Underneath, there are secrets
Kept safe from prying eyes
Held fast and secure
Behind a lame disguise

Would they think less of me
If everything was shown
I wonder, would their eyes still see
The person they have known

jesus and judas kissed in the garden
moments before the world caved in.
the gospel of judas says that
the betrayer was the most loved of all disciples,
that jesus took him aside and
taught him touched him laughed.
there are two sides to canon, history, myth:
someone somewhere at sometime
wanted a better story,
where the betrayer was held close
and favored, forgiven—
but the gospels all end the same.
the son is strung up for someone else's sins
as judas wastes alone in the garden.
intention is a matter of interpretation
but what is silver worth, really?

metaphor disintegrates
and you come to me in my dreams.
to love you after all of this
is apocryphal— tempting yet untrustworthy.
you're not judas,
i'm just a mortal man,
and there is no gnosis, no hidden knowledge,
only apocalyptic revelations now.
the world is irrevocable, just born.
i miss you in the same way
jesus met judas' eyes on the cross.
somewhere in a field of blood
or a forgotten library buried under the earth,
there is a better story.
over time only becoming more unknowable,
hopeful fragments turning to dust
in trembling hands.

He told her his secret —
All that was hidden in his heart
It was out of his love for her
Then she cut off his hair —
All that made him strong
Her love was a camouflage
She came for the secret —
All that made him who he was
To see him go awry, suffer, and perish
S. A. M. P. S. O. N.

You and I made promises
We made the effort to talk to each other
We understood each other
Even if there were so many words unsaid between us
For example:
I was completely and utterly in love with you,
If i could i would have married you long time ago
I trusted you with all my demons and pain
You felt so much like home, so safe and warm.
But i'll never be able to tell you them now
Yet your still on my mind
And I'm still thinking about the time when I was yours.
But our conversations became shorter and shorter until nothing
And now I might never tell you all the words I kept unsaid

My mind is full of questions
Questions that questions a lot of those questions even after they are done having me questioned

A lot of questions running through my mind till am feeling my state of mind is becoming questionable

Am I a fool called Wise or a wiseman who has just been fooled cos he thought his mind is full of wisdom while it is otherwise?

Still a lot of questions

Questions questioning some people's actions cos it seems my trust is now being questioned

But who said I can't be trusted?
If so, why put in my trust something which is in your trust but turn around to doubt my trust?

You asked how do I know?
No, why won't I know while I've got the spiritual nose to know this things long before it is physically known?

Still questions

Questions surfacing even while I write cos some parts I still wonder if they will be read right or if it is even right for me to have them written?

But why care about whether it is read right or wrong when I have the right to write what I wish to write?

Questions on what to title this piece with but my mind is not at peace with this questions so I won't give credit to questions till maybe when am totally at peace

So don't ask me why not "questions" but "state of mind", cos state of mind it is for now as that is my state of mind

We stand by those we trust,
All the while they transgress against us.
Friend or foe to behold?
For only they will surely know.

Trust someone in this day and age
Is nothing more than a noble cliché.

Slanderous words of dishonesty,
Destroying your character with their brutality.
The world believes them as they lie,
Who can one trust in this earthly enterprise?

Longing for the days of old
When men were men, as good as gold.

I long for days where a handshake meant
Your word a bond, and honor felt.
Agreements made without paper convention;
Handshakes were the business transaction.

Honor flowed throughout the lands,
Everyone gave a helping hand.
A favor wasn’t done for return,
As a friend indeed was someone earned.

Days of past will not return
As immoral acts are loved and learned.
Handshakes, a thing of the past,
Your word, a thing that no longer lasts.

Am I where I am supposed to be?
Am I on the right path?
Am I serving those I am meant to serve?
Am I loving who I am meant to love?
You think there is a right and wrong child
There is no right or wrong
There is moment by moment alignment
Moment by moment alignment
Feeling in this moment does it feel true
Not oh is there somewhere else I’m meant to be
Someone else I’m meant to be with
Those thoughts takes you away from NOW
Right here, right now is the place
Where you are is exactly where you are meant to be
Commit to each moment
Commit to this place
Love all in
Show up fully and watch as your life becomes an offering
As it becomes what it is meant to become
Meet each moment
Meet the being who is in front of you
And love and laugh and dance
And do all the things that bring you joy
Let go of worrying if you are where you are meant to be
Let go of worrying about am I reading and writing enough
Truth is you love to read and write
It won’t go, it can’t be lost
Even if it’s clouded over for a bit
It cannot be lost
It’s right there
When you can you’ll come to it
Trust the process
Trust it all
Everything that is happening
Everything that has ever happened
And everything that will ever happen
Is in service of the greatest good
It’s bigger than you can comprehend
Trust in that which you cannot see