I learned the hard way that real bears aren't like Winnie the Pooh.
I decided to pet one and I soon learned it was a stupid thing to do.
When I tried to pet him, he bit off my hand.
I can no longer drive a taxi so I was canned.

I thought that all bears were like Winnie the Pooh, kind and gentle.
When my wife learned that I lost my hand and job, she went mental.
My wife used to be understanding and sweet, we used to laugh and cuddle.
As she walked out the door, I kicked her in the **** and she landed in a mud puddle.

She didn't want a man with no job and no hand so she decided to leave.
But getting a swift kick in the **** wasn't something she expected to receive.
If you've seen Child's Play, you'll understand that my wife has the temper of Chucky.
Losing my hand and job caused me to lose that witch so I guess that I'm pretty lucky.

My husband won’t have *** with me
Although he’s fine sending pics to his friends.
He cherishes their reactions.
Always at my expense.

I’m stuck hiding in the shower
To get myself alone.
The only time I can scream in pleasure
Is whenever he isn’t home.

I’m starting to feel like I’m not pretty.
So I sext strangers online.

My husband won’t have *** with me.
I don’t know why this is.
So all I have are fantasies.
Of me and all his friends.

From that first moment
Tired of repeatedly failing
As I looked up instinctively
And beheld a cute petit figure
Gliding gracefully, oblivious of me!

Captivated by her laughter
Charmed by her brown eyes
Enchanted by her sheer beauty
Mesmerized by her angelic aura
I heard my heart whisper, “she’s the one”!

With divine reassurance
I embarked on the ultimate task
With a red account and a blue heart
It seemed an obvious Mission Impossible
But our love story had been authored in heaven!

In the last 365 days
We’ve argued, we’ve fought
We’ve kissed and we’ve made up
In one year, many things have changed
But one thing is constant - we’re still in love!

You were an amazing band mom.
You were stern:
“Come back here and pick up your uniform!”
You were kind:
“I packed you a lunch for your long day.”
You were an incredible principal.
You were stern:
“You really need to start turning in your homework.”
You were kind:
“If you come to my office after school, I will help you.”
You were a wonderful mother.
You were stern:
“Come here right now and put your clothes away!”
You were kind and loving:
“If you ever need to talk about anything, I’m here.”
Even though you were taken
So suddenly from us yesterday,
No one will forget you and
How you influenced everybody in your circle and
Beyond.
Today is one of those gloomy rainy days,
And I know why.
It’s because even the heavens are crying for you.

I wanted you home for Christmas.
I wanted you hear with me.
I could forgive the last month of sleeping alone but not this night you left me.

I’m your wife, your helper
You could stuff my stocking
Instead you’re working
And I’m alone.

These last months have been the loneliest I’ve ever known.
No love you’ve shown.

It couldn’t been for us to finally be together.
Skin on skin against the wall
Or tease me with a feather.

But I’m stuck watching people live my life online.
And touching myself wishing I felt
good enough to call you mine.