a chunk of time that i can't reminisce
for it takes me back to that precipice
a trapeze act without a net
a balance born between hope and regret

the truth of the matter, the one you can't conceal
an empty mind may wander and reel
so in time i hope, sans focus
my mind only wanders along a positive locus

If each star is a wish
then the heavens are
illuminated by dreams.
Each one is lovely,
dancing gracefully
in the sky until it
comes true.
Then it falls down
to earth,
back to the mind that
first created it,
to wait for rebirth.
The ones that don't
come true
continue their eternal dance,
giving hope to the one who
put it there,
reminding them to
*never stop reaching for
the stars.

When you notice me staring into nothingness,
Do not call me back,
I am trying to imagine a better day.

When you see me write incoherent words,
Do not ask me for their meaning,
I am trying to make sense of these thoughts inside my head.

When you see my nails sink into my arms,
Do not tell me to stop,
I just long to feel something that's not emptiness.

When you see me tugging at my clothes,
Do not ask me why,
I am just nervous of what people may think of me.

When you see me walking alone,
Do not come to my side or try to reach me,
I'm just trying to calm myself down.

If you ever see marks or bruises on my body,
Do not ask what has happened
Because I do not know myself.

If you ever see cuts or scars on my arms,
Do not pretend you know how it feels,
I'm not looking for your sympathy, I just need a release.

If you ever see my body tremble,
Please do not ask me why,
I am willing myself to just stop and breathe.

If you ever see me rocking myself,
Please do not make your jokes,
I just need to feel comforted at times.

If I ever arrive late,
Do not ask me where I have been,
I was busy trying to control the urges.

If I ever seem distant with you,
Please do not ask me what I'm thinking,
I am probably just wanting to disappear.

If I ever say I do not care,
Do not be fooled,
I am just probably tired of hearing these 'jokes'.

If I ever make a mess of things (like usual),
Do not yell at me or make me feel small,
I will clean up my mistakes, it just takes time.

If I ever hurt you,
Do not hate me,
Sometimes I just forget how to act.

If I ever cry on your shoulder,
Do not be uncomfortable,
It just means I am comfortable with you.

Please do not ask me if I am okay
Because I am never okay.
I am just surviving.

Please do not try to figure me out,
I am only human,
I just like secrets.

Please do not try to hug or touch me,
It makes my skin crawl,
I am not used to that touch.

Please do not try to comfort me,
Its not helping.
Just stay within reach, stay quiet,
Empty your mind of doubt.

If I'm ever crying or just being dumb
And I tell you to leave me alone,
Don't...I'm just too scared to admit I need you.
I need you to hold me when I feel so broken.

apollo's dead-set light shines on beauty.
the gushing of blood boils high in the guilty crowns of gored kings.

TO COURT BEAUTY IS TO BATHE IN IMMACULATE, ETHEREAL ECSTASY!

YOU ARE NOT WORTHY.

ichor spills in the cursed name of the light-born.
blessed with the scrutiny to scorch the iciest of hearts.

they sit on their faux thrones, just above Olympus,
with the wide eyes of wander and lust;
the bodies of gold and trust.

they sit high on their thrones,
with their own
black-light sun.

they sit on their broken thrones
stained with the blood of seraphim.

beings of smokeless fire burn away the truth

and we love them anyway.

Laughter not time destroyed my voice
And put that crack in it,
And when the moon's ***-bellied
I get a laughing fit,
For that old Madge comes down the lane,
A stone upon her breast,
And a cloak wrapped about the stone,
And she can get no rest
With singing hush and hush-a-bye;
She that has been wild
And barren as a breaking wave
Thinks that the stone's a child.

And Peter that had great affairs
And was a pushing man
Shrieks, 'I am King of the Peacocks,'
And perches on a stone;
And then I laugh till tears run down
And the heart thumps at my side,
Remembering that her shriek was love
And that he shrieks from pride.

Two strangers on a midnight ride
underneath the moonlight pale.
Two strangers who just by chance
are passing in the night.

One smile, one glance
a subconscious movement of the heart.
Two strangers just with flashing eyes
share a lifetime in one look.

The road between them gathers miles
their destinations leagues apart.
Two strangers shared a midnight love
that will live forever in their heart.

now and again
I tend my heart
leave facts and figures behind
and enter the realm of feeling
where
   like in a primal ocean
float beings about to become
   not easy to classify
   almost before words

somewhat like a school
   of amorphous translucent jellyfish
   good vibes float towards
   a loved one
predatory shapes speed by
   to attack unfriendlies
bright orange-blue flowers
shine in the wake
   of good food and company
a bright red coral reef
   hovers like a loving kiss
tumultuous slashing of the waves
   feels strong and overwhelming
   in blue-lit foamy white

I float back to the surface
and
looking at the sky
   whose blue is as deceptive
   as that of the waters
I wait for my heart
to tell me
which one
to trust

       * *