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**No,
I don’t want to go out,
not trying to be negative,
nor am I trying to hang out,
with people who are negative,
which is why I don’t want to go out,
no,
no way,
you’re not getting me out today,
don’t care what you do,
or what you say,
I’m perfectly fine here,
with my nostalgia and insecurities,
and I’m paranoid enough already,
so please I don’t need any one or thing else to worry me,
I’m fine in my own mind,
in my own home in my own room,
where I spin these stories,
which makes this room more of a cocoon,
but if this room is a cocoon,
then does that make me a butterfly,
or better yet a catepillar,
my mind’s drifting again whatever never mind,
just forget it,
it’s easier to just not care,
no need to pretend you want to attend to my wounded heart,
believe me you don’t want to mess with the mess that’s in here,
I’m a troubled soul,
we both are,
so what good would two troubled souls be together,
that’d just be double trouble for sure,
sure,
I might seem popular if you read my Facebook posts,
and sure from the outside looking in,
I might look like I’m living life the most,
heck,
a lot of people even call me a Player,
but I’m not a Player I don’t even play,
at least not anymore,
and I’m writing this like it matters,
like this poem will be the one that the world shares with itself,
like I haven’t written enough already,
like three #1’s in a row isn’t enough,
it’s never enough,
nothing ever is,
that’s why I’m not going out,
before I even get into anything I’m already over it,
not sober with,
my anxieties getting the best of me,
yeah I guess it’s a natural high,
if you consider a natural high EMF’s and caffeine,
and I don’t even think you know what I mean,
and if you do you probably don’t care,
and if you care I probably don’t notice,
and that’s exactly why I’m staying right here,
I’ll save us both the trouble,
so we don’t have to go out and you don’t have to feel awkwards,
because if we go out I won’t be able to let loose,
because I’ll just be thinking about how our society is so perverse,
how we party away,
having drinks that cost more than most people make,
see it seems the only way to have a good time is to be in denial,
and I am a lot of things but one thing I’m not is fake,
I can’t pretend,
don’t even want to,
I’m not your Arm Candy or your Sugar Daddy,
we are already even so I don’t owe you,
anything,
nope not a thing,
and no I’m not going out,
so please stop asking,
as if,
any one is even asking though,
it’s Friday night and the phone doesn’t even ring,
oh well I guess I’m better off alone,
so no I don’t want to go out,
not trying to be negative,
nor am I trying to hang out,
with people who are negative,
which is why I don’t want to go out,
no,
no.
∆ Aaron LA Lux ∆
