My grandma's hands,
My mum's lap,
My dad's chest,
Were ideal pillows,
But, my pillow,
My bedfellow,
My partner of crimes,
In all my emotional times,
Has a story to tell.
Night is when she lets go,
I, the pillow bear the blow.
I get tossed, thumped and battered when she is angry,
And when she is full of joy,
I am smooched with hugs,kisses
and cuddles,
When she is sad,
I witness her pain,
She can fool anybody but not me,
Her tears pour out on me ,
I am drenched,
At last she falls asleep,
Curled into a ball, hugging me tightly.
I smell of her, I love her,
I understand the pain of her tears,
The ecstasy of her laughter,
And all her secrets I hold within me.
She and I, forever together.
11/2/2019

1/8/18
6:53 PM
You didn’t have to verbalize the fact that you were leaving me.
It’s like I had a feeling that something was wrong
Everything had been fine one minute.
Then the next you sent me a paragraph
Word for word explaining your feelings and how you really felt towards me
I’ll never forget how you honestly truly hurt me emotionally.
by saying some of the things you said
One thing that hurt me the most was how you truly never cared about me
Only telling me what you thought would soothe my questioning
Distracting me from the real issue which was that I was used
Effortlessly and without a care in the word
You truly played me like a fiddle.
I think my favorite lie that you told to me.
is how you wanted to meet me offline
Let’s be realistic  for a minute.
It wasn’t going to happen.
I wanted it so badly to happen.
But in a way I was glad that it didn’t when I realized how much you used me
Why would I want to be with someone who truly didn’t accept me for me?
During the time that it all occurred
I thought I was upset and sad knowing that we never worked out.
looking back I’m so glad that It didn’t
You are one of the many lessons in life.
one out of many
Teaching me not to trust
- when I think about how you hurt me

like an old used
dish towel tossed aside
like nothing at all
just hanging there
waiting to fall
stripped from love
rinsed with pain
absorbing the hurt
out comes the rain
what happened to just
leave me behind
there is no answer
to comprehend this
residue I find

I wrote him a note
That said,
I am leaving.
And he tossed it
To the bin
And said,
I must be dreaming.


F.Z.**N

I was just an obsession to you
A hobby, a toy
That you could play with one day
exploit all of its wonders
see what it could give to you
And the next day just casually toss in a shadowy attic
To be forgotten
To be found far in the future
Old, and dusty
Not broken, just dark from disuse
and abandonment

This is what you thought of me
This is how you treated me
Like a novelty, a child's toy
I can't believe I fell for your casual ways
The way you made me feel special
But I was never special
I was just another brief obsession of yours
A curiosity
I drew your attention, piqued your interest
But now you've found a new toy to play with
And I'm left here collecting dust

Breakers in a misty grey sea-storm,
Spray-foam rising and tossing,
Plunging me into seasick momentum.

I ****** out white stretched palms
And throw back my head,
The salt air stings my throat.

It burns within my chest
While hanging feetless
In the storm driven billows.

I fix my eyes on the
pearly black cloudless night
and beg the stars to anchor me.