I've never understood how some people can just write
To give two pages in an hour
Writing, to me, has always been personal
Personal in the way that it reveals who we are
Writing is the crack in the masks we all wear
That's oh so sweet, maybe that's why it's so rare

Soft brown eyes
Shattered like mirrors
Scattered with abandon
What happens when
There are hearts working in tandem
Sharing and loving and growing and
What happens when
One just dies
Without
A
Goodbye

Not a trace
Not a word
Not a sound
As absurd
Listen to the flowers grow
They'll remain long after you go

My room is littered with scars
The broken light switch from when I slammed it too hard
The half finished projects I lost the motivation to do
The notebooks I release some of my feelings with
And the scissors I use for the others

It drives me mad
How some people have a porcelain face
Never cracks
Never breaks
You never know if they're laughing or crying at you

You say you love me
I reply just the same
An auto reply
In this dumb old game

The worst part about the heat
Is that everyone can see
My one release
My deadly tease
I guess the arms aren't a good choice anymore

If you let me go
Never let your touch linger on my lips
You mind stay inside me with wit
I wish I could cut you off
But we both know that's a fantasy

Do you think I require
A special key
To open and tell thoughts
A cheating code
To get twice as far with half the effort
Do you think I need
To be defused
Simply cutting a wire and moving on
Like nothing had gone wrong
Do you even think
No, really
Do you think?
When you cried,
Decided nothing was worth salvaging
From the flames of your misdemeanors
Did you even think
About the fact that raging fire
The fury of flames
That might ensue in others eyes
Hearts
Just please
Get out of my mind
Your failing fallacies of thinking you
Always have to be the hero
Or the victim
With no inbetween
Clearly you’ve been wronged
For you to say and not remember
You’re not the only one with a broken heart
But you are almost alone with your broken mind
No.
Don’t turn my faults on me
With smooth words and dancing
Poetry
You’re not the hero of this plot
But I think that was your ending line
Leave, and try not to ruin
The remains of what might be saved
From the fire you caused
The destruction you gave

My perfect pastel way of life
Smudged by emptiness and strife
Tread on, rained on
Nonstop
Just let me
Breathe

Sit here with me
No need to stay quiet anymore
I know how it feels to hurt this way
I've been down this road before

I'll take that extra burden
I have room for some more
I know how important it is to you
I'll treat your aching sore

I never like it when things change
When people become something new
It's easier to just keep labels on faces
It's easier to not change my whole world view

Its enjoyable sometimes
You're never alone
Feeling pride in being different
But after a while you lose trust
And start to wonder how many of those colors and sounds
Are really coming from yourself

I don't need some chocolates
Nor robes nor sapphires blue
I don't need commercial love
A single word will do

I used to be terrified
Lights on all the time
Even a glimmer
To keep it from enveloping
Me
My thought
So scared of blindness
A battle I fought
Many years
And yet now I stand
Eyes gouged out by fears
Seconds into months and into years
Standing on a precipice
Slipping back in darkness

Don't tell me I'm fine
And feign disappointment
When I decide not to trust you
Tell me, why should I?

Everything is crumbling
I don't know where to go
While you're still hiding in your shelter
My scars will start to show

I've spent hours
Perusing your porcelain
It won't tell me lies
Right?
Wrong.
Staring, paring
My soul into
Shreds of dignity
Refreezing the melted
Puddles of my being
Into a shaky sculpture
Of perfect imperfection

Empty
A numbness nobody understands
Blank and unfeeling
Yet somehow feeling everything

Endless stars in your dark eyes
Like streetlamps lighting up city skies
Drowned in a pool that's filled with lies
A shattered mirror while all else dies

Let me fade away into the distance
Like temporary hair dye
Or a cloud after rain
Not into pages of books
Not into family secrets
Into memories covered in cobwebs
Not gilded in gold

What does it say
When the taught are educated best
And stand up for rights with the simplicity of suffering
While others hide us behind a wall
Of falsities pretending to make a difference
What does it say
When lives are lost and people don't bat an eye, saying we're too
Emotional and naive
If being emotional means having emotion at all,
Yes, I guess, in a world of double-checking not to offend the constructs of a society we pretend to need
We live in a world
Where young minds are silenced with the illusion of superiority
Well we'll see what happens in 10 years or so

I hate
Hate
Hate
And I wish I could say it wasn't you
But you taught me never to lie

What do you take me for?
I want to know right now
Cause this "gilded perfect person" is
Full
Of
Lies

I let you cry into my shoulder
I listened to your woes
I ignored if I didn't like your jokes
I spent hours hand making
Everything
Sacrificing
Anything
To make me feel I was worthy
All I want is that in return

I don't remember the last time I ever cried like this

When I was a child I'd always spend this time of year
Debating what to be for Halloween with my friends
The most gripping thing
So many possibilities
but I must only choose one
To put on  another mask
Along with the one I already wear

I recognize the one telling me
That one guy in my old Algebra class 8th grade
He was stupid, but kinda cute
So why after all this time
Does he come back
But only in my mind

I don't like
How you say my name
Like a twisted greeting
The wrong inviting
But everyone's friends with you
You can't be so bad
Right?

I read a book so long ago
During a certain phase
From when I was just a little girl
Awaiting my coming-of-age
But I remember the prominence of a line
When a character birthed a girl
She hoped she would stay ignorant
And avoid the truth of this world

Absorb my spirit I beg of you
Take me to a world that I don't know
For even though new trials may await us there
It's better than all that's here below

Stressed
Depressed
A mess
My dress
A tangle on the floor
I can't live like this anymore

The bravest thing a person can do
Is love another
Even when you know they won't last

I don't want you to reach out
After you let me fall
I don't want you to reach out
Even while I stand alone
I want nobody to care
If I live or die
But even while I stand alone
I look at you and cry

Fresh indigo streaks of sky
Color the wind as you say goodbye

You never let me call you in those last days
Because you didn't want me to see what you had become
As if you'd ever be anyone else than
The man who laughed when I forgot the water in the cake mix
Who knocked me off the couch with his yelling at a football game
Someone with talents and always some good advice
A hero with the strongest heart
Despite it hating you now and then
I'll still remember our final talks
And how you had always said it was your greatest regret
To not live to see what I'd do with my life

I remember your funeral
Somehow I couldn't cry
The only dry eye
I've made up for that as of late

Go ahead, throw at me
All you can get
But don't think I'll finish happy
I just haven't shown it yet

Do I dare disturb the universe of
Right
Wrong
In
Out
Or can I stand on the border line
Choose all or none of the above
Despite the crowd's complaints
Don't you understand I'm my own referee?
Not society

Astrum, lux caeleste et clarus
Princeps aetheres et spes
Dux meus in aeternum

Rough translation:
Stars, light celestial and clear
Ruler of skies and hope
Guide me for eternity

I need to write a melody
I need to write a song
But my pen won’t work today
My brain’s not turning on

I once knew a girl
Her eyes were like the sun
Her heart painted gold
Always punctual
Never stopped for a breath
Pulling others along in her light
But though she is long dead and gone
My friends still think she and I are the same

This isn't the end
There's more to come
Tragedy, calamity
Just learn to stay numb

Why are there these jokes
Tying twine into nooses
Resting dinner knives on wrists
While the people who do
Rub their pencils against their wrists until they're
Raw and bleeding
Suffer in silence and are erased as a joke

Deal with me all you can
In your makeshift helping home
But when you say I'm fine
Cause I didn't go that deep
Even after I break down sobbing
You aren't fit to be
Someone who's supposed to help
I'd never blame you more
If you weren't one of the many reasons
They still don't know

At my funeral
Cry tears of blooming cyclamen
With daises shattered to the wind
Of thoughts far too late
And as you walk away
Leave cedar flowers at my grave

Try harder
Be stronger
Attempt to escape
Your mind, dissimilar
Halves, thirds, god I really don't
Tell me where to go
But on the other hand wait
Besides, society hasn't helped me much of late