"comfier" poems
it's been months since I bothered opening my eyes before the birds have finished their song and the sun is casting 5 o'clock shadows on the faces of those who work and strain and cry and just want to put food on the table for their loved ones. I never thought about what was just below the surface what was edging towards the eerie fog about the lake just as I turned my back. you told me flowers always sprout when rain and snow and hail and sleet and every form of tears god could throw at us whip your face and you're still not crying and why aren't you crying you're bleeding and I'm aching and have you ever thought about how clouds are just vessels for rain and how maybe you're a cloud and I'm a torrential downpour but I'm more like a thunderstorm without the lighting because nothing shines like your eyes when you hear your favourite passage read aloud and I hope you hear my voice in your head I hope that omnipresence you always complained about comforts you when your bed is the last place you want to be and I hope you dream harder than rocks falling down mountains until maybe the figures you see in sleep become real. until the apparitions you claim have plagued your mind are left with no safe house and no real home and you can box them up like pictures and firewood and the couch cushions with the stains on them like Why the **** didn't we get those cleaned. why didn't we clean up our mess why is the window still shattered it's getting cool at night and the blankets are itchy and the grass looks comfier than cots in prison cells and what kind of prison cell is this with birds and lights and piers with boats that never seem to come in and lighthouses that never seem to guide them home. like nothing could ever guide you home, like nothing but light and wind and waves crashing and you'll probably never see the captain again. the ship is never sinking but the captain died many years ago sending smoke signals swallowed up by the clouds who lost their rain.
Aug 8, 2014
Aug 8, 2014 at 10:26 PM UTC
I want you to show up at my house
on a clear summer evening
unexpectedly
with your truck
your beat up, half-full-of-gas truck
and I want you to tell me
you have a surprise for me.
So you'll blindfold me
and stick me in the passenger seat
and start playing some song on your ipod
that I don't recognize
but instantly fall in love with
and I want you to drive
for so long
that I question our whereabouts
and you'll say
"I told you, it's a surprise."
and then
at long last
you will help me out of your truck
(like the gentleman you are)
but you'll tell me to keep the blindfold on
for a few more minutes
while I hear your truck doors
open
and shut
and open
and shut
and you'll take off the blindfold
with a huge smile on your face
as you yell, "Surprise!"
with that goofy grin
(slightly lopsided - beautiful imperfection)
and i'll look to my right
and see your truck
in the middle of this field
this lonely, simple field
and in the bed of the truck
are blankets and pillows
and my face will light up
as I run over
and leap into the truck bed
and you will follow
and turn on more music
that I don't recognize
but instantly fall in love with
and the sun will set
and you will wrap me in a blanket
and then your arms
and I will use your chest as a pillow
(it was always comfier than the real thing, anyway)
and you will sing along
to the songs I don't know
but instantly fall in love with
and the sky will turn indigo
and the stars will appear
(though they never really left)
dotting the sky
like the freckles on your face
and we will watch them together
and trace constellations we can't pronounce
and you will play with my hair
and maybe i'll kiss you
and maybe you'll kiss me
and all will be quiet
except for the soft sound
of the music I do not recognize
but instantly fall in love with
kind of like the way
I fell in love with you.
Jul 31, 2013
Jul 31, 2013 at 11:31 PM UTC
There's alot of things that i think about now
that sends signals of pain to my head
When they pop up in random moments
fleeting moments of significant memories
I once held so dear.
But i can't think about them anymore
I'm not allowed to remember.
Remember how much i miss the color of your walls
deep red
And how long i spent looking up at them when we layed in your room
The way the sunlight came in and bounced off the walls
Giving your room an eery red glow
even though you never let me part the curtains.
Remember how much i miss your bed spread
how much comfier it was then mine
The amount of time we spent entangled in them watching movies and playing games
Kissing
touching
I feel you most when i'm alone
I feel your ghost still around.
Remember how much i miss having my fingers tangled in your hair
Or the way you were scared of being alone when it rained hard
When we went to the theme park for my birthday and we got on the ride i was terrified of
But you were so excited about it and so brave
so in some way
I enjoyed it more with you.
Definitely not allowed to remember when you took me on our first date
you made me try your salad and i almost puked
You got overexcited and tipped the waiter too much
Or the first time we ever met
on that really awkward double date and the awful
Photobooth picture with them
we were in the background of 2/4 of it
And i'm pretty sure that was my favorite worst picture of us ever
I wish i still had it.
That's right; I miss your euphonious voice in my ears
I miss the time we spent together
even if it was ephemeral
It was the best year of my life
I miss the corny photo we had that so many people thought was oh so charming
Every photo of us was really
we looked so clinquant next to each other,
Even though that was all just chimerical.
I miss it all
I have dredged up that word about you so many times it's almost sickening
How i've wanted only one person for so long the mere idea of someone else touching me makes me
Want to throw up
I miss your smile most of all
so much
It lit up the once so quiescent soul of mine
I feel like this longing for you will be sempiternal.
Can you miss someone so much it starts too circulate in your veins?
I guess sometimes someone gets under your skin and as much as you feel you must tear apart that part of yourself
No matter how many years have past
you feel if you ever did that you'd lose a part of yourself.
Well that part of me died a long time ago.
Oct 24, 2013
Oct 24, 2013 at 1:59 AM UTC
another week
another doctor
It could be nothing
It could be everything
You could have a test
You could stop it now
But in grey ultrasound
We gazed at your face
A wriggled shift
To a comfier place
There's no going back
No not now
Your a child of us both
And we'll love you somehow
Jan 24, 2010
Jan 24, 2010 at 9:48 PM UTC
We sit in tightly crafted boxes by day
forcing our feral souls to be still.
When we leave our daytime offices
for larger, comfier coffins,
the same spirit we once stifled
rips off its chains of productivity
in favor of a rarefied air full of possibility.
As we soar without any pretension of advancement
we forget that other life that appears with an overly punctual sun.
Through no fault of their own, we fault these day to day doldrums
through bleary red eyes while the true culprit of freedom
waits amongst the thermals until the night breaths anew.
Jul 13, 2013
Jul 13, 2013 at 7:39 PM UTC
Where are you, O gentle one
of whom I’ve dreamt a million times
Where are you, O mountain of love
for whom my heart promptly climbs
Where are you, O beautiful soul
without whom I feel nothing anymore
Where are, oh… those ocean eyes
that made me wonder if my reality was a reality or just a lie
Where is that place where we first met
and which house was that where we kissed for eternity and then slept
Where are those arms that once engulfed me with life
filled me up with endless hope and made me wish for a wife
Where is the face that always smiled
and those lips that forever shined
Where is the lap that I found comfier than a zillion pillows
and those long hairs with such mystical billows
I often find myself asking these questions now, but it’s too late
I regrettably wish I wouldn’t have been so naive
to have believed you’d still be there after we slept
Only to wake up and realise my world had left.
Oct 21, 2015
Oct 21, 2015 at 3:01 PM UTC
I think
you could be great
with cinnamon and sparkles in your heart
I’ve always thought that
of you
like I’ve always thought
dresses are comfier than jeans
and the moon watches me
when I can’t sleep.
I think you could be great;
you’ve already got
the big heart
and the “I fall hard” innocence
and passion sits well like a cushion
in every corner and chasm
and artery and vein;
it’s just your head and your hands
that are too busy and afraid
to sit still.
Your hands are hectic; fussy
and your head is too unavailable,
occupied with thoughts of
loneliness underneath starlight
and bitterness and romance,
or who you should love and how much you love
and do you really love yourself
or are you just so used to lying, you’ve forgotten
how to
truly
find comfort in being alone.
I think
you could be great
but you want too much
and don’t give yourself enough and you think
you’ll lose yourself
in love
because you’ve only seen yourself real
in someone else
and that’s always a constant whiplash
between being a great idea
and being a haunting one;
if they leave, it feels like part of your identity is gone
and we can’t have that now, can we.
I think you could be
so great
but you love outwardly before you love inwardly
almost always;
and though you’ve held damp soil
in your palms
your hands, crafty and clever as they are,
are too empty and broken
to know how to nurture a seed.
I think you could be great
I think you could be
so so
great
but your art’s not real
because you won’t allow your heart to feel.
Aug 31, 2013
Aug 31, 2013 at 5:12 AM UTC
sometimes i can hear myself think
each thought rustling from one
corner to another in this bottomless
pit of my mind; they enter each
chamber stealthier than venom
slithering through your veins;
sometimes i can even hear a
whisper of an idea spark from each
flame
now im a restless fiend who seeks
comfort in the darkest of allies, alleyways
comfier than any bed, nightmares
so real when i wake up it’s as if the
moment between sleep and awake
is prolonged for a century,
purgatory, the lapses of time our lips are not together
bliss, a faint of a second after you moan my name
tragedy, the blink of your eyes as you realize
i belong to no one and yet, everyone belongs
to me
cole 2015
May 8, 2016
May 8, 2016 at 11:47 PM UTC
1. You won't feel the warmth of the sun on your shoulders again. You won't feel the grass in between your toes or the wind blow through your hair.
2. Someone will find your empty body, it will haunt them forever.
3. Your bestfriend will be hungover with sadness and grief.
4. You'll only turn into another sick statistic.
5. Beds are comfier than coffins.
6. Your city that you love so dearly will never be the same. It may continue to go on but they'll never forget.
7. You won't smell the crisp air of autumn or even feel free again.
8. Pain is temporary, happiness will find you again.
9. Holidays for your family will always be a painful reminder of what you did. That you aren't coming back.
10. You're important, Your life matters. You matter.
Oct 23, 2015
Oct 23, 2015 at 12:17 PM UTC
My dogs are barking
I should have bought comfier shoes
Oct 3, 2012
Oct 3, 2012 at 6:22 AM UTC
ASK ME IF IT STILL HURTS
ASK ME IF IT WAS COMFIER SLEEPING IN MINE OR THE HOSPITALS BED
ASK ME, EVEN THOUGH YOU ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER
ASK ME, FOR THE 25TH TIME IF I DID IT BECAUSE OF YOU
ASK ME IF YOU CAN MAKE IT BETTER
(YOU CANT)
DONT PRETEND YOU CARED OR CARE NOW
DONT THINK VISITING THAT ROOM THAT SMELT OF ANTIBIOTICS AND BLEACHED BED SHEETS WOULD MAKE WHAT YOU DID ANY BETTER
DONT THINK THAT YOU CAN FIX WHAT YOU DID NOW
BECAUSE THE HOSPITAL STITCHED UP WHAT YOU COULDNT
Feb 15, 2014
Feb 15, 2014 at 8:58 PM UTC
I know of this magic elixir
That will take away all of your pain
It’ll take you to comfier places
And I swear you won’t feel anything.
At least that’s what they told her.
I know of this magic elixir
That’ll burn in your mouth
And sizzle on your tongue
And it’ll sting like bile at the back of your throat
But it’ll only hurt for a little, just a little
I promise.
So she swallowed the fire
And let it burn bright
Mistaking it’s warmth
For the warmth of sunlight
Until all she had left
Were these heavy black coals in her gut
That weighed her down
Until she lit those embers
And she could fly again.
But after a while it didn’t stop burning,
And she didn’t stop hurting;
And her insides were charred,
And black and scarred
And when she told them the pain
Was too much to bear,
They scoffed,
“There’s no such thing as magic”.
I know of this poisonous toxin
That’ll burn away all of your pain
Until your insides are charred
And beginning to rot
Then I swear you’ll feel everything.
Sep 5, 2016
Sep 5, 2016 at 9:08 PM UTC
We're us, when we're secluded.
You rode home with me,
so that I could have someone there for me
when I went to that stupid party.
It was my first one.
We got to my house,
and I showed you around,
because before, I had only been to yours.
Your cute, sweet home
with the garden in the back
that we nestled into
while kissing under the sun.
You moved into a different one last year, I guess.
I undressed in front of you,
to put comfier clothes on.
You averted your eyes as if
that night
three years ago
didn't happen.
The one where
we snuck upstairs
away from the birthday party,
and caressed each other
in the blue night.
I hurriedly put the rest of my clothes on
because maybe in that moment
I forgot too.
We headed into the kitchen
where we planned to bake a cake.
You did most of the work
and I watched you
in love all over again
with your concentrated face
as you took this cake
way too seriously,
as if it were one of your drawings.
I said I'd pour that batter right on top of you,
and you objected.
I said then we could save water
(I had planned to shower),
you said:
"are you asking me to take a shower with you?"
with that face that just kills me.
I stuttered, spitted,
"N-no! I just..."
"Because" you said, going back to whisking, "all you'd have to do is ask".
My face, my everything
was hot.
Breathy objections flew out of my mouth,
just nonsense.
"You'd get in trouble,"
you laughed.
"Yeah,"
I said.
We packed up and walked over to the location.
You did not hold my hand.
I did not expect you too.
Jun 11, 2016
Jun 11, 2016 at 12:17 AM UTC
the family room is cozier
the couch is comfier
the tv is better
the floor is nicer
the lights are better
the walls are cold
the fireplace unused
and your photographs are gone
i miss you starting the fire
and adding cinnamon sticks to it
i miss you curling up on the couch
and watching movies
i miss you sitting at the bottom of the fireplace
and singing through laughter
the living room is colder
the walls are grey
and the burgundy is gone
the rug you picked out
is rolled up and in the garage
the storage unit you got from your mom
is upstairs
and used for something else
the piano is still there
but the family photos above it are not
i don't hear you play the piano at parties
or sit on the couch with your novels
the kitchen
the kitchen makes me saddest
your blue walls aggressively changed to brown
your coffee clock no longer works properly
your engraved kitchen sign was taken down
your organized cupboards are messy
the oven is different
the bread maker is in storage
your recipes have been moved
the radio is fuzzy
your CDs have an inch of dust
the table is stained
and i no longer see you at the table
with your cup of coffee and morning paper
i no longer see you cooking
or cleaning
or singing
the dining room
no longer has your candles
or has seen your beautifully decorated cakes
it no longer smells like your amazing food
your decorations have been taken down
and it no longer brings me happiness
i no longer see my mom
and this house was once hers
this house may be renovated for improvements
but now your marks have been covered and erased
i miss you
your presence
your laugh
your smile
you were here once
but now you are gone
we will all be here just once
and we think we have time
but we don't
you left too soon
but i know you are eternally happy now
this house was my home
and now it is a structure
with new items
you took home
you are my home
and i cannot wait to be home again
May 22, 2018
May 22, 2018 at 11:27 PM UTC