I tried talking online,
I tried breaking my spine,
I tried eating like a swine,
I tried waiting for a sign,
I just want you to be mine.

I tried finding a girl,
I tried jumping in life's swirl,
I jump further the more I sink,
I feel scared but don't even blink,
I like milky skin, with accents of pink,
I tried connecting but can't find a link.

I know what I want but I probably don't,
I think I'm sick but can't find an antidote,
I wanna jump in front of a car on a busy road,
I should but right now I'm tasting some self-loathe.

Besides, I'm writing this,
You should be here, you don't know what I miss,
The last one, to end the night,
Please stay with me, for I feel so much fright,
And I feel like I'm blessed with blight,
Yes you, you wonderful reader,
You probably are, also a bleeder.

Please love me.

You bought the house with lavender
seeded in the front porch.
The scent flutters between the doorsill
and through the letterbox
like bills overdue and invoices outstanding. A postal aroma,
envelope glue smells like flowers to me.

I was never granted the privilege of rearranging flowers
You said, there was more to life than flora,
these emerald, sap dripping, saturated stems
Swelling petals fascinated under my untried eyes,
You said I must not even graze the things.

I longed for a taste of the forbidden flora.
Did buds taste like honey? Were they sour like you told me?
Would they poison these supple
and innocent lips, turn them pink to grey?
Could tastebuds kiss the perennial vines,
the posies, the spray of efflorescence
A taste of simple sweetness -

I remember when you ripped the front-porch-lavender.
The roots could not resist your claws.
You sweat to mutilate strained flowers,
You always work harder. Verdure spoiled.
Ravaged, ruptured, tanked soil.

I know the toothless women
Who crumple on the streets
The rain bleeds through their cardboard,
The cold drips through their feet

I know the dying children
With anaesthetic arms
The angels crowd around them
With time that burns their palms

I've hugged the brainwashed gangsters
With money drenched in blood
I've heard their broken weeping
While digging up the mud

I've seen the starving faces
Of the tired girls at home
The broken, hectic psyches
That eat them to the bone

I know the burning poets
With a desperate thirst for life
The need for finding soulmates
That pierces like a knife

There's weary public servants
Who risk their lives for good
And prove compassion every day
Yet stay misunderstood

Human love is buried
Beneath the plastic weight
Of angry allegations
And a world that feeds off hate

These people may be messy,
But they're beautiful and real
With hidden dreams and secrets
And ability to feel

We have a place to run to
With lights of peach and gold
Where all the weight is lifted
And all our tales are told

We live in total freedom
So safe beneath the moon
And though it seems ambitious
Our dreams will save us soon

I'm here sitting
alone,
the smell of coffee runs through
my veins,
some music i probably will forget
in a few years arguing with
the thought of you,

But I'm here,
I'm here,
writing about what's happening

pretty boring huh?

i call myself a poet
but i can't use high metaphors,

i call myself a poet
but i can't describe fully
how you make me feel

i call myself a poet

but what am i?

I'm just a kid
scared of life
finding new ways to cope
searching for someone to love,
desperate,
not holding unto my dreams
how can i choose with my mind
what's right for the heart to choose.

and you see?
don't you see?

don't worry i can't either

i can't see how great i am
i can't see how other people see me
i wish i could.

i want to believe this was a dream
or
a nightmare at that.

But at last.
I'm here wishing that in another life
i could be with you,
or
maybe in other deaths,

i crave your touch,
i crave you..
with coffee waking up my senses
like a kid in summer waking up early
to go play with his friends.

i wish things were different,
so i wouldn't have to wish.

drip
     drop
drip
     drop
that's the sound of rain drops
pounding on the roof,
on the walls, on the windows.
they're knocking,
as if politely asking to come in.
drip
     drop
drip
     drop
that's the sound of tears
hitting my pillow gently.
except,
they didn't ask to leave,
politely or no.
drip
     drop
drip
     drop
the rain keeps falling,
seeping into the cracks
of my heart.
the salty tears escape me
like painfully beautiful flowers
that cannot stop growing.
drip
     drop
drip
     drop
that's the sound of sorrow,
both the sky's pain and mine
watering the flowers.
i can't stop them from growing,
so the rain and i,
we take care of them together.

The sweet fragrance you shared to me changed my weeping heart
Shadows of bitter yesterdays are now erased at last
Scented tints of the awesome spring put smiles into my eyes
Previous battles I've cried and lost, you brought a hopeful sunrise