured lights
made your skin into rainbows
i remember thinking how magical you were, how
much i'd miss you
if you never woke up.

At the Waters Edge
As the tide laps onto the shore
So shall it flow.
Eternally.

Wanting you more.
We stand on the beach watching gulls swoop.
Sadly,only  images in our minds.
Scraps of the past,
captured by gulls.
Tossed on white horses,
They go with the flow.

As do you and I.
Bouncing on currents of warm salty air.
Smell the seashore.
Taste it.
Taste it ,
as we taste love.
Feel it, as we  hold each other close in mind.

We could be oar less rowing boats.
Drifting aimlessly on rushing ripples.
Like the weather, they change course.
Lifted and falling ever of course.

Vanilla ice cream.
Strawberry  syrup.
Dripping from cornets.
To learn of your likes.
You may not like ice cream.
Nor strawberry sauce.
As we grow together for sure.
We'll discover more.


I yearn to hold you.

To survey the stars in the sky,

two of us as one.
Want no more,
To stroll alone on the shore.
I have a hand that needs holding.

Held empty too long.

Paddle in beach shoes.

To feel the swell water.
Warmed by the sun.
It's  waiting for you.

Time nor tide will stop and wait
But always I shall wait,
always for you.

To  watch sunsets  and rises.

Morning surprises.
Coffee and croissants.

Straw hats and boaters.

I'd climb to the cliff tops to hold you again.
You my darling.

I know you feel the same.
You feel the same.
I know that you do.
Distance before us.
If only you knew.

Drifting out to sea.

Then home again.
Safe in my arms.
One day my darling.
You and I will be us.
(c)Livvi MMCV

The morning light wanes
out on open plains
my belly debates
croissants have to wait  

All the nylon fliers
like crayons palettes
festival of spectacles
So many favorites

Up Up and Away
a hundred balloons
above lagoons and chimneys
below valleys and alleys

In one strong forehand
a spectacular descent
it looks unplanned
a landing on the grandstand!

There was no flaw
only the applause
at dawn, champagnes flow
I stand in awe

this is the color of sunshine and innocence,
of freckle-faced children running through the dry grass
as butterflies flit and grasshoppers bound.
it is the shade of the center of the daisies
their older sister plucks from the earth.
a reserved smile tugs on her lips as
one by one the petals fall to the whispered words,

"he loves me,
he loves me not."

it is the color of lemonade and buttered croissants,
and the dance the mother makes across the kitchen,
floral skirt swaying as she sashays to and fro.
a grin flashes across her face
as she remembers the color of the dreams she chased in her youth;

the color of her name up in lights
the color of camera bulbs and the afterimages
that creep across her vision
when the paparazzi descends.

this color makes it way down the hall and into the study,
where the father sits at his desk pouring
over numbers and figures while furiously
punching them into a calculator.

it is the color of post-it notes scribbled over with important dates,
of the faded coffee stain on the front of the man's shirt,
of the potted flowers doing their absolute best
to brighten up the austere space.

when the day reaches its end
this color seems to disappear...

but it persists

in the most subtle
of places.

it wraps around the tiny nightlight in the youngest son's room,
providing a barrier between him
and whatever goes bump in the night.

it chimes in the nervous giggles that attempt to dispel
the fear that comes with a late-night scary story.

it emanates from the glow-in-the-dark stars and planets
stuck to the older sister's ceiling--
there they remain
despite her insistence that she it too old for them.

this color is most certainly not the color of darkness,
but,
rather--
the moments that break its emptiness.

She speaks five languages
& works her *** off
in an eatery
buttering croissants.
A single mom of three,
she still has the spirit to
smile like a summer sun.
What a pretty sight,
there's no wallowing in
the mire for this waitress,
she's still got fire
& no time for *******,
'cause she's making it happen
on her own terms.

you had your shrove thursday! you celebrated it with frying pancakes! celebrate harvesting crops by returning to eating like wild animals... no carbohydrates on good friday! carbohydrates? complex sugars... you can ingest fructose and lactose... come on... keep up with the poetics of the religion!

well... it's easter... whatever the hell that means these days,
    in protestant lands there is more commotion around christmas
time anyway... you can literally glance over
   the concept of easter in england; i'm not sure how it
looks or feels like in either *lutheran or calvinist countries:
   germany in the former (category), switzerland in the latter...
        category...
but easter is **** hard to pick on...
                 it's supposed to be "celebrated"...
  but to be honest...                            **** all happens!
so yeah... coming from a nation that became ultra-catholic
because one of their countrymen became a pope...
     you get this fervour back there:
                           people really get to the grit of things,
and they do! i swear, they do! take it seriously -
          when you hear a bunch of poles stating their
creed: father son and the holy ghost etc.,
                         they sound like an army of satanists!
you have to hear it... it's what i call the...    murmur effect.
holy murmur... mmm and probably as much comparison
as putting your ear to a belly of a bear and listening
   in on the grumbling noises of the bear's intenstines
  doing their magic of the latter stages of digestion...
  so... coming from a culture that got duped by having
a pope's ethnicity overly-stated as: foundation! tradition!
you get an exodus of those who firmly believed that
communism was working... because they didn't get
the marshall plan hand-outs / benefits...
                         a bit like that analogy:
  give a man a fish?          or give a man a fishing-bow?
                       anyway... so you have this pope
that didn't have the human decency to become
                                                          ­            emeritus
slobbering, drooling all over the sanctity of st. peter's
humble beginnings...
                                 and you have what's called: "tradition"
of celebrating this "festival" -
                                  you don't eat meat on good friday,
also called: quasi-ramadam without any mammal proteins...
   saturday you go to the cinema...
                    sunday you go and sanctify
  eggs... that are painted, and hard boiled...
                            and you have what drunks call:
the morning after...
                                           monday? by now you're in
heaven... having risen from the dead!
                       or what's called the melancholia of winter.
but you know what really bothers me about all this?
     the holy sacraments...
                     and the ****** greek poetry that comes along
with it... and how it's misunderstood, when applicable
to the lunatic acts of "celebration"...
                                      so "fasting" is invoked by
not eating mammalian proteins... meat...
                                   meat... meat...
surely it should be about not eating bread / all forms
of carbohydrates! eh?  surely fasting would be about not
eating breads of all sorts... croissants, pancakes,
buns... crumpets... scoans...
                               after all, flesh into bread blood
into wine?
                             or bread into flesh, wine into blood?
water into wine, oysters into genitals?
                                                 lemons into oranges?
the ancient greek critique of poetry provided us
with an artefact that's probably the best joke on the planet...
thank you plato... for giving as a laughing-stock
of a political movement...
                              clearly what beats it with a club
with nails sticking out of it is:
                           a religion that's like, ultra-kumbaya -
the clerics can sing the whole shabang from
minarets - while the dutiful adherents whisper their
                                                 five-a-day, five-a-day...
that's when you get into why milton wrote what
he wrote, and then had his eyes "gauged" out -
                             nothing less than the equivalent of
the homer of the north... i.e. went blind.
                      me? i'm drinking today... whiskey was
not specified...                 now i'm going to an apache
shamanic rant and say...       whiskey! fire! fire + water!
firewater!                and just ****** greek poetry,
because you know that ancient egyptians also had
a sense for poetry, but it had to be translated into
hebrew to have potency... egyptian princes spoke
the slave tongue? it's a bit like prince charles speaking
some slavic language... say... russian....
     i'd be surprised if he could speak french, never mind
the so called "exotica".

I’d like a man who appreciates me.
Say “Hi beautiful!” every morning,
And bring me coffee and croissants,
As we watch the new day dawning.

I’d like a man who has a high powered job.
His office window an amazing view,
His grandparents own a seaside chalet
He says he’ll take me to.

I’d like a man with an amazing body,
But he would not know that.
He’d garden with his shirt off – hanging up -
While wearing a cowboy hat.

I’d like a man who liked my friends,
And charmed them all with smiles.
And tell them how, with his arm round mine,
We dance on kitchen tiles.

I’d like a man who understood,
One does not rev his car.
He’ll take me sailing in the summer ,
No bounds to say how far.

He’s go to be able to fly as well.

I have been drinking green tea by the evening light,
I have been wearing all my travelled hats again.

I have been striving for something beyond my reach,
in the hope that by stretching, I'll end up taller.

I have been eating croissants and drinking coffee,
exchanging currency and staring out windows.

I have been comforted by the sound of the rain,
as it taps on the drain by my bedroom curtains.

I have grown easy in this dormitory life,
sleeping through the day and then working through the night.

I have grown lazy, laid out in the olive grove,
in the eternal garden of the writer's mind.

I have grown weary through my scowling at the moon,
no more a wolf than a painter's aesthetic muse.

I have grown ugly through vague vanity's mirror,
I have grown privileged through my vacant stupor.

I'm still waiting for the love that has now perished,
a love that's now forgotten, that once was cherished.

The Beatnik Café’

Cigarettes, coffee, a ****** beret
Blue smoke and Blue Mountain, blue verse, blue rhyme --
O Come to the side-street beatnik café;
Here present-tense yourself; caffeine the time

Here order your Bacon very well Donne
And jam your java with croissants and Keats
Orate from Spenser; groove with Tennyson
Tap out a line of Seafarer-four beats

Tap out a manifesto; everyone does
Pulp-print Red rags yelp “Revolution Now!”
The typewriter is holy, and Up the Fuzz!
Bongo that Kerouac, and Howl, but how?

Bongo that beat, oh, yeah, it’s crazzzzy, man
Sheaffer that rhythm, cat; Parker that line
Ferlinghetti your truth to a yellow pad
Sharpen your verbs to a rebel design

Sharpen your verbs from a bottle of ink
Light up a Camel; blow intellectual smoke
Teach the ****** bourgeois how they should think
Grey-suited capitalists – what a joke!

L’Envoi – Time Slouches On

Tee-shirted capitalists joke in Mandarin
The latest chained coffee’s inside the mall
English and Apples are original sin
On glowing screens where the pale pixels crawl

And no one crawls through rhythm, rhyme, or verse,
Or bongos out an existential cry
For poetry is dead; the twitters terse
Reduce the ancient loves to I, me, my.