My words are but shells of emotion
poorly imitating my thoughts
so why return to poetic devotion
and warmly embrace all I've fought

How do you decipher the incomprehensible
the unfathomable side effects of existence
what god resides here must think me dispensable
may it fear my thrashing and resistance  

these stoic shells have returned presently
and like death they stubbornly prevail
when I fade into the unknown pleasantly
these words shall live on past my last exhale

i want to peel off
all my skin
out of punishment
for knowing it was once
touched by you.

tear away
bit by bit its memories
out of jealousy
that you’re gone
and it remains.

i will then
hastily tape it back
piece by piece
the only remaining artifice
of your earthly exploration.

it will be ugly-
it is ugly.
without your touch-
it is useless.

The silence it deafens me
with violence they threaten me
to carry me off to an asylum
unless I can provide them
with an ulterior motive
till I hand in my notice
relinquish the chains upon my bed
the fiendish brain inside my head
deviously plotting my own demise
take leave from this place to warmer tides
bathe my body beneath calmer skies
naked like the day I drew breath
naked as I stare upon death
one hand holding a crooked scythe
the other beckoning to me, my life
did you forget to count the die?
or forgo the countless lies
that made the Countess cry
neither man nor mystery could change her path
so it's left to me to rearrange the past
jigsaw pieces scattered upon my pillow
connecting dots to draw the willow
who could forget the weeping widow
that cried herself to sleep.

I am your wife,
I do not have your courage,
I have a soul which cries,
Which is restless,
When you are sent on the Front Line,
Not knowing if you would return alive or dead.
And if you return home,
Wounded,scarred with traumatic
stress disorder,
I become not a wife nor your widow,
Just your caretaker,
My soul bleeds.
19/2/2019.

Do you hear the suffering,
and cries.
Do you see the desperation
in my eyes.
Do you see the drowning
of your lies.

Can you feel, Mrs. Black Widow?
Or is your heart black as coal,
and your mind void of hope?

I started with my dress,
The white one with the black flowery design.
I added my black scarf, draping it
Casually around my head,
Trying to stop my thoughts from drifting
To what I was dressing up for.
I slipped on my sandals and then
Slipped out the door,
Not slamming it because that felt like
An ending.
I didn’t want another ending.
Walking into the church,
The temperature went up 50 degrees,
And my anxiety went up 100.
I shook hands with the extended family,
Hugged your widow,
And comforted your grandchildren.
I made it through the opening liturgy,
Your favorite hymn, and the obituary.
I even stopped my tears from falling
During your granddaughter’s touching eulogy,
When she started sobbing up there on the altar.
Afterwards, I sat through the meal,
Everything tasting like cardboard in
My mouth as the temperature kept increasing.
Near the end of the night,
When the church was clearing out,
I went back to the food,
Craving a final bite of cheesy potato casserole
Before I could finally leave this night behind.
Yet when I get there,
The tray is cleaned out,
And there is no more cheesy potato casserole.
That’s when I finally break down and sob.
I didn’t get that last bite of
Cheesy potato casserole.

Irate Woman
The woman was irate because she had received a Dear John letter
It stated that her husband's ship had vanished and he  was MIA
The military was looking for it but it was an active war zone

Any in-depth search would have to wait till the battle was won
By then it could be too late for her dear husband and his buddies
What was their fate?

Were they even now clinging to life rafts
Or were they at the bottom of the seabed eaten by fishes
The cost of the most bitter war in human history

A conflict bigger than Jesus and ignored by God
Heathen men fighting religious men all killing one another
With equal efficiency and lethality for their respective governments

One result of this was the irate American woman who was now crying
Sadness replaced her annoyance and anger
It dawned on her, the fact: I'LL NEVER SEE MY HUSBAND AGAIN

She became more than irate
Decades of tears started to fall
That letter changed things forever...