This is not for love nor is it for grief
To have one is to carry the other alone
Each shown difference through incredulous perspective
The pieces of truth show no appearance
They merely evoke feeling so raw
One of exposure and vulnerability
Caught in a spiraling emotion that gives no name to itself
A pit that feels free without restraint
A place where all options prove to be correct
One that shows no extent to a human life to live

some people were born to face more pain than all of the others combined
a stroke of luck or a generational curse
but don't assume my sensitivity adds up to a lack of strength
you touch me like I'm glass- like I may fall apart at any given moment
but I am not a mess for you to clean
I'm strong because the world has broken me more times than I could count
and I still approach love with the kind of vulnerability some may call ignorant
but I am not naive for believing in something so pure my scars won't make a difference
I am simply learning how to **** out those not meant for me

He can’t stand to love,
Yet he can’t stand to hate,
Afraid of exposure,
Its vulnerable weight.
So he builds up his walls,
To protect him from feeling,
Covering old wounds,
Which keeps them from healing.
And she sees he’s guarded,
Yet tries to unveil
The past he is hiding,
His secrets to tell,
Hating his walls,
But she can’t tear them down.
Wherever she is,
He just builds them around.

What were you thinking
You'd get me while I'm vulnerable
Walk up to me like we were friends
But we were at a funeral
What else is there to say
There's never a good time
You're already married
And I have someone I call mine
Did you want to see him
To know who has my heart
As you both stood on my sides
I quietly was torn apart
Did you want me to get caught
Why did you think that was okay
You ignored me for so long
Then walked up and said "hey"
You know we don't talk
You know we don't hangout
You know those are my boundaries
Because it's him I can't live without
You might fill my mind
But I can't deny
I'm going to marry him
You were never more than some guy

not now, don’t leave a trace
cursed tears running down my face
i hate it so much, to start to cry
wish i could figure out why
cleanse my eyes and reset my brain
let my thoughts run down the drain
find memories of me in my backyard
when life didn’t seem hard
anything but here right now
pray to disappear somehow
hiding, breathing, peer through my hair
try and find a bathroom somewhere

No it's not the truth when you say

I'm fine


Go ahead and break my heart again.

You ask me to tell you my story
So you can scan it and move on to the next book.
But I cannot be your Sunday read.
I can only be your Sunday coffee.

What makes you think I’ll let you have a taste.
So you can spit me out and never try again?
I know you’re not in the place to try something new,
So I’ll save you from trying me.

I’ll save you from the sweetness,
The aftertaste of me lingering throughout.

How strongly I crave your bitter taste.
When I can’t sleep on Sunday night.
When I can’t cope with reality.
And I pull you towards me in the hopes of getting a taste,
Only for you to burn my tongue.

When you come around again I’ll go for another sip
In the hopes that someday you’ll keep me warm and alive
Instead of burning my insides

Time ticked by
in your arms I laid,
with my emotions flying high
& my heart thirsty..

I am bared
for all to see
my naked
..Vulnerability..