Why can't you comprehend
The words even my dog can understand

Pin me down
Observe my canyons and rivers
Valleys of motion
Mountains of strength
Map me out
From head to toe, 69.5 inches of
Pure insecurity
Plot me
Graph me
Reduce me
To something I both am and am not

If we were only friends with perfect people
Our lives would be pretty freaking lonely

Who is this "you"
I keep writing
Pouring
Talking to.

If you don't like me just say so

Fresh indigo streaks of sky
Color the wind as you say goodbye

The bravest thing a person can do
Is love another
Even when you know they won't last

You never let me call you in those last days
Because you didn't want me to see what you had become
As if you'd ever be anyone else than
The man who laughed when I forgot the water in the cake mix
Who knocked me off the couch with his yelling at a football game
Someone with talents and always some good advice
A hero with the strongest heart
Despite it hating you now and then
I'll still remember our final talks
And how you had always said it was your greatest regret
To not live to see what I'd do with my life

I remember your funeral
Somehow I couldn't cry
The only dry eye
I've made up for that as of late

Deeper isn’t deep enough
No effort is good enough
No bad thing is bad enough
To ever make it stop

My power is inevitable
Unfortunately, so is yours

I let you cry into my shoulder
I listened to your woes
I ignored if I didn't like your jokes
I spent hours hand making
Everything
Sacrificing
Anything
To make me feel I was worthy
All I want is that in return

Blue
Like water flowing
Cooling
Saving
Like the color
I always used to see in your
Eyes

I don't like
How you say my name
Like a twisted greeting
The wrong inviting
But everyone's friends with you
You can't be so bad
Right?

Do you think I require
A special key
To open and tell thoughts
A cheating code
To get twice as far with half the effort
Do you think I need
To be defused
Simply cutting a wire and moving on
Like nothing had gone wrong
Do you even think
No, really
Do you think?
When you cried,
Decided nothing was worth salvaging
From the flames of your misdemeanors
Did you even think
About the fact that raging fire
The fury of flames
That might ensue in others eyes
Hearts
Just please
Get out of my mind
Your failing fallacies of thinking you
Always have to be the hero
Or the victim
With no inbetween
Clearly you’ve been wronged
For you to say and not remember
You’re not the only one with a broken heart
But you are almost alone with your broken mind
No.
Don’t turn my faults on me
With smooth words and dancing
Poetry
You’re not the hero of this plot
But I think that was your ending line
Leave, and try not to ruin
The remains of what might be saved
From the fire you caused
The destruction you gave

I hate
Hate
Hate
And I wish I could say it wasn't you
But you taught me never to lie

At my funeral
Cry tears of blooming cyclamen
With daises shattered to the wind
Of thoughts far too late
And as you walk away
Leave cedar flowers at my grave

I don't remember the last time I ever cried like this

I don't want you to reach out
After you let me fall
I don't want you to reach out
Even while I stand alone
I want nobody to care
If I live or die
But even while I stand alone
I look at you and cry

It's funny how pain
Only strikes when you don't expect
And never is good enough when you do

It's soothing
The beads of pure red
Purer than any colored pencil or marker could signify
It doesn't even hurt anymore

The doctors all say
Our minds can't remember pain
Why then, do I still remember you

Deal with me all you can
In your makeshift helping home
But when you say I'm fine
Cause I didn't go that deep
Even after I break down sobbing
You aren't fit to be
Someone who's supposed to help
I'd never blame you more
If you weren't one of the many reasons
They still don't know

I recognize the one telling me
That one guy in my old Algebra class 8th grade
He was stupid, but kinda cute
So why after all this time
Does he come back
But only in my mind

Everything is crumbling
I don't know where to go
While you're still hiding in your shelter
My scars will start to show

Even with friends surrounding
A reliable future
If you don't accept me
I'll still die alone

My room is littered with scars
The broken light switch from when I slammed it too hard
The half finished projects I lost the motivation to do
The notebooks I release some of my feelings with
And the scissors I use for the others

The worst part about the heat
Is that everyone can see
My one release
My deadly tease
I guess the arms aren't a good choice anymore

It drives me mad
How some people have a porcelain face
Never cracks
Never breaks
You never know if they're laughing or crying at you

Your eyes seem void of devotion
Emotion drained away like sieving a sunset
Light seeping through the holes in your mind
Until there's nothing left but sand

If you let me go
Never let your touch linger on my lips
You mind stay inside me with wit
I wish I could cut you off
But we both know that's a fantasy

The noise deafening my mind won't leave
No matter how hard
I try to destroy it
It never will die

Knowing you dance among the heavens
Littered with lace pearlescent and pure
An idol
Can make even the worst days seem closer to paradise

What does it say
When the taught are educated best
And stand up for rights with the simplicity of suffering
While others hide us behind a wall
Of falsities pretending to make a difference
What does it say
When lives are lost and people don't bat an eye, saying we're too
Emotional and naive
If being emotional means having emotion at all,
Yes, I guess, in a world of double-checking not to offend the constructs of a society we pretend to need
We live in a world
Where young minds are silenced with the illusion of superiority
Well we'll see what happens in 10 years or so

Your problems don't matter- someone always has it worse than you

If nobody hates you, you can't be proud

We gave each other the world
But I wasn't aware
The life that came for me
Was stolen away

Tie me to a chair
Dragging with thorns of fire
Away from my one release
That manages still to bring me to my knees

You trying to help me is like
Holding me up like a plant to a house lamp
Trying to help
Trying to heal
But naive to the point of stupidity
Dragging to the point of falling
Down
Down
Down
into
Dark
Because that light isn't a savior
It's the one at the end of the tunnel

How can heaven be a paradise
If you're not here with me

Go ahead, throw at me
All you can get
But don't think I'll finish happy
I just haven't shown it yet

Not a trace
Not a word
Not a sound
As absurd
Listen to the flowers grow
They'll remain long after you go

Steel walls crumbling
Remnants reverberating among
Mounds of emotion, eroded in the pang of
Grief
A morphine line of adoration
Loving longer than life
And still
As we sit here and cry
Remembering not what we lost
But of a life behind

Teach me how to be
Validated in my own body
As alien as those around me
Cause right now my "temple"
Seems to be from the wrong mythology

Do I dare disturb the universe of
Right
Wrong
In
Out
Or can I stand on the border line
Choose all or none of the above
Despite the crowd's complaints
Don't you understand I'm my own referee?
Not society

Remind me why
We're stuck in this world
Of stressed quietness throughout
Constant motion
And when they try to mention
Age, their sickened view of innocent
Reality, but not really
And feign surprise when they send us to our
Deathbeds

Try to get past my concrete walls
Guarded with flaming angels,
Filled with fake smiles
Try to get past the barbed wire voice
A voice of denial and inflections natural and unnatural all the same
But if you try to get past my porcelain mirrored centre
Shatter me relentlessly
Let me lay like a twisted broken painting
Alone, observed but never examined

I loathe your loving
Your caring caresses as needles
Prancing with abandon
While their victim shudders in fear

Try harder
Be stronger
Attempt to escape
Your mind, dissimilar
Halves, thirds, god I really don't
Tell me where to go
But on the other hand wait
Besides, society hasn't helped me much of late

This isn't the end
There's more to come
Tragedy, calamity
Just learn to stay numb