Around, all around the sinister creatures gather. My dread grows as doom's scythe lingers above my head. It severs me, darkly as my blood drips to the ground. In horror, I run as my demons approach to take me to hell. Now alone, my cry of mercy falls upon fiery, unforgiving eyes. This is my DEATH

Chisel me away
I've given you the hammer and all my weak points
So you start
With little strength starting with all my ligaments and joints
You don't tear them
Very precise and careful like you know exact what you're doing
I should've learned from the past
Even though everyone tells and teaches not to take it with you
How can i forget when its in repetition and tied to the strings on my shoes
I have adapted to the hurt
Or lack there of
The sight of you doesn't make me sick anymore
Just an itch in the back of my throat that i still can't stand
You didn't rip out my heart or make me question who i am
You just simply made me feel like i wasn't worth it
Or anything at all
Dirt beneath your feet
I've dug through every inch of my body and ripped out your disease
Burned the bridge that connected our hearts and minds
I hope you do the same
As methodically and perfect as me
Because when you're digging through old love notes i don't want you to feel a thing when you find
Any residue of my feelings
Because they were a mistake
A mistake not so grave
You weren't the best or the worst
Just somewhere in the middle
Very forgettable
In all you're insecure self loathing beauty
You know my nature and all i stand for
A deliberate betrayel that i seen from a mile away
The itch is gone
And so are you

She is a pearl, not fully grown yet.
She hides in her shell away from the predators that only want to rob her of herself.
Over the years she grows, she adapts to the world around her because she knows that once she is done growing she will be something beautiful.
She plays show and tell with the tales of her young depression, the solitary game of hide of seek that she wanted so badly to win but she could never find herself.
The only game she ever wins is the mind game that no one other than herself can figure out.
She is awarded champion for making it into high school, the hell years of her life.
She did it, she made it this far,
And now everyone and everything are at her throat trying to drown her in her self doubt and the misery that a waits when she comes up for air.
She holds her trophy high as if it was supposed to be a beaken of hope repeating to herself "I can do it".
She questions her heart, like her heart is the one teasing her with happiness but we all know it isn't.
She tries so hard to hide herself from everyone who could potentially cause her harm but its impossible, her shell is cracked and everyone has found the opportunity to try to break in.
Her insecurities are scars, heart breaks are bruises, betrayel shows as broken bones, dishonesty are missing teeth for each person who has ever walked out of her life.
...
She plays a game of show and tell with her young depression, like she can point to each scar and say "I was fat", each bruise and repeat "he left me for her", each broken bone, each tooth and her tears will tell you the rest.
She will walk over to her trophy case and sigh because she knows it doesn't give her hope, its just proof showing she could withstand breaking infront of everyone for years.
She is a pearl who grew up the wrong way, she will never be perfect.
She will have dents and cracks and she won't be as strong as she was supposed to be.
But that doesn't matter because only beautiful people show their flaws,
She is still everything beautiful to me.

You don't see what I'm putting up with
How I am lying here with gritted teeth
And a stomach full of acid
Creeping its way up my throat
You said you didn't want someone with a heart on his sleeve
So I tore it off and it stayed where it dropped
For someone so obsessed with looks
It sure was easy to sew these eyes shut

Are we moving in the right direction?
Someone who is strong
        You know I had a dream about us once
         And we were up on the roof
        I was afraid to sit on the edge
           But I did it any way
I've listened close for any sign of moment of betrayel in your camp

But not so much as a scratch from a mouse

All I see is your power

Your strengh

Your unwavering courage

As wind billows through your tall bright banners

Always a thousand reasons why not

With only one reason why


If I never would have read your words I never would have known
How you can spill black couldrons of malice, but show beauty still
You can open up the sky with your words
Build a storm in its belly
But still feel pitty if it rains down on me

I can feel your combat boots

On my front teeth

At my groin

Snapping my ribs

Still even then, you reach down for a kiss

he captures
my chin
in his hand
at my betrayel

his eyes search for a lie
to keep his heart
safe
making me look away

I have read
too many books
to believe in love
I have read
too many books
to not

With my hands folded and my mascara smeared onto my cheek,
I wait
I spend sleepless nights waiting for you;
Waiting for you to come to me with a smile on your face and a blanket in your arms, saying you are going to stay
But the blanket is filled with betrayel and sadness
Sadness that will morph around my caccoon of skin, and engrave into my bones like a tattoo
And I will still love you
I will want you to love me back, but the only love I get from you is flashbacks on things that were never real
And I miss it
I miss the times when I could hold your hand and the image of your smile in my brain forever
But that smile was sinester and I fell for the devil
I don't believe in the devil, so I tried to get rid of you
But you were my first love, and you are inside the lining of my heart for God knows how long
And that's really ironic, because god has showed me things that make me know he's not really showing me things, and that he is just as fake as your love
And I am okay with this
Because I will be okay
Even when my heart beats, with what never was

Truedom

This is a word that you never heard,
But its all good cuz its my word.
Truedom-to release yourself from your own emotional, mental and spiritual prison,
To break out of your pain,
To really live life, you escaped, you did it!
Truedom-to soul search and find your inner most peace,m
To find yourself, to find your release.
Smile..you found you, be real about it and express your escape,
Have a welcome home party and celebrate your release.
Truedom- your free...free to live!
A new journey to start with your past and your pain carried over ypur shoulder in your bookbag,
Only looking forward and never looking back,
But your pain, your loss, your past is all a part of you, its what made you YOU, its yours,
But the new you, the true you...
Every heart break, mistake, a friend that was fake, you know the one who turned snake?
Every love lost, every found lust, broken trust, pain and anguish, its all apart of us.
It made you into the most educated, most dedicated, most perceptive woman that you are today,
So carry that bookbag of burdens proudly,
Cuz without it youd be an empty mind...probably!
Youve been born again into a world full of a bunch of *******,
But now your smarter and more on point wit it, so now you see it,
So you reverse the ******* back to the world and release it!
Let it go.. Carry it with you but only in your mind as lifes lessons,
But take this journey, on a new path, and live and recieve all lifes blessings.
They may have always been there but you were blinded by hurts, betrayel,depression, aggression, death and deception,
That maybe you didnt catch the blessings.
Truedom-the truest form of freedom a person can feel or relate to,
The new you,youve always been you, but uou found you, the new found you, the proud you!
So smile, take off the emotional, spiritual and mental handcuffs keeping you from freedom,
Let your mind run free and find your truedom! Truedom!

Our promises were like glass
  So fragile that the slightest touch would break them.
I over looked all the signs of betrayel and held on to the foolish hope that was soon to set sail with you.
You lied and told me the four letter word we both used one to many times.
     At the height of all the lies
    You told me you'd choose me over any and everything grabbed my hand and said we'd fight odds.        and ends to be togther, but when it came down to it you choose the odds over me and we came to the end and all our promises broke like the fragile heart you once clothed with your warm love and affection.

We all go,
We all turn and leave this mortal coil,
Our beauty woven into memories,
The ugliness of age will call.

We all fall,
We all fade and wither like a flower,
Our years crumbling one by one,
The finality of it all.

We all forget,
We let go of those we said we loved,
Our betrayel proven in our lies,
The futility of this wretched squall.

TS Lefort 2020

im screaming inside dont just sit there and watch me fall, just be there to catch me before i hit the ground. dont just sore with me when i fly high on top of the world but run away when we have a rough landing. dont turn your back when i have nothing, but be there to collect my all, and give me nothing when ive given u my all.
how do i find the light when my light has dimmed to the point of non iexistance. unflammable. darkness clenched its rough grip around my soft heart, betrayel begins to harden this once loving vessel,broken trust slows down the rythm of my beating heart, lies and deciet slowly clogs my main artery,a layer of ice from dishonesty and unloyalty glazes over my beating ***** of existance. can this same vessel that beats life into my own being ever beat the emotion of giving and feeling real love to and from another being?trying to fight the incoming feelings  recieved from these new found beating hearts..they speak all the things my mind warns me about, i fight, but my beats continue to weaken as i listen to the rythem of theirs. they try to ignite this flame that i used to beat so strongly just to keep lit, but i fight their attempts at softening my hardened icy sheild, i have tunnel vision.. only seeing... hurt! mind is now trying to stay alert! telling the heart dont go there u been here before! dont love again.. u know what ur in for! sleepless nights and silent tears, broken hearted and wasted years. broken promises and bonds broken, seperation of emotion no more promising words spoken, alot of damage i had to help u repair, ask ur self heart do unreally wanna go there, to you pumping your agape love thru your very own veins,to only recieve aches and pain? i would hate to mend you all over again, but as strong as i am you always win. beat cautiously friend, soften slowly, love with precaution. listen for an idemtical beat, a heart worthy enough to coincide and colide with your beat of life! tread lightly for you are my dear friend but also my worst enemy! when u fail we all have to tend to you, we zap you back to life when you allow your teammate slash apponant ,well call it,to  seize you and squeeze you into a threatening stroke, draining all feeling to the rest of us, i,yes i,your mind had to find the time to quickly analize and decide to ressesitate you one last time, to gather the rest of this being to work togeter to get u up and beating... again... we are so very tired, so again frenemy.. think of u but think of me, u break and seiZe again, im officially done, next time a triplr bispass will need to get done, when that massive attack of heart break happens again then again my friend youll be on your own then. this excitement of recipricated emotion and hopefullness at a paralell beating of two hearts is only pumping this damage vessell harder while the fear that the mind instilled , reminded me still ,to continue to beat at a slow, careful, steady, lonly pace... so do i love again and let my heart race or keep this whole being safe and beat at a lonely, regretful, but safe pace.. to be continued..

Walking these streets, lights shut off near me. Depression taking over the light in me. In over my head again. Nothing can be solved with prescription medicine. How am I to walk when I notice I fall apart. I feel like I'm living in the dark. Even if I did request for help, that guilt I'd of built. Struggling to return it all back. Not making a check to pay that respects. This global pandemic has its way of failing other lives. Nothing feels right. Jobs are now a joke, unemployment and still broke. I'm rejected, wish I'd a got up and left it. But now I walk without a destination. Such a ****** up situation. Got ghosted from a damage someone else made. Now I'm trying to fix it because theses payments gave my heart stitches and I've got no first aid. Why do people treat me like a object. I avoid everyone even if they studied my topic. I'd still isolate to avoid comfort hell I'd even stop it. Betrayel taught me to be happier alone in what you all call shade. A darkness figure that lives in a shadow. But I still mange to be "fine"