You wake up to a painful alarm.
Feet hitting the floor you start your day.
With no feeling you shower and dress.
No breakfast needed.
The drive to work slow but rushed.
Work starts with a shouting boss.
More more more more.
Work drags on.
Lunch.
Tears welling up.
Work starts again.
Numbness and empty paper work.
The days end.  
The drive home slower not rushed.  
Home finally.  
Sleep bed darkness.  
Blank dreams filled with screams.
You wake up to a painful alarm.

If it was easy everyone would do it.
To forgive and forget. Not my strong suit, but I try. Not many times have I gave up. Today I have. Not only have it given up, but I'm stuck with what I've done. No about of sorry and please I'll fix it.  Will ever work to mend things. Let me move forward and make life better. Only if

Follow me to the hill and find what I've seen. Follow me and all will be well. No worries in your mind.  All will be explained in time. Follow me to the hill and you will see. Just beyond the hill is our home. Walls built not with brick but bone. Follow me and see the dead.  To see them all rise and your soul fills with dread.  Follow me from the beginning to end. For tonight we all feast on your head.

First I'm sorry there's no reason for my actions. All I can say is I did it and, and it made me happy it made me better. Nights filled with screams and pain. Days with the false impression of love and hope. Slowly I walk to a place of good just to feel.  Nothing I do from here out is your fault. Just know i am trying and I'm sorry, what I do next will be swift and easy.  Just one pull and it's done.