There is nothing I'd rather do
than to just stay here.
Bu my hand has been forced
Now I must disappear.

Vanishing into the ether
Gone before your heart will notice
There's no shade of my soul you haven't ravaged
But I must go, I must. I MUST.

4.20.20

Flames of deceit engulfed the vast fields of my heart.
Composed of slender dry blades of trust and love; that danced to that old song together like watching sea of hopeless romance.

The blazing fire grew hastily; greedily feeding.
Leaving no survivors.

All of my fields reduced to wisps of ash in a mere instant. The grains are no more and the harvest shall yield no food this season.

Fearing the worst, I prepare for the work ahead to replenish my crop. In good time, the new growth will sprout. If I am patient, if I tend with care, I will confidently provide an abundance of new produce.

Insurmountable quantity and resilient to the elements.

I say, sometimes the brushfire must be burned in order for new growth to take its place.
Remaining ever vigilant and keeping the inferno from ruining my fields again.

So, I met a cool bartender, her name is Megan
She's good people, even when I'm beggin
For a free shot, a free beer, her phone number...
She won't give it to me and that's a ******
She looks kinda like Pink but even more HOTTT
And because of her, this bar is my new favorite spot!

Megan always gives me attitude, but it's just her way...
Of saying keep dreaming girl, "I'm not gay!"
I do think she would make a real good friend,
and someone that I would stick by til the end

Megan did almost warm me about this slutty girl
When I look at Sara now it makes me want to hurl
She went home with 4 people in a week, not including me
(Megan said she almost warned me, but didn't think it was her place to say)
I guess I can see why, this girl claimed she wasn't even gay!
I just hope I didn't catch something from this *****
If I did, it's gonna be on , like a light switch!

I told Megan that is so not my style
I don't know why I am going so wild
Sara kept touching me and I told her to stay away,
So Megan helped get her off me...
And I need to tell her thanks for that, if I may!
I know I say this every other day,
I guess it's just e coping; it's just my way
But I definitely learned this time!
and now I think I'm done with this little rhyme

It was the end
Until you showed again
Memories combine with suppressed feelings

I was supposed to keep away
Aloof
But I got lost in your grace
I lied...I can’t pretend
I’m just trying to understand what I can’t comprehend—what I can’t contain

The fall came too quick
My landing wasn’t soft enough
Now I’m blind running through a dark, rough path

She sighs slowly, I breath heavily
Shaken up on my knees confused and weak

I wish I could take back this wish and turn back time
What happened was never supposed to be
Maybe it should’ve...but not to me
I need to stop questioning myself and find some new excuses

Time to start life over
And find something new
In my next lifetime

I've been biting my cheek to keep from grinding my teeth,
clenched jaw, I can barely speak.
You make my blood boil while my heart is skipping beats.
The line between love and hate is faded and repainted
time and time again.
You're all of my worst habits aggregated,
and I can't quit one or you
to save my life.
Like you did, when I lost everything and almost everyone.
You

My best friends name is Lindsay
We like to go and dance
I specialize in the drunken techno prance
Dancing to la la la la la/ la la la la la/ la de da da da
A random guys says and I quote, "Shake what you mamma give ya!"
That's so funny ****...
And makes you want to do anything but sit!
We got to go in VIP- up above
DJ Caffeine was up there and the captain of love
He lives to say "make some noise motha *****'s" A LOT
He can't think of anything else to say when put on the spot
Loverboy is a very ugly guy
When you look at him it makes you want to cry!
The girls in the thong contest were *****,
but they bared all on stage, which took some guts
The place was surrounded with Russians and Hicks,
But I did learn some new glow stick tricks!
Lindsay had three...and was almost gone...
Like a switch it turned dance mode on!
The drink of choice was *** On The Beach
But that ugly guy was such a leech
That guy was such a bisnatch
That was all up in my motha f'n bis-nass
We owned the stage for half the show
surrounded by objects that glow
"Mind distortion was the name of the thing,
And when we left Lindsay got asked to be a model for a magazine!
She said all she wants to do is sleep
Cuz the guy kinda looked like a creep
So we went back to Jamie's apartment and slept on the floor
up eight hours later and out the door
We decided to go shopping,
But once we started we felt like dropping
Me,Merri Lindsay and Jimb went to a party when we got home
I got really drunk, and really ******
I got to talk to a lot of people I hadn't seen in a while;
I was so happy all I did was SMILE
Lindsay was sad, so I hugged her a lot
It seemed like the right thing to do at that stroke of the clock!
Jesse's dad came out in his whity tighties and said "f'n leave!"
That was the funniest moment of the night, I do believe!
Tim had a party too, but nobody went
By the time we left Lowell, we were all spent
So our weekend turned out to be really fun
And now I think this poem is done!

Throwback, to those days,
when you held me
close to your *****.
                                                                       With your tender voice,
                                                                        care and kisses all over,
                                                                        as you lull me to sleep.
Your withered hands,
filled with devotion,
Now entangle with mine,
                                                                       As I sing your lullabies,
                                                                       While you pass on to,
                                                                        the greater beyond.