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Stop setting yourself on fire for people who will sit back and watch you burn.
“poetry choose you for us to sheaf through and find love among your words” (Pradip)

did you think that I forgot your message,
which is more than mere message, more a significant missive,
****** upon my shoulders, again, even more, a mission,
an owner’s responsibility that I choose to herein bare,
but a charge, too onerous, too awesome, to willingly bear

what skilled knowledge of this in my possess is narrow based,
more gained by loss or absence, or even conspicuous struggle,
than any vast success, thus, to be viewed with skepticism,
rather than any glory gained through a vanquisher’s scepter

more and better have essayed and assayed the
requisite sheafs that may give forth results useful to yourself,
this itinerant investigator’s ramblings are not to be deemed trustworthy or investable

that poetry hath chosen me, if correct, woe-betide me
this be more curse than blessing, for the secrecy of love
yields not its clear and present insights to my declining sight

the sheafs of which you speak so numerous
that a whole lifetime such engaged could not dent its
maidenhood and here do I both confess, here I do plead guilty
to trying and to failing, and in the confines of words,
honestly advance to all the proposition that I know nothing

to recognize and diagnose the symptoms almost too easy,
thus I designated myself foolishly as onlylovepoetry,
but recognition does not yield easy the cure of real cognition

nearing midnight and it is easier to pen than to sleep,
even a dreamless sleep, the great restorative,
make not the pen mightier than the wounds love inflicts;
both my scars and my many smooth, unused unpierced skin patches
speak only of the abscesses of true trials and
the too long absences of emotions that make
life unbearable, bearable and the happy exhaustion of near misses,
the try in try, try again

finding love in words a fool’s errand, though words offer us
seduction and definitions to our errant emotions, words
are just words and by definition, a hallmark of failure,
a precursor to cursing failings

only this I know, that to make love occur, do not hope to
stumble into it, or to find or mine its riches, for it requires of you,
both somber preparation and wild optimism,
and this contradiction controversy so inherently embedded,
will provoke more pain infusions and more poetry in
a human chain that came from the smithy new and yet, nearly broken

pay attention to thy surroundings and thy attitude and altitude
love is above ground though deep buried, the mystery scent
so faint it missed by most, myself a chief of mistaken mistook

meanwhile the pile of sheaves grows deeper and despairing

what I thought I knew I mistook and what I thought I felt,
well, let it suffice to say love can n’ere be found in thought
but lives in deed and actions and happy disbelief

put down the pen, gown thyself in coats of many riotous colors,
banish ‘never’ and ‘hope’ from thy lexicon, and begin with a smile always a smile as you walk the streets as if to say
open open says me, open sesame and let the
good works begin, for having found your captains of the muses,
your Calliope, your rosebud, lucky you,
you will need not write another word


11:37pm  January 14
Maybe the one talked over and hushed
Grew up to be quiet, reserved
Trying to develop a voice of their own
But it was never heard

Maybe the one seeking attention
Spent their life being ignored
Experiences shape perceptions
And perceptions shape our world

But this is where we start, not end
After all, we're not cement
We change and bend and learn and grow
We can end above and start below
Beliefs can change and so can we
What we were, we don't have to be
 Jan 2018 The Queen
ashley lingy
I sit in my basement.
And I watch others live their lives.
I'm not enough.
And my friends are worried.
And my family is worried.
It's happened, I'm sick again.

And then I go somewhere safe.
I feel better one day.
And better the next.
There's bad days too.
But I see tomorrow.
 Jan 2018 The Queen
winter child
the crowd went silent after they asked her
“how much do you love him?”
they were not aware of the question
might as well took it as a joke, but
those words were enough to mute her
as she began to stutter–
her eyeballs shaken
water started to fill up the surface of her white
a smile crept into her lips after the answer left them
“I wished him happiness more than I’ve done to myself”

they would never understand.
 Jan 2018 The Queen
J
Formidable
 Jan 2018 The Queen
J
A formidable war,
Waged to control and contain,
To enslave and enrage.
Engaged.
xxxxxx
Never ending,
No peace allowed,
This is how ..... To destroy and control.
Puppets to a show,
Lambz to the slaughter.
Never again will they ..
.
Be safe.
They made their bedz ..... To lay.
Funny how timez ..... Stay the same.
Itz up and away??
No.
Remain caged.
Into the ring.
Until I conform again,
To their ..... Agenda?
No .....
I'll throw them all in the blender.
Well ..... I ..... Already Did.
They'll never see their ..... Actions,
Until it smashes them.
Scrambles for ..... Everything.
You'll end up with .....
.


..
.
Nothing in the end.
.....
.....
.....
.



.
 Jan 2018 The Queen
Jerry
Let Me!
 Jan 2018 The Queen
Jerry
Let me feel the breath you produce
Let me feel the sweat you lose
Let me feel the energy you waste
Let me feel the cuddle you share
Let me feel the dream you sleep
Let me smell the morning coffee you leave
Let me taste the chocolate you eat
Let me feel the noice you make
Let me feel the whisper you inhale
Let me feel the evening silence you crave
Let me feel, the feel you feel... at least for once... lady trouble
Naked
Without my armor
She strips me of my shield
Taking with it the world
The worry
The burdens
Healing me
Embracing me
Clothing me in her love
I now wear the richest coat
The strongest fabric
Her
 Jan 2018 The Queen
nabi 나비
its so strange to think how different things are from 2 years ago
i know to some that may seem like forever ago
but in the grand scheme of things it really isn't
in my perspective i seem much farther away than it is
on the single fact of things are far different than they used to be
i spoke to people who were absolutely terrible to me
who have treated me like gum stuck to the bottom of their shoe
i was in quite possibly one of the darkest parts of my life so far
i was in such a terribly dark mindset and i didn't think i would ever get out of it
i was also not open with what was going on in my head at all
and then theres the giant thing of i was dating boys

all my old "besties" compared to my best friend now
what was i doing? is the first thing i'm asking myself
they all treated me terribly
i notice through all of them is that they were all about themselves
and they were too loud compared to my personality
everything was about them and i was always the sidekick
my best friend now
we are on an even playing field and are able to be open with each other
we are also able to have the friendship not revolving around one of us specifically

my mental health
it's not that different compared to now in all reality
it's just easier to manage considering i'm more open and know how to manage
being able to be open has been a savior to me
i've been in equally as dark of headspaces since then
i'm just able to manage everything a lot better than i used to

i was dating boys
i wasn't being myself in any shape or form
since then i've come out as a lesbian
i'm much happier within myself and i'm more comfortable with myself as well
its nothing against the boys i dated
i'm just not attracted to males

im much happier with myself and my life at this point in time
i am grateful to have an amazing support system
and so many things that others don't
i am so immensely thankful for everything in my life now
i have made such strides in accepting myself and ridding negative energy
and i always think its helpful to look back on a point in time
and be reminded of how things have changed and how they benefit me
and to also remind me of how thankful i need to be
not so much a poem. sorta just a mind ramble of me looking back
"I can see my door, my bed, my window, my chair, and my table.

"I can feel my spine against the wall, my feet against the floor, my jaw tightly shut, and my fingernails buried in my arms.

"I can hear the wind coming in from the open window, my heartbeat rapidly thumping, and that familiar voice in my head, shouting once again.

"I can smell the dampness of the ground outside as the breeze carries it to my room, and the sickly sweet odor from the soap used on my hands.

"I can ******* blood spilling from the bite in my lip; my last harsh reminder that
        I
        am      
        still
        alive.
When you call a suicide prevention hotline, they will often ask you to describe to them 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste to help ease anxiety. I hope this poem helps someone struggling to look forward, because believe me, it does get better.
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