I can't seem to catch my breath
it's always one step ahead
Slipping through the cracks of the walls
whilst I'm stuck to the floor.
My thoughts dance around and around,
summoning the rain cloud that looms above my head.
I want to get better but I don't see how
as my eyes have added a constant filter to the world,
allowing me only to see the bad.
I wish that someone could come and save me from myself.

Every night,
Tears fill my eyes.
I don’t want to fight
And I can’t continue these lies!

My mind goes numb
And the damage is done.
I lift the gun
Then I see the sun.

Tossing and turning, I lie awake.
1 AM..... 2 AM.....
Eyes heavy yet refuse to shut
3 AM..... 4 AM.....
My mind just won't. Give. Up.
5 AM..... 6 AM.....
The light and sounds of birds start to creep in
7 AM..... 8 AM......
and it's too late.
Not long and it will be time to repeat.

Why don't they like me?
What can I do to change?
No matter what I do,
everything stays the same.

All of these thoughts
darting around inside my head.
As I write in my diary
words are leaping onto the two-page spread.

As these words come out, so do the tears
because I start to see all of my fears.
Now that they are in front of me it is all just too much
and so I take out my kit and start to cut....

As the blood runs down my arm
I can feel myself becoming calm.
In my head, I can hear them saying
just keep going and no telling!

I know that these thoughts are sometimes irrational,
but that doesn't stop me from taking them as factual.

All I feel is sadness, anger and pain.
It's really beginning to drive me insane.

Sometimes I start to cry,
and no, I don't know why.

People want to understand
and take me by their hand.

They say it's going to be okay.
Turns out that's all they can say.

Emotionless through the years,
many didn't see,
possibly because they didn't want to.
Talking might have helped... but they were too busy.
Yet they'll be the first to cry once I'm gone.

The moon stands still in the night sky.
Stars dancing as they catch my eye.
Looking left
                   Looking right
There is no movement in the dead of night.
Slowly time ticks by,
and yet I find myself unmoved.
Transfixed by the calmness of the night.